Dear Alok
God didnt create us
we created him
how would your message be delivered
when god is just an imaginative character ?
but you are real
i am real
she is real
he is real
shall I call you "she"
shall I call you "he"
lets figure out
who you are
you have *****
I have ******
you put dark lipstick
I put light colored
you put heavy make-ups
I keep it as simple as it is
you wear bra without anything to hold inside
and you keep it all open
I wish not to make people know i wear bra
I try to keep it as secret as it can be
though you say
you neither want to be called a woman
nor a man
why not men's wear then?
why women's wear you chose?
first decide who you are
what's the difference?
is it the gender or is it something else ?
your vulgarity was tolerated
coz it was you
if it was me
i would have named a ****
by the same crowd
who found you inspirational
in this case I am ditched
not you
coz you still are a man inside women's dress
you are man
your ***** makes you one
gender is not a problem
problem is your sexuality
not only your sexuality
but mine
his
everyone's
what matters here is commitment
love matters very little
*** is a taboo
sexuality is a taboo

Do you remember
those early days
when we started knowing each other?
the thrill of exploring each other
those were the days we were attracted to each other
but neither of us expressed
when we finally did
our meetings became frequent
we started sharing our weaknesses
we shared about our family
about everything around
not leaving anything more to explore
we touched
we loved

we quarreled

your existence felt like vanishing
then I finally approached break up
but then you realized you can't leave me
how could I stay?
when I already started knowing another stranger
exploring another stranger
I already started the same story again in different plot

Just because I am not that kind of woman
In past,
At present
Or may be never in future
It doesn’t mean I am not real
Although I don’t need to prove myself to anyone
Who I am is who I am
Neither can I change
Nor anyone else
Sometimes on days like this
When I am misunderstood
I feel like taking my heart out
Taking my brain out
And declare loud “see this is what I am”
Don’t give me your limited knowledge
Of how should a woman be
Of what am I suppose to be
What you think of me
Just don’t give me that

hence I live in present
what matters to me is the smile I have today
not the tears I may cry tomorrow

Though it seems you dislike me
Somewhere in my heart I still feel that it’s not true
Those kind words of yours I still remember
That moment we spend together, I still remember
Makes me feel you miss me too
You left me coz being together was never meant for us
You shouted at me coz you were angry for that
You didn’t explain coz that might have made me love you more
You hurt me coz you wanted that love to end there

Just because I am not that kind of woman
In past,
At present
Or may be never in future
It doesn’t mean I am not real
Although I don’t need to prove myself to anyone
Who I am is who I am
Neither can I change
Nor anyone else
Sometimes on days like this
When I am misunderstood
I feel like taking my heart out
Taking my brain out
And declare loud “see this is what I am”
Don’t give me your limited knowledge
Of how should a woman be
Of what is I suppose to be
What you think of me
Just don’t give me that

You still tolerating me?
Tolerating these *******?
If yes,
Tell me,
Are you a fake-ist?
A ****- ist?
Or
A Feminist?