black scribbles, badly drawn surround me.
peeping holes through them.
i watch what could have been.
yet when i reach through to achieve my fantasy,
the lines latch on and are not what they seem.
i had hurt myself, watering the thorns with my fallen dreams.
thorns created by me.

"why didn't you say anything?"
i didn't know how to admit it.
admit i was naive, dumb, selfish.
how could i have not seen,
that when he called me little girl
it wasn't a promise to protect me from the big bad world,
rather the fact that he liked them little.

I am an incredible kind and generous human being that cared about you so much. I have put up with so much degradation and rudeness from you that you excuse because of your sadness. I put up with pressuring to do stuff I was unsure about, I put up with everything you threw at me.
And I am a mistake?

It bubbles inside me, pulls at my collarbones.
It ***** not just the oxygen from my lungs
but the life from me entirely.
You think i want to bite my nails to oblivion?
You think i want my nails to dig so deep into my palm?
The common mistake about people like me is that we want to hurt people. When in truth we do anything to avoid it.
Including hurting ourselves because we feel
we deserve it more than you.

We throw ******* in our rivers.
We crack open the road the earth has given us, to replace it with one that we consider more necessary.
We pump out chemicals, and the try re-plant the trees that we have destroyed.
Others maim and some starve.
Some like I live a life of what can be called 'Luxury'
So why do i complain that the world is not fair?
Not fair because of my failed grade in Mathematics?
Not fair because the gossip that surrounds ones life?
We are not fair to the world that is giving to us,
Why should it give more that it receives.