AprilDawn

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Stalked

by my neighbor's
sumptuous sunflowers
whose seedy faces
reach for the summer sky
propped up by their leggy stems
gracing that dirt driveway
these yellow bursts of flower power
may not linger
too much longer
for a sulky summer storm
waits wickedly
in the wings

Every year I have lived here , I anxiously await these tall beauties.They usually last a while unless a violent summer storm takes them.I make sure to catch a photo to capture each year's glory.

#icovetmyneighborsflowers

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Hummingbird Convention

Fast winged
ruby throat-ed beauties
meeting
for sweet red nectar
on a cloud covered July day
in the rolling
Kentucky countryside
with a gazebo backdrop
from the perfect vantage
of a serene sun room
decorated in bamboo
and family memories

My fiance's granny has this wonderful sun room on the back of her house over looking part of her property.She was hemming a dress of mine last week , and looking out the windows were scads of beautiful hummingbirds.

#serenesetting

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Four Thirty PM

July 14, 2002
everything indelibly inked
in my memory
  our love of  two decades
gone
in the blink of an eye
your light extinguished
all that was
ceased to be
innocence lost
someone wanted you dead
stacks of information
racks of paperwork
sad faces
phone calls
nights  in a puddle of tears
sleeping in the bed we shared
weren't you  just here ?
where are you  now?
can you see our anguish?
our fight to survive
while going through the motions
my mind repeating your  name
over and over again
as if those were the magic words
to bring you back to  this life
so empty and yet so full
mind numbing pain
consumed
my every waking moment
filled the corners of my body
with stark  grief
then  scattered to bits
and
dumped
into an abyss
of
undeniable pain

I began to talk on paper about what had just happened 12 years ago ,
trying not to sound cliched and maudlin if anyone should read the harrowing narrative drenched in sorrow and change.Yet wanting to formulate it into words.

#reallifedrama

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Access Denied

home
was where his heart
intertwined with mine
the cruel flick of a wrist
made sure
I will never go
home
again

Never forgotten, my Tom

#unexpectedmovingday

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Forlorn

I miss
so many
things

twinkling eyes
smiles for me
alone

hands held
anywhere

brash moves
pinned me
to the hall wall

passionate embraces
in the living room

morning light
splashed across
his face

good-bye
gangly night legs

hello again cold bed
with
blankets piled high

Written June 2007 almost 5 years after his surprise demise at the hands of an unknown killer.

#memoriesofmyfirstlove

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Sudden departure

from
your   cage of fleshly endeavors
closed so many doors
in my face
our future  dissolved
into nothingness
soggy eyes  blinded my
emergency exit
this heart shattered
buckling knees
could barely move
my leaden feet
managed to find
a precariously placed
cement gray
stepping stone
promising  only
  unfathomable desolation
into unknown destinations
   unsolved  mysteries
editing  personal histories
who what  why
riddle psyche and soul
onto  a continuous
loop

July 14, 2002 - now almost 12 years ago, is the day that lives in infamy in my and my families life.My husband of nearly 20 years was murdered in his office. Assailant and reason still unknown .Not a robbery. While my emotions are not as raw as in the early days & months the heartbreak of those first hours and weeks still resounds in me . Unless I get a memory loss disease ,will stay with me until my last day in this earthly shell.Tom , you are not forgotten.That is an ending none of us ever fathomed for you .

#missingyoualways

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Just Around

that  bend
is a different  life
****** in my path
placed  under my shoes
no explanations given
just
Deal with This
  move forward
because the road
behind you
is permanently closed

Sometimes there seems like there are no choices tossed your way, and yet around every corner all kinds of possibilities never envisioned are multiplying .

#unbeatenpaths