I found a lost soul
By accident really
It happened by chance
I picked up the pieces everybody else broke
I reconstructed a heart that had quit beating
I took the place of parents that had abandoned him
Became the friend he'd always wanted
I gave him a safe place to go when he was scared
I took him in
& I fixed him
But in the process I lost myself
I let my soul die while saving another
And that is the worst form of suicide I've ever witnessed

Months ago you told me to be expecting a surprise.
You said you felt like doing something special for me for all that I do.
You asked me if I could help you pick something, & I refused.
I wanted the surprise to come solely from you.
Little did I know the surprise would be setting me free.
The very last thing I wanted to be.

"Does your stomach still drop when you see him? "
Yeah.
But not way it use to.
It use to drop from excitement.
Now it's from fear.
What will it be this time?
What has he done? What will he do?
Why is he mad? What did I do?
The constant nagging in my head just anticipating the next fight instead of the next kiss.
The built up fear bc I know I'm about to have to ask if he's coming home tonight or staying out again.
& anticipating the second answer while hoping for the first.
You say you love me.
& I know you use to.
But everything changed.