April

April Oct 2017

If I had a son
I'd want him to take a step back
appreciate the view
I'd want him to be cautious
yet always curious

If I had a son
I'd want him to love
give his all to someone spirited as him
I'd want him to explore
feel the currents of earth rush through his hair

If I had a son
I'd want him to remember me
because as his dreams get bigger and bigger
I know I'd have to take a step back

So if I had a son
I'd hope that
we'd always love- as one.

April Oct 2017

October 10th 2017

He's confined to a chair
his legs curve inward
his speech is a bit slow
and most of all- he is moody

He doesn't want me
he tells me so
when I try to hug him

He loves me though
I know in the silence of the night
we sit together
and I know his eyes search mine

He loves me
because he is always searching for a reason
why he shouldn't

but I can't change a thing
*I'm in love with him

April Oct 2017

Before

you lie in the hospital bed
antiseptics and hospital food waver in the air
as if, asking for permission to linger

and you see her tense, knowing she wants to scream
because how ironic it is-
you can barely speak

every few minutes the bed beneath you shakes
the only bit of movement your body sees

the ticking of the clock
is a constant reminder
you're never going to escape

soon she must go,
you find the darkness behind your eyelids
is easier to bare
when your so alone

later in time
you think of her
and then you think of mini her

once again you have no control
a tear slides down your cheek,
you're never going to watch her grow

your little daughter,
is going to live without a father
because cancer,
took away your life

and with no strength
how could you ever grasp
meaning in your last few days

April Oct 2017

Content

do you ever wonder
what it feels like
to be completely, utterly, content
because I do

the days turn to nights
and the moon never fails to show
and soon enough the sun does the same

but no matter what
we sit, we work, and we talk
but theres always the next thing

and now
I just want to know
why can't we be content
why must we search, always moving on

April Sep 2017

Can't Be Alone

I think you've forgotten who you are
the same way- I've forgotten how to be
living- life, it is so essential
but here the two of us sit,
and our sunken eyes
seem to make silent conversation
as we both wonder- how has it come to this?

I also think you've forgotten how to feel
the same way- I've forgotten how to see
friends to lovers to enemies, we've let it rip us apart
and we shuffle beside one another
seeking something,
and both hoping- it will be enough

The path we need to take is covered,
without a doubt
but, I think we both can agree
numb amongst it all- we can't venture alone
together, it will always be better than being lonely

April Sep 2017

Discovery

I've finally realized how you see me
I'm the whip cream on the top of your hot chocolate
or maybe on the top of your ice cream
either way
for a few minutes- I am the greatest thing ever
maybe you even anticipate me

In a flash
I am gone
You take all of me away
And I try to cling to whatever I can reach
But, you always win

I've built so much of me up
for you, it's so easy to take me down
Now I've finally discovered what I need to do
It won't be any easy

But I need to leave,
for me

April Aug 2017

Always Right

It's the twenty-third of the month
She's finally discovered a rhythm through the days
but soon enough, a new month will show
and she knows
once again
she'll have to adjust

That's the way it always is
the way it's always been

adjust for her mother, adjust for her father
and when she met him-
she suspected he would assume the same

but he told her
her attempts weren't good enough
which he must really have meant-
she wasn't good enough

so he left, barely the start of the month
and she spent the days alone
and that's what she is dealing with now
days of the month
forever taunting her

and if she lets a tear slip at night
well that just further proves-
she's deficient

they told her
but she tried not to listen
in hopes they could be wrong
but they've always been *right

#life #sad #incomplete #love