I don't know when I became so dependent on the pills,
I think it was after the third or forth move,
When I was chasing away nightmares that kept coming true.
It started as just a way to sleep,
I was tired constantly,
And my body constantly pleaded for sleep,
The pills gave me that peace.
My life has never been simple,
I never just had a place to live,
Just had two normal parents,
A few siblings,
I never lived a good life,
It used to really bother me,
But for a moment when I swallowed the pills,
I forgot,
It was the only feeling I never fault,
It's not an addiction,
It's a way of life,
Just pass me the oxy,
I'll be alright.

I sketched a faceless man today
I put more details in his hands than I ever could in his eyes

I drew a faceless woman today
forward facing
I put more details on the muscles of her back
than I ever could her nose

I painted a faceless child today
I put more details on his body
than I ever could his lips

I painted faceless beings today
all hollowed out alone
my art teacher looked at me like i was a little disturbed
I could not explain to him that the hollow of her cheekbone
will have more meaning
than the color of her eyes
or the voluptuousness of her lips
and that the strain in her shoulders
will show
and that man will have more meaning in the creases
of his palms
than I could ever put on the lines of his face
And all I could think of was
How that faceless woman had a **** good
***

She watched the clock and traced the bruises that peppered her pale skin
She counted the days till the end and kept track of her every sin
When the sun was up, she was a lamb: lovely, kind, polite
At night she was a lioness, with a quick and vengeful bite
She drowned in wine and whiskey, and a cigarette here or there
She wasted her time with silly boys, but to love, she wouldn’t dare
Her life was short and meaningless, but she refused to give up control
Until that tragic midnight hour when the sadness took its toll
So that night she finished her drink, and with God, she made a truce
And without looking back, she gave herself to the loving embrace of a noose

My fingers brush over the piano keys,
Over the top,
Along the side,
I breathe,
Looking around the room,
I can't help but think:
*I know this place,
I know this feeling,
I know this house,
This is home.
That little back bedroom used to be a fortress,
The prince always came right to the door,
My barbies vacationed in that bathroom down the hall,
My sister and I used to play until the water went cold in the tub,
My mom cooked many Christmas dinners in that kitchen,
I used to watch her all the time.
I don't know when it happened,
My siblings got older,
My parents divorced,
Everyone left,
And I..
I just want to go home.

The petal's pressed to the floor,
I just passed 105,
Every thing is a blur,
I'm dodging traffic through these tears in my eyes,
I wonder if that was the last time I'll tell my mother bye,
And part of me wishes it is,
There's visions of cars passing by,
I can't see them though,
I wish I had another choice,
Crashing head on into the metal railing on the interstate,
My body goes through the thick glass of the windshield,
I'm lying broken on the concrete,
The sound I'm making is hardly human,
And somehow I found relief.

Please don't touch the Christmas tree,
Leave all my things in the boxes,
I can hardly bare to look at the door,
I made choices,
I did things because I thought you'd be happy,
I learned quickly that I could never make you that way,
And although the fact shook me to my core,
I thought maybe we could just coexist,
We don't have to agree,
Maybe just stop the arguing,
But then you went and ripped me out of my home,
That was a heavy blow,
A lot to swallow,
I guess parts of me thought I could make the best of this,
As much as you think I don't try,
I did,
I don't know why when life changed for you,
It had to change so much for me to,
Sometimes I don't think you realize how much I gave up,
I know your ready to go,
I swear I won't even try to stop you,
It won't do any good anyway,
I just want you to notice once in a while,
That I'm really hurting,
I just want you to notice,
How much your plans are going to cost,
And for once I want you to see me falling,
And catch me in time.

Find an outlet.

It should be
Behind a
Desk
Or
A
Bookcase.

I need
Warmth

I need
Energy

I need
Life

Plug me into the
Wall.

Charge me.

Let me sit there
Long after
My eyes glow
Full
And
Powerful

Let me
Sit there
When I
Might
Explode.

Plug me into
The
Wall

Save me

I don't want to die.