You wish to feel something, yeah?
You just want to feel some real pain?
Something real?

Go to the kitchen and retrieve a ***.
Fill it with water all to the top.
Place it on the stove right there.
Watch it boil away your cares.
Now take that water at its peak.
Now drop it on your legs and feet.
Feel the blisters begin to form.
You'll wish that you could feel no more.
Even when it's all cleaned up.
It stays there burning like the ****.
Continue on about your day.
But the pain remains all the same.
So if you cut, I think you're a fool.
Because you're breaking all the rules.
Pain is not something to be controlled.
Pain is the hope that leads you home.

I work in kitchens, so pain is gain.
And to think you inflict it everyday...
You need to stop and get a job.
Cutting is only here to rob.

My mind blocked out
no no no
I blocked out
no yes no

I didn't do the thing I said I'd do again
And it hurt me
again

no
no
no

I hurt me again

I can never tell if I am waking up or falling asleep
You see, my dreams
No, they're not dreams at all
When I close my eyes; I soon open them

In both realities, there is time
And days
And months
And years
And even seconds to spare

But where am I now?
It's the same bed
It's the same house
It's the same floor
But, but, but the day was just night!

Stuck on a hamster wheel of reality
My dreams are not short
In fact, it's like living indeed
It's torturous confusing realities

You. Ha. You are here.
Or there, I suppose.
But that cannot be
So obviously to me
This is the dream.

You *******.
You, ****..****.

Backwoods bury ideals of true southern comfort
My tears are no longer cleansing nor purifying
I have escaped my sanity

******* IT. YOU *******.
CONFEDERATE FLAG WAVING *******.

**** or be killed
Oh, you stupid *******.....
That's my family, my friends, my companions
Four legged fur ***** who only cared to run

YOU *******

I'll find you and the poison soaked food you offer my friends
I'm sure they smiled at you
I'm sure you were kind
I'm sure you caressed them with care
Then with that cursed devil's grin

YOU SON OF *****
YOU KILLED MY FAMILY

I hear her now...

Her name is Gabby
Gabriel when I'm angry.
She the last one and I hear her begging mercy..

"Please."

I'll do what you've done to them
See if your hunting grounds free
I hope it was worth every bit of the poison
Because it shall come back in threes.

Do we crave the Universe's womb?


Sweet cradle that does rock us to sleep.
Travel around the Sun, they say.
Celebration to be had that day.
Walking atop the blue skies.
Do remove the gray matter and see.
Laying under treetops to feel small.

And safe.

And insignificant.*

Yet we dare to dream of riding the shoulders of Our Universe.


How unfathomable.

It seems the tip of my forked tongue

     craves the taste of all the elements

           that create such a figure.

I am longing for ghosts which have yet to die
Whimpering in a corner for well deserved beatings
Begging for my good punishment

Haunt me, wicked one
But be sweet about it

Perhaps you'd like the medicated me
The ways they use to medicate me
Made being medicated the only me to see
Fully functional gear of the machine
Unstoppable not talkative
Absolutely no cognitive thought
Fully functioning just for these
People who never understood my words
They said I spoke in a blur
I couldn't sit still
I still couldn't read
So they all took the time to medicate me
And it helped
I went from a D to and an A
While losing sight of all things unique
Words and their play
My spirit was broken
But no one could see
The medicated self was slowly killing me

I will never treat you like a ten
Because we are human
All wrapped in sin
I will never treat you so sweetly
Letting roses call out bleakly
Teddy bears stuffed with lies
But I'll sit and watch you cry
Or talk or smile or possibly die
But I'll be there throughout time
Bittersweet biting on lips
Hoping not to get the slip
I will never treat you like a ten
Because I'm human
Wrapped in my sins
Calling out with all my might
Whispering long goodbyes
Hoping Angel's wings shall break
Satan bound so filled with hate
Fingernails across the board
My thoughts are dying
Forever yours
Blessed to be the nothing you seek
Release those chains
Your soul be free

What weary winged doves do rest on mother's chest
As crimson sisters draw near
With them grows darkness
Bringers of doubt and dreary dreams

"Worry not, lovely doves."
The mother says so dear

For she carries them as light on high
To never feel the exhaust of fear

In new homes the doves do rest
In light and brightness and glee
Living on above the darkness
The living the sisters fear

A door frame is a funny friend.
Always entering yet exiting at the same time.
It presents anxiety and builds bonds.
What is a home with no door?
Such a funny friend you are.
Pound your fist against its content, shaking the core.
Funny friend you to strike to open up.
Leading you to joy or sadness or opportunity.
A portal to a new reality and possibility of life and love.
A mere mirror of alternative thought as you hear that hinge break free.
**** turning slowly then suddenly...
There you are. That thing that is beyond my strange friend, the door.

i am worthless
worthless to the love I've had
worthless to the love I have



**** this

Dismissed Earth reconfigures with tongue
Binary reality simplifies through eyes
Barren body reimagined as fine wine
Hollow holds on cold text
With warmth behind false ideas
Carry out reversed scripture
Speak louder and louder
By choice
Indecency and despair
Three piece suit, satin stitches
Running sweat off worried hearts
Sweet honey suckle blood to bare
Love in a shadow box display
Echoes of an empty shell

I sit...captivated my overwhelming silence.
The sickness in the air thickens as the flowers grow in the window.
Mirrors laugh at me when I pass by.
Best not to look around for the devil could catch my eye.
Mindless chatter of the outdoor creatures as they swim the void.
Can you hear it? I can.
Screaming loud through empty minds.
No one is safe in their own head.
Neck twisted slightly to the left, for life has many angles.
Burning passions behind lovers' eyes go blank in betrayal.
It is fear that keeps us together.
Place your sights on the weary soul.
She's crawling across the floor.
The door is open but the exit seems impossible.
Rip away from the false reality you've been engulfed by.
Comfort not the morals of the masses.
For freedom is but a decision.

I am desperately uninspired and gloomy.

And within that, here we are with inspiration and joy.

I am a gentleman.
No, I am a woman.
...but I am a gentleman.
...but I am not a man.
Perhaps, a gentlelady.
That sounds strange.
I open doors and bring flowers.
I'd throw down a thousand coats to watch you walk on dry land.
Cook dinner for your family.
Then do the dishes because it's right.
Stand beside when you're wrong, but in a pair of heels.
Hold hands in public because I don't care.
Defend your honor like a Knight.
Firm handshakes and lip gloss.
That describes me.
But I'm better at me with you.

I didn't know I was spiraling until...

I felt the nauseous in my toes

My arms began to lose all sensation of ever holding someone

My mind not knowing up from down, left from right, love from lose

How spinning on this plastic horse has worn me down
Get me off this ******* horse

Virtigo be my new name for I have no sense of direction

I didn't know I was spiraling until...
I had already *lost control

Did I ever say 'I love you' in the proper time and place?
Did I ever call for you in tones of passion as you claim?
Did I ever hold your hand too tightly?
Did I ever listen to your rain?

Your thunder?
Your lighting?

Did I ever sit on the porch for that last cigarette?

I'm playing Gatsby
Wearing a hat made not for my head
Diving into empty pools of silver
Staring at a green light which isn't there

Or maybe it is?
I never really got that part of the book.

I never really got that part of me
Swinging on hallowed grounds
Smiling through broken teeth
Throwing parties for parting

**I should read it again.
Maybe I'll get it this time.

Have you beauty?
Have you the strength?
Beauty is not for the weak.
For the weak wear masks.
For the weak tell lies.
For the weak show their fear of life.
Do you know true beauty?
Because first you must know strength.
The strong know beauty.
The strong run free.
The strong see the world and embrace it.
I speak not of worldly possessions.
But beauty in life.
And strength in the mind.

The full force of a blow behind a balled fist.
5 fingers curled together like children of the Depression huddling for warmth.
Weathered skin ripping as atoms burst and disrupt at the powerful touch.
Aries cries out to his child: MORE.
Dividing the air that controls space's pressure and reconfiguring its flow.
Pain has no home in these halls.
Let them echo with my ****** screams from the subconscious.
BREAK IT. BREAK IT. BREAK IT.
TEAR THE HEAVENS DOWN.
SHRED YOUR SANITY.
DISSOLVE YOUR MORALS.
HELL! I COME TO YOUR GATES AND I SAY!!!!!


....I say..
*Relieve me.

Like two cold feet hitting a hot bath
Acclimate or Remove
Readjust or Escape
Let us torture the body
What is clean?
When water becomes righteous
Flowing like honey from the Heavens

Two hot feet in a cold bath
Refill or Drain
remain to stay, no same
Ripples run from the body
Like you, they return
weaker & further apart
May this molecule be abundant

Engulfing the body. . .
*. . .now the lungs.

whispering ghosts call from the twinkling lights
stirring emotions I never recalled
smoke lingers between *******
calling upon mother, our god
crisp air scars her face
no sight of repair nor despair
holy joy to be found
inside ruby clover heads

how dare you care

I'm diseased
All of it eating me alive
Inside out


Finish your feast, would you?

You must be
so embarrassed

You're not a tree
Not a single leaf could fall from you
Yet you stand proudly in the forest

How silly you must seem
To all the real trees
As you stand there and plee

"I'M A TREE! I AM A TREE!"

Then where are your roots?
Because you're running
Then where is your shade?
If you have any.

You must be
so embarrassed

You're not a tree.
You're a lamppost.
Someone else gives you life.
While a tree produces its own.

Eyes with lust to gaze upon the world
Nebulas form around the black hole
Eyes of emerald and aqua blend
Venturing from here to there
Sea of color rest upon the purest white
Thy eyes, oh thy eyes
Glutinous, absorbing ounces of beauty
Tremendous details aligned
Never thankful enough for the memories
Thy face how my fingers trace where beauty lay
Lust too much to see the world
Allah replace your sight with mind
For now I see inside my soul
Because I was made blind

"I'm keeping it together so my parents won't have to sit in a funeral asking what they did wrong..."

There would be a thought for me
There would be tears
But my death would become the centerpiece of a narcissistic feast
To be put on display for parties and newcomers
A cornucopia of despair
Drinking up the tears as a vampire fiend
Another story to be embellished
Another unique notch in a leather belt that's fallen apart
Our family is a legacy of stories
How could I not become one?

Listen to the silence.
She's screaming louder than you know.
Her mind fading into the void.
Listen to the silence.
She sounds like a siren's tear falling.
Her body weak and frail.
Listen to the silence.
Everything she ever wanted to say is there...
She's waiting for you to listen..
Listen to the silence.

I go back
Like the tide being pulled by the moon

I go back
Like the rewind button on an 80's tune

I go back
Like reading a twisted plot again to be sure

I go back
Like an addict quitting "for good"

I go back
Like a mother losing a child with no time

I go back
Like a heartbeat being revived

I go back
Like the hand of an abuser before the strike

I go back
Like there's still time left in the fight

I go back
Like some fathers' go back to the bar

I go back
And I stare...
I just stare into the dark

my dad has cancer
i don't have any poetry about that

At what point does the tide move the rock.
It is inevitable.
Though the rock be tough and strong.
Water will pass through it after the years.
Which is how the Earth created harmony

Birthdays are usually seen as a time of celebration. It is almost as if many ask the world to thank them for their existence and there is nothing wrong with that form of celebration. I’m glad you exist. However, for my birthday (which was a couple days ago) I would like to thank every single one of you for your existence. It is you who I should thank for this life I have. Without your thoughts, whether they be good or evil or void or valid, I would not exist. And if you’ve ever taken even a nanosecond out of one of your days to think of me, thank you. You really didn’t have to, but I am so appreciative you did. My birthday is considered a time of self-reflecting and know that I thought of you. Because a piece of each one of you has made this whole that is me. You are an incredible person who is unique and ever evolving. So, happy unbirthday to you, beautiful. I love you.

Can't you hear the Silence?

Breathing down the back of your neck?

It is so quietly loud.

Screaming whispers in my ear.

Can't you hear the Silence?

Shhh, listen.
For me.

I'm always hiding under water
Silly as it seems
I'm hiding under water
To try and keep me clean
Hiding behind molecules
That couldn't hide a thing
Shameful of emotion
It washes me like spring
As calmed as a babe
That's its affect on me
To lay and have my sin washed off
(At least metaphorically.)