When I started feeding the dogs
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I started cleaning the house
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I started doing the Laundry
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I started making supper
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I went to do the Groceries
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I started to slowly die
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I died
All of you jumped in "Can we help?"
But it was too late - to help.

The pendulum of time
Ticks from side to side
Heavily weighted down
Drawing into gravity
Where has time gone?
Where did we go?
How did I lose you?
How did you disappear?
Time… the only thing we have
Yet time… the only thing that can pass.

I love you.
I need you.
I want you.
The end.

Yesterday I needed you
      Obsessed by what I desire
                Under the moon in my dreams.
                                        I
                                    kissed
                                     YOU

Zap
End of the Chapter.
Chapter 11

Bound and afflicted
Tired and convicted
My mortal soul
tainted and cold
In a grave
Buried
Alive

What pretence
What a show
With your elegant voice
And your golden smile
Lifting hands in prayer
Showing the world you care
What no one sees
Are the demons that lurk
The hidden secrets
The bony skeletons
You fail to present
In the darkness
When you lay down to sleep
The YOU that no one sees
Peek out to come and play
What pretence
What a show

Across the rugged terrain
of an unequally yoked marriage
I travel, with a flat tyre
and no jack
The rim is bent and buckled
the CV joints warn out
but onwards I push
I will pursue till the end
And when I get to the crest
of this mountainous life
With knees bleeding
and finger nails split
Cracked lips and pale eyes
I'll look back at the
piece of scrap
I once called love
And cry.

Silent night oh Holy Night
is the song we always sing
to  a Child that was born
On that blessed day
Shepherds flocking in the field
Angelic voices drawing near
Bringing worship to a King
Did you know that on that day
the greatest gift was given unto us
The Son of God became a man
Walked on the earth Known ad Emmanuel

Thirty pieces of silver was paid
That dreadful day
With a kiss the son of God
Would be betrayed.

Oh Holy night...
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear savior's Birth.....

Pain...
The one thing that remains
when all that is good
has passed you by
leaving nothing
but an empty promise
and a suffocating lie.

A distress call
A beacon with a blinking light
Red
Breaking through the darkest night
Ping
Resounding for miles ahead
A distress call.

Somewhere above
         Somewhere below
                          She lost her mind
             She lost her soul
Somewhere out there
             Somewhere inside
                   She lingers still
Innocent
Untouched
Whole

I'm cut open

Torn
Shredded

Yet on the surface
A paper cut
Barely visible

The hurt

Not a stranger
Not yet familiar
No face, No name
Yet caught up
in a crowd
sipping scotch and ice
keeping inside
building walls high
for no soul to scale
no love to break through
What would I say
If you asked me how
How would I lie
if I dare to try
breaking down
I slowly lay
I slowly die

No makeup
I'm grey
less than great
no floral display
all night long
I toss and turn
wondering
how can you love
This little mouse

Spam me
Flood my inbox
make me
know
you miss me more
every fleeting minute
passing by like fireflies
disappearing in to the night
but at least
your spam
Keeps me here.

Ready, check, go!
Date night
Music
Food
Wine
Silence
Darkness
Flickering candles
Electricity cuts
Load shedding
You can cut the power
But you can't cut My love

We danced
We laughed
Through the night
We lived
Glimpses of perfection
Caught in the crystal
Chandelier
Silhouettes
As lovers dance
Through a world
Of champagne and glass
Twirl and play
The night away
As midnight falls
The curtain draws
On the star crossed lovers
Cinderella
Prince Charming
A glass slipper
For One day.

A sinner, not a saint
I bow before Your throne
***** and disgraced
I turn to You alone
Broken and Condemned
By a world of sin and shame
Unspoken cries rise up
Calling Your holy name


If I ever needed You
Lord its now
If I ever needed more
Lord its now
If I ever needed love
Lord its now
If I ever needed Grace
Lord its now


As the skies tear open
And the rain of mercy falls
I stand before your presence
Breaking down these walls
I raise my hands in reverence
Forgiven and Set Free
Through your blood and love
I am Cleansed and redeemed


If I ever needed You
Lord its now
If I ever needed more
Lord its now
If I ever needed love
Lord its now
If I ever needed Grace
Lord its now

Our love a Tornado
A force of nature
leaving only destruction
of our pasts in its wake
Cleansing the hurt
the anger
the pain
Bringing new life
Bringing new rain
After every Storm
There is a silver lining
A path of life
A way to love
Come join my Storm
Come lose yourself with me
Let the winds of our love
Carry us high
Higher Into the sky
Lets touch the stars
and make them fall
Lets pluck the moon
From its eternal orbit
Let our love be eternal
and as sure as the earth
turns on its axis
And definite as Seasons change.
Love me.
Love us.

The Great King Stands
Above the earth
As thunder rolls beneath
Tears of sorrow
Streams down His face
As His sacred Lamb
Calls out for Grace
My God, My God, Forsake me not!
In a moment of Silence
The King turns away
It cannot be complete
Unless for their sins YOU pay
And as the Son Cries out
It is finished!
Creation in silence held its breath
waiting, anticipating The act of The King
And as He reached down
Into our Realm
The Son wept and said
Eli, Eli! Lama, Sabachthani
And into the hand
Of the Great and Mighty King
His spirit and last breath flowed
And with it, sin forever slain.

Fingers gliding over ivory keys
A melody of morbid isolation
drifts into the night, to find peace
A place to rest, in a crows nest
Her mind her soul her heart's a mess
Far away she longs to run
As far away as the night is from the sun
Into the horizon
Where the earth disappears,
Over the edge, to drown in her tears
From Ivory to Onyx
Minor chords express the loss
of a heart given at a cost
and a soul forever lost
drowning in an ocean of heartache
fading with the day
as the night starts its intake
of life,
of colour,
of love,
of valour
Draining the substance
Until its nothing but an empty shell
Decayed
Betrayed
Dismayed

Oh vile distasteful counterfeit
A generic imitation, abomination
How dare you mar the original one
Through mass marketing and sales pitching

And imitation born not of inspiration
but of cultivation by a selfish nation
A faked attempt you are
Plagiarism in its purest form

Chicory you deceitful liar
weaving your way into our homes
Replacing the proud Coffea Arabica
Rendering it nothing but a luxury to most

Away with you you mutant substance!
Be not a part of my house and home
For in this house is sanctioned pure
And only the best will endure.

From far across
The skies so blue
I look to see
If I could see you
A steal strong bird
On wings a flight
At last I saw a distant light
Landing safe on solid ground
I knew at last my family I found

For days you were so far away
As every night I knelt to pray
That God will bring you safely home
To where I know your love is shown
And as faithful as the Lord could be
My prayer He answered and now I see
He brought you back to where you belong
And I welcome you with a love so strong

The other day I met you
Not knowing what would be
For how could I have known
What not one of us could see

Right from the start you made me laugh
With you just being you
Your wit, your sense of humor too
What was I suppose to do

Over just a few short days
I grew to really care
And somehow I just believe it is
A feeling we both share

But even If this feeling’s there
You do not know me still
A few good laughs a kiss or two
But so far it’s just a thrill

As much as I would want to love you
And have my love returned
I have to tell you this little truth
And it might slightly burn

You might not understand this now
Who knows if you ever will
But none the less I’ll try to explain
Why there is so much pain


What you see is who I am
I love to laugh and play
My heart is good and full of passion
But this on thing of me I say

From the naked eye I hide
A mirror I do not wish to see
I ask myself the question
Why did it have to be me?

All is not what it seems
Masks are easily worn
And very rarely do you see
Where from this pain is born

I sit here looking at this screen
But somehow to my mind totally unseen
Invisible - not partially a part of my view
Why you ask me?
I have a trail of thoughts roaming my head
Confusion spinning me out of control
I think I love, but do I really?
I think I know, but without wisdom?
I think I won, but without a battle?
I laugh inside…sarcastically
I wait…
More thoughts, more issues, more.. more...more..
Stop this insanity let it die within me…
**** this feeling of hopelessness and loss!
I cry out screaming in silence
My soul burning my head turning!
Release me free me….
For this torment I can not longer bare
What I have done I myself can blame
What I have caused is to me alone shame
The punishment all self afflicted
Oh is there a way to end all this?
How do I begin, what can I do?
How is it so…so unbelievably true?
Oh, God have mercy on me…

She looks at him
Her eyes starts to wonder
The corners of her mouth lifts
As she smiles at him
Her one brow lifts
A cynical look
Of disbelief?
Or pain?
A throaty laugh
Escapes her mouth
As she turns and shakes her head
Walks away still smiling high
Waving….
Bye bye

She lies
In a darkened meadow
She cries
Fleeing the shadow
Alone
Trying to breathe
Unknown
Lying beneath
Convicted
Awaiting her fate
Depicted
On a canvas of slate
She dies
Beneath the meadow
She lies
Alone in the shadow
Forever….

Ring, ring the phone goes
Echo’s through my mind
I can still here your soothing voice
On the other side
Cables linked our worlds together
Networked perfectly
For just a moment I felt you here
For a moment it felt so good
I talked, you listened,
You talked I listened too,
Amazing how technology
Just works for me and you…

A friend is what I see in you
A friend I’d want forever
A friend to laugh and cry with too
Without letting passion enter
A friend is what I see in you
A friend I do adore
A friend that I would want to run too
Without hesitating at all
A friend is what I see in you
A friend to me you are
A friend with pain so sore and true
That’s what I see in you
A friend I am
A friend to you
A friend to help you make it through
Let me be the friend you need
And in time you will succeed
That’s what I see in you.

In my hand I hold the key
The key that no one else can see
I carry it wherever I go
This key to no one I will show

The door forever I will keep
Barred and locked for all to see
No one will ever enter in
The key I will keep safe within

Behold this key I hold so dear
Will never let anyone draw near
My heart is mine and mine alone
As soft as a feather but hard as stone.

A withered rose in the winter sun
Cold and fading away
Petals falling to the ground
In the freezing wind it sways
Silently it waits to die
Without asking the question “why?”

Evening skies moonlit and bright
But deep in my soul no light is in sight
All I have is a memory of you
A face in the darkness so lonely and blue

Your eyes seem so somber
Your gaze so intense
How could it be
It just doesn’t make sense

One moment your happy
The next you are down
In these emotions
You surely will drown

I tried and I cried
But nothing would work
Your mind was made up
And you said the last word....

Quietly a whisper in the evening breez
What is this that no one sees?
Could it be your heart is weak
Like a lamb soft and meak.

A cold hard wall You’ve build for yourself
Keeps you save from pain itself
This castle too you’ve build for you
So no one could ever love you true

I roam around the cold stone wall
Trying to find a hidden door
But to my distress there is none at all
What else could I do more?

I turn away not showing the pain
The compassion I have is all in vain
Life was to hard and cruel to you
There is no way you will let me love you true

I close my eyes
And say a prayer
I think of you
In your dispair
So lost alone
No where to go
I pray that God
His love will show
And where you are
In hiding alone
May you come
Before Gods throne
May you seek
His face today
Don’t forever
Turn away
For in this moment
All seems lost
But even greater
Will be the cost
If you should stumble
And never get up
So in this moment
Of utter despair
Know His voice
And quietly draw near
Let Him drown you
In his love
Let Him give you
Abundance thereof

Into my life you came so unexpectedly
With so much witt and confidence
You showed yourself to me
At first I did not want to trust
The feeling I have inside
But through the days to follow
It was a feeling I could not hide
As the days turned into weeks
I dared to open my soul
I dared to let a stranger into
The sanctity of my heart
And now today I dare to say
That this just might be love
For this feelings that I feel
Drives me crazy enough.
I do not know what tomorrow brings
Or what the days to follow behold
But this I know for certain
It is a story yet to be told.
So let us take one day at a time
And enjoy this wonderful day
And let love between us grow
By the power of Gods Love I pray

Last night I took the time to think
The time to dream a dream
As I looked out of my window
Darkness was all I could see
Maybe tomorrow it will all be okay
Maybe tomorrow the pain will go away
Maybe tomorrow joy instead of pain
Maybe tomorrow…
Maybe…

I sit here wondering about
All that had gone wrong
Even the things that had gone right
Is still clearly in my sight
But I look at you
And my heart sinks deep
Into this mortal death so cold
As I come to realize
That this might become
A story forever untold.
A story of two hearts
So cruelly kept apart
Two souls who thought
They had it all
But were left out in the cold
Is this the way it always ends
So miserably sad
Does the sun ever cease to set
Or the storm ever calms?
Or will it ever be like this
An endless mourning song…
Two heats so cruelly kept apart
What need I say more?
But a silent prayer from deep within
Forever... Unspoken... Unheard

Lord I turn to you
In this hour of grace
Just to be in your presence
And see your lovely face
So many times
I take for granted
The mercies that you show
Not thinking of the pain I cause
Every time I let you go.
All you ask is love and devotion
But my selfish needs comes first
I yearn for you in all your glory
But will give nothing in return
And here Lord as I am today
I go on my knees and pray
That every day you’ll renew my mind
And teach me what to say
The time has come for me to give
What you so much longed for
Not gold or silver or earthly goods
Not worship or songs of praise
But me oh God I give myself
To do with as you please

I look at the sky as the sun breaks through
The clouds of yesterday has gone
The rain washed away the filth and dirt
To bring new life to this earth

Just as my heart was dark with despair
Your light came breaking through
Just as I thought all was lost
You were the one carrying the cost

Now all I see is light, no more pain
Even though nothing has really changed
But somehow I believe You are in control
God you will never let me go.

How did time pass so fast
How could I think it will last
Forever and always and a day
I sit here now with nothing to say
Yesterday so careless and free
Today, what have we left to see
Friends or acquaintances?
What are we now?
We promised forever
We will always be true…
But I guess forever
Was to long for me and you.
I still think of you every day,
And somehow wonder
What I could say
But words are few
In this mind of mine
I guess I just couldn’t stand
The test of time.
Even if we still talk and laugh
There is a quietness between us
Something precious has died
Washed away by the tide
But even if this is so,
In my heart I will always know
Memories of a friend
Who meant the world to me
His face in my minds-eye
I will always see
And maybe one day
When you look back
You could, just maybe forgive me….
Maybe…
My dearest friend

Have yourself a merry little Christmas..
La la dee da da….
The song rings in the distance
Carried by the wind to the corners of the earth
Standing outside while the rain softly drizzles
I look across the miles
The vast ocean spread before me
In my heart I feel a longing
Only I at this moment can see
So far away you are from me
But oh the wonderful thought
That even though we are far apart
Love, with a price we had bought
In time we will come to understand
How this could ever be
Such a warm and wonderful sensation
Shared between you and me
I laugh with you when you talk to me
I even cry sometimes
But not once have I ever had a doubt
That this love was not to be found
I do not know what this Christmas will be like
I do not what tomorrow brings
But what I know is that I believe
Our hearts together sings
About a love that might forever be
That might just one day work
A love that no man could even imagine
A love so pure and true
And from a far the song rings again
A merry Christmas indeed
…tomorrow all our trouble will be out of sight….

This will be the hour
The hour to let go,
A colleague, a friend a person so dear
Our thanks to her we show
New horizons she will seek
And be thus on her way
So here it is straight from our hearts
A blessing we all pray
That God will guide you and protect you
And keep you from harms way
And may the days that follow
Become wonders from above
Miracles and new beginnings
Upon which God showers His love
Though we go our separate ways
We will never forget
The lady with her Vacuum cleaner
And the files she had to get!
And even better than all the rest
The coffee that she shared!
Dud’s we will always remember
And will never forget
So u just be cool and remember
We’re still here where we first met!

Ever so often
When I am alone
I find myself dreaming
Of you…
I then close my eyes
And slowly drift away
To a place
Where we are alone
My hand in yours
Your hand in mine
So close together
We are
Intensity, love,
Passion delight
May this dream forever
Be true
As reality returns
I come to realize
This is not a dream
‘Cause I love you
And you love me….
It’s a love very rarely seen…

I look out the window
Scenes passing by
Beautiful mountains
And a clear blue sky
I take a deep breath
As I hold your hand in mine
Somehow I just know
This will be for all time
I can barely remember
How my life was before you
Now all things have passed
A bright new day has dawned
And in my heart I can feel
In God this love is formed
So amazingly unexpectedly
We were thrown together
And we found each other hearts
For worse or for better

A whisper in the wind
Silently…softly
It comes as a breeze
Rustling the leaves
My heart is warm
But my soul is cold
A tear falls down
As the truth beholds
The key to the future
Yet unseen…
But in my heart
I will keep the dream

A rose so beautiful
That’s what you are
An aroma so fresh
I can breathe from afar
From the day I saw light
You held me in your arms
To keep me safe From all harm
When I was learning my ABC
You were the one who encouraged me
You helped me through
At the times so dark
In my life you’ve made a mark
Mom you are a gift to me
A gift that no one else can be
And in this time of toil and pain
You need to know all’s not in vain
As time might pass
And things might change
I need you to understand my rage
It’s not against you not at all
But I know that in your arms I’ll fall
Even though I’m big and strong
I’ll never do you any wrong.
And if it seems I’ve lost my way
I need you not to turn away
For in my heart I will behold
This gift of life as pure as gold
You are for me a flower pure
A rose I’ll hold forever dear
Mom, I love you with all my heart
From my thoughts you will never depart.

This will be my prayer today
That God will keep you safe
And as you walk in heavenly light
May this be your endless plight
To honor Him in all you do
To give Him all you have of you
To live a holy sacred life
And never ever give in to strife
My this day bring joy and peace
As it is the day that God did give
And may tomorrow a promise bring
Of happiness to serve the King.

Through Painted Glass
Life’s visions are cast
Memories engraved

Along this road
By many travelled
To some a senseless game

Ghosts from the past
Haunts many lives
Wrecking future grounds

Making infertile
Wonderful dreams
Success no where to be found

Under this blanket
Sombre and grey
The past dictator of all

Keeping the future
Locked in a prison
Inside a crimson wall

Where slowly it dies
Never to be found
In a silent grave forever