It's been a long time since I've heard your voice. I'm forgetting what it sounds like now. The only thing that can take away any pain and sadness. The only thing that can make me happy. Your voice can calm the sea. You'll never know what it does to me. I miss your 2am calls, your raspy voice telling me that I'm your forever. Falling asleep to the sound of you saying, "I love you. I love you. I love you. To infinity and beyond." I bet you don't remember the calls that had me crying in the corner of my dark bedroom. Telling me that you can no longer take the pain. Telling me you wanted to die. Hearing you cry and scream at the world for what it's done to you. That's a sound I'll never forget. Thousands of miles away, I felt so helpless. All I could say was, "I love you. I need you. I know it's selfish, but please don't leave me." One year later, I forgot what it sounds like to hear you say my name. Your laugh, your cries. I don't remember. Please remind me so I can sleep at night. The voice that used to calm my mind is now a distant memory. The same voice that used to put me to sleep is now putting her to sleep.

you. my thoughts are always about you. every single day. and i can't stop it. here i am just thinking about everything. i can't sleep and it's times like this when i wish you were here. i miss sleeping with you. just being able to lay with you and talk until we both fell asleep. it's what i miss the most. it was the only thing about our relationship that felt...normal. like you were actually right here next to me. you just had a way of making it feel like you were really here when in reality you were a world away. your voice by my side all night was enough to make me feel safe and at ease for once in my life. a feeling i can't even remember. i don't even remember what you sound like now, how sad is that? ****...i just want to stop thinking for awhile. i'm so tired.

It's happening again
I thought it stopped, why won't it stop?
Where are you?
You're supposed to be here
To pick up the phone when I call
To tell me that everything will be okay
That you'll take care of me
To say, "Pack your things, I'm on my way."
You're supposed to be here
To see how messed up I am
My face puffy from crying so much
My hands shaking from fear
To run out of the car and pull me close to you
To wipe away my tears
You're supposed to be here
To take me to your place and call it ours
To let me hold onto you
The only stable thing I've ever known
The one thing I can call mine
To kiss me until I'm no longer numb
You're supposed to be here
To lay beside me while I cry into you
To play with my hair until I fall asleep
To say, "I'll love you forever. To infinity and beyond."
You remember that right?
To infinity and beyond...
Where are you?
You're supposed to be here

Him with his beautiful hair that he always covers with a hat
Him with his beautiful gap-toothed smile that he thinks is nothing special
Him with the passionate light in his eyes when he speaks of what he loves
Him with his scratched up guitar strumming hands that he thinks aren't masculine enough
Him with his giant personality that he thinks is impossible for anyone to love
Him with his contagious laughter that he's embarrassed of
Him with his angelic and addictive voice that he thinks shouldn't be heard
Him with his riddles and jokes that he uses to hide his troubles
Him with his loud and heavy music that he listens to to make sense of himself
Him with his big and delicate heart that he tries not to share often
Him with the greatest light I've ever known inside him being hidden by the darkness of his sadness
Him with his past that he thinks makes him broken
Him with his love for me...whoa
His love...that is so very pure, and so very perfect