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BAM Jan 2015
She stares at the walls which encompass her life
Unsure why she can’t run through them at night
There she sits for countless years
Only to be kept prisoner by her deepest fears

She carries herself like a book with a smile
Judged by the cover, they all want a trial
Yet she’s bound tight by glittering stitches
To hide all of her unhinged glitches

She cannot keep still for half of a second
Dreading the moments she hears a small beckon
Left alone in the mind of a girl
Whose thoughts are dangerous when unfurled

She sees lovers dancing, living in dreams
Not all in this world is what is seems
You ask this girl what’s on her mind: she lies
For all she can do is deny

She carries burdens further every day
Unsure who will let her stay
Focus, let it all be clear
Then drown it out with another beer

She’s not certain who there is left to trust
In a life filled with unwavering lust
Pop another pill, smoke another stick
Anything to lessen the weight of bricks

She stares at these four walls and wants a door
Instead she lies down on the floor
All of these secrets kept inside bars
Filled with loud base and red guitars

She wanders these streets, quiet and obsolete
Who will be next on this long list of cheats
Cold whiskey, bright eyes, and stiletto knives
Where to go next in this web of lies

She floats out of her cage, up to the stars
Leaving the ***** and a hole in her yard
Bury the past, leave behind the secrets
Along with her heart, so no one can take it

She paints her road with glitter and oils
Maybe someday she’ll even be royal
But leave it with this much that will remain true
She’ll never be coming back for you.
BAM Apr 2012
when I was little
I Climbed a thousand trees
Ran through dark forests
and Scraped my knees
but I Picked myself up
Every Time I Fell Down
the Smile of my Youth
Turned everything Around

when I was a child
I saw people for the Truth
I saw in their eyes the Miles
of Hurt or Pain with No Proof
but what I Didn’t notice
was the Pain inside my heart
I didn’t understand this,
was Tearing me Apart

when I was a preteen
I started to like boys
I found out girls are mean
and that men Treat you like Toys
but even though They Hurt Me
I kept Pushing myself Forward
thought I could make them See
that everything was Backward

when I turned 16
I fell Down a Spiraled black hole
Tried to walk the streets Unseen
at least Never Showing what he Stole
Silently I Suffered
Blood falling Down my arms
my whole Reality was altered
but I set off no Alarms

when I turned _ _
I looked back on my life
and what I Realized
was how my back took that Knife
I’m definitely Happy
don’t deny me what I’m Feeling
but when my days go ******
I now know what He was Stealing

when I Grew Up
I was 14 years old
my Eyes had gotten Darker
and my blood was running Cold
my Innocence had been Stolen
while I tried to Find My Dreams
Instead those dreams were Broken
and No one heard my Screams
BAM Mar 2012
my Nightmares wake me Screaming
out of Fear or strength or anger I don’t know
         I Cut his Throat
So why isn’t my stomach Squealing?

the Nightmares Shake me deeply
as I Sweat and Toss and Whip through
         I just Broke his arm
So why isn’t my body Gangly

These Nightmares Quake within me
Crying and Screaming I Shout
         Today I got him Point Blank
only difference is,
                                  this time, I Woke Up.
BAM Nov 2011
You were supposed to be my best friend
But I can’t find you under your skin
          [where are you hiding?]
I’ve looked to where the sidewalk ends
I’m afraid to walk around the bend

You used to be the one who loved
Now you’ve disappeared
          [invisible to be invincible]
While I’m stuck here fighting
Trying to win you back, but losing

You should have been the one to trust
That I could make it through
          [past the thorns and over the bodies]
The past I should have buried
No decisions should have varied

You would have been stronger for me
But now you push me down
            [silence can be deadly]
And I’m done fooling around
My feelings have unwound

You could be my one true friend
Though I guess you want it to end
            [But I miss your awkward laughter]
Our bonding over obnoxious behavior
I miss you as my anchor
BAM Mar 2012
Darling, where has the daylight gone
I see you stumbling down those streets
and see the corners where you meet
Tell me, what is really wrong

Twinkle, twinkle like a star
as you slowly fade away in the sky
Inhale deep to get you high
Tell me, where you really are

Falling, till the meteor Crashes
Down on those knees tonight
what is wrong and what is Right
Tell me, where’d you get those gashes

Blacken, as midnight turns about
Left by yourself with no one to Help
No one to even hear you yelp
Screaming, Screaming, let me out
BAM Feb 2012
i can't see
i don't know where i should be
               tumbling
           stumbling
down this long and winding road
maybe this path, will be my ode
to         w a k e
                         u p
i can't go to sleep
instead i find myself time to weep
               silently
            blindingly
the sun shines in through my window
as i roll over and pick myself up from this low
         and walk to the light
what is day and what is night?
                    when i can't see
and i don't know where
                    i should be

dear savior, i pray for you my soul to keep
and if you shall not reap
i will give in to this new day
without throwing my life away
BAM Oct 2011
I know I’ve said erasing it
                Is not facing it
And that to face something takes bravery
Well, I’m done crying
And I’m sick of waiting
For something that will never happen

I’m sorry I missed you
And that I fell for
                “unconditional” love provided
Through thick and thin
Until the final spin
When you split

Slowly but surely
                You erased the happiness
The love we had
For one another
Slide it under the cover
To be buried with me

Now, it’s my turn
Never thought it'd come to this
                So much for learning to trust
Instead ill learn to erase
And delete every last place
I secretly hold you in

I faced it
                And I took the beating hard
While he ran
And left me standing
On a ledge looking up, praying
For answers

I’m done hurting
Done with thinking you won’t leave
                That you couldn’t have left
So I’m going to block you
From my memories for a new
Day that I will get through
BAM Mar 2013
My stomach churns and is stuck in knots
Wondering if you’ve forgot
How much you meant in my life
Until you disappeared tonight

But as the words slid easily from your tongue
My heart cried rivers
Never thought you’d be the one
To leave my heart torn and undone

My mind screams silently and blames me
But I just couldn’t make you see
I needed something more to hold
Besides the lies you continuously told

This isn’t what I want to hear
Don’t sit there and tell me you’re always here
Show me how you really feel
Or else this end is forever real

And as those words slide from your tongue
My heart cries rivers
You are still only hurting my heart
And that is what keeps tearing us apart
BAM Mar 2012
***** money speaks for itself
As our secrets stack higher than towers
And our eyes hungry, devour

***** honeys sit on the shelf
‘Til their broken down without power
And their eyes hungry, devour

***** bodies, are you yourself?
Their breaking down our armor
And all eyes hungry, devour
BAM Nov 2011
Where has our honesty gone?
The world is spinning out of perspective

Individualists
More like conventionalists

Wanting to be a free soul
Instead, we’re losing control

How do we define different?

“Different
            A pseudo-polite way of saying something is unpleasantly weird or unacceptable”                      [www.urbandictionary.com]


What about individual?

“individual
         Individual's may actually conform, just to prove that they are individual from other individuals...
        There is no definition of an individual, for to define an individual is hideously oxymoronic.”                     [www.urbandictionary.com]

All of these rules and ideologies
Which become more like mythologies

Giving us a…what… purpose?
Because without one were all worthless?

How does the media propel
Drive some great minds down to hell

But wait, sometimes those scars
Are not the real person they are

What about the girl next door
Is she perfect? Or is she a *****

How come the prepped up ****
Gets a thousand girls to put his ****-
-Y  attitude towards

What about all those hipsters
“individualists” in all their glister

PROTOTYPES
We are always followed

“To be, or not to be”
Now THAT  is a real question

Why cant we all just BE

F R E E

Within our own minds
Refuse ourselves to be confined

But no matter where we go
The world will be a tv show
[scripted and masked]

Because the crazy professor who screamed in the crowd
Did a small scene from a movie out loud

And the individualist across the street
Got her haircut from Georgia O’deet

While the artist down the road
Saw his painting when it snowed

Though its obvious we refuse to admit defeat
Individual doesn’t march to its own beat
BAM May 2013
Is someone getting the best of you?
Do they stop, and look at you
And in the morning, do they care
And love the way your body feels

Gotta put up your defenses
Wall up behind those fences
Don’t let them see what they do
When they look deep into you

Will someone try to get through
What will you let them do
Run away before it’s too late
Who’s to say it isn’t fate?

Don’t lose yourself in the beat
Or let your mind fog in the heat
Even though your pulse is racing
Turn around, keep steady pace

Is someone getting the best of you?
Wall up behind those fences
Run away before it’s too late
Turn around, keep steady pace
BAM Nov 2011
I kept telling myself I wasn’t crazy
That I would stick it high, and maybe
Pull myself through this barbed wire
With a little help that’ll take me higher

But it seems these pills aren’t working
Still, in fact their just distorting
All my dreams and aspirations
Please shut down my imagination

Cause these lies are plain and tasteless
I’m not sure how much longer I'll take this
Naivety dressed its best
As my friends blend with the rest

I hope my heart knows this last truth
And that I won’t be a wasted youth
I may be young and reckless
But I sure as hell will never be backless

I stormed the mountain peaks so high
And I’ll push on through til the day I die
With my dignity understood by all
As for now I'll try to walk more tall

The more I say it isn’t true
The more I realize what I feel for you
You wish it wouldn’t, but it does
There are the few who see past the flaws

I keep on trying to look forward
Past these silent screamings murmured
Through the shattered glass and fears
I’ll go beyond wisdom of my years
BAM Mar 2013
If I’m falling won’t you catch me
Instead you let me crash
Through the sticks and the stones
You threw as apologies

But the worst thing, I think
Is that I let you tell me
Magical words of “love” and “harmony”
Only to leave with “bye”

Still I get up and stand tall
I don’t need a wonder wall
To get me through that endless ray
Where I can finally find the sun

Being weak again fills my fear
I will not be stuck again
Tumbling through the waves
Of broken promises you made

I need to stand tall, straight
Plant my two solid feet
And grow a new perspective
On this thing called love
BAM Mar 2013
She opens her heart
Like a window
For some fresh air

Listens to the winds
And love songs
Chirped from up high

She’s trying to see
What lies on
The other side of her pane

Looking out to the sky
But the sun’s glare
Still impairs her vision
BAM Oct 2011
Today,
                I was in love with you
                Even as you push me away
                I wanted you always here to stay

Yesterday,
                I loved you
                Fought with everything in my power
                Even climbed the tallest tower

Today,
                I will delete you
                Erase you from my phone
                Completely leave you alone

Tomorrow,
                I will remember you
                And the happiness you gave me
                The way you loved having me as your baby

Today,
                I will pray for you
                Please, god, give him the strength
                To run from me, this greatest length
BAM Feb 2013
She stumbles down these roads which lie
A thousand miles to get her by
But which path is the road she’s taken
Lies awake for a past mistaken
As a choice

It was not her choice

She was beat, forced down on knees bruised black
Told her she had not a chance for attack
But you sit there and call her a *****
For acts she’s only been told to do before
It was not her choice

As a choice

She ran farther than black roads could take her
Past those who said they did her a favor
But where can she turn on a path without light
All she can see are the stars in the night
As a choice

It was not her choice

She lied awake, and tried to scream
Wrote it all down in her pages unseen
But now her past has come to haunt them
Because of her memories she’s condemned
It was not her choice

As a choice

She runs faster than crashing waves
Through lines of friends that go for days
But who will save her if she falls
She’s running so fast, after all
As a choice

It was not her choice
BAM Mar 2014
she is trying to write
her mind races through topics
through opinions
through objects

her eyes stare blank
at the blinding screen
her fingers hovering
wanting to flow- line into line

she is trying to write
yet there is nothing left
just apathy
no interest

her mind is closing
windows of the soul sleep
fingers lifelessly dangle
she can't write.
BAM Mar 2014
She was caught up in the moment,
trapped in the cage of her memories.

Happiness was Survival.
It was a knife too sharp, a pain too vibrant
Bruises covered up with caked, peach cover up
Happiness was Fake.

She saw things
Haunting visions in each corner of her room
She saw Red; she saw black and white
but she never saw a way out
how does one escape a Nightmare,
when they are living in a dream?

how can you feel the Yellow of the sun,
when all you feel is the Red of a scream?
every memory a grain of sand, lungs slowly scratching full,
Drowning you into an epitome of never ending darkness
She was a Lie-
until the day She Screamed.

hate pouring from her grey-blue eyes.
she was drowning; it all happened too fast.
the flood began
She Let Go.
Insanity peaked; She Screamed red, she Cried blue.
She struck back with the lightning of his own fists,
the thunder of his own voice.

Freeing her mind
of the ominous never ending nightmares
which repeat through her eyes.
slowly filing away at the iron cage
which has kept her from pursuing her dreams

She is a Dreamer.
Unspinning the web of her dream catcher one string at a time.
Turning her dreams into plans
Learning to Speak, Shout, Live.
Creating new hues and Perspectives on
the Past, Present, and Future
Sculpting the hearts which have Broken into pieces,
Creating a new Love for life.

She is an Old Soul.
Learning from the long past
and Implementing it into a way to live.
She will Lead you, hand in hand,
into the bright, burning yellow light.
its Radiance Beaming down onto your skin,
burning away the sadness, soaking you in its Luminescence.
Filling you with this Positive Energy,
making you feel
I n f i n i t e

She is a Survivor,
and nobody, Nobody can take that away from her
BAM Aug 2012
Sometimes I feel I have to pull away
Get away
Run away
So the winds won’t catch me
And these vines won’t trap me
where I’ll just be stuck
Again
With nothing

Now I keep trying to sprint fast
Away from the past
To find myself without needing
The one thing I’m never seeing
This invisibility cloak
Is now only starting to choke me

There are times when I want to run back
Straight into those arms
That picked me up high
-er than the bright blue sky
And took me places where I felt loved
Those arms that held me
Once, upon a time

Now, I need to keep my head high
Tell myself a little white lie
That I am happy
When inside my head is screaming
For time to just stop
Ticking
Ticking
Ticking

As it slowly winds un-sane
Keep in mind it’s all a game
Beg for mercy from the spawn
To let you slip
Too fast, too slow
No grasp, No more
ticking
BAM Oct 2012
I’m trying to find you
But I’m afraid I’m trying to find me
Inside of you
I scratch my fingernails
Across your skin
I want to find what’s hidden within

Underneath those eyes
Who are you hiding?
What are we denying
As we slide between the sheets
Trying to be complete
Trying

To find you, me
I trace your every contour
While our bodies lay to rest
I can’t sleep
Knowing there’s more
Then I see


Looking for the answers
Questions locked
Underneath those smiles
Lie what we seek
To know
But refuse to show
BAM Aug 2012
We cry behind cold stares
While thoughts prevail behind the stair-
Cases winding deep and sharp
Careful of the steepest part

We hide behind fake smiles
While inside our bones break-
Ing down the final door
Locked to keep out memory’s war

We shrink behind our lovely lies
While still the past you can’t deny-
Ingly walking straight on toward
A future broken and uncured

We laugh to keep our feet in motion
While sinking underneath the ocean-
Waves so high they can’t be beat
You’ll die unknown and obsolete
BAM Jun 2011
the love you have is reckless
and the mind sets fallen too
and in your madness youve pulled us
down this spiral of a chute

we put you before our own love
when the truth we can never conceive
like the cold, plastic, mirror you hold
to stare at yourself and tease

we know all about your weakness
and weve fallen for tricks of despair
yet the truth is theres too much love
for yourself, theres none to share

you threaten the world with a razor
text all your friends, "nows the time"
"im gonna do it for real, i swear,
because the love i have aint worth a dime"

yet deep inside your pockets
the gold and silver grows
your heart burns in its fire
while your voice prepares for the "low"

the actress you have dreamt to be
slithers out of you every day
while all of your 'friends' stand here crying
waiting to see your body pulled, from the bay

though your mind thrills itself with laughter
as it thinks of all of those fools
who stand in the crowd waiting
as the ambulence takes out their tools

but your body has slithered back home
with the purpose and love held with pride
it is selfish of you, ******* selfish
when you think of those who've really died

quit playing the part, lifes no thriller
nobody likes the antagonist *****
and everyone knows deep inside
your body will never end up in a ditch

the marks on your arms are your make-up
not funny to those who feel the drag
of the razor so sharp it can sting you
while you walk with your shopping bags

i know this game, which your playing
in all terms its become rather pathetic
and when you run to me begging
ill stare, and then laugh, im apathetic

towards this character you have created
from the bottom of your selfish mind
i know not to trust you ever
because girl, youre one of a kind
BAM Jun 2011
you think your a poet
riddle me this
how come the scars upon my wrists
were scratched on by your fists

you think your a hero
who did you save
i see the children laughing
and i hope their hearts arent cracking

you think you deserve respect
what did you give
besides a shove down the staircase
or lesson in how to run a race

you think you understand
when did you die inside
it was all just a game to you
while i laid there without a clue

you think you earned the right
how were you a father
yea, your voice goes real loud
but it will never make anyone proud

you think your sorry
but how well was your apology made
crying and drinking dont go far
neither was the milage to the bar

you think you are forgiven
well to me, your just
a peice of nothing
yet at the same time, something

you think you are a father
hugging in fear is not love
you  squeezed so tight you broke my bones
while giving in to all your groans

you think you have an impact
on my life, when the truth is simple
the only reason i can never flee
is because you always will haunt me

you think i might just love you
but i hate you so much i dont care
because when i see the little girls on the playground
i want to cry and my mind pounds

you think i might forgive you
memories seem to clear more everyday
and ill never forgive a second youre around
id rather see you in the ground
BAM Oct 2011
you think your a poet
riddle me this
how come the scars upon my wrists
were scratched on by your fists

you think your a hero
who did you save
i see the children laughing
and i hope their hearts arent cracking

you think you deserve respect
what did you give
besides a shove down the staircase
or lesson in how to run a race

you think you understand
when did you die inside
it was all just a game to you
while i laid there without a clue

you think you earned the right
how were you a father
yea, your voice goes real loud
but it will never make anyone proud

you think your sorry
but how well was your apology made
crying and drinking dont go far
neither was the milage to the bar

you think you are forgiven
well to me, your just
a peice of nothing
yet at the same time, something

you think you are a father
hugging in fear is not love
you  squeezed so tight you broke my bones
while giving in to all your groans

you think you have an impact
on my life, when the truth is simple
the only reason i can never flee
is because you always will haunt me

you think i might just love you
but i hate you so much i dont care
because when i see the little girls on the playground
i want to cry and my mind pounds

you think i might forgive you
memories seem to clear more everyday
and ill never forgive a second youre around
id rather see you in the ground
BAM Feb 2012
I am white

Paint me colors dark and bright
Splatter me with your vengeful reds
And share with me your heated head
Drown me in your sorry blues
Greens and violet saddened hues
Orange and yellow shine so bright
Don’t forget those starry nights
Where your laughter painted me
The range of colors below the sea

Share with me your body’s print
By pressing up against my canvas
And when you pull away, go slow
So the paint will leave me every crevasse

I am blank

Write on me to make me dank
And don’t forget that time you cried
Or every time you’ve told a lie
Scribble down your words with ink
Don’t pause to leave you time to think
Memories make for the rest
Tell me when you felt your best
Days of laughter in your ears
Gave you wisdom beyond your years

Share with me your deepest thoughts
By writing down every moment
And when you go to shut me closed
I’ll have your soul within my parchment

I am open

Fly through my wide arm’s haven
Darkness may enclose at times
And hate may be your biggest crime
Throw away those heavy burdens
Walk away from empty basins
Come to me with an open mind
Because this love wants to unwind
Leave behind those darkest hours
For I’ll carry you with all my power


Share with me a love so true
By holding tight with laughter
Because when the bright sky shines
We know there’s before, and after
BAM Jan 2013
your fingertips

linger

and icicles

whisper

while snow

filters

the windows

sparkle

the past

unseen

leaves me

clean
BAM Nov 2012
Another night to spend alone
No-one’s arms to call my home
Snow falling upon cedars
Silencing the land

Move on, get over it
Though I cannot forget
But passion’s still coursing
Through my veins

All I want is to be somebody
You love, suddenly
From head to toe
I forgive you

Because I know that its true
When you say ‘I love you’
Somewhere I know
We’ll get through

So I watch these snow stars
Cover all the ugly scars
Deep on the Earth’s skin
Cover me softly

Deep into a winter’s slumber
No more thoughts to take me under
Something old and something new
New found love; for you
BAM Feb 2012
The moon looks with a broken eye
Isn’t it supposed to shine?
                Full and bright
While the sea also stares as black as night
With barely a ripple
                No blue in sight

The forest sleeps so silently
Where have all the songbirds gone?
                Singing loudly
But this silence screams softly
With stunning spells
                We hear unconsciously

The mountains peak so high
Can we ever reach the top?
                Instead we fall
Through sharp rocks we crawl
Begging for freedom
                From these prison walls
BAM Apr 2013
I’m tired of doubting myself
Of being there for everybody except for me
It’s my turn to stand up
Fight for my rights I gave away
This is my life, not yours
These shoulders will hold you no more

My turn to be something
Long ago, i tried to follow the moss
But I’m done searching
From now on, it’s here
No more chains to keep me down
It’s now.                  Here.

I’m no longer searching
Over trying, overburdened
No longer depending on you
To always be there
Not going to listen to you
When you pretend to be fair

It’s my turn
And I will make something of myself
Time to make something
Of this ****** up, over-analytical,
Piece of mind
I gave to you to control

No more games, and no more stories
I’m writing my own
New pages in this journal
To be filled with new found freedom
I’ve been a slave to you, but I’m done
Let freedom ring
BAM Jul 2012
When you stabbed me in the back
It hit me like a bomb
Didn’t realize I’d need you
Once you were gone

And when we were young
I sought out the best
Thought I knew you better
Better, than all the rest

Nope
Your just another joke
Another reason I said
I could never lose hope

The camera flashes
With the rest of the crew
The ones who’d pretend
They never knew

When you stabbed me in the back
It didn’t hurt so bad
Must’ve been expecting it
You follow the pack

And once we Had a friendship
I didn’t think would end
Never saw me falling
Once I turned around the bend

Doesn’t matter
None of you were true
Doesn’t matter
None of you were true

All these little *******
Holding up their noses high
Don’t wana keep a friend
With a past they cant deny

I hope your house looks lovely
Was gonna be mine too
Thank god it wont be now though
Cause I know im more than through

With all the ******* you say
And fake smiles across the board
Keep each other close now
Cause the psych is out the ward
BAM Oct 2011
Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster under my bed
Hes been under there for
Quite some time
And bedtime I now dread

Hunny, there are no monsters
‘mommy, please just listen!’
Just close your eyes
And itll be okay
Eventually dreamland will glisten

Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster under my desk
Its lurking in the shadows
Of my chair
Hes being so grotesque

Listen dear, there are no monsters
Close those lids
Picture puppies in a field
Running with butterflies
And playing with kids

Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster in my closet
I know hes there
Please sleep in here
Stay all night and watch it

Babygirl, there are no monsters
Now close your eyes and rest
Relax your mind
And breathe deeply
Tonight you will sleep your best

Mommy mommy come quick!
The monster is out right now
He is kneeling at my bedside
His hands are running through my sheets
I want to disappear somehow

But he wont leave
His fingers keep wandering
Mommy, I don’t like this massage
Please make him go away
And save me from all of this hurting
BAM Nov 2011
I’m afraid of ******* up
Afraid of that thing I called ‘it’ my whole life
Not knowing that ‘it’ was really just me
Not knowing
That what I’m afraid of is my own fear
In the last gear
On this highway I like to call life
I’m, revved up and flying full throttle towards the edge
Dangling between

The sun,
And the sharp rocks of reality
Splat, crash
And in a flash
All of my dreams are gone
****
And I’m stuck in another coma, for another nineteen years
Until I have another life crisis I feel the need
To speed
Out of

I’ll walk these streets alone
Until I find the oz’s home
And you can beep bop
To my beat box
As this street walks
To my solo
Whoa,
If I could go?
Another way with a new day
And the new play on this new field
Where this game starts
Fwap
Goes the minute hand
Faster than a blinking man
As the crowd screams so loud
The noise is silent
Slow down, wait
cause

Imma do what was never done
And imma win what was never won
They say all roads lead to hell?
Well,
They also said all roads lead to Rome
And lemme just tell you….that Rome?
Was no home
To me

So I’m gonna keep on trekking
Keep regrettin’
Till I find, what I got in mind
And that is
Peace
Piece inside
Figure out all these pieces
I could never fit together
Till I get a whole
There’s the goal
I’ll find that inner child
And the crowd goes wild
BAM Jul 2012
I need you
Right now
As I’m falling
Blindly flailing
Out of control
    Flashbacks
To painful lies
And scarlet lines
Sprawled open
My life is
No fairytale
Cover to cover
    We all have
Our own demons
To fight
Our own dreams
Tonight
Our own nightmares
Today

I need you
To heal me
Because I’m slipping
Too quickly
The ember lies
Are catching blaze
    I had to
Back far away
From that knife
That could end
    His life
But bring me
Down deeper
Past the hell
I face everyday

I need you
Tonight
Because these lips
So sealed tight
    Are cracking
And they’re bleeding
While my tears
Are drowning
Those dreams
     For my future

So, please
I need you
Hold me tight
BAM Apr 2012
I can’t write
These secrets won’t stop binding me tight
They keep getting tighter til my sight goes white


I just feel sick
Like I can’t stop swallowing all these thoughts
Drowning myself as my blood clots

My stomach aches
And I can’t keep down any food
Not even chocolate can fix my mood

My head spins
As I see you slowly fading away
When I always thought you’d be here to stay

My body falls
All these weights crushing me under
And pounding harder than the thunder

The tears won’t stop
And you know that I never cry
So why can’t you just answer, why?
BAM Mar 2012
I.
Secrets Erupting
Silently pouring from me
Volcanoes can ****




II.
Lava burns to dust
as my world quickly quakes
and turns to Black Stone




III.
You can Dig me up
a thousand years my Future
to find out my Past
BAM Aug 2012
sometimes it hurts so much
that dull ache turns sharp
heart-breaKer
**** taker
*****, make her

crawl on her kNees to get to you
tear away her skin
and make her sin, for you

love hurts, after all
in its twisted Games
OF placing the blame
it's all on her heart-
break her

til Her bones snap
and she falls flat
Enough for you to walk over
her fragile frame
whose fault to blame?

when we all play love
by its unruled chart
and try to create Art
where words can't be spoken
hearts will be bRoken

he'll Take her there
where alls fair- in love and war
she can't take anymore
but her Silence is golden
BAM Oct 2011
liar liar heart on fire
let me clip this one last wire
then youll fall down, ******* cryer

hang the noose
it'll be our truce
give me one more chance to roll a deuce

loving isn't hating
and promising isn't faking
please stop my heart from breaking

liar liar heart on fire
as it swings to stop the dyer
beat again and take me higher

look with those beautiful eyes
stop telling all of these lies
quit trying to deny

loving is whats made for you
you know me, i love you too
hating me just isn't true

liar liar heart on fire
give back in, to your desire
with a truth i will admire
BAM Oct 2011
Okay, so

I wasn’t really sure what I would say
My first time standing
Or if I could even muster the
Courage to write a new rhyme
So, instead, I decided to let myself go
Listen to these words, and hear my beat flow

Once upon a time
There was a little girl
And in her shiny blonde hair
Laid a few new curls
Curls caused by all the stress
Hidden underneath that fluffy pink dress

But you see, this little girl
Never knew what was wrong with her
She was always smiling and pretty
And always surrounded by others
But deep down, she had a secret
And 16 years later, she couldn’t keep it

Eventually she was going to explode
So she wrote it all down
On her loose leaf skins
And hid it from the town
And just kept on smiling
Hoping to reconnect her wiring

And then one day
The words on the pages fell open
All of her secrets spilled
With the words that were left unspoken
Suicide letters addressed with names
This girl’s life is no longer a game

Because she was done playing
Her pockets filled with posy
As she fell down to the ground
Something had changed
She was done playing around

Now she was exposed
Yet there still remained a question
For some did not believe her
She “made it up”
And she got weaker

And that day she broke down
Her mother believed her
And together they went to a psychologist
Where she didn’t speak
She needed a pathologist

Drugs slipped down her throat
For the next few years
Everyday searching for reasons to live
But he remained to haunt her
She found no reasons to forgive

Eventually she learned to block
Everything her mind saw, locked
Away were the secrets
                Restraining her
Most of the past becomes a blur

Because she won’t remember
And this November?
She’s gonna walk tall
                In her brand new smile
One that will hide her, for awhile

But as she fills herself with false pride
She still remembers the day she died
But she’s good at pretending
                Nothings wrong
For her innocence is long since gone

And now she pushes through
The crowd to meet a person or two
A new person
                That doesn’t know her
Past was full of torture

Now the ***** slips down her throat
Forgetting of the words she wrote
She’s not a ****, but won’t let anyone
                Get close enough
To ever call her smiles bluff

She keeps messing up, leaving loved ones hurt
Yet she can’t seem to hold down her flirt
Or keep the best friends close
                That she keeps on losing
Because of the path she keeps on choosing
BAM Jan 2015
Stars swirl
Little girls twirl
Life is a fantasy
A beautiful world

Nothing to hurt
Nobody would dare
Because that small child
Was never aware

There's Fists pounding
Screams howling
Tears stream down
She's drowning

Innocence gone
What a fun little twist
On the life in the making
New scars on her wrists

She looks to the sky
And wonders out, "why"
This they didn't deserve
Was too soon for goodbyes

It all was a blur
Thought it shoulda been her
She's made plans with the devil
When will he answer?
BAM Apr 2012
I just keep getting up for the let down

What the **** is wrong with people in this town?

Telling you to be who you are

But then laughing about your hidden scars



When I was little?

I saw the TRUTH

I saw past the innocent years of my youth

And when you cried, I refused to back away

I will always be here, for you, here to stay



Now we play games

And hide behind walls of white lies

But can’t you see this past we just can’t deny?

I refuse to let go, I refuse to give in

Because in this life you’ve got two choices

                -Sink or swim



Well, I chose to keep going

And I choose to see past

Everything, that I let slip away too fast

This next shot I’m taking

Though my hands won’t stop shaking

I take aim, and squeeze these eyes tight

                [Swoosh]



I won’t fall tonight

I will keep these feelings right

-underneath this dress of armor

Keeping those out from my heart

Keep it locked up, keep it closed in

Don’t always follow what’s screaming from within



Block out those tiny voices- let them

Falter into whispers

Prevent your heart’s swooning by another mister

And when you look to the sky

Never, ever, close those bright blue eyes

Because baby, your love is just in disguise
BAM Apr 2012
I wanted to be Irreplaceable
Not just Smart and Beautiful

like a Van Gogh painting Starry night
a Range of motion you can’t Hold tight

Trace my every painterly stroke
hold too Tight ill only Choke

but as I walk out into those fields
I cast Away that armor and shield

and run straight to that Unclear Figure
who Pulls my hand off of that Trigger

Still, Life has become to me
I can’t say you will ever Clearly see

anything I put on My Canvas
until Long after I’m Buried with this

Beauty, in Painted layers, Deep
My final portrait is for You to Keep
BAM Oct 2011
im a sinner
this rope i walk keeps getting thinner
thin enough to slice right through
my skin when you try to tie me up

to my new found casket
leave me there, make sure you latch it
because i am no longer
here, lies a monster

in my heart
eating and tearing me apart
constantly thrashing against the love
bashing against the hate

in my mind
the hate unwinds
the monster wants to tame it
whips it like a lion in a circus

thats where i am
the trapenzee swings, cannons go bam
i am the happy.one.side-
sad.other.side clown

all around me
this is what i see
this casket is my circus tent
this circus is my family

since the beginning
the lion has been winning
and now im being ripped to shreds
collect your tickets please

i want to be burned
let this lesson be learned
spread me across the ocean
and let me finally be free
BAM Mar 2014
Whiskey on night breathe
And blue tears in lashes
Ashes to ash on our nose and eyelashes
This is the girl who is trying to sing
Scream it all out and then let freedom ring

When the belt whips
And the man stings
When she's feeling small

When the knife slashed
And the man pushed
She's feeling small

When the noose hangs
While her pills fall
She is so small

She simply remembers to aim;
pull the trigger
And then she won't feel
So sad

Girls in black dresses with black satin veils
Silver white lies roll from pastors tales
Brown wooden coffin- bound up in strings
Soon she will be free and learn how to sing


Teardrops on roses, and nose and eyelashes
Teardrops on roses, and eyelashes
Teardrops on roses
BAM Oct 2011
And they say she’s got the fellas
Well aint she just a Bella
Wasted in the dawns of time
Another margarita, another lime

But she knows she’s got her mother
Who won’t put up with another
Record score of sixty nine
She keeps them waiting in a line

She won’t let down her guard again
Won’t be easy for another pen
Fifteen, she’s off the rack
Now she’s gotta make it back

Alive, in her tattered dress
Walking alone on the streets a mess
Listening to drunken shouts
Just trying to find her way out

Head up tall
Make sure you don’t fall
Promise yourself you’ll be better
Next time they’ll be no more keggers

Because this girl is not who you are
You don’t ditch your friends for a guy at the bar
It’s time to get your **** together kid
Because next time may not be undid
BAM Jun 2011
I cant
I cant let you in
To this
This mess of me
Not the best of me
I don’t want to **** you in
For you to spit yourself out
And leave me hanging by a thread
Dangling overhead
This memorywell

If I do let you in
No matter how sweet
Or kind
How understanding
You will leave
Because that’s what everyone does
Why add another burden
To a lifetimes list
Of things to do

Yea
You can do me up
Chew me up
Savor the flavor
Spit me out
And reach for a new pack
Im replaceable
Untraceable
Wana see a magic trick?
****

Gone
Like the memory
Of how much you loved me
Gone
Like the winds
Which lead me to meet you
Gone
Because at the fork in the road
You split

The pressure
Behind my eyelids
Is swelling
Salt water trickles down
Softly pattering a rhythm
To dance alone to
While the pressure
Pulsing through my body
Coarses rapidly
Soon a flood will be released

So you can see
I cannot let you in
No matter how much
I want to trust
All I can do is sin
My nights away
So hopefully
Ill get another day

One is
Better than two
Or even three
You see?
Less chaos to keep track of
Because the thought of being attached
Leaves nowhere for one to run
So lets keep it simple
Son of a gun
With the number one
BAM Nov 2012
Get me out of this skin
Stop these words and sins
They’re crawling within

My motto’s overrated
And my rep is getting jaded
I’m falling again

Red lipstick, pearl bits
Cover up those hits
Silence the cries

We don’t need another
Fake, replace the other
*****, go hide

Get her out of that skin
Or wait for her spin
Out of control

Her motto’s overrated
Sprawled on the pavement
Kicking her ribs

Red bruises, heartaches
Hearing her bones break
Showing the lies

We don’t need another
Fake, story-line or
Smile, all smiles

Get them out of her skin
Monsters are crawling within
Lifetimes she’ll deny
BAM Oct 2011
Guess I am single
Maybe ready to mingle
Yet
Every time I put the effort in
My heart is taken for a spin

Downtown
Where I’m left to drown
Smiling
Because I told myself no
That this happiness would all be a show

But I guess I’m too easy
Cause your silence makes me queasy
Today
All I wanted was our old talks
Or even go for a little walk

We could talk for hours
Underneath the showers
Of stars
Brightening my day
Because I thought it'd all be okay

I warned myself to never trust
Or turn myself in to this lust
Inside
For your sincerity
Instead I’m turned into a new parody
BAM Jan 2015
Slice me in half
And look at my insides
Do you see what you wanted
Everything you’ve denied?

Bite away the bruises
That you don’t want to eat
Maybe while your at it
You'll throw me to your feet

Carefully dissect me
Before you take all of me in
Watch out for the worms
Which crawl around within

But don’t I look so pretty?
As I shine down from that tree
Red, and ripe, and delicious
Confined within my dignity

From the outside I am perfect
-ly proportioned to your liking
Yet on the inside you keep finding
Everything disgusting

Eat away at all the beauty
Which I try and try to keep
Till nothing is here to cover m
My core is naked, and I weep
BAM Oct 2011
I thought you said it would be okay
Every little thing, is gonna be alright
But when I come home
Instead, theyr so dead
With the weight of the boulders pressing
Down on this house
Its crumbling

I push things
Get them out of my mind
Have since I was little
Squeezing my eyes shut tight
When he came home in the dead of the night
Please let mommy be okay
The screaming haunts me

In my daydreams
My lack of focus
Frustrates me every second
So I shut it out
Close my mind
But now the haze is clearing

I thought it was different
But people never change
Jail doesn’t change a thing
The threat of life sentences
Don’t change a single, thing
But I cant teach

The lesson he should learn
Because though he gives us nothing
Without him
we have even less
No home, no education
Streets

Are glistening with the rain
My tears finally stream
And they flood the sidewalks
With their anger and fear
And stupidity
Never trust the liar

Ive always told myself
Nobody, can be trusted
But I opened up
And I let it go
Floored it
But now im crashing

As I lay pinned between the tree and radiator
I look up at the stars
Do you know how many wishes
Iv sent up to the sky
Black and blue as my body
As the stars glisten mockingly

“hunny, im home!”
Take a long look around
At the rusting support posts
And decaying furniture
This house is not a home
This house is broken

We all need, somebody to lean on
And I had you
You left me at the worst time
And it keeps going down
I hate that I needed to hear your voice
Before I attempt another goodbye

But I know it is selfish
Don’t worry
The knife is staying shallow
The pills are the correct dosage
But my tears are overflowing
At the facts laid on the table

Its too late for protection
Services asking all the wrong questions
Has he done this before?
No ****
Im glad we contacted the captain
Of town obvious

A few more years, ill have a job
Mother will too
Maybe ill tell my secret
Or maybe ill publish
The lies I was told
With the dignity I sold

I want to forgive
But I wont
And to hell will I ever forget
Because the lies the lovers have told me
Will never heal
Because my lips are sealed
BAM Oct 2011
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel
Because everything seems so unreal
Maybe I should have fought
[for everything I was never taught]

Sometimes, you get to me
But only because I couldn’t make you see
How I am broken
[with the words left unspoken]

Building and piling up
To the surface- where a smile lays on top
Because you should never forget
[but also never let them know your regrets]

Leaving untold emotions
As calm and unsettling as the ocean
Underneath those sad blue eyes
[a smile is your best disguise]

This feeling inside is stirring
But I’m not quite sure what’s occurring
Inside of this blonde bombshell
[deep in the pits of her secret hell]

She is starting to decay
Because the past is still yesterday
But I am thinking about tomorrow
[wishing I didn’t feel any of my sorrows]
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