AprilDawn

AprilDawn Jun 2014

late  one November day
a dog eared page
from another  chapter
came alive
while crisp leaves
swirled  and twirled
love
burst in
unannounced
so amazed
illuminated
fascinated
intrigued
complex
simple
the short list
fulfilled
can't catch my breath
afraid
brave
alive
pleased
impatient
out of my hands ,
into my  very core-
Welcome.

After Thanksgiving 2007 , the man who helped me find a new chapter in my life appeared . We went to high school together and knew each other somewhat.I had been alone and recovering from my loss for over 5 years at that point.I was ready to start looking. Love has lived with us for over 6 years now .

#loveliveshere

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Archaeological Dig

discarded pieces
from days long past
crumpled  memories
wallowing in
the absence of sunlight
a welcome  respite
for spaces ,places and times
that dredge up
bittersweet ache
on the blinding  blade
of a shovel
let  them lie in peace
just a bit longer
and perhaps
  the next excavation
will find me  stronger.

Those things you have to sort out as time goes by because you could not let them go, even just digging through lightly brings back both welcome and unwelcome reminders of those tangle of moments & memories we call our lives..

#memoriesthestuffandthingsaremadeof

AprilDawn Jun 2014

The Peonies

in my lover's garden
wait for late
May
to bloom
these ***** pink flowers
burst out of their bush
Quick
round up
every crystal  vase
empty wine bottles
galore
before their heads
get too heavy
these vibrant days
are numbered
until their yearly
swan dive
face down
to the  fertile  ground

He does have the most lush peonies I have ever seen .

#peonyballet

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Can You

see me
out here
stripped raw
thin veneer
of laughter and hope
displayed
on my every day
face

Can You
see me
stranded
next to my bed
cascades of
screaming covers
at my feet
every
night

Can You
see me
feet planted
on the solid  ground
of your love
every memory
folded inside -
a tender caress
on
mussed  sheets

The first months of raw anguish, then the grieving years and for the past half decade or so the learning to love and live almost normally again.

#lovelossrecovery

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Widow

forced to find  the Me
without Him
lover, mother, wife
those golden years
forging  a life together
seem so long ago
while there was  strife and  toil
at the end of a long day
Love always  persevered
his absence
left  a darker world
wrapped  in brutal truths -
  his love
changed me
his life
changed me,
and  his death
     changed
        me.

No matter what else happens in my life , I will always still carry this title inside.I loved and lost .I was lucky to have been able to spend so many years with him.

#notsingle

AprilDawn Jun 2014

This year

it’s on a Monday
the momentum
keeps building
that  minute
your   time
with us
ran out
circled in my mind
as calendar pages
wear off
I’ll be
just fine
keep repeating
that
until some day
  it’s
true.

I try to remember his life and not just his death, but honestly that day is marked indelibly in my heart as the last hours of his life with us faded into the long goodbye .

#memoriesoftheheart

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Dead-end

They assured me
the 15 inch blunt
fingerprint- free knife
was wielded
with the stealth element
of surprise
in the midst of a normal
Sunday afternoon
behind a closed office door
he  never  knew
what happened
just dropped down
and died
my normal world
replaced by
a  true life  horror tale
my  knees
sparred  with gravity
while this   anvil of sadness
squashed my heart
wobbling  legs drove  me
mercilessly to  his
  serene good bye face
on a rolling table
with a sheet
up to
     his neck.

The day I had to identify him for cremation. It was him, but it wasn't.The second hardest day of my life to date.

#goodbyeforever