aviisevil

aviisevil Dec 2024

How
do you smile
only once a day?

How
did I become the thief
of your laughter?

You could’ve been loved
in so many other ways—
so much more,
so much better.

It breaks my heart
to see you settle
for so little,
for so much less.

If I were anything more,
how much more
could I have truly been?

Is it enough?
I ask myself each day.

I could have swept you off your feet.
If I ever did,
I’m sorry.
You deserved better—

The moon, the stars,
the sky, the world.

Dinner dates in Paris,
the finest wine,
the rarest diamonds,
the grandest dreams.

A better heart,
a kinder mind,
a story worth telling.

But I know—
not enough.

aviisevil Dec 2024

cometh, absolution.

The night has
settled.

Unsettled questions
swim in the dark,
crashing against
the walls.

The silver moon
spills softly on
the white sheets.

Empty corners
bleed into the heavy
air.

Unspoken secrets
decay in the carton.

Silence has come
with absolution.

The violent grief
of the lonely hour
shall abandon the
sails too.

And adrift would
be my belongings,
swirling into the
dark currents,
crashing against
the doors and the
windows,
knocking on my
dreams, my thoughts,
and more.

And where shall I
be,
when the dust
has settled,
and the shipwreck
has become part of
her abandonment?

Every piece of
her being
sowed in the
dust of this cunning
planet.

No one to see
for what she has
now become,
no one to remember
her name,
or mine.

#dark #life

aviisevil Dec 2024

grief, of the world.

The things that find
me on a Tuesday:

broken,
ugly,

like me,

like the mirror that
stares at me,

waiting for me
to wake up,

waiting for me to
fall asleep,

waiting for me
to smile,

waiting for me
to surrender.

And that I do,

for whatever
reasons,

to sell me a
certain rationality.

For meaning is now
a distant memory,

fading from
my thoughts.

I see nothing but
restless eyes,

and that is
all I see.

I’ve spent all my
feelings worrying
about everything,

and everything has
passed me by,

as autumn
passes the trees,

as summer
passes my youth.

And as winter
makes a home,

I find myself locking
the doors,

drawing the
curtains,

lest the light
falls into my
sorrows,

and the birds
sing to me,

telling me there’s
still a tomorrow

to suffer.

#dark #life

aviisevil Dec 2024

melancholy on a budget

Sometimes I sit
by the balcony

with cigarettes
and cheap whiskey,

thinking about all
the things I couldn’t
be.

That’s all I can afford
on a budget for two.

Silver clouds drift
across autumn skies,

yellow lights
line the streets,

and my bitter soul
reminisces about
sweet nothings.

#dark #life #love #people

aviisevil Nov 2024

there is a place so dark

what are the
sins of the lonely?

are they kept
in the walls of a home
that cannot weep?

for tears may come
when the fruit is ripe,
but it would taste only
of sweet nothings.

I have kept a world
inside of me,
a world far from the
outdoor light.

that place is no longer
what it once was.
it has aged, as have I.

it craves no more
the soft hum of conversations
about art and life,
nor the company of those
different from me.

it has watched too much
come and go,
watched so much
amount to nothing.

and so, I walk these
empty roads,
this fragile and silent world.

the sins of the lonely
are etched in walls
that will never learn
to weep.

in unwritten letters
to no one,
in a soured world
hidden within.

this mind, this body—
this flesh, these bones—
aged and brittle,
ugly and unloved,

now hold only the ghosts
of what once was.

and I am buried deep,
entombed in this place
that has forgotten itself.

#dark

aviisevil Nov 2024

untitled

I've turned
the pages

maybe a hundred
times over

to write to
you

poetry from
my heart

and yet the
words fail me

and I'm left
with nothing

but the poem
that you are

more beautiful
than any language
can describe

and no book
can ever hold
you

all those pages
I'll write for you

shall never be
enough

for me to sing
to you

what it means
for me to see you
smile

#love

aviisevil Oct 2024

One day I fell in love

Perhaps it was
a day in October,

or summer,
or spring—

it could have been
a Tuesday,

or the rains
in July.

How could I
have known?

I’ve rarely been
that blessed.

Perhaps it was
her eyes,

the song
of her laughter,

those many nights
of longing,

or the distance
that has come of
age.

But one day,
I fell in love.

#love