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i'm in love
with the way
you flip a
lucky cigarette
every time
you open a
fresh pack,
cause i know
you'll always
smoke it last
and i count
each one
as you
put them out

i want to be
your twentieth
cigarette,

i want you
to shake
when you see me
standing
all alone
at the tip
of your fingers,
i want you to
rush to inhale me
but force yourself
to savor me
cause i'm the only one,
after i'm gone
you have no one

i'm in love
with the way
you rush through
nineteen, sorry
cigarettes
just to
smoke
the twentieth
twenty
separate
times,

oh you take
a drag
and let it linger
on the tip
of your tongue,
you put it out,
brush it off,
tuck it away,
keep it safe,
you know you'll
want it again

like you
can't get
enough
of number
twenty,

and i know
in the back
of my head
that it isn't
because
it's lucky,
it's just because
it's all that's
left

but i wanna
be your number twenty

even when there

aren't

nineteen

before me

i want to be
the one you
pick out
of the crowd
just to flip
my world
upside down
and call
me
special

and i want you
to hurry through
the rest
to make it
back
to me
I dreamt of all the friends I've been missing
The ones I couldn't stop
from getting swallowed
by the sand
from the hour glass
sitting at the edge of
my dresser
The ones that became
victims of my endless hours
of essays and double shifts
The ones who sent text messages
that got swept beneath emails
from professors and managers
The ones who dialed my number
while I was in the shower
too many times in a row
and gave up
before I could answer
The ones who knocked
on my door while I
was away

The ones who will always
smell like summer
when I think of them
And the ones who will
always have a locker combination
in my memory

I dreamt of their hands
on my shoulders
and their laughter
warming the cool air
around me

But I woke up

in my bed

All alone

in my own home

Feeling terribly

**Homesick
The Snow Is Falling
To The Ground In Thick Fluffy Snowflakes
They Kiss My Cheeks And Face
Quietly And Tenderly It Falls
From Every Overhanging Cloud
The Sky Is Grey But I Am Happy
Because The Snow Is Falling From The Sky
And It Is Kissing My Face
It Places Wet Kisses Upon My Hands
And Instantly Turns Into Water
Oh, No! It Melted On My Hand
The Snow Is Falling Mixed With Ice
It Blankets The Cold, Hard Earth
It Has Fallen In A Graceful Manner
It Sticks To My Hair
The Snow Has Covered Every Tree
In Blankets Of Snow Mixed With Ice
Pines And Furs Are Bending Low
In The Heavy Blanket Of Ice And Snow
Jewels Of Icicles Hang From The Pine Needles
And Branches Of Nearly Every Tree
Winter Is Beautiful Especially When The Snow Is Falling
From The Bleak Grey And Barren Sky
Making Everything Beautiful
Dogwoods Are Sleeping
And So Are The Flowers Of Spring And Summer
They Are Sleeping Peacefully Under The Blanket Of Snow
When The World Awakes
They Will Unfurl Their Bright Beauty
Up, Up Towards The Dawn Of Morning
Winter Is Beautiful And I Do So Admire It
And If You Think About It In The Same Way I Do
Every Season Is Beautiful In It's Own Unique Way
The Snow Is Falling Making The Whole Wide World Beautiful

**~Marian~
A Poem That Just Randomly Popped Into My Head
So Here It Is!!! :) ~~~~~<3
I Hope You Enjoy It, One And All!!! :) ~~~~~~~~~~<3
Through the feathers and smoky bodies
Sparkling in the ballroom
The music marches me to you
With deft purpose
In my gown so pretty
Masked
I feel your familiar heartbeat call me
Everything falls away
From my senses as you
Take my hand and lead me
Soothing my anxiety in your embrace
Spinning in circles, green to blue
Holding me with care
Nothing else matters in this affection
Our dance is all I see reflected in mirrors
A beautiful, private show

My head swims heavily and I feel sick
It's too fast, too familiar
The mirrors crack like I knew they would
Chandeliers crash at our feet
You spin me quicker through the mess
I beg you to stop
I remove my stifling mask and rip off yours
My horror cannot be hidden
As I see your rotten skin
Your body so limp and cold in my arms
The chequered floor drops underneath me
Everything falls
Balloons and masks
Glass showers my vision in a rainbow of glitter

I've been dancing with the dead
I can never really tell if its Morning or Mourning.
For sure, it's both, if it's Monday Morning,
But some people welcome the coo coo at the crack of dawning
I don't see why, pull away from my bed and I'm always yawning

I can never really tell if its Mourning or Morning
You could have a funeral in the morning and also be mourning
But some people may find that too early to withstand something so boring
I don't see why, because both are just equally as snoring

I can never really tell if its Morning or Mourning
What is the need for either or both?
I'm certain that these two are the things that create all the warring
Morning is too early to begin adoring
And, well, Mourning is just too sad to start exploring.
It was in an empty hall
I heard the crack
It was like,
Glass shattering.
My smile
The picture of seventh heaven.

I heard the sound,
A child’s laughter.
The very essence of
Childhood.

A girl in ivory silk.
A bouquet of Cypress and Thistle.
Took hold of my hand,
her’s feeling like
reapers mirth.

In the graceful steps
of a dance
We waltz though the halls.
In the distance
I hear the chatter of life,
as it mourns of its
Forsaken Child.

I walk down the cold hallways
the vibrant color of light
bleeding out
like bleach to
a stained world

The hooded man
collecting it as penance
He walks behind us
his aura dark as
my ivory girl.

She leads me to a
room covered in twin
Glass walls
Bars first positioned in front
only to keep oneself
from killing the Reflection.

As she leads me
to the center of the,
Glass castle

Worlds of delirium
reach to my body.
Touching, pulling, violating
Words of the glass reflection
that stares back
and takes
my every movement.

As I stare again,
I see my ivory angel
she giggles in the reflection
sounding like chiming bells.
Her skin pure
like a porcelain doll

She cracks and shatters,
as my ears hear
The distant lament of lucidness.
The world blight,
Eroded to red.
Bittersweet mania,
flashed in my eyes.

I almost felt the kiss
of fragmented
Reflection
Scarlet,
dancing with
me in metallic glory,
As I fell through the Glass Castle
of the hooded man’s laugh.
I.
i'm clingy.
you can't manage to love someone that always happens to stick onto you like fresh fallen snow on the bottom of your snowboots or pounding water that adheres to your skin in a shower. no one wants someone who they can't shake off and get away from a little. but with me, i will try my hardest not to let that happen. because i can't even fathom the thought of you walking out that door and never coming back.

II.
my brain is like spaghetti.
my thoughts are always messy and all over the place. it's extremely challenging to sort everything out so i don't even try anymore. everything just jumbles and mixes together and you can't really differentiate one strand from another. and my grandmother always told me that guys don't like messy girls.

III.
sometimes i'm just a really sad poem with feet.
i get into moods. moods where i think everything is wrong and that i'm useless. no one likes girls like that. boys like confidence, right?

IV.
i'll try to make a home out of you.
and you can't make homes out of people. but i don't think that'll ever get through my thick skull.

V.
you don't know how to love me.
no one does. no one has quite been able to figure it out.
and i think you're okay with that.
i honestly think this ***** and i might delete later

*edited
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