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In the hit of a personal edit where I bled a bit
put two slices of bread with it
and ate a cold memory
with a hot steaming cup full of misery
I sat down to tea.

Edits are necessary a suitable accessory
to the future we want to see
and if with ourselves we are cruel
and use the right kind of tool
we can dig out those bits
that would hide in the corners and throw fits at this unwanted intrusion
used as part of a twice weekly programme
to ram home the message that I am
a flawed human being
and this is just what I need to start freeing those things that are trapped on the inside where Krap seems to accumulate.

Mondays and Fridays are my days to clear out and scout out internals to rinse out the kernels and wash myself clean.
Like a scene from some film noir, one can only go so far 'til you hit a ground zero
become an edited hero.
Cheer oh,
I cheer when the cleansing is done and I'm clear again
able to peer again into what I would like and desire to hear again
in a page full of pain where the words hurt the same and the chapters make laughter at me
I am free to decide if the tide is against me or the winds blowing freely which very nearly would seal me into an epilogue
quite clearly the editors pen would be needed so I could be fed and reseeded with hope
and with the cogs of cognition would once again turn on the ignition
and fire up the engine
to begin.

In the restroom,the best room where the bridegroom bites his fingernails and his top hat and tails have turned tail and have run
the song is sung of the forlorn those that wish they'd been never born and the rest is pro forma
a bit Norma Jean another film noir scene
and it's time for my tea.
 Jun 2013 Ben
Sean Yessayan
With work in my past, I sit at a bar,
kissing the whiskey date in my right hand.
A man, as fatigued as me, takes his place
ten paces to my left—the corner seat.

A box is slipped from his jacket pocket,
which contained the well packed words of many lives.
The luckiest one was pulled from its cubical
by a weathered, unsteady hand’s fingers.

Praising his release from prison, with anticipation building.
The light in his face breathed life into him.
The tape—whose cogs turn forward—
plays the cigarette’s song; the cursive words spill out.

Audibly visible, I watched the smoke intrigued.
“Finally, a break from my daily building—
the one who confines my colleagues and me—
now, I can breathe a breath of relief.

“We spend each day waiting to die
never knowing peace, for we know our fates already.
We work each day praying for release,
but family comes first—it’s for them I work.

“We’re always being told we’re unique individuals—
yet we remain clones, individually wrapped.
Seen only as commodities by those who rule.
An invisible hand selects the slaves that be.

A breeze cuts him off, I wait.

“At least my servitude comes to an end,
so soak up what you can, while you can.
I may seem infinitesimal to the likes of you,
but you see your self in me, it’s true.

“I’m you in a minutes long microcosm.
You and I will never know true freedom
because all we’ve ever known has been prisondom.
The only liberties we know are delusions of solitary thought.

“When we’re released from our shackles—
that brief moment before passing—
they say we suffer a blissful ‘death rattle,’
but I say ‘nay, we don’t display disdain for that peaceful sigh.’”

Then, snuffed out in an instant,
the tape recorder ceased its spinning.
I stared waiting to hear more of the smoke’s wisdom;
however, he hadn’t had time for even a “Goodbye, and enjoy life.”
 Jun 2013 Ben
Ian Beckett
Hundili
 Jun 2013 Ben
Ian Beckett
I am a much loved dog, but
I wish I were a cat, since
They have nine lives, and
My master Mattis likes to pull
My ears and has even thrown,
Me out the window, of a moving
Car, which would have hurt a lot,
If I was flesh and bone, but I am
Not, just a much loved cuddly
Toy, whose name should be
Houdini, then I could escape.
 Jun 2013 Ben
Ian Beckett
Plus thirty in scorching sunshine at noon
Heat insulation isolates me from feeling
Warm sensation fries me from your touch
And a contrasting black emptiness inside
Is a distant sort of closeness for me now.
 Jun 2013 Ben
John
Known No Pain
 Jun 2013 Ben
John
Come on, little sister
Make amends
Let us know truth
Make it better
Tell us what we need
So now when we hear your words
We will no longer fall on scraped knees
Stand up like a man, sister
On those feet of concrete
And let it all out
Because I know what you think you know
But I'll tell you this
You've known no pain
 Jun 2013 Ben
Seán Mac Falls
Once rain would not fall,
Dry love had lost its oasis,
I stopped touching her.
 Jun 2013 Ben
Third Eye Candy
why love you, when i could love you more ? why pick your pocket ?
we are seamless urchins. needles that mend fences. we are kind to our horoscope.
we have the bends.

why should i not mean to say
how my love  is god ?
are you That -
My Goddess ?
why do i stammer to reward you all
whilst i fend off angels  ?!
you can hardly SEE me carry you
through the whatnot
of our Carousel.

you can barely scream a little

with your eyes.
Once we savored wonder
Untainted and innocent
But our thirst perished
A feverish illusion of hostility
Tears followed by memory
In a haze of righteousness  
A torrid uncertainty of misery as perceptions diminish
I segregate you
As the night falls in a sorrowful suffocating masquerade
We become souless
As we are afraid
The salvation for which we once sacrificed ourselves for
Flickers once, then dies
Devoured by a velvet somber nothingness
All hope must sicken and depart
Your essence thrives no more
Destructive thoughts surround us
Crying as we have lost our way
 Jun 2013 Ben
Tenisyn
You Said
 Jun 2013 Ben
Tenisyn
For my "Big Brother".*
Love Always, *****.

You said it was adorable
The way my hair curled
around the hollows of my neck
Brushing across my skin
like a
n o o s e

You said my looks could shatter glass,
that my repugnant features
would SURELY guarantee a life of solitude
You loved to point out my flaws
And how my laugh was too late
breathing too loud
walking too fast

The shallow scars on my wrists
were alluring to you
you encouraged me to make more
and I loved the kiss of cold metal just a little too much
and
you
loved
that
I
loved
it.

You said you understood me
my thoughts were dark and scattered
I wasn't always able to share them with you
But I didn't need to
you already
"u n d e r s t o o d"

my dark companion
the only one I ever trusted
We fought our demons together
Dragging the other to hell as well

You wasted no time in telling me
what a waste I was
of skin
of space
and I wasted no time in  b e l i e v i n g  you

You would hold me in your arms
and whisper bittersweet nothings
compliments with a hard slap attached
convincing me I was far more flawed than I am.

We fought like rabid wolves
growling,
hissing,
howling,
circling,
nipping at my ankles,
you'd force me to f a l l.

tearing and ripping apart flesh
with words
and my feeble palms
left angry red marks on your chest and face
but my struggle only made you more eager

Every tear that fell from my face
gave you life
every sob that came from my throat
gave you a voice
you could not stand alone
you said
y o u  c o u l d   n o t   l i v e   w i t h o u t   m e

You said I didn't understand you
that I could never comprehend the torment YOU
were experiencing
I was FAR too dull to see.

It wasn't until I realized
I didn't need to play your childish games
I didn't need you
or your "passionate, intense" heart.

Once I stopped hitting back
your blows became harder

Not worthy of love.

Not worthy of life.

Not worthy of existence.

And I believed you.
I trusted you.

E n d   i t,
you said.
Peering down at the street far below us

You said to.

The height was dizzying

Y o u   s a i d
"Jump."
Note: I'm still alive and healthy, and I'm a lot more happy than I was at the time this writing takes place. The person that inspired this is someone I am no longer in contact with, this poem is my way of letting go and moving on. Thank you all so much for your kind words and support!
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