your heart does not need to be torn; it just grows how it knows.
it's contracting
it's branching
it's intercalating

because it likes to hustle!
it's a very special muscle,
it's a mitochondrial tissue
with a workaholic issue.

Hey, don't let anyone hurt you
the way your first loves did.

strength does not come from malleability
it's noncompliance
it's resistance
it's defiance

you deserve better
You will obey,
but never learn.
You could do better

Hey, don't give anyone power
the way your governments did.

worth does not evolve from filth
it's reconstructed
it's degraded
it's consumed

like the vapor pressure pulling water into clouds,
your heart can absorb all it wants.
like the turgor pressure pulling life through a plant,
you'll be full enough to avoid wilting and desiccation.

Don't confuse sharp stabs of self loathing
With the heart's aching throb of emptiness.
Only one is flexion for glory, bending in hunger
The other is not love. It will snap you in half.

Tired of torturing myself
Let me slice you up instead
I promise I'll apologize a lot
afterward
And tell you I still wanna be your
friend

Jealous, dishonest,
incapable of favors
Good luck w the rest
of your desperate endeavors

I see a sky melt,
awestruck by dawn
and exploding
Beautiful and bright

I hold to myself,
blinded bygone
and watching
Doesnt seem right

Why did you hand me your fragile faux gold?
You know I shake
And I squeeze everything too tightly
Why didnt you just do as you were told?
It's a piece of cake
Tack my leash to your swing nightly

I'm repulsed by every innocent offer of spicy love gum.
I still
Find loneliness in bundles, hung teasingly from
The windowsill

I give and take their stories
With no regard for an artistic shape.
It seems to somehow hold me in place.
I don't want my own memories
They're secretly covered in 2-sided tape.
I will resort to your undiluted gaze.

Vladimir whispers comfort to me:
Holly
Holly
Holly
Holly
you should shed your scalesss
on some cheap trolley railssss
Just go, take your passport!
Hold me 'round your neck for sport.


Smouldered by a motley
Who ****** up my good wing
Denying me proxy
Intaking the most vital thing

The wind is my only real motivation
Inciting a remedy verse
It feels like the strangest locomotive sensation
You find me livid and ready to burst

I notice the finality of some tension approaches
Wait! do you feel the need to breathe?
Are we all indebted to these crimson coaches
While god pushes the sky down on you and me?

I want to wait out their tussles and be grateful
But I pay Her in ****** taxes
I want to dry out my muscles and be helpful
But I'm stuck on a flooded axis

Dreaming of San Juan
Where I tracked predator dung
The search goes on
Where we lost one failing lung

Lead me to the classroom globe
Let me decide when to Disapparate
Give me mother's recipe for a ribosome
I'm sure my trash will eventually dissipate

Erasing
A swing
Defacing
Her ring

Thank you, please, I'm sorry, OK!
This is the **** I've learned to say every day.
You handed me your boyfriend like a present
But wouldn't share with me 1 non-incriminating secret?
You're welcome, sure, it's cool, alrighty,
this is the sensual might of my aphrodite
you interrupt my stories, tell me i'm a mess,
then call me the person who understands you best

If your cracking laugh, loud as a bark
didn't bend me over like a punch to the spleen
defiled again! my own clumsy fault, i suppose
If your approval of my paintings
didn't heat my thighs and send me reeling.
death in my pillow and loss soaking my clothes

I wouldn't have cared if it was just a dumb mistake,
But I smell your poison, heavy in the air
And my throat swallows as much as you want it to take
After years of sharing every horror story
You have not even begun to know me

Or don't you care about shattering this trust?
We are out of supplies needed to rebuild our bridge.
Hovering in anticipation, waiting for you to settle all this dust
But you won't offer a thing that's not inside your fridge.

And I still don't know how to leave you
The myths of queerness are not at all true
Girls might steal as much as they want from me, too
It's all some people know how to do

If you're so OK
with flying away

I should make do
with buzzing off too

i'm practicing
believing that all I do is degenerative

i'm practicing.
my frowns which seem accumulative

i've imagined
a time without bars and smoke shops

I've imagined.
ways to transform myself into a cyclops