I'm sitting at your bedside
I want to stay here forever
just so you know I care

with each tick of the clock
my feet itch to discover the halls
and my eyes can't quite meet yours

and I wish
I could say
tell you
because
I care, I do

its always been me
stubborn
I'm as good as a wave
there to greet and comfort you
then the pull inside of me gets in the way
I can only last so long

but I'll be back again

never forget

I care, I do

i found him right on time
the moon was high
its glow light on my cheeks
the summer breeze sent whispers
telling me
everything was going to be okay

he came in the form of dark clothes
and smirk so sly
he asked me
no shame on his face
and i told him
i was just a waste

he said he didn't believe me

and now 12 months later
under the same moon
with the breeze silent
i remember
what it feels like to trust
he showed me
i was a treasure in a world full of waste

he asks me why
she screams at me
they just watch
and i just wait

eventually he will stop asking
and her voice will die out
there eyes will grow tired
and I'll be alone

just like i was meant to be

we're sitting surrounded by the white walls
counting our breaths
feet explore the beige tile
as our eyes climb the walls

they come in
gripping there manila folders
expressions grim

they tell us there's a crack
not lining our skin
no its inside
and every minute
its delving deeper

and they say sooner or later
our bodies wont keep up
no its a force we cant control

they leave us
gone from these white walls
only leaving us with the news

and we're alone again
with only the thoughts of how
each minute
we lose a little more of our self
each second we're breaking

our love was like sunburn
so hot
it kept us tossing and turning at night

our love only bloomed during the summer
when the days were the longest
and our hours spent conjoined, limbs entangled in one another

then it would eventually start to fade
we spoke less words to one another
till the burn was simply gone
and our love was shed

ready for a new layer of skin

a new 'you' to invest in
under the sun
beneath the stars

but, i won't forget
those summers when our burn
ached the most
it was all our love

Stuck inside a dark room
I'm dying for a breath of air
I'm not letting myself out

I want everyone to know my secrets
yet I can't open my mouth

when they look inside my eyes i want them to feel my pain
yet I avert my gaze to the ground

I want to stand up to all my demons
yet I don't have the strength to get out of this haze

we're back to walks during the noon hour
hands linked
you make sure to be one step ahead
we're in a cafe
pizza slices between the two of us
your cutting my slice in tiny pieces
we're in the car driving fast
going up a hill
you and I anticipate for the depart down
we're together
always
in my memories
I just wish we're together in soul

Cigarettes threaten your lungs, but your love threatens my heart.

her gaze was that of a baby deer
and all around, hunters
rifles pointed straight at her
ready to blow

flee
that's all she had to do

and
in those moments
her legs forgot how to move
each step the hunter took closer
pounded

but she didn't get shot
mother was always there to scream
make sure she got out safe

its only when the leaves crunch beneath her feet
the sun settled ahead
she wondered

one day shes gonna run out of time

and her shortcomings will be the laugh of the game

I met a guy
he was tough
muscles huge
eyes a jade green
all my knowledge
told me not to talk to him
he'll mess with your mind
but I did
and now here we are
lying under the stars
everything far from our reach
except our hands
linked together
we're happy

i said goodbye
underneath the barren tree
tears flowing down my cheeks
i couldn't fathom- why
gone to early
her soul flying high
i hope at least she was happy

i found her in the stacks
piled beside her a mountain of books
brows furrowed
eyes burning holes in the pages
beneath her clenched hold

i met her in the queue
down cast
sullen
as if each second passing by
deemed to be her last

i dreamed of her
driving a stick shift car
her hair flowing
laughter all around her

as young as could be
i watched my parents
each step they took
glee all around them
i waited for
what was made for me
right from the beginning

Their trying to find the cause of the darkness

they start
locked inside
tangled veins
worthy of a lot of time

this route
covered,
waiting for construction
that doesn't seem to ever come

soon
they'll give up
pack their tools
find something new

and so
with conversations sparse
lack of gentle pleasant warmth
the last push
they'll find something sparkly and bright

then realize
in the end
the entry to the darkness
simply started in my *mind

they told her all along she was safe
soft touches to her back
as everything spun they held her secure
when the laughter bubbled out of her reach
they smiled, eyes set on her

now her back lies on cold concrete
everything still spinning
her voice could break thru the walls, call them in
but something whispered to her
told her she always be void

and she thinks
she doesn't feel safe
maybe she really never was

they cant see her thoughts, hear her confusion
and she can't  (theirs)
shes like a leaf, not ready to fall
isolated from the rest
and she doesn't want this

no, she wants
her thoughts and theirs to be free
words
simple and clear
something to know she's not *alone

I could lock the doors
shut the windows
throw away the keys
ravage everything in sight
until my thoughts seep in my bones
and they ache, scream you should end it all

but

then you open my eyes
you deliver air to my drought filled lungs
build me up
and you leave my mind buzzing

until my eyes blur
and i wake up knowing it was just a dream

the monster still haunts
*everything

back in high school
i wanted you
soul and all
i wouldn't sacrifice for nothing less


now you're gone
and my finger tips ache for your cold touch
the searing, raving, heat would disappear
all because of you

and I'm wondering
how much sadness would delve into my heart
if I never won a chance

i would just walk the hallways with a heavy heart
and fire in my eyes
just a lack of the greatest gift you gave
a
new
me

I wanted someone I could see when the darkness swooped in
If a single drop of worry so threatened to barge in
they are
beside me
Ready to conquer anything

What I had was not the same
I sat in hard chairs waiting for answers
Not from friends or lovers
Just doctors who seemed to have all the knowledge
I trusted them, that I did

I just wanted someone as innocent as I
beside me
ready to hold my hand

My edges are jagged
My steps to small
My voice can't project
Their voice is strident
Their steps could overpower us all
They're crystal clear
No they wouldn't break at all
Just little me

i write about us
he works for them
my stories inspire
his work benefits every other
we both dream
we both work hard
but in the end
        we
             both
                    fall

i don't want to talk no more
not a word
not a sound
figure me out
if you can

i don't think I'm worth it
not a hug
not a tear
you'll figure that out, you'll see

i don't want to be alone
but i am
but you want that to change
you'll figure out why I am, who I am
and why isolation was meant for me

he wonders why she doesn't talk anymore
he doesn't understand

she wonders how he could be so oblivious
she doesn't understand how no one can see the pain

he wishes she would just say one word
he wants her to be okay

she wishes she never said anything at all
she just wants to be invisible

he waits
she waits

in the end its the teardrops and shaky hands
they say it all
and he realizes he couldn't be more invisible
and she realizes she couldn't be more in the spotlight

and that's why they say they were meant to be

I'm a stray
why don't they
pull me in an question
demand answers

i want to plea
tell them
everything
but their eyes
the way they go along with me

as if
it's okay to be this way

I don't understand
somehow
little by little the pain hurts less and less
but that never stops the tears streaking from my eyes

they still watch and nod
give me praise on my shoulders
but there not fixing the cracks
the ones lining my heart

In the dark we don't see our problems
All we can do is feel them
Trickling
Making there way through us
And there's no light
No sunshine to dry our tears
Vanish our fears
No it's just us against the dark

if she's a good girl
they won't leave
they will like her
and
if she keeps her distance
they won't see the cracks
she's just a good girl
even if shes dressed in all black

there's nothing poetic i can write
to describe how much pain
loneliness i feel
with out you
right by my side
because i can't capture my emotions
bottle them up
open them up
just for you
in doing so I would need strength
and that was smothered
the day you left

she couldn't comprehend,
hours before she was content,
and now her friend is gone
and the happiness
slipped through her fingers
so easy

the same as the dust swirled around her
frame and all
as she stood and watched his silhouette
meet the perfect girl

where did she go wrong

we tear ourselves apart
let the fears
things we can't grasp
twist us
abandon us

and when the world comes to push us together again
we forget
the path
the feeling
we once had

that simplicity
of being whole

I'm waiting for that person
who they claim will take all my fears away
wrapped in their embrace
what does the ground feel like I'll say
i wont remember those times
level with the dirt

but

i don't agree
these theories need to face reality
for not a soul should change themselves for me
think of thyself before the one they meet
surely little old me
would only leave a scratch on their pure skin
not a chill
portrayed by the famous
in those fictional movies

Not even rope
could tie us together
the touch of our skin
won't stick
wont stay together
everything I am
everything I can be
doesn't
connect
with
who you are

please vision
everything you can be
without
me

none of it was art
it was complicated
it deserved to be like the crinkled sheets of paper on the ground
it was a waste

they found it
torn and shredded to tiny pieces
they would take hours to make it uncomplicated
and when they did
it would be a work of art
they knew

sometimes I feel
so deeply that
the simple glance my way
my eyes will tear you apart
and if you dare
speak to me
i'm afraid
nothing but hate will
swirl around you
push you to your knees
bury you beneath

none of that happens
why
i am to weak
the pain deep inside me
never will you see

sitting in the trees
hidden from the world
she felt a calm essence that even the strongest winds
mightiest hurricane
couldn't dare break
when
the calm was ripped from her hands
gentle thoughts
lost
she saw him
and she knew

he was the reason
and how
this mysterious boy
shades the darkest of black
covering his emerald eyes
could
push her down
amongst the leaves on the ground
now she waited for him to walk across her

they always do

Anxiety ridden
everything
the ground
the exterior
shakes
and I'm standing alone

extending my arms
grasping for something
if only to keep me from falling
all my fingers find
is the chill of the air
sweeping the wind

and that I know
is the feeling of solitude
a great reminder
I have to do this on my own

this smile
goes to my father
hes not here
theirs not a number of miles that can
trace the difference between us
nevertheless
today I laugh
grin
enjoy the time i have
and better yet
its all because of him

she used to look up to him
he was older
his words never failed to make her smile
now the tears stream down her face
and hes gone
dead
he sold his soul
his smile
for the poison
all just to taint his veins
and
why she asks
does it hurt
does she want
for him
to be with her again
even if hes not the same

ive lost my spark
my vision
my energy
and most importantly
i lost my voice

and when
he, she, they
walk over me
crush me
I can't
I won't
do anything to stop it

if i take a break
sit on the sidelines
the waves will wash ashore
the sandcastle will come to ruins
and i don't think i can watch everything I made
everything I became
falter
the sun beating down
the sand in between my toes
suffocates
but not as much as the thought of failure
so today I'll ride the waves

hope
itching, tearing through your skin
your eyes twinkle
reflect
lead the way
somewhere along
your legs
or was it your mind
stop
detest
I almost crash into you
send you spiraling below
and if
i could never move on
cuz even without your sparkling orbs
all the light in the world would be broken
same,
as my gentle, confused, heart
but your beside me
and i reach
gentle touch
together the way can be found
one day the sparkle will be alive again
and I'll no ive been right all along
you're strong

how many more words
more pages
capital bold letters
lives
hearts
are we going to ruin
tear apart
till we realize
from the beginning we were
in this
for
ourselves

i want to extract these burning thoughts
and plant them in the soil
maybe then they'll make sense
they'll spread, savage the poison ivy tainting the
bare earth

and when you decide to come home
maybe you'll see the clarity
maybe you'll feel the blackness that wrecked my soul
slithering in the air
and you'll look in my eyes
and finally
embrace *me

why do they compare the beautiful, like flowers in world full of weeds
flowers aren't endless
they grow and they die

mother used to call me a flower
her slurred mumbles
with her quivering hands and all
she didn't really see
the beautiful exists beneath
and never would she understand the soul will always seek the ends of the earth

so why call the beautiful, flowers
call them four leaf clovers
helping those in need of luck
a gentle hand they are
they will always be remembered
for their beautiful souls
were always a helping hand

it wasn't there beauty
or there extraordinaire
it was there four sides
quick to guide

that's the beauty, the underneath

Please don't be afraid to tell me
capture my foggy gaze
but don't worry about the haze in front of my eyes
they put it there
think of it as a blanket
covering the warmth inside

but wait
don't think of me worth
for every time they ignored my calls
I cried
let them sink into my pores
ravage everything inside
I lost

please don't be afraid to tell me what you see
I know your words are gentle, and free
I wish if only mine could
impair the cell bars
restraining everything I wish
tear the silence
and let me
for once be
happy
but I know just no

please don't be afraid to approach me
shake my shoulders or
brush past
because you rise above us all
conquer everything
I know I would never last

please don't be afraid
I'm worth a speckle of sand
in an endless earth miles long, miles high
I'm nothing
don't you understand

They say it gets harder


I'm scared to consume there words
if they settle in my mind
banish everything positive
I'm afraid my skin will disintegrate
muscles will fail to hold my weight
and my eyes
the haze will vanish
And I will show

then they'll truly understand
I'm not even good for now