once you told me i was pretty
with a different girl plastered to your eyelids.

one time i told you not to let go,
and you swore on your life that you wouldn't.
you pinky promised that you'd
never let go of my hand if i didn't let
go of yours. when we hid under
the bridge and kissed i could feel your
heart beating, and i grabbed your
hand harder, trying to hold onto it forever
to keep my end of the deal,
never wanting to let you go because
you were oh so beautiful

i never thought that you would be the
first to let go.
because i didn't.
i didn't let go, ******,
and you let my hand slip away.
you promised, but i should have known that
you were just waiting
to find something better to hold onto.

i grabbed your hand in the
dark (when the only lights were
the glow of your eyes) but then
this morning you rejected it
for someone else's
(someone who deserves you
way more than i do, i'm sure,
but it's hard to see you leave
when you promised you would stay).

i can't pretend
to be in one piece
because i'm an actress,
but i'm not that good.
i built my life around you,
so solidly
that it crumbled when you left.

it's like a castle that only needed
one brick.
but you are the brick and i am the castle
no one expected me to crumble
this easily
(but here i am, lying in a heap by
your feet).

i don't know why
i let you do this-
i should have built my own foundation.
instead, what did i do?
i broke just because you said
'goodbye'

Some nights I can't close my eyes without
seeing everything I feared,
feeling every horrible thing
(every horrible thing, every horrible thing ever)
and I just stare at the ceiling, imagining stars
where our names were written

we carved our names into a tree as well as the stars
we tried to be like the movies, and in a way,
it was even better than the movies
but I can still remember the feel of your lips against
mine as I stare up at that ceiling and wish
I could feel the way your body moves again,
just one more time to say goodbye
to the way you felt.

Some nights I look up at the real stars,
where my dreams lay,
and on the heels of my bare feet (the grass is cool, and keeps my raging fever from
growing to the size of the sky)
and I wonder if you're somewhere
looking up at them too,
and if the moonlight is kissing your lips as I once did
but I do not miss you, because after a while,
the strength drained out of us, and we were only met
at the lips, and never eye to eye

when I first met you, I first noticed your eyes.
that's why it was so hard when we never met eye to eye anymore
your eyes shone out in the darkness I walked in
and I knew that I had to have you near me.
you must've thought the same thing because you never
let go of me until we both realized that it was over,
that we would be stuck looking up at the sky
with a telescope of feelings,
wanting the way our eyes first met back.

but it wouldn't happen,
so I've chosen to pretend that,
like our love,
the stars have burned out.
its over.

sometimes for a minute I forget that I don't exist in your mind
you're the one that keeps me breathing when I'm pushed into the ocean
and yet you don't even realize that you're the air in my lungs when I
struggle to move through the dark waters
but that's okay because I would rather have you hold me up and not know it
than not have you there to keep me from drowning

The moon showed me exactly what was inside of your soul
And I wondered if the stars showed you what was in mine,
if you could see me as I shattered, as I exploded into nothing but star
dust.
And then you asked me if it was alright if you
came closer, and fixed me, and I said- yes, just don't hurt me,
and you didn't. Piece by piece, you put me
together,
and your hands bled onto my skin, and we mixed together
as skin and breath,
because you understood me, you had once upon a shadow been
where
I
stood. At the ledge, almost falling
And now you were there again to rescue me.

you held me that night at the bridge
when all I wanted to do was fall,slowly, but not for you
i'd already fallen for you, and I didn't realize you cared.
but then you jumped out of the shadows,
grabbed my wrists, looked me in the eyes
and told me that I was worth more than what I was doing
as you pulled me away from the bridge you reminded
me that I was beautiful (you reminded me of this
many times with your musical voice, I just forget
each time because you've put me together so many times)

I thought it was funny, how you could save me but i couldn't help
You, i found it comical that maybe I hadn't even
said my first words or
Walked towards the light,
when you were struggling like i was
Now, and when my laughter broke the humid night air,
You were confused, so i laughed harder and pointed at the ledge
That you pulled me back from and said
'That's why i wanted to fall- because you keep saving
Me, and i cannot save you, you might not need saving but i am
Weak, worthless, useless, i am done'
And i sprinted towards oblivion but you still held me and
No matter how many times i screamed and hit you
You would not let go.

you amaze me that way.
why would you hold someone so broken
that she wants to drop off the end of oblivion
never to be seen again by anyone breathing
(or anyone who has ever breathed, if I had gotten my way)
you held me so tight that the only person I could harm
was you
why would you do that? why would you
let me hurt you just so I could not hurt myself
so I could not rip myself into millions of pieces
you've pulled me back from the edge of the world
where I would've fallen if you hadn't pulled me back
with your gentle hands dragging me away from where I stood
grabbing my arms and keeping me there
so instead of falling off the bridge I fell for you.

I slid to the ground, and your arms
Were
Still
Around
Me,
and your breath still held because you cared
and you wanted me to be alright,
or at least alive
and thanks to you,
I was.

well if you can't handle me at my best
(with my hair ******* around me and my eyes filling up the sky)
than I know for sure you won't be able to
hold me at my worst
(with my hair untied and loose, falling as snakes, and my eyes burning up your soul)
and perhaps the clouds and the fog are not the same thing at all.
earthworms are not caterpillars,
no matter how hard they try.
and perhaps that is our relationship.
it will never be Ariel and prince Eric,
but instead it is Ursula and prince Eric,
and I am Ursula.
I have the power to destroy you but
all I want to do is hold your heart in my hand
and feel your lips against mine.
but we both know how that ends,
with you falling into the arms of the perfect girl
when I'm just a monster floating to the deep.
and when I see you next,
you had better run away from me
because I'll be at my worst with my hair falling like
snakes and my eyes burning your soul
(with the pain fueling the fire and my eyes
aching with tears that I've discarded.)

she is the heart of the party, and he is the soul.
the soul goes on much longer, after the heart
has stopped beating and the girl has grown up,
but the soul will always exist. her heart is already
starting to break as he glows with life and her
breathes come out faintly, but he doesn't even notice.
she is the heart of the party, but he is the soul,
and they would never really work, even though
they hope they would as they cling onto each other.
(they do that because they already feel their grip loosening
and soon they'll loose each other in the middle of the party.)

you wore me down faster
than you wore down those
old combat boots you
found in your closet
(a relic of your dad's past
maybe, or maybe you
just hid them there
to create a mystery
behind them,
a mystery behind you.)

when i'm 85 years old,
i'll still remember what
it felt like to hold you
in my arms
(and about how neither
of us would've let go).

you were named after a poet,
and she was named after a godless.
so when your perfectly crafted
words broke her heart,
the world exploded
into flames and you had
no water to drown them out
(so you drowned in flames,
and she drowned in her tears
as you burned quicker than souls
burn in hell.)

i remember the day we started talking
(i mean really talking,
when you looked into my
soul and i into yours)
and i never thought it would
get so close.
like i couldn't breathe without
knowing you were inches away.

you told me i helped you
breathe too but
then why did you leave like that?
why'd you leave me outside
cold in the dark
when you stayed inside
and forgot about me,
moving on to happier times
(yeah maybe we didn't
always have the happiest
times but it was nice
to feel you next to me,
and you were alive next to me).

but now you're so far away
(it's funny, seconds ago you were
so close) and i'm finding it hard
to breathe again.
where are you?

it would be exquisite to breathe in your air at this moment, but you're buried underground and I am the only one breathing.

and you are every star in the sky to me.
it hurts that the whole world knows who you are,
because even though you're my whole world
i know i'll never be that important to
you again. i remember how i held
you and you held me and you whispered
sweet things that stopped me from
going to the darkest places of my mind.
you're my whole world- every single
star, every single ray of sunshine, and
every single blade of grass all adds up
to you, and it hurts because
every single person that knows your
name is part of the world,
and you're getting bigger and
i can't hold onto the way
you were my everything

i am addicted to my makeup,
because it makes me feel pretty.
i am also addicted to you,
but you make me feel ugly.
it bothers me that,
to everyone else,
my addiction to you
is the more logical of
the two.

sometimes i care about you so much
that it takes a couple of minutes for
me to realize you don't care that much about me

once you tried to tell me what a great feeling it was to dance with someone
to press your body against a girls and sway to your favorite song
staring into her eyes (which looked like the stars apparently)
but then you asked me what it felt like to dance with a boy, in a girl's mind.
and I laughed at you. I laughed because you assumed that I had danced with
a boy. You didn't understand that
(why didn't you understand that? with the combination of my face and
my heart it's given that I had never even been noticed)
so you vowed to change that
now I was the one that didn't understand that.
I assumed you would get one of your obnoxious guy friends to ask me to dance,
just so I could feel good about myself (that wouldn't have helped, because
they would've laughed the whole time)

you took my hands and pulled me onto the floor
(it was tile or something, I didn't know exactly, but I did know
the exact patterns that were under us because I spent
most of my time staring down while we danced)
I asked you why you were dancing with
a rain cloud, and you said you wanted to be my sunshine,
and together we would make a rainbow
and I think the song said something like 'it never rains when I'm
in your arms', and the two of us laughed so loud
the whole school (or at least those of us who danced)
looked at us, and I saw jealous girls pointing and staring,
and to make it even better, you lowered your lips to mine,
not kissing me, but they didn't know that, you said
'I would kiss you, but I don't want to rush things'
and I said nothing, and the song was over, and I went back to my friends

at the next song I caught you staring at me
and my friends pointed to you but I shoved their hands away
and my skin turned as red as the rose you threw at me
when our seventh grade play was over, and we
stood side by side playing the duet, playing the happy couple holding hands
except then it was called "play" for a reason
it was pretend, and it didn't mean anything when our lips almost touched
and now it meant more than anything.
(it meant more than that time in eigth grade when you handed me a valentine,
and laughed, so I thought it was a joke)
perhaps a boy really did like me, just this once, and perhaps,
(based on the way you gently held me over the tiled floor and danced with
me like you cared)
perhaps that boy was you.

there's
a room full of lights,
but you're blinded
by the way your
eyes change from green
to blue, and the way your
body seems to bend
when you try to look
around you,
but your eyes aren't working
and neither is your soul,
if you keep on falling behind and
laughing at the lights on the wall.

you smelled like strawberry candy
(which was weird because you
didn't eat candy).
the minute I saw you I fell
for you but I didn't realize it until
months later when I
was crying into your shoulder
and I needed you to hold me
or else I would slip and fall.

and then I fell anyway,
but instead of falling away,
I fell for you.
I cried and told you that
I was scared,
I was so scared.
and you said that everything would
be ok, and you wouldn't leave me-
when things were bad, or things were good,
you would stay.

I was never sure that I
wanted you to stay until
I brought you to my favorite
place, and realized
that it wasn't my favorite place
anymore, it felt so wrong,
because you were my favorite
place, and I don't know
what I would do if I
didn't have you by my side.

Every time my eyes shut,
I hugged my arms close to my body,
trying to pretend I didn't see the end,
everything wrong,
and my worst nightmares.
you pressed a hand to my neck and
promised me
that it was just in my head,
and you begged me to open my eyes,
and see the truth.
so when I finally looked up,
I saw the truth-
I saw you.

I felt the stars
but all they felt like your skin.