the world is one ****** up, crazy, beautiful place.
we are all bipolar in our own minds and confused with our existance
we make something of ourselves based on the lies we are fed everyday
we judge  everyone and EVERYTHING, because we are always comparing
we are always ready to compare something to another thing
and that is what makes us so ******* disgusting
STOP.
and ******* listen.
listen to the steady beat of a child, and a rapidly chaotic beating of one on the brink of death

listen to the racial slurs and gender specifications and ****** orientations we implement every day

listen to the laughter and to the sobbing and to the screaming of a ‘happy’ home

listen to the gunshots and tortured souls and heartbroken soldiers footsteps on foreign land

******* listen to the things which make human beings human

women are not plastic and molded exactly the same to be sold in window displays at the mall

soldiers are not heartless and unbreakable to the bone

children who laugh are not always happy, naiive and carefree

why do we always have to listen to the media or to our best friends or our families opinions?
you have your own brain and heart
use them, and  stand up for yourself, for others, for the world
because the world cannot heal by itself
we need to act.
now.

you mock a pig
so I laugh at your
self righteousness

you say they take all they can get
when you resent what you can't

so I laugh at the
hypocritical and contradictory words
running from your mouth

and walk away slowly
while listening to you scream for me to
run back

Never was a child who couldn’t see through the pain
Didn’t think someday there’d be nothing to gain
so where did those dreams go
did it even matter?
clear glass lies shattered
through that home, it was broken
but we left secrets unspoken
don’t you worry child
there will be no more chokin’

you’ll get past those secrets left for deceased
break through those tall walls blocked by the beast
carry those burdens with you to heaven
the ones you’ve been holding since age 7
but where do you go
on a road with no direction
doesn’t matter, no, you just have to take action
watch all those faces
yea, see their reaction
when the girl with no future
blows them to fractions

never was a girl who couldn’t see through the pain
I looked in those small eyes and saw future to gain
Those dreams soared past miles with no light
But she ran faster, knowing the future’s tonight
Drop off those stones
held high on your shoulders
know that in his eyes
you’re one strong soldier
fought for your life and got you to college
prime of your youth
and you got all that new knowledge
soon, you’ll find what you are yearning
but keep pace now, child
this is a long, long journey

I wanted to be the object of your affection
Instead I’ve become the standard
      of idealized perfection

shiny, blonde hair with skin tanned even
ruby red lips, baby blues
and that loving the life attitude

when what’s beneath the surface bubbles
these lips are so red because they bleed
from the silence they keep

eyes so blue from the ocean of tears
built up from the dark truth
      and wisdom of the years

skin tanned even in attempt
to hide the scars
showing what we really are

smile up front and always laughing
because those who look happy,
are happy… right?

I wanted to be the motion of change
Instead I’ve become the standard
      Ball and chain

Kept back from the past
Full of locked doors and dark closets
Stay strong now, hide all the scarlet

When what’s beneath the surface bubbles
Screaming a monster
To repay her troubles

Taking the blows from a father so dear
His embrace was so cold
      It filled her with fear

in bed she laid with a knife in her hand
daring the chance
to give in to the monster’s trance

well, the monster still lies underneath this bed
as she sits at her desk, drawing lines of red
now say ‘cheese’, everything’s alright

I wanted to be the reason for life
Instead I’ve become the standard
      Symbol of strife

There’s a letter I’ve been writing to you
Trying to write down all that’s true
But I keep ripping
Stitching
Erasing
                Everything
Because nothing feels right
Our love was as a star is bright
And as we shot for the moon
                You carried me
High,
Above the blackened sea

Where I’m now drowning
Deep, and out of sight
Help me end this hurt tonight
Because I can’t take it
I can’t fake it
I can’t shake this

Burden rock which sinks me
As I struggle for the light which guides me
The current keeps winning
I’m no longer swimming
It is still
                Calm
The sea surrounds me
In this deep blue light
No burdens to hold me tight
                Serene
Peace, flows through my veins
As I tell myself it’ll be okay
But I’m not done fighting

No
I wanna see the stars
Gaze at me from where you are
Because I know
You learned from your mistake
You let me fall in all your grace

I fell through the surface
And sunk below
That glass ceiling wouldn’t go
But I threw my burdens
                At that wall
And shattered glass flew up tall
Where it stung you
And you looked down
To see me lying on the ground
You lift me up
                Up, and away
With a smile I see so perfectly
Within all of your imperfections
Even with my misdirection
We end up here

This sun so bright
And we are blinding
With our love tonight

did it help?

feed a cold
starve the child
ponder this for a little while

feed the addiction
starve the child
its ok if your belt whips wild

feed the economy
starve the child
another beer for the tab unpiled

feed your weakness
starve the child
of a childhood profiled

feed your infamy
starve the child
of a sober father compiled

was it worth it?

Underneath your feet
We snap like twigs
And our souls moan
like a thousand rustling leaves

Underneath your weight
Our bones break
And the heart aches
while a dull thunder rumbles

Underneath your gaze
Your lies spill
And helplessly my mind
wants to trust

Underneath your curse
My life flashes
As I wait
for a thousand suns to sparkle

I remember when pink tights
Were classier than skin tight
And those days when I looked up to the sky
Not because my friend just died, but because it was pretty
When the ice cream man wasn’t a creep
Just a nice jolly man staying off the streets
           Giving me ice cream when mommy wouldn’t
I remember playing my mixed tapes
Without thinking about the next ipod6 point oh
The time when I walked to the edge of my driveway just to sing
Not because I wanted to run from everything
The days when punishment was not being allowed to play outside
        Now punishment follows you till the day you die
I remember using my imagination to build myself a new world
Full of color and swirls and ice cream and day long trips to the playground
The times I couldn’t think straight because laughter wouldn’t stop ringing
       Ringing, ringing in my ears

Now I’m forced to fall down, bow down;
Hell bound in a society which does not forgive
Forced to swallow your huge fists and cheap tricks without a tear
        Swallow, swallow, don’t spit *****, swallow
Pick up those bricks lined on the sidewalk named time and enemy
And carry them to your next destination
Where you can drop them off while you pick up memory
Let’s take a walk down memory lane and see where it leads us
        The next ally is hell
Hell, maybe your memories take you somewhere different
I hope they take you places I never went
Places I plan on going someday, someway
       When everything changes
Changes like the leaves change during autumn
Jingles like the change in my pocket; echoing as I walk the silent streets
Attempting to be discreet; but jingling nonetheless
As I walk up to the man who pushed me down, watched as I drowned
And sock it to him
        Right in the face; Put him in his place
Because there is no place for him in my life
No place like home, no place like home
       Home was hell
And trust me; there is no place like the fires and wrath you’ll feel if you come home
       Ill be home for Christmas darling
Because isn’t this the life you wanted, isn’t daddy oh so charming
As he kicks us down the stairs and screams that he just doesn’t care
Thanks for the memories
Yea; I’ll be sure to stomp one to him
And rub the dog **** off my sneaker while I’m at it
Hopefully some of the spit he spat at Me will wipe off too
So yea, sure… I remember
       But I’m moving on
On and onward towards the lights shining brighter than the sun
To a place where the oceans so calm drown the fires
A place where they deny all the liars
       All but one
                Me
Because I spent my life wrapped up in my lies
Tied down by everything I tried to deny
Chained to the past as my mind ****** my future
Mind ****** out of my own mind and into another’s without a ******
Nobody knew what they were getting themselves into
       Until I gave them a piece of my disease
A little bit of my depression
Made its own kind of impression
On everyone who made an attempt to understand
But enough about that-- I’m not here to chit chat
About what I’m moving past
       As long as I pass all of my classes
Despite those, I’m pouncing forward
When I get out of here I'll jump to the moon
       Watch me
Someday I’ll have a new way with a new mood and a new dude
Who will know, but won’t be fooled by the show
Instead he’ll know my truest laughter
And he’ll know that the past doesn’t matter
Because I am me
       Let me be
And I will continue to live and breathe and smile for awhile and cry when I lie
And drink with my shrink and laugh with power during this hour of MY time

It’s my time to shine

Street smart
Street art
Street rat
That’s what they call her

Awake and taking prey
On every moment
of warmth,  Of sincerity,
Of falling ice , of prosperity

Street rat wandered down too far
Coward away buried in herself
No one could see her nor did they care
For a little old street rat couldn't compare

Street art took the next right down
Her beauty glows as she devours the unknown
The back stands tall and the quick strides progress
Stared down and pondered by all the rest

Street smart went the whole ten yards
He world is a brutal place
But they will accept my wingspan
As she loads her bags with spray cans

We come  t o g t h e r  to stand as ONE
And paint the freedom of respect
On this city we will one day call our own
we will not sway; our passion is stone

Spread the message that we are strong
we see with our real eyes  
But can we see all of the lies
Before its too late, can we realize?
And overcome.TOGETHERASONE.

Mama always told me
Happy people have friends
So I smile smile smile
Laugh laugh, giggle
Until my stomach shakes
Forcing me to purge more laughter
                    Even Though my heart quakes

She said
People like happy people
So I brush up those pearly whites
Ruby up those pretty lips
And give people all my attention
Forcing myself to smile, smile
              Tears hanging in suspension

Mama always said smile
It’s the key to a healthy life
So I smile smile smile
Laugh laugh, choke
On all of my lifetime’s lies
Forcing those baby blues shut tight
                Nobody can read these eyes

She said
That we weren’t broken
So I never questioned her
Love glued together with expired gum
Was a family unscripted
Forcing a hug way too tight
              Cause daddy was enlisted

Mama always told me
It’s okay to cry
So I told her I had no reason
Smiled, and walked away
While then I laid inside my bed
Forcing myself to stay silent
             For to wake in the morning, I’d dread

She said
Someday, things will get better
So I wait and wait anxiously
And laugh, and laugh, and choke
On all of my lifetime’s lies
Forcing these baby blues shut tight
           Nobody can read these eyes

There is no love in ***, honey
Here we only do it for the money
We do it before we become old hags
We do it for that feel good drag

Bang, bang, choo choo train
Wrap her up into those chains
Give her your best shot
What about those gels you bought?

Maybe we should play a game
You be the bad boy I should tame
Teach you a lesson
No asking any questions

Make her moan
She’ll make you groan
Until a knocking at the door
And the next day she’s called a *****

So says the media
Everyone wants a piece of ya
*** shorty shake it down
Show them how you run the town

She’s the queen bee
There on her knees
Hey, he said down in front
So now she’ll have to make him grunt

**** that, I make them say please
They all think I’m just a tease
But I like it
So I won’t quit

**** me like a rolling stone
Go ahead feed me the bone
Nice girls finish last
Good thing nice girl’s in the past

You **** me like a stripper
Then you **** me like a *****
But in the end you love me
While we’re rolling on the floor

You make me moan
And I make you roar
But also whisper you love me
And always know when I need more

You wrap your hands around my throat
And tell me to beg again
But your hands also caress me
And lips kiss me times ten

You tie me up and make me blind
And throw me across the room
But your eyes say that you love me
And my hearts love full-blooms

You turn me around and squeeze tight
And pull me by the hair
But I know our love is flawless
What would I do without you here?

She walks among these streets
So quiet and obsolete
As you look in her eyes and wonder
How the crashing waves pulled her under
                -neath this skin she wears too tight

Never pausing to take in a breath
Because time is all she has left
Those eyes travel deep as a hidden valley
carry more secrets than a pope in an alley
                -watching, trusting, never judging

Green, and blue, but mostly grey
Are the eyes that tell you, he will pay
Burdened with the past she never wanted
And stapled open with looks that haunted
                -while she saw nightmares in her wake

They smile with a force that holds
So stiff, she’s walked on like roads
But look a little close into her gaze
Wander past the fences that run for days
                -somewhere, you can find her

In a land where memories can fade
Run away with no “should I have stayed?”
Those lips so full can finally speak
Of the tragedy that floods her eyes for weeks
                -no more skies of grey

Crystal blue with no musk to darken
The story told will only lighten
No more glass to crawl and scratch the skin
Only a love that’s unleashed within
                -beauty, you are being saved

perfect example
of a disaster
calm, serene, sunny day
not even the slightest chance of grey
then BAM

it hits

a huge wave of reality
crashes into my face
with its angry force
that bubbles under my lid
and floods over

it drowns

everyone in my path
because these emotions can
**** you in
yea, i can ride the wave
for awhile, until

it crashes

and im sinking into
the dark depths of my mind
sinking under the crystal blue
that once told me
it'll be OK

it thunders

louder than the silence
of his lies, my cries
white rapids force a struggle
to reach the surface
of myself

it ripples

and i begin to see through
the surface tension
this can be made right
this doesnt end tonight
frantic movements stir the water

it quiets

thinking is easier
extend arms up
push water down
break the surface
gasp for air

it whispers

the waves are calm
but lives are lost
my city lies deep below
it will always haunt me
am i still alive

it survives

Apparently I’m just a bipolar *****
And apparently the "friends" I did have are too
So what I don’t understand, is how you can judge me
Because honestly? You don’t have a CLUE

******* please step down from your tower
I’m sick of these games
And how you have all this power
That you’re constantly abusing

You can leave me if you really want
Because there’s enough battles I have fought
And I don’t need you telling them
Who can be my friend, and who cannot

But if you think I’m another lost cause
You can **** on your words
As I sit back and applause
Your “valiant” effort in saving me

Slice me in half
And look at my insides
Do you see what you wanted
Everything you’ve denied?

Bite away the bruises
That you don’t want to eat
Maybe while your at it
Youll throw me to your feet

Carefully dissect me
Before you take all of me in
Watch out for the worms
Which crawl around within

But don’t I look so pretty?
As I shine down from that tree
Red, and ripe, and delicious
Confined within my dignity

From the outside I am perfect
-ly proportioned to your liking
Yet on the inside you keep finding
Everything disgusting

Eat away at all the beauty
Which I try and try to keep
Till nothing is here to cover me
My core is naked, and I weep

I’m running on empty
Numb to the roughest touch
But if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t hear me scream
Despite the fact that you haunt my dreams

I woke up in tears the other day
Wouldn’t mean anything to you though
I think about you all the time
But the only way you’d hear me is through my rhymes

Even though I know you never read them
Because when you shut me out
I was shut out for good
To get your attention I did everything I could

But iv never found anybody quit like you
And every day I realize I gave that up
When I went down my path of hell
And you bid me your last farewell

You used to love me
I never thought you’d stop fighting
I cried, and I fought for you
I never realized how much I loved you too

You told me to never give up
To especially never give up on somebody you love
But you gave up on me first
And I think that’s what hurt the worst

I try to block you out
‘Im working on just being okay
But I feel like there still so much left to say
And I just wish you’d come back more everyday

She unzips slowly down her spine
Will you be her valentine?
Lips to linger at your kiss
Soft hands reach for wanted bliss

Who will save this girl defined
Untamed, reckless valentine

Someone love her as she’s wished
Hold her tight, do not vanish
Show her there is love this time
Since you’ll be her valentine

to those who are living in a dream
while i survive the human condition
its not as easy as it may seem
reflecting the words
they think
suit me,
suit me up
in this casket
of lies i am being fed
while they pry my mouth open
but i am refusing to speak, refusing
to tell the judgment that I am not weak
I will keep my past bottled up, and
when the day comes I will break
that bottle, and out will come
an ocean of emotions
but not now,
not now
these waves
remain inside of
this bottle holding the
keys, to my heart, my soul
my past, my present, my future
they do exist, and one day I will find
the hammer to smash open these
clear glass lies being forced
down my throat, scratching
until my lungs cave in
but i wont give up
i refuse
to give
up
so I
swim to
the surface
gasp for air and
know that I will make
it worth the fight I fought
the ocean of lies will not defeat
me, and I will remain on the surface
of the life I never chose to live

Play off “Where I’m From” written by George Ella Lyon


I am from novels
From thrillers and believers
I am from the roots which keep me grounded
(Deep, Strong
Holding me up right)
I am from the graveyard
A haunting gaze
Whose eyes have seen violence
And tears turned to stone

I am from flashing lights and late nights
From whiskey and cottonmouth
I’m from the runaways
And the poets
From shut up and get out
I’m from please forgive me
With baby, it’ll be okay
And honey he’s better now

I’m from a conventional home
With grilled chicken and extra veggies
From the innocence I have lost
To a monster
The blue eyes I keep shut tight
Under my pillow was a knife
Spilling broken dreams
A sift of faces
To drift beneath my nightmares
I am from these moments—
Snapped before I budded—
Blooming towards the roads ahead

i want freedom
from the cages they created
the skinny bars taunting
those red lines daunting

i want freedom
from the looks society gives
fat girls unwanted
***** are confronted

i want freedom
from the love i have
coiled around me in barbed wire
make a move youll feel the fire

i want freedom
from the past
alcohol brings the devil
we all bring out a different level

i want freedom
from my mind
smile, smile all the time
lying is my biggest crime

My wires are
tangled up
Strangled up
And tied tight
To the chains
Keeping me down

Its time
I know
I saw the flier
Time to
Get some pliers
**** this wire

Disconnected
But the freedom
Feels too good
To go back
I wont go back
Never again
Cant hold me down

These scars
Burned on by
Hot wires strangling
While I was dangling
Above the surface
No arms
To catch me

Twisted
Red to black
Blue to yellow
Orange to white
Wrong, wrong, wrong
Get your head
******* on right

**** these wires
And your jeans
On fire
Cause you’re the liar
While I fought
But im done
I wont go back
I wont feel that


No going back
im too wired
to look back
just head forward
dont look back
chin up straight
blood is pumping
time for something

What is the line, and how do you draw it
Will you jump over, or fall short and quit?
Does it magically appear, out of thin air
Are you able to draw it when nobody’s there?

Where does it go, when your life falls short
Can something remain, without your support?
When paths cross oceans, do lines cross too
Or do you keep walking forward, without a clue?

These similar traits, can one ever take notice
And if you do cross, does love bloom like a lotus?
Everyone step to the right, cross a line
Entangling pasts in these disarrayed vines

You’re happy
I let you
So I shouldn’t feel shame, right?
Wrong, I do
Falling underneath this black
And blue- bruises
On my body
But mostly my heart
Scars filled with art
And pain inside these eyes
Hidden deep beneath those lies

But I let you, right?
Wrong, I screamed
Silent prayers, and threats,
And suicides
Where then you left me to reside
Deep inside the hatred lining
Of the eyes who refuse crying
Never give in
No thing is a sin

I shouldn’t feel guilty
Nor feel the shame
Behind an old lie- turned to game
But when I’m left
Cold and undressed
I beg for the strength
To take me from this brink
Happiness please, for me first
Instead I still cringe; a touch given curse

Let These Words Last Forever
may they not be a brush on the lips
Remember the name of that girl, not just the scars on her hips
she will be remembered, she will not back down
not down with the dirt, not down with this town
let her words burn within, and be let out with a scream
she is worth more than the damage, and the memories unseen
she will not only be one to touch your soul,
but **** all ignorant bliss, the world has come to know

Let These Words Be Remembered
for they were not a wasted last breath
lies conceal the darkness, and blur away the rest
she is not a friend, she is not a foe
not even the danger, that keeps you in tow
she is not the wisdom, nor the thoughtless rants
not the petty guidance, for your arguments
she is within you- within the warmth, within the cold
her words will churn the questions, while the answers will unfold

Let These Words Burn Inside You
itching to get out of your skin
be the one to shout out loud, burn in the fire of intelligence
they say she has the street smarts to carry forth a nation
but her shoulders carry more burdens, than room for this creation
so dust off your shoulders- run this town tonight
give in to recklessness, which makes everything feel alright
smile when they say you can’t, and cry when hell breaks loose
don’t let life tie the knots for you, or hang you from its noose

Let These Words Last Forever
free your dying mind
let them soak up the dirt in their fire
and burst out with diamond shine
remember that we once were broken-but now it is our time
we speak in different voices, refuse to listen to our youth
but if you open up your eyes, you’ll see that there is truth
reality needs to be accepted, it’s part of that thing called life
break free from the corruption- defend the backs that take the knife

Let These Words Be Remembered
for there is one thing even you can’t deny
that we walk in this world with our eyes shut tight
but what is left, when you turn your back?
what about those, we’ve all left behind?
said goodbye because they didn’t belong,
didn’t conform to acceptance we’ve all designed
the future cries for change-we’ll be waiting ‘til the day we die
simply because of this one fact-
                    the blind can’t lead the blind

What I find the most out landing
Is the way you left me standing
In the tears you let me shed
Alone at night in my own bed

It’s funny, you see
How YOU got the best of me
And every day I try to think
About what I saw inside that wink

And when I come to think about it
There isn’t a thing I miss one bit
Because you ignored me for your friends
And the hurting would never end

Because you always told me you fought
And soon it then became a thought
That maybe you really were trying
Maybe you weren’t lying

But during this manipulation
I also had some fluctuation
With all of my different moods
And what could count for food

But I refused to see
That you couldn’t be the one for me
Because as you’d always say
You would never run away

Please take notice
As I choke this
Rhyme onto these pages
I’m done paying my wages

To a ‘man’ who couldn’t be
Or grow up enough to see
That love was not a game
And I was not one to tame

I give him credit, he did try
But when the tears came to my eyes
He wasn’t strong enough to lift
The pieces as my mind fell adrift

Don’t get me wrong though
I wish there’d be no awkward hellos
Or shifted glances
But I’ll take my chances

On taking initiative
Hell, I’ve already forgived
Because I now know it wasn’t made to be
It just took awhile for me to see

Finally, I can now move on
I am no longer your pawn
So king me
Cause I am free