I am brittle, not broken.

I am fragile, yet stronger than any part of me that ever begged for mercy from the sweet darkness that inhabits my silent hours.

My diagnosis will not define me. It is but a drop in the oceans of love that swell and ebb behind my vacant stare.

My mind may be tainted, it will often descend into darkness but it ascends to the light with such glorious grace that I am grateful for the duality.

I sometimes hold on too tightly as I quake amongst dreams of letting go.  White knuckles and curled fingers cling to the void that becomes my existence as my dark companion enters without pause or invitation and dances through my day with numbing ease. 

Today I will refuse to follow.

He wasn't about to know what surpassed
when he bit my neck and squeezed my ***
I wasn't about to fall victim again
under rough hands of a hungry man
I did that before, whispering about love
the very first time I merged with someone
He took what he wanted and left for good
leaving me broken and misunderstood
**** and ***** were tossed about
and as my armor thickened so did my heart
This time I'll be taking whatever I need
and protecting my one unfuckable piece

Two bottles of wine
and a couple stumbles down the hall
I hugged your pillows
while you swallowed my drunken haze.

Why must desires be *****?
Just because I like it raw and real
doesn't make it unclean.