Lacking intent like a rock lying,
On a beach getting weathered to sand,
Slowly witnessing my own demise.

So strange that the most obvious emotions elude us,
Leaving us looking for answers outside.

Open my eyes to the sound of my favourite song, the soft sunlight through the curtains playing with my consciousness, I smile lightly as I’m greeted awake. I walk without a shower to the balcony, light myself a cigarette, with a coffee in the other hand. As the cold wind blows on my face, I read the word on the cigarette: Classic

I'm like Snape. Always

Everything bad that can happen will happen,
Every love we seek will be lost some day,
The answers we want will not be found,
The desire of acceptance will not be fulfilled,
Yet some how it occurs every once in a while,
Making it's way to us through traffic,
Look out behind all the disappointments,
The inevitable good is waiting in line.

From a seedling to a tree,
My love for you grows free,
Through the storm of loneliness,
Through gloomy skies of emptiness,
Waiting the warmth of your sun,
Hoping some day we'll be one,
Is it pathetic that after all this time,
I think of you every spare moment?
Or is I just that I am in love with the idea of you,
And don't really want you?
May be I will never know,
The truth still remains,
I'll spend my days wanting you,
Wasting time I could be happier.

My best friend,
She’s flying to a foreign country,
I’m happy that she’s going to see a place
A place I've always wanted to be.
The day of goodbye went by well,  
The moment I got a chance to sit back I realized,
How alone I already feel.
I had told her before she left I’d fallen for her,
I knew that is not how she wanted it to be.
My love’s flying to a foreign country,
I don’t know when her I will see,
In a moment of despair I told her I’ll miss her a lot,
That I love her, I wish I hadn't,
For her lack reaction to that was foreign to me.

It is the hardest thing,
To undo myself piece by piece,
As I make space inside me,
But how do I let them go,
These opinions and memories I gathered,
Those little beliefs that I once thought define me,
I still try, fighting inside to let go,
To break the comfort zone,
Until I am naked again,
Bare to the world,
Erasing old scars to make way for new,
Running a mile in my new shoes.

Staring at a hushed band of black, he was startled to realize he had been blindfolded. As he brought his hands to eyes to confirm, a soft voice said “Don’t”. He felt as if he could hear her smile. She took his hand and guided it to her face, to tell him even she had blind folded herself. She let out a playful yet nervous laugh, as urged him out of bed and onto the floor. And it began. In silence of their breathing, their hands searched each other, finger meeting finger, palm meeting palm… They began to discover each other, to feel the presence of the other, while the other obliged to play the muse. It all felt like the pause before a perfect kiss, like lips trying to find each other, their hands felt the existence of the other person, appreciating everything about them. As his hands found her face, felt what he knew knew to be the face he loved, he felt her lips, and traced her body to the curve of her neck. Swiftly he pulled her closer, hands caught in her hair, he kissed her once before they undressed.

A seed in a field of seeds I lived,
Coming of age or so to be believed,
Enduring the weather's moods as it ambiently shaped existence,
The rains came and rinsed,
The cold's loneliness pierced,
The heat that got exhaustingly fierce,
But none prepared me for when you came,
A nurturing and kindness radiating flame,
Even the Sun never quite succeeded in unfolding the entangled mess I've become,
You make me leave my inhibitions and blossom.

As sure as the earth beneath our feet the sun rises,
Let it come, let it bring another day full of unknowns,
Like every other you've spent becoming you,
Growing and making decisions, being bent and broken.  
But have I told you lately how much you mean to me?
So full of love and life, beautiful inside and out.
We all had our storms and days of summer,
Your face, your eyes, all the big things and the little that are yours,
All your pieces you carry along on this terrifying journey,
Inspires me to be so much better than I am,
I know you don't know how strong you are,
And that makes you so much better for it.
Stsy kind, for it makes the world a little better,
Be brave so I may look up to always find you,
Keep creating wonderful things for the world is as much to give as it is to receive,
Because this is what I see when I see you

Turning over sleepless in bed,
Looking at the watch as it strikes 3,
Too late to sleep, too early to be awake,
What else is there to do?
So I get up to make coffee,
Put on some music.

It must be the wee hours,
Or that lonely car passing by,
An idle thought of you hooked me on,
Sitting by the window,
Watching the skies for dawn break,
And suddenly I miss you,
Morning coffee is always better with two,

I know I'm silly,
For every song that plays,
Every croon of adoring I hear,
Feels like all the love songs
Are about you.

They speak of beautiful eyes,
Like yours I get lost in,
Smiles to melt the heart,
Watching you like nothing else exists,
The sun exists to praise you,
And I to forever be yours,
These late night songs about you,
They're all true.

In a land of no land,
Where the word land has no meaning,
The Horizon is the only destination.

As we lay in a warm embrace,
The sounds enveloped our beings,
I closed my eyes for I feared it would end,
For I feared you'll want to leave at some point,
My thoughts couldn't decide if it was real,
When suddenly you held me closer,
I opened my eyes to make sure you're okay...
When did we leave the ground?
Your racing heart belied your excitement,
A silly smile dawned my face,
Your love so strong gave me wings

She brings happiness in places I never knew it existed,
She stays when I'm bathed in self-loathing and pity,
Nursing me back to a reality she makes bearable,
She saves me from drowning in the sorrows of depression,
She protects me from myself in the darkness of my mind,
She's all this and so much more I didn't know I needed,
I'm so madly in love with this woman and I want to tell her every waking moment,
The crazy thing is she doesn't even need to hear me say it,
And I know she loves me back

What hurt more than anything else,
Was seeing you lay there,
And knowing you'll never wake,
With glance at those glassy eyes,
Crept in grief that weighed a ton,
It all crashed down at last,
When the flames consumed everything.

I will see you through the window,
Living your life in your freedom,
Sure I'll wave to you from time to time,
But I'll never show you my misery,
Trapped in bubble of loneliness,
Depriving myself of anything but your memories.

Every sunrise brings an opportunity,
Every sunset a sense of well being,
For I have conquered another day,
The trail I leave behind on this world,
Is but a sum of my actions,
Through joy of being cared for,
Through suffering loss of dear ones,
Through pain of of love,
I grow compassionate towards fellow humans,
Everyone has their story,
We all share this bundle of emotions,
I love you not for some casual cause,
I love you, because of what you bring to my world.

Like paper in wind my thoughts float around,
So easily I get lost in my head,
Yet you come bring me back to the ground,
Within your arms I shall always be found.

Today I looked up at the sun,
I smiled as if watching it for the first time,
I pointed at a crow and abused it.

Drizzle to downpour, the gloomy light lit up my day

Getting weathered,
Either into a mountain standing tall,
Or a valley in a crowd of mountains,
Am I the river defining roles,
Or the sea accumulating everything the land throws?

After every time spent together,
We part to go about our lives,
As you walk towards that door
I hope you'll look back
And hear my eyes say:
STAY.

By touch, discovering the surface,
Touch, I can tell this world is real,
Your touch, I melted like light,
Even if just for a moment, I was sure.

You grew on me like an addiction,
An addiction that quit me,
I drank your trust,
Just a drop, mind,
You always wanted me to stop.

I destroyed in your pursuit,
I assured you I could handle it,
I could bring you the world in exchange.
But no.

I'm left alone.

Tides turn, come and go,
Seasons pass, things keep moving,
Life keep moving forward,
But some things never change.
I hoped that some day I'll get over you,
I feared I was becoming obsessed,
It seems so simple, that I had to just let go.
But no.. Its been 4 years since we met,
Three and a half of which I have spent being in love with you,
I'm glad I told you from the start,
You've been my saving grace.
That you never loved me hurt often,
More so when you said you'll never be able love me back,
I always knew, it still hurt. And I accept it all now.
Despite knowing, here I am today, still finding myself thinking of you every spare moment,
Hanging to your every word,
All the little things you have that define you,
Wondering how your day goes, if you're alright,
The longer I spend away from you,
I steadily wither inside,
Knowing you belong to some one else,
It doesn't seem to change my feelings,
In fact your happiness is my main concern.
Through this mess I can only recall the times we've spent together,
Those moments where you allowed me into your world,
I think you are worried of hurting me,
But those times, in the club at night,
Sitting in at home and getting drunk,
Laying on the same hammock hoping we don't fall,
Staying up all night to see the rising sun,
Those moments where we were just.. We were.
It wasn't much to you, but in those moments,
I soared, I healed, I was inspired,
Proving that you're good for me.
And again I'll remember you're not mine,
That you don't want me and never will,
And this rant is all a waste,
I still don't understand why I can't get over you,
Why even after 4 years of not having you,
I love you so much

You smile like always, as you greet me,
In our time apart you've grown I see,
The absence we shared is never questioned,
You helped me look ahead to today.
It has been hard for you, I can tell,
The things that made you who you are,
While I was petty in my little solar system of needs,
In simplicity you lived the moment.
You are the bravest person I know,
With all the things you wake up to see another day,
Never giving up, never complained,
Accepting what you got, while I stressed.
I will take away from you a new beginning,
Where I will strive to be a better person.

What's going to happen to me?
Did I do things right, or were they mistakes?
Our decisions have consequences, some desirable,
Others not so much, may be it is over analysis of my life,
May be I'm awaiting an awakening.

Air conditioners and taxis and fake smiles,
Drinking and smoking and everything vile,
An entourage, photographers and this world senile,
Its all so plastic, everyone so greedy, needy and futile,
I feel like the only sane degenerate, trying to make life worthwhile.

Hanging upside down he saw the world,
A world that finally made sense to him -
Not because he was hanging upside down,
But because he understood the straight.

We've lived through our mistakes,
Often saturated of situations,
Willing to give up
At the darkest hour,
Breaking ourselves,
Letting them throw stones,
Inflicting some ourselves,
I've had my bad days,
You've had yours,
Don't be so ashamed,

The cloud that is my love for you,
Burst for I could contain it no more,
A lightness creeps into my gloom,
As your season comes to pass from my heart,
I look back at the times I thundered and roared,
You faced me like sea of calm,
Accepting all my anger and distress,
Making them into paper boats to float away,
The rainbows that shine are testament,
Of the magnificence that spawned this undying love.

In my home,
I see out the window,
There's a world out there,
Sunshine and alive,
But my bed is here.
Let me sleep,
Leave me alone

Shimmering like light on water on a summers day,
Or like the galaxy of shards of broken glass,
Your experience is rewarding at times when you don't try so hard to push me away,
At times it pierces my heart.

Received a letter from myself,
It said,
"I forgive you"

There are four seasons,
Winter, summer, rain and,
When I fall in love with you

Given a life to ****,
I know I killed mine,
It was with you I became,
Without you I came undone.

That old life of ours has come to pass,
You have already been reborn,
I have learned to live without you,
Still, the memory of how you made me feel stays.
I cannot explain why I love you more than my life.

My thoughts wander without destination
At three a.m. in the night,
I wish they'd come home,
For it feels like I haven't slept in years,
And have forgotten the pleasure
Of watching the sun rise.

We talked in silence,
We talked of memories,
Of how it felt when yours touched my skin,
We promised we would never fall apart,
Yet somehow,
The distances and spaces between grew to a whole life.

It's late in the night,
But we kept awake talkin,
It was always comforting,
Knowing you are there,
My first thought in the morning,
My last though as I drift into sleep,
Always you,
Even now I'll catch myself thinking,
Of you,
And I miss the times,
When you were my first thought,
In the morning, and my last thought,
At night when I did not dream,
Because you were with me.

Unless I start to walk I won’t get anywhere, unless I take action my destiny won’t be fulfilled,
I wait here to realize my purpose,
So does my purpose wait for me to fulfill.

Amidst the dense,
Mouthing names,
When you grieve,
When you celebrate,
Names whispered to oneself,
You miss them,
Everyone does.
Immortal within.
Unspoken.

I went from wanting you,
To loving you,
To needing you.

I made a special place for you in my world

That you believe too, I see that world beginning to take shape.

Like indistinct windows of a passing train,
Shifting my eyes to keep up with the stories,
Stories and people in each window,
Life passes me like the blurred train,
I am afraid I'll miss it, not fast enough to keep up.  

Once every now and then this feeling creeps in,
That I'm not good enough, may be I don't belong,
On days I soar higher than the clouds,
It comes down to my abilities and limitations,
And my fear that I don't know enough.

When I soar I remember the feeling,
Like I'm invincible and can do anything,
More importantly though, I feel my existence is justified,
People in my life with their kindness and affection,
Make me feel loved.

I forget that often, that I am loved,
Trapping myself in a bubble of misery,
Chained to the burden of my fears and failures,
Then out of nowhere you come along and carry the whole of me,
With my good and bad, I fly again in your love.

I'm thinking of you, do you think of me too?

We should be together because,
It took six billion years,
And a lot of violence,
To get to here, to us.

Because when you're here, I have got nothing to fear

Building a future,
One where I fit,
Not that things were bad,
I guess I slipped.
Gave in to the un-doer,
With a vision of freedom,
With an open sky to fly,
Bound to the ground without wings,
I never quite forget you amidst the chaos.
Those memories are ours,
Not just yours or mine,  
I still look up hoping to find you,
Someday you’ll take me away.

We all look for an audience to our life,
Some form of record in memory,
To be remembered after we are gone.