you felt like music in my bones 
then suddenly you changed keys 
i was out of tune 
and we forgot the words
it's four o'clock on monday morning
and all that's left
is the memory of your head
on the pillow next to mine
it was here
like this
that we used to listen
to all my favorite records
but I can't now
because when the needle hits the vinyl
i start thinking of you
it's the early hours of the day
when the streaks of morning light
break across the clouds
that I realize
i'm not a morning person
i'm a mourning person

[holyoak]

You're not ready.
You haven't prepared.
You need to be better.
Stop being so scared.
Don't be lazy.
Don't slip.
Don't fall.
Be careful what you ask for.
Be careful who you call.

I'm trying to be ready..
I'm trying to prepare..
I'm trying to be better..
I can't help being scared..
I'm not being lazy the pain makes it hard to walk..
The ground is slippery..
I can't help but fall..
I don't know what to ask for..
I don't know who to call..

Humility they told me.
That's what this shows.
You're much more humble.
Than you'd ever know.
It shows a lot of faith.
I promise you that.
You're getting there kid.
You're on the right path.

Yet I don't feel humble.. I feel lost and afraid..

faces like yours aren't meant for touching
and i'm beginning to think that closed-casket funerals were created for you
and sometimes the overwhelming desire to share something of yourself with someone--with anyone--is too much to bear

and suddenly i understand every spraypainted feeling under every freeway
or sharpie sentences scribbled in bathroom stalls
or muttered comments or notes in library books or songs on repeat played a little too loud
and i understand why pretty girls write stories on their arms

you were never the type to tell the truth
you were always talking
you never understood the way i looked at my feet when you laughed or how i spoke in hushed tones


some days are better than yesterday and some days make me question tomorrow
some words make me question you

today i wonder what the bigger sin is

is it your lying?
or my hopeless belief in words i know aren't true?

words are meant to be spoken and hands are meant to be held and love and sorrow and anger are meant to be felt and enjoyed and EXPERIENCED
and everything has meaning
everything but you

The words fall out slowly at first.
And you're scared and worried of the absolute worst.
But then you grow stronger than ever
Every word leaves you feeling more and more clever.
That's poetry for you. And once it starts to flow.
You'll be changing lives and they'll let you know

lately i've been day dreaming at night
and every time
you're grasping
at the smoke in my lungs
trying to make sense of the poetry
that you think is about yourself
the steam was coming off 
of the asphalt 
and i thought about 
how i was so breathless
when you told me
i float just out of your grasp
but at least you can see me
i've been blind since the day we met
and as it turns out
that was more curse than blessing
i could see nothing
except for the words you used
to keep me focused on you
you were always the selfish one
but what I gave
you couldn't take
it's not enough to just look away
because now I don't see anything
but that's better than seeing you 
you
in all your 
underwhelming 
overbearing
need to be seen by everyone
i wonder
do you think fire is scared 
of fizzling out and dying 
or does it just take pride 
in giving warmth 
and roaring while it can

[holyoak]

I'm not sure where I'm going.
And I've forgotten where I've been.
It's like just one oar is rowing.
And I'm turning in circles again.
The past and the future are all blended up.
And I can't remember tomorrow from yesterday or seem to keep them apart.

I saw you at a distance.                    
A perfect imperfection.                  
A passing face, at first.                
First glances show the surface.    

We all have fears and doubts and pain.
I wanted to ask you how you were.
Truly.                                                  
I wanted to know why you were scared to say,                                
the truth.                                        

But the truth is I glanced and looked away.                                            
Now I know                                      
of the thoughts and hopes and dreams
and screams                                  
for help.                                        

And now they're lost.                  
Now you've gone away.                
And now we'll never know those memories.

I remember you fondly.
The brightest stars
Collapse most strongly.
And when they touch
They blaze.

Such are their ways.
A fact.
I wonder.

If we go down,
We'll go together.
A mutual collapse
Is better than to drift
Alone forever.
So let the collapse come.
We'll show the galaxy
What can be done
When love, stronger than the sun,
Meets.

The one I want
Is all I'll ever need.
The force of gravity
Can quake beneath our feet,
As we crash,
As we crash
More brilliantly
Than when two stars meet.

I'll reach across the universe for you.
And when I do,
Let's shine together too.

Although my life was fine
Back when my nights were grey,
I look up to find
The stars burn brighter
Now than then.

A sign

It's just the start.
She took my heart
And I'm alright with that.
And when I think of
All the time we've spent
Together, though apart,
I realize it's the best  
I've ever had.