this was the summer i fell in love with you
and it was wrong of me
i was dating someone else, i know
but i always wonder if you remember
the car ride home from the festival
when you told me you thought
i was beautiful?
and you made me smile so much
but i couldn't accept my feelings
and i never embraced them
and when i was alone again
you were already gone
and i wonder when you'll come back
because i really miss you a lot
and i've made a lot of mistakes
and you've seen me cry about them
but even if you never ever feel the same
i miss just watching movies together
on my couch
until 3am
and falling asleep on your shoulder
and i just miss you being here for me

(do you still think i'm pretty?
i'm starting to think you hate me)

i still remember how it felt
to have your fingernails
drag across my skin
and how wanted i felt
because you actually wanted
to kiss me.

i know you regret touching me
and you'll never know how badly it hurts
that you will never want to again
maybe that just means it's time
considerably past due
and you never really knew
that i ever did
but i don't love you
anymore
(and that hurts more
than you never loving me)

i want to be someone you can talk to
unload your struggles on,
let me hear them
i'll offer advice, if necessary
but above everything
i'll be an ear to listen
a shoulder to cry on
someone to hug you
to hold you when you're down

i'll be your distraction
i'm here to soften the blows
quiet the loud noises
and maybe boop your nose
whatever will help,
whatever you need,
i'm always here

it's in your head, darling
it's all in your head
it isn't real
you're making it up

you're so paranoid, baby
they don't think about you
not nearly as much as you assume
you're making it up

you're so pessimistic, honey
no one can be that bad
you're perfectly normal
you're making it up

you're so conceited, gorgeous
loving boys with your toes in the water
when they're up to their necks in you
you're making it up

you think too much, darling
no one analyzes this the way you do
no one cares as much as you do
but oh, what if they did?

your eyes remind me
of the slightly overcast
january mornings
i spent walking at 6am
cold, crisp
blue and bright

i want to paint
my new bedroom walls
in the comfort i feel
when you smile
because of something i did
or said

and i want you
to feel happiness
because you deserve
only the best out of life

the future is uncertain
both of us know it
and we know to enjoy
the "now"
and the "then" will come
and only then
will we know what will happen

it's refreshing, isn't it?
the cool ocean breeze
the sand beneath my feet
a breath of well-deserved happiness
a sigh of needed relief

i've been thinking about you a lot lately
you've been very good for me
you take only what's given
and expect nothing more

sure, it'd be nice to see this go somewhere
but it doesn't have to
i'm happier than a clam
(and clams are very happy)

right now you're a comforting place
a trip to the ocean
the sand beneath my feet
and that's okay

it's refreshing, isn't it?

oh, babe, i know this is late
significantly after the fact
but as i've only now given myself time
to think, to let go
this is when it's coming out

oh, babe, i know you hate me
i've seen the words you've written
you can deny them, take them back
but it's too late
i know how you feel

oh, babe, i'm so sorry
it wasn't very kind
placing stinging words
in places where i knew you'd see
i was so angry, so sad, so frustrated
and i didn't know myself

oh, babe, i truly am sorry
to have made you cry
it's not what you deserved, not what you needed
and not what i wanted at all

although that was the problem, wasn't it?
what did i want?
i still don't know, babe,
but i know it can't be you
not anymore
because i'm lost, craving the love
you were so willing to give
from the heart of a boy
who refuses to give it
who can't give it
who wouldn't give it

so i seek out affections from the hearts of boys who could never love me
wrap myself in it, shield myself in it
use it to wipe away my tears
because it's harmless, isn't it?
we're just friends.

and maybe i would have loved you,
if you had given me more time
but i wasn't ready
and i wouldn't be ready
until it was much too late

and maybe i could have loved you,
if you had been less intense
your designed love was much too fast
                                                   too quick
                                                   too easy
                                                   too harsh

and maybe i should have loved you,
because you would have given me your all
invested every minute you could into me,
and truly loved me with everything you could


oh, babe, i'm desperately sorry
for tying your heartstrings around my fingers
along with the promises i didn't keep
dragging you along through every wave of emotion
it was an ocean you didn't need to see
but i knew you loved the water.