I’m actually not okay.
I’m saying I am,
But I’m really not.

I was drunk a few nights ago,
The real
“Can’t walk without help” kind.
And I called him
Because I forgot
We had broken up.

“Are you happy with your decision?”
He asked in a calm
Gentle voice,
Patient as always.
“No.”
No.
“But I wouldn’t have been happy either way.”
“Okay.”

I didn’t text him to apologize,
I thought about it,
But that’s as far as I got.

“Do you feel better or worse?”
My friend asked.
“I don’t know.”

I’ve only been single since
Thursday,
And some guy already asked me out.
But all it did
Was remind me,
That I don’t want someone else.

I’m an animal
On a leash
Attached to a pole.

I know I’m trapped,
But I see the glimmer
Of something maybe beautiful
And I run for it,
Only to be yanked back,
Coughing and panting.

I’m a beast,
Held back by my own
Sadness,
And I keep forgetting it’s there...
But it’s there.