Long time no see, my love
I cannot say I've missed this
Feeling of brokenness and emotional free fall
Or that I miss feeling
Nothing at all.

So numb, you make me
You strip my energy from me
Until I navigate life, or my lack there of
As only a lonely ghost

You fill my head with
Despicable, menacing thoughts of
Something resembling death
Something dark and dingy
A place I would like to avoid

I'm clinging to everything.
Things I never had
Friends I never loved
Lovers who turned away.
You are the only constant in my life.

You keep repeating
Some sickening chant, your nursery rhyme
You say
Not even therapy will combat me.
I wish you were wrong.

So welcome back, depression
Anxiety and sadness are your guests this time.
I hope you find pleasure
As I am drifting through life
As I am a shell of a person
As if it is not me, not me at all.
I unravel in my own thoughts
And they entangle me, cutting off my air supply.

I cannot say I've missed you at all.

I lie awake in my bed,
the pillows my gates,
shutting out the world.
My blankets are my protectors,
the darkness my shield.
I scream in a house full of people,
nobody hears me,
but my body does,
my thoughts do,
my fingers grasp blindly,
finding a pen.
My hands dance across the paper,
in swift, hurried motions,
as I bleed onto this paper,
I bleed words,
filled to the brim with pain, sorrow.
It's here in the darkness I can bleed freely.
The darkness understands.
The darkness hears my screams.

She is alone,
in a dark maze,
filled with twists and turns,
black as night with only her heart to guide her.
No sounds stir the silence,
just her breathing and the slow,
steady beat of her heart,
like a drum.  
Du-dun, du-dun, du-dun.
She continues on, then stops suddenly.
There are two paths in front of her,
to go left,
or to go right.
She stands there for what seems like years,
struggling with the decision.
A glance to the right offers nothing but darkness,
to the left however, shines a dim light near the end.
Is she to be tempted?
What if its meant to trick her,
fool her into making the wrong choice?
These thoughts form in her mind,
her heart is confused,
it offers no assistance.
She’s on her own.
She is alone.

It is so easy to say "I will stop"
But when you actually try to,
It is so much harder.
So hard to not go rely on something during your bad times,
That makes you escape things for just a little bit.
Gives you a relief like this is the only thing that can save you,
Which at the time ,
It is the only thing .
Always thinking about it,
And wanting it
And just wishing you could do it
Everyday
Every hour
Just wishing that you were able to escape everything  with this
One piece of metal.
And during the time that you are
Struggling
People are around you saying
"You can do it"
"You are strong"
"Do other things"
But it isn't that easy!
Not many people get that..
-te