I think about my future at work
I wonder when Ill meet the right girl
Be able to love and find the love I seek
Anxious to heal tired of feeling broken
Over feeling empty I just want to be complete
Capture the success I seek
Be able to calm down be satisfied
Instead of stressing and worrying
Live my life with others trying to set me back
Take swings at my smile
Belittle my effort thinking they'll break my spirit
Over waiting I know it should be mine
I put in the effort and the time
Fix me in the mold I break out grow  old

How can a hollow ache?
Or a poet write?
When the part that felt is cut away
Excised with a razor of reason
Bandaged with the dressings of the Sensible
To be healed, so it is said, with time
Yet like the morbid curiosity of the child who picks at the scab
Or perhaps more akin; the itch of an amputee's phantom limb
There is still an ache
How can that be so?
How can a hollow ache?
Or, come to that,
A poet write?

I can't get through the ocean
On my own,
The same way
I can't get through to you

I don't know you.
You are just a stranger
Behind the same prescription
Though your eyes
Have never looked the same
To me
As they once did

You look good
But you know it
I prefer beautiful things
That don't have to ask
For the love they won't get

Admirance is different;
A lust seen through
Two tiny black holes
I think that's the only sight
You've ever known

I should have been gold to you
Because you said I was
You were my world
But I guess I was just the fool

I've always been the one to defend you
With or without me
I wanted you to have the best
But I now find
I'm the one who needs defending

You're army of insecurity
Is no match for my swift feet
I could never use your secret as a weapon
But I've considered it

The person I loved in you
No longer exists
I was sad to find
that my friend is gone too

I don't want to be your boomerang
I want to be your bird
But I'm caged by the thought
That you have a heart under all that
Armor

Are you still going to love me
If I tell you all about the demons I keep
All the monsters in my head
Caged in insanity

Are you still going to love me
If I tell you I bang my head against walls
As everything haunts my mind every night;
Bleed, as I wound my head in fright

Are you still going to love me
In all the wrecked images imprinted on my head
All the ghosts in my bed
lulling whispers of noise in my sleep

My mind becomes evil
When the world folds in darkness
But I am the creator of my own hell
Alas, to no one I cannot tell.

Part 1;* *Love

I want to climb inside your skin,
Make a home in your brain,
And listen.

I want to know more about you than anyone,
To predict what you’ll say,
But to listen regardless,
Because I love the way you say it.

I want to understand,
To feel each line on your skin,
And scar on the walls of your heart,
And to know the stories that made them.

I want to know you so well,
That sometimes we forget we’re two people,
When it’s late,
And we’re awake,
More comfortable together
Than we are in our own flesh.

Let me in. Let me wear you.
Let me know what it’s like to suffer your downs,
And ride your ups,
And I’ll show you my wounds,
And expose to you my thoughts,
Until we know each other
Better than we know ourselves.

Part 2; The Boy

If I am careless,
if I allow my mind to wander,
I sometimes still
taste
the smoke from your lips.

It’s the wrong place,
and the wrong time,
but my heart still
jumps
into my throat
when I remember your touch.

If I could pick up the phone,
and tell you how I miss those
stolen kisses,
I would.
But jeopardy terrifies me
and I’d rather not dive headfirst
down that whirlpool just yet.

Part 3; The Reconciliation

I know that we used to be
so different,
so full of life,
so full of love.

That you were once
energetic,
excited, and
enthralled,
and I, for a time,
was compassionate,
caring and
considered.

I know that we were once
different people,
with different stories
and different hopes.

We may have lost our way,
become somebody we wouldn’t even have
recognised as being
us,
if we met ourselves 5 years ago,
but remember that
we recognise each other now.

I know your innermost
thought
and your
deepest distaste,
and I will
never
ask you to be anybody but
who you are today.

We might not be the same people
we were when we were 15,
but we are people who have
grown together,
and laughed together,
and loved together,
and we are people who have shared
so much
it would be impossible to leave this partnership
whole.

We have fused souls.

And as much as we may reminisce
and remember who we
used to be,
let’s just tonight remember
something more important.

Let us remember
who we are now,
and that it would be more
difficult for me to
tear myself from you
than to tear myself in half.

Part 4; The Decline

Postpone.

The silence at home
kills me,
so what’s the harm in
one more smoke,
anyway?

I spent more time
travelling miles to see you,
than I would ever care to
admit,
battling on bikes,
through sleet and snow,
to spend 30 minutes
over coffee.

Where did that go?

Now my house is not
my home,
because space to breathe is
scarce
and I am breathless just thinking
of the travel to my front door.

What do you do when the foundations
become unglued?

Nothing can rebuild
something that’s not demolished,
but destitute.

Part 5; The End

I can see our future,
Clearly,
For the first time,
And I hate it.

There are no fuzzy young faces,
No unknown sticky fingers,
No pattering of
A strangers’ feet
That somehow sound like
Home.

All I see are false smiles
And fake conversations
And the knowledge that
I’ll never
Know you
Again.

This is a dream:

I wake up to a rich, high pitch laughter
My nose tickles and I open my eyes,
Brown curls dance about my face,
And an angel smiles at me.

Soft lips meet my lips
And fingertips entwine.
Soft ******* upon my chest,
And short breath upon my cheek.

I stare into deep brown pools,
Warmth surrounds me fully.
I pause to take in what surrounds me,
I am playing with happiness that is not mine.

I sigh, breath deeply and open my eyes again

That….was a dream

It is women like you that make me question love.
You should mean nothing to me.
Another injured woman who doesn’t know enough about life to even love herself,
A wandering soul too afraid of true happiness to even begin looking for it.
You’re a slave of society, a puppet to your own self worth and an ambassador of moral ambiguity.
So why do I love you?
Why does my heart jump every time your name is said?
No. No not said. Sung.
It dances into my ear and makes my body sway. I feel light.
Why does my blood run warm when you draw near?
And why can’t my eyes stay clear of your face.
I didn’t even find you attractive before.
But now.
God now your body is so enticing it’s a wonder I’m not wrapped around you already.
And why?
You aren’t the nicest girl,
Not the sweetest,
You definitely weren’t made for me.
In fact, you couldn’t be more wrong for me if logic had a say.
But I’m sitting here staring at my ceiling and instead of white I see a deep drown.
The brown of your eyes…staring at me fondly.
You swim through my dreams and float through my mind with the greatest of ease,
Like a leaf dancing in the wind.
If my heart were a maze You would know the way through it forwards and backwards,
And I dare say you’d know a few shortcuts as well.
You see my soul like you see your own reflection.  
Its beauties and faults entwined…..
Maybe that is why I love you.