i am sun stroked notebook pages set out
to dry on the grill.
dry skin and chapped lips dipped in sugar,
skin so white until flesh red
and the sun hid itself until the morning.
i am todays and tomorrows mistakes, clothes soaked in mud and forgiveness.
apologies on the playground,
rough housing in the living room and hurricanes in july.
i am the cup of water i put at the side of the house in appreciation of evaperation
to show mom how hot it was
(i wanted the hose on outside. she said no).
i am orange trees by the ditch, the swing set my friends played on and baby sitting kiera and brianna in the week days.
suddenly, i am fifteen years old and the clouds are on my shoulders,
the rain is tangled in my hair and i still know,
the sun will always find me in the morning.

i started writing about girls in my pre-teens
and never stopped.
i started writing about love after i lost all my baby teeth and never stopped.
i started writing about your knee caps on the edge of couches, my fingers on your thighs
and oh man,
will it ever stop?

and the light loved you in broken moments of eternity

jesus left me a
gun under the
table.

he didn't remember
to leave a note telling
me what it's for, but
i think i'm smart
enough to put one
and two, together. (or
                        am i?):(i am).

it's about a week or so later
when momma tells me
'god ain't real' and rips
it from my hands but
they still  sh a ke     and
reach for love that isn't
there. (in the spaces. the
                    c a b i n e t s ).

: i feel self-empowered at
the thought that maybe i
put it there - memory
evades me -- ***** me                       | high
until i'm low again.                               again. |
                                 (it's all the same).

days pass and i find
it taped under my
desk but this time
with a **** note.

"to forget" it says. "from
someone who cares."

and i think
let's see if it'll actually
            hurt          so
                  mouth open
                              black berry sm ell s
                            taunt me into
                      relaxation, (am i in
                                  p a r a d i s e ):::(i think
                                                             i am).

i know it's the love wrapping
its skeleton arms around
my body when i  f a  l   l     to
                                  the
                                          floor. || everything
                                                  is silent
                                                      on this
                                                        side.






**(c) 2014 jude rigor