The weight from all this sadness is breaking my jaw.

Cancer is a quiet pain.
A fog that clings to innocent beings.
Consuming with unapologetic haste.
There's a sadness in your eyes.  
It gives my world such weight.
How do I hush this helplessness?
It gives the air such infinite stillness.
I am choking on this illness.
I am losing sleep.
I am eating to feel less hollow.
I am thinking to feel less brim.
I want to fight your battles.
I want to hold your hand.
I will not lose you to this.
You're my sunlight.
My deepest heart and the greatest man.

When you reach for me, all I feel is distance.
The distance from A. to B.
The latitude of longing.
The loose strands.
When you reach for me all I feel is stranded.
Stranded on an island in your head.

Gravity counteracts me in a way I can't explain —
It's like driving through a haze
Or trying to catch rain

I flinch. / It is '99 now.

I am eight years old.
The wind blows.
A dog barks.
I try not to fall apart.

While you, you look through me.

I am away. / You won't ask where I've gone.

I am seeking your approval.
I can feel you in my lungs.
You are reaching for the doorway.
I am cleaning out your wounds.

While you, you look through me.

I am not on Earth. / I am looking down.

You are tangled in my thoughts.
I am trying to speak out.
Only I, continue to ***** my finger.
Your golden, thorny crown.

While you, you look through me.

I am here now. / It is dark.

I whisper.
I am overdue.
You are sleeping still.
While I am watching you.

I know you are a vision.
A melody of hues.
But I cannot compete.
As I am, dripping, grey, floating decay.

I once was a boy,
clad in clover.

Tangled in red,
stricken with slumber.

I once was a boy,
embellished in blue.

Laced in white,
carved with sovereign.

As opulence my reassurance,
I only wish.

I wish,
I was dead.

The hills are back in droves.
There are lilacs in your eyes.
It is winter.
I am yours, you are mine.

I count to ten.
You breathe me in.
I feel void.
So I, begin the count again.