I go out to dinner with a near stranger
we sit on the same side of the booth and
I think about how you're the only one who
knows how much I hate that

I drink a drink with ***** and lime and
***** and it almost makes me feel like
I know who I am when I'm with someone else

I don't think of you often but last night I did
I remembered how your arms are the
only place where I am not self-conscious

I lie next to him on my balcony and
there are a lot of stars above us but
I'm the only one who notices

he is thinking about what I look like naked and
I'm counting how many hours of sleep
I will get if he leaves before 2

there is not an absence of feeling,
just a different kind than I'm used to
he touches my hand and I smile in
a way that doesn't feel forced

I spend a day with a near stranger and realize
there is so much he does not know about me,
so much he doesn't care to

like how I got my nose pierced at 14 or
the amount of time I spend in the mirror each morning
picking myself into something I can carry only semi-confidently

he only learns I can't ride a bike when he asks if I want to
he has no idea that my blonde is shielding a deep brown or
when I got the freckle above my lip or
the inch long scar underneath my chin

he doesn't care and that's okay
when he leaves we say I miss you but
in a different way than I'm used to

it is not a pain swelling to be morphined
nor is it a pulling from the gut but instead
it is the ever temporary desire to fill the excess lonely

we say I miss you and still mean it but
it is not the missing that a body feels for
a phantom limb

I am with him now and probably will be again but
moving on doesn't mean I don't miss you
it only means I'm trying not to

just because I'm all right doesn't mean
I don't wonder how you are
I can still be happy with the existence of a quiet ache

but yes I do
miss you,
I will until the day I can sleep without having to count sheep
I will miss you even if there are no stars in the sky to remind me

I don't think of you but last night I did
the moon was too bright and
I was the only one
who noticed

sometimes i write just to talk to get the words out of my mouth so
they aren't crawling around in there
like worms
waiting to be speared with a hook
his tongue pierced feels good

What's one day in the grand scheme?
mistakes branding bland dreams
realities - future and past halves of me
split personalities
splitting these arteries
the artist in me
scavenging what I can
to understand, why smile
wasting time
tasting wine
erasing mind
until basically blind -
OTC's won't assist this OCD
thinking of insanity, no it won't be me
I refuse, to let this fuse
run out of room - I say, Let it burn.


https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/ogcjm


.

The sky was open, solemn and bright.
My intriguing mind wondering what would happen next.
My Life, elements of so many hard times and frustrations
Charging my Soul, crushing me sometimes
In a silent root, played with invisible hands.

I guess the World is a strange place,
For each one of us, a different meaning.
We fall like the rain, each drop from the sky
We stay here, we grow, we laugh, we cry

Then one day, we return
We go perhaps to the same place
A place we call Home, near the stars...

In this moment it´s raining as when I born
After a moment of Pain and Joy
I wish this brings a beautiful journey
In this great Universe.

My mom asks me, why is it
that I sleep so much
She questions if I think reality is good enough

I don't have the courage to tell her that
I prefer dreams
And I can't seem to muster up
the right words to say

reality is exhausting
and all I do is feel

I feel everything
whether intensely
passionately
and I don't know how much longer
I can take these emotions gnawing at my tongue
Or if I handle the scratching in the back of my throat
begging me to say how I truly feel

And I know better then to tell her
that in my dreams
are where I can meet
up with you

This fantasy
A timeless taunting
vision
of you and I
together

At least in dreams

I won't be tortured by the inability to touch you
I pull you in
tightly
as your willing to be swallowed
immersed
I'd be submissive to your touch

At least in dreams

I can listen to your heart beat
as you listen to mine
and my heart frantically drums at my rib cage
just from the thought of you
beside me

In dreams I can even leave small peaks
along your collar bone

I can intertwine our trembling fingers
and
leave
lazy traces
of me
over your flesh

At least in dreams

I can swallow your enchanting sighs
with our mingling lips
then use my fingertips
to study the rise and fall
of your hips

In my dreams
I will use my tongue to write poetry
permanently
along your satisfied skin

I know that in dreams
there's a chance

you'll love me.