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 Dec 2013 Anggun Russell
Renae
Nothing felt so surreal as when he called me perfect
Insecurities were lifeless within me
Floating along on a breeze I
danced among the clouds; caught up
Nothing mattered except when he called me baby
I was his and he was mine
In my mind there was no space in-between
Nothing was more ****** than when
he slid his arms around my waist
face in my neck, chills down my spine
hands shivering, short breaths
Nothing was more incredible than that....
Nothing was more upsetting than when he was upset
with me especially
Nothing hurt worse than the names
Than the disappointment
Than the expectations
Nothing was harder than the court orders
Than the shelters
Than the sleepless nights
Nothing was longer than the drive out of state
Than parenting single
Than the not knowing
Nothing stabs like a tear soaked pillow
like confusion
or a broken heart
Nothing makes me feel more like a fool
Than wanting him back
Than missing his laugh
His smile, his charms
Call me crazy
 Dec 2013 Anggun Russell
Showman
We wants to wring his fat little neck.
You taunt us being with him.
We have to put on a mask.
We will take it in the end.  

It’s like he’s invisible.
Putting you on.
He thinks he can escape.
He stole you from us.
Your ours! Ours! My love.

We’ve killed for you before.
He doesn’t understand.
We can do it again.
Stupid little man.  

I’ll bash his head in with a rock.
I’ll bit his finger off.
To be with you again.
My precious. My love.
 Dec 2013 Anggun Russell
am
"Do you love me?" she asked.

5
It was a question I had worn on my lips for years;
Threads weaved in and out of my soul,
Easy pulled.
In your killing hesitation
I knew the answer.
You pulled the thread,
As tiny strings fell down,
Scattering on the floor.

4
Somehow I always knew
No one could ever love me.
I loved that **** boy as a friend
And as a lover.
But he never bothered to love me;
His heart beats
For another.

3
Please don't pretend
That everything is okay.
Do not grab my arm
Or try to hug me;
Do not even bother to look my way.
I know every **** song
That boy ever hummed
And every lyric
Remaining on his lips;
The closer I got
To reading to the lyrics
The further he stepped away.
Farther and farther
Away.

2
My not-so lover,
My not-so friend;
Please do not leave me
Standing alone.
My heart beats
For your innocent love.
Please look at me one more time
And fake the love,
Please whisper the soft lyrics
Into my ear.
Good bye my not-so lover
Good bye my not-so friend

1
I blew you a kiss
With the last breath I took.

*0
-A.M.
 Dec 2013 Anggun Russell
Morie
Your words
foolery;
a mockery of my heart.
My trust
destroyed.
And my head now a fog,
from the rose colored glasses
that you placed on my face
back then,
glued to my sight
of you.
I know no truth
and I beg,
beg to know why.
Why did you even bother
my foolish misguided heart.
You should
and will
be ashamed.
You're better than that.
A soulmate is rare
and you,
you are blind
to red devilish pain
that will engulf your heart.
You are now
a stranger,
one whom I couldn't wish I never met.
For you destroyed me
with your apathy,
indecision,
lack of thought.
I cry I hurt,
I scream your name.
And you,
nothing but a silent ear;
You're better than that.
When you are broken
and on the ground,
crying
hurting,
screaming for the truth;
I will meet you there.
My eyes are open
But my heart is closed

All I do is see
But my heart never skips a beat

Its like no matter what
My heart will never skip a beat for me
No matter how many nice guys I meet

Is my heart trying to be mean to me
Or is it just warning me

Or is the real problem really me
Our past may come to haunt us
Should we run
Or should we face it

Should we be mad
Or should we be scared

Our past may encounter with us in the present
But does it mean that it can ruin our lives
We shouldn't because we learned from our past
So it doesn't mean we can't fix the present

Lets see if we can do something in the present
So we can make up for our past mistakes
Winter comes again,
and with it comes the snow.
Freezing in a living room
sits a broken man alone.
He stares at the television
looking for a reality
he once knew was there,
but soon faded into calamity.
A hole-filled blanket covers him
trying to fight away the cold,
but you can't fight what lives inside.
The bitter man grows old.
His eyes still fixed on a deceitful screen.
His mind non-existent for his thoughts aren't his own.
A man dead in life lies still on the couch
while he searches for reality. A reality gone.
My love may be gone, but my lover isn’t giving up.He sees me as his perfect little world.The harp in my heart its song has stopped. The happiness & love I gave to him is now gone. So now my heart has gone cold, but hopefully this feeling will go away so that I can return to the arms of my lover. So that the both of us can go back to our lovable world
When the past comes knocking
Make sure your heart is locking.
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