I apologized to you
for crying
when I was the one hurting

your lambent heart
beats in the silence

I tried to believe in 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒
but the world 𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒 my heart every time

You might read this
When I’m dead
You might’ve read this when I was alive
But I want you to know
Unlike none other
You are beautiful in your own way
And your opinion matters

why should I apologize
for being a monster
when no one apologized
for turning me into one

I told you I write for peace
to say what I feel
turns out
you didn't really care
how I felt

underneath it all
I'm still held captive by the hole inside

I guess I'm just
a side character
in your story

Put to rest, in the dark abyss
You promised me an eternity.
For as the hour draws near,
Darkness descends
I am but a scarred smile holding onto you.
A flash, a moment
You told me to never let go.
In the end,
Only a memory tormenting me through my core.

first the vowels
and then the constants flew away
until all that was left
was an empty sheet of paper

Truth be told
i have not said
less than what
has left me dead.

Every wave
a drop of red
splashing shade
vermillions wet.

Companion thou hast never met,
must be freed out of my head.
But for that first i must invite,
thee inside this trembling mind.

Doors only shut,
never locked.
Needs hardly keys
to be wrought.

Lore slowly floods
with each thought.
Fills each crevace;
n' caveat.

Truth be told
i have not said
less than what
has left me dead.

Falling through
each veil of dread.
I arrive
at Amentet.

Here i may rest
for a while.
Art of chiburi
from the vile.

I'll not confess
at this trial.
Instead dance and jest
with Belial.

cover yourself
you're distracting us
no
you're distracting yourself
why do I have to wear
what you want
when it's my body

I want to prove to this world
that that which
they have deemed right
is wrong

its four am
I'm drinking coffee
I'm writing stories
writing poetry
being productive
but
its no fun
there's just pain
and pain
and misery

right there
yet so far
I can take it
I can hold it
protect it
why do they stop me
why do they hold me back

Pastel smudges paint the sky,
reflect on the lake in half-light.
Emerging from darkness,
frosty star flowers,
take me into deep waters,
where sad thoughts wander.
Whispers of you by the shore,
I'm waiting and waiting.

Been walking in shadows for as long all my life
darkness lingering the lack of light
I can't remember the last time I felt free
Forever enslaved by the rules of society

They don’t understand
What I want
I want more than I have
But I want what you can give
So why don’t you give
What you can

do monsters
make war
or does
          war make
                             monsters

What’s the difference between
peace and war
Isn’t peace obtained through war
That’s what my world taught me
So change my mind
Before I wage war on your country too

for what little you know
I might be dead
when you realize
I existed
maybe shot
maybe sick
but I was happy
death felt warm
unlike this world so cold

I still remember it like yesterday
Your warmth
I thought
                   It was only for me
But now I see You with her
       And your warmth on her
Is this cold distant winter
I await my summer
Yet it never came

my dire apprehensions
they gracefully disappear
as the waves emerge
my eyes waterless
the wind tangled in my lashes sparked a cry
the lonely ocean
washes away my woes
as the waves emerge
the lies are purified
so the ocean heard my cry

staring at the mirror,
despair raids her light and air

in the reflection,
blinded by her beauty,
the bright florescent light
etches furrows
traces the side of her nose
to her mouth

yesterday's shadow
creeps from behind
sends bitter ripples
down her face
a reminder
of the loneliness, she hides

what do I write
my pain
my agony
my dreams
my love
what do I say
I'm fine
it hurts
help
what will you do
it's fine
it'll be okay

he asked her what her wish is
he'll fulfill it
she said just once
once in my life I want to walk out and not be laughed at
live and not wanna die
so, please
make me the way they  want me to be

he said
she wants you to be skinny
he wants you to be fat
so what do you want to be

When I’m silent
I’m torn apart,
crushed at the rock bottom
of the abysmal plain
as a broken ***
Yet a thousand needles
pinning me down

When I’m silent
I’m deeply depressed,
deadly muted
all I have is a mutiny within myself
and then I’m reigned
by sheer silence!

Here I lay,
With my rotting heart and dead soul;
My world was turning;
Now, my mind is decaying.
Am I at peace?
Is it an illusion?
Or is it a simulation?
Is it my creation?

Call me strong
Call me weak
I am whoever you want me to be

In the shadows, I shape myself
Careful of the light, it knows me well
And you will never see
A picture you didn't paint on me

Call me strong
Call me weak
I am whoever you want me to be

Once or twice
As many times you change your mind
As long as you don’t see
What I’ve got
Behind the paint that I forgot
Will dry one day
And turn so dull
That even you
Would move on

Call me strong
Call me weak
I will be whoever you want me to be
Paint it once,
Paint it twice
As long as the colors never dry

why do we live just to die
why do we cry
when the tears will just dry
why do we lie
when the truth is right by

why am i here

"laugh"
but nothings funny
"cry"
they say it's for the weak hearted
"fly"
but I'm human
"die"
but that's giving up
so what!!!!!!!!
I'll do all that ****!!!!

I write not for you to read
I do it for me to heed
the voice that's within me
yet I still can't guarantee
that when you see what I wrote
I hope for you to praise
for this is to what my heart I devote
yet this is just another phase
of the long life,
I have yet to face

I don't want to live
but I don't want to die either
so you ask
what do I want
it's simple
I want you