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Last night I was walking home.
It was bright out
And I could see everything.
The darkness fit like
A brand new shirt that
Is the wrong size.
The wind gently blew around me.
The leaves created little tornodos
On the ground.
The noise they made as they
Dragged the ground
Reminded me of your breathing
At 3 in the morning
After you woke up from a
The moon was hidden behind
A veil of clouds.
It reminded me of how
Shy you were
When we first met.
The wind was cold against my fingers.
Just like your hand
That you wrapped around mine
After we were outside together
For a while.
Chilly autumn nights
Just like last night
Are hard for me.
Because my dear
Every little thing
Reminds me of you.
I've stood in the silent wood and listened to the solitary wolf howl,
sped down the tarry highway on a black endless night all alone.
Marveled at the edge of the Grand Canyon at dusk.
Stood in silent wonder in the shadow of the Taj Mahal
And strolled the Great Wall of China at midnight.

None of that will ever compare to
The most exquisite sight that I have ever seen,

I have kissed your lips and tasted heaven.
The way your back moves up and down slowly with every breath you take as you sleep.
The slight lower lip pout that you have when deep in thought
Hair that has tight and loose curls throughout it.

Day after day I am in amazement of the person you are.
Dedicated, hardworking and wholehearted loving man.
Putting everyone ahead of yourself
And caring for others even when people might not care.

My heart belongs to you completely.
Without you, it would cease to beat,
And turn to dust from not being used.
I love you dearly from now
Until the end of everything.
Beyond time and space my love.
It is quiet here.
No voices,
No noises.
The silence swirls around,
It fills me.
The smell of damp wood
Mixed with soil
Fills my nose.
Stiff clothing is what I wear.
Hands clasped together,
Never parting.
My companions are also like me.
Dressed to impress
But not going anywhere soon.
My wooden box,
My comfort.
If you need me,
I shall be in my final home.
Riding in a metal tube
Under the feet of
Millions of people
And thousands of buildings.

We all have somewhere important to be,
Something important to do,
Or someone important to see.

We are all busy with
Our extremely important business
And catch glimpses
Of people we wish to be instead.

The train sputters into
A worn station
And trembles away
To another worn, tired place.

The doors glide open
And we all lumber out.
Well dressed zombies
Following the crowd,
In a hurry
Just to work ourselves
To death.
My heart beats for you.
Stereotypical I know, yet
It's true.

Thousands of relationships have come and gone
Ours will pass too.
But before it does,
It will burn more brightly than
A magnesium ribbon.

I have traced your flared nose
Every day for three years.
Memorized the way your back
Dips down in the lower back.

Your pale pink lips
Have spoken some of my favorite words.
Actually, every word that has passed them
Is my favorite word.

Your black curly hair
Was the first thing I fell in love with.
Then your kind eyes
And how they crinkle almost to the point of closing
When you are happy.

My breath still catches in my throat
When I see you after being separated.
We are one yet two at the same time.

I know you inside and out
Yet every day I learn
Something new.

Thank you for being my true love
No matter what
You are the one.

Without you, I am a speck of dust,
nothing at all.
Havoc reigns in my heart.
With you, I feel like
The ocean that is my heart is calm

My dearest, immortal love
I will love you until my dying breath
And even after.
I'm dying.
Every minute that passes, I am closer to death.
I withdraw into myself.
Shut the world out
As I hide in my room.
The fire in my eyes has
No one see's me falling apart.
The happy girl routine is getting
To be to hard to keep up.
No one wants to deal with
The ****** up, depressed,
Broken girl I've turned into.
Tick, tock
**It ends tonight.
His calloused fingers strum his guitar,
Letting out heavy metal music,
That swirls around us.
His fingers run up and down my back,
Playing the keys there.
The music echos within me,
All the way to my bones.
He inspires me to be better
And to do well in school.
He is perfectly divine but
He laughs at me when I tell him so.
Laying in the wide bed together,
There is no where else I would rather be.
He thinks he is falling for me.
I have already started to fall
And let me tell you
It is a lovely fall.
The warm wood reflects
The sunlight streaming in from the windows.
Every corner is lit with warmth
And happiness.
Yet here I am.
Sitting underneath blankets,
With darkness swirling within me.
Darkness so black, no light can pierce it.
Sadness and loneliness fills me.
I just need someone to understand.
But no one does.
So throw on a smile dear and act normal.
No one will know the difference anyway.
The world will keep spinning,
Even if my heart
isn't beating.
You built this living hell for yourself
You called me your saving grace.
We were trapped together by this life,
And suffered in incomplete happiness.
As your world burned down around us,
You left me on my own.
Wrists slit, blood surrounding you.
Now I'm here in misery.
Only finding you in bits
And pieces of music
This terrible emptiness
Fills me.
Empty like the bottom drawer of a dresser.
Empty like a abandon house
Full of ghosts and
Long ago memories.
Empty like how I feel without you.
Yet in that emptiness
There is a certain sadness.
A heart wrenching sorrow.
Sadness like when your favorite character
Dies in a movie.
Sad like when you pass a cemetery,
Seeing all of those lonely gravestones.
This is how I am without you
Broken and empty.
Love in a*
Love in a college town
Love in a box
Love in a mist
You were magnificent.
Everyone saw danger in
Black jeans with ink black boots
But I saw a handsome mystery.

People said that you were begging
For trouble and that you were
Going no where fast.

My friends said that you would break my heart
And lead me down a path that
Ended in a not so nice place.

You were my first love.
I remember the smell of
Cigarettes and alcohol clinging to you.

You were my first drug.
I injected myself with your presence
And gulped down your lies
Like the cheap beer we bought.

One midnight I creeped out
To meet you at that bar
Where no one in their right mind
Would go.

Smoke was heavy in the air
And *** was going on in dark corners.
Alcohol flowed freely and showed no sign of stopping.
It was there that we kissed.

Two turbulent years later
We had moved up to that section of the woods
Where people got high.
You stared at the stars but
You seemed to see through them.

It was there that I said,
"I love you."
Those little words danced on the wind
And quietly entered your ear.

At first you didn't do anything
Then you slowly moved your face
Towards mine.

The moonlight shone down and
The stars were on fire,
They were so bright.

You stared at me.
No, through me.
In that moment I realized something.

Everyone was right.
You were trouble,
On the fast track to no where,
And danger in black jeans.

My heart shattered to pieces.
I left you
And that dark path that you led me down.

Even now as I lay in bed,
Aching for your touch
I regret nothing.

You are still magnificent.
My drug in black jeans with matching boots.
My handsome,
I'm really happy today.
For the first time in a long time, I don't have to fake being happy.
Early morning rehearsal woke me up
And put me in a good mood.
In choir we sang in Latin,
Which is my absolute favorite language.
In Trig I got all the answers right.
I'm leaving my 7th mod
To go to a blood drive.
That means I get to miss my last two classes of the day.
I really dislike those classes
So this is a plus for me.
I'm so happy and I'm not sure why.
Does it matter why?
No it doesn't!
I'm not going to let anything stop my good mood.
Not myself.
Not negative people.
Not even negative thoughts can bring me down.
This is my first really good day in a while
And I am so thankful for it.
Moved into your bones.
Making myself comfortable in the
Darkest part of you. I swept away all the dust
from your heart. I lit the darkest spots of you with candles.
The endless black is now lit for all to see.
You accept me in without any fear and you
Let me see what you want most in life and
You shared your dreams with me. Your heart
Beats in time with my own. I’ve melted into you.
Yes it is a dark and broken place. A little rundown.
But it is you and you are home. I wouldn’t want to
Be anywhere else. Whenever I’m with you, I’m home.
Written on the wall,
Written on the ceiling,
It's all telling me to give in to
The sadness.
To the darkness within.
I don't miss you at all
I don't miss your laugh
How it rumbles out of you like the sound of thunder  in the distance
I don't miss your eyes
Dark like the sky just before  rain comes pouring down.
I don't miss  your smile
So similar to a break in the clouds when the sun shines.
I don't miss our conversions
The long hours spent telling each other
Every detail and spilling our hearts into each other.
I don't miss how you always made me happy
Just like a child getting the gift they wanted for months on Christmas morning.
I don't miss how my heart fluttered when I talked to you,
Just as rapid as hummingbirds wings.
I certainly don't miss your favorite songs
That eventually became my favorite songs.
I don't miss you at all
Yet I know if you said one word to me
I would fall apart and finally realize
That I do miss you.
I miss your smile, your laugh, your eyes, and every single little detail about you.
With every single fiber of my being , I truly miss you but
I would never admit it.
I messed up.
Really badly.
I ****** up.
I'm sorry.

My heart is tearing itself apart.
I hate myself for hurting you.
I feel pure hatred for myself.
I deserve death for hurting you.
I'm so sorry.

You mean the world to me.
I don't know what I would do without you.
You being mad at me, hurts more than I ever thought possible.
I'm so, so sorry.

Sorry won't fix it
I know.
Its all I can for now.
Its a horrible thing to say but its all I have.
I'm so, so, sorry.
I'm in the gym.
There is a teacher/student basketball game.
I'm surrounded by people
But I feel so alone.
I just want to go home.
Then curl up in bed.
I want to go to sleep
And never get out of bed.
I've been here for five days now.
Five days in this white walled, roomy apartment
With my other half.
Four nights we slept together.
When I go home, everything will change.
No more random kissing,
Or bass playing,
Or random I love you's,
Or even hearing his voice mumble
Some silly thing as we lay in bed.
We may sit in silence for a while,
While he works but it doesn't matter to me.
Just being near him is beyond good enough for me.
It feels like my heart will burst from
All of the love I have for him.
Tomorrow I go home.
It will be extraordinarily difficult
For me to leave him.
He will be in an another state
And an hour away.
Yet every single second with him,
I'm so grateful for.
Even when we do nothing, I'm grateful for it.
I'd rather do nothing with him
Than with someone else.
We spent weeks laying in bed,
Staring into each other's eyes
And fingers intertwined.

The moon and sun chased each other
Over my house.
Sunlight slowly turned into moonlight
And then back to sunlight.

We softly whispered our secrets
And let out everything that made out hearts ache.

Your long, dark eyelashes
Were beautiful to me.
Your brown eyes had flecks
Of warm gold.

Your nose was a ski *****
And I loved to run my finger down it.
Your sharp cheekbones
Were the most interesting at three in the afternoon.

That was when the sun would
Perfectly hit your face
And make the most pretty shadows on your face.

My favorite bit about you
Will always be your lips.
The words tumbled out
Slowly and garbled
After you first woke up.

Yet when you said my name
Well I can't really describe it.
My name on your lips
Was my absolute favorite sound in the world.

Well, darling you have been gone for so long.
You left me and the beautiful earth.
I still listen to our records
And watch our favorite movies.

But it is alright
Because tonight I'll see you in my dreams.
As you always said,
"Even if we are apart, we'll still have each other in our dreams."
The clock ticks loudly
My mind is cloudy.
The class stares at me
I wish I was free.
I open my mouth
But flop like a trout.
My face is on fire
I wish I was run over by a tire.
My hands are sweaty,
No I'm not ready.
As I finish my presentation
I wait for my conviction.
They clap,
I am not longer trapped.
I hurry to my seat,
I feel weak.
Never again
Will I give a presentation.
To be buried alive, what a fright!
I'd rather fly a kite.
Have the wind blow through my hair.
Then have my s'more taken by a bear.
Why am I so off track?
Seems to always happen to me and that's a fact.
"If you haven't noticed yet I'm hardly ever okay."

"I know but I don't care."

"What do you mean you don't care?"

"I don't care that you are almost never okay. I just want you to get better."

"I know I'm trying."

"I care about you so I want you to get better."

"I know."
Haven't felt your touch in days.
You don't know if you want this anymore.
Do you not want me anymore?
Do you not love me?

The cord that connected us is severed.
Its demolished,
Just gone.

It's not over but we aren't together.
Stuck in a weird limbo
Of are you still mine or are you looking for another?

I've always wanted you and I knew we were meant to be.
But now
I'm not so sure.
You have shaken my faith in love.

But I will love you even if you don't love me.
Call it hopeless love
But I believe in you,
In us,
And in our little family.
They float around my head
Keeping me from going to bed.
Of course they are all about you
My dear why can't you leave me?
In my thoughts,
In my dreams,
Even in the songs I listen to.
It seems like you are everywhere
Yet you are so, so far away.
Please leave me my dear
And remove all traces of you
From my breaking heart.
Only three months are left
Until graduation.
I am so scared.
I don't care if I fail all of my classes,
I don't care about how I look,
And I most certainly don't care about how other people view me.
But in three months,
You will be gone.
I'm so scared of it.
You are my best friend.
I love you dearly.
I'm trying to memorize every part of you
So when you leave I'll still remember you.
I remember every odd, quirky thing
That you told me about yourself.
I remember how you were always there for me
And you never gave up on me,
Even when you saw me at my lowest.
I remember all of those weird and crazy conversations,
We would have at midnight.
You are the smartest, most wonderful,
Kind, funny, patient and geeky man
That I know.
In three months, you will be at boot camp
And I'll be in this small town,
Where nothing changes and everyone talks about each other.
You'll be excited to start your new life
As a Nuclear Engineer  
And I'll become a distant memory.
That is what I'm scared of.
I don't want you to forget me.
Even though you once told me
That I am an amazing and a unforgettable person,
I'm so worried that you will forget me.
But this is your dream job
And I fully support it.
You will be under the sea, powering a submarine
And I'll probably be working in some
Dim, dull, dusty restaurant on the main street.
*Good luck, my astronaut man.
The moon has always held a special and private part of my heart.
Now he occupies that space.
My sadness is like a very deep pond.
The surface is calm and quiet.
But underneath my monsters swim and hide.
I stop to peer on every do often.
And I fall in.
And I fall
And fall
I sink deeper and deeper
Like a stone.
At first I hide that I'm sad.
A fake smile here and a fake laugh there.
But after a while
The happiness drains out of me.
My sadness engulfs
And consumes me.
I cannot breath and
Faking happiness is just to
Finally I brush the bottom with my fingertips.
Thoughts of leaving this planet
Flirt with me and won't go away.
Someone eventually dives in and
Drags me to the surface.
I gasp for breath and
Shiver from the cold.
They wrap a blanket around me and
Make me a hot cup of coffee.
Yet this time I don't think anyone
Will dive in after me.
Maybe I will float downwards
And finally hit the
This town never changes.
Same old, same old.
Same places to go, same things to do.
People here laugh and joke,
While their misery hides in a closet.
No one is truly happy,
Or truly sad.
Pretend, pretend, pretend.
In this town
We are the world's greatest fakers.
This never ending stupid drama
Of this small town.
Where we all know your secrets,
Where you know my secrets.
Nothing stays hidden long in this town,
Not even your misery.

You shredded my heart and dared to call me heartless.
You said that I was cold and a disappointment.
You said that my choices lead to this and I left you.

I was a warm person but you froze her with your abuse.
I had a heart but you turned it into stone from lack of reassurance and angry words.
I tried my best with everything but nothing was ever good enough for you.

A waste of breath
Waste of life
Can’t do anything right ever

That plus so much more I heard every day
But I told myself that you didn’t mean it and that you were just angry.
Threw my failures in my face
Even the ones that you knew were the most sensitive.
At the end of us, I was free and saw things with clear eyes.

You abused me
Verbally, emotionally, and mentally.
You manipulated me.
Tore me down and created a person
Who was submissive and believed every negative word you said.

But now I’m free.
I can do what I want when I want
I can go where I want with who I want.
I’m not afraid to voice my thoughts or alter them so they won’t upset anyone.
I don’t have to tiptoe to avoid an earthquake.

There is someone who cares about me
He listens to me and remembers the small details.
When I ask if he can teach me something, he does it as soon as he can.
He shows me affection in small ways that lets me know that he cares.

He doesn’t push me to share things.
He knows that I’m healing and that there is a lot of problems.
But he still comes back and tells me that everything will be okay.

We all have problems and go through hard times.
But there is never an excuse for abuse.
You hurt me and killed the woman I was.
Now I have to try to heal and rebuild from the ashes.
Inky blackness everywhere
Broken by moonlight and starlight.
The moon cast a light on everything,
Making shadows longer and distorted.
The wind sounds ghostly
As it blows through the trees.
People are sound asleep
Inside their safe little houses.
Animals come out,
It is their domain for now.
By the times the sun chases away the moon
The animals retreat to their own secret places.
Ever since we started talking more,
I have changed.
I cannot think clearly,
I cannot pay attention in class.
I cannot sleep at night.
Food no longer interests me.
My thoughts drift to you.
My heart flutters in my rib cage
At the mention of you.
My pulse quickens whenever
I see you.
Oh my funny friend,
Only you can have this wicked affect on me.
A minute away from you
Is a hellish eternity.
Oh what oh have you done to me?
He sat beside me
On a park bench
In the summer.
The sun shined down on us.
Inhaling the fresh  grass cut smell
I fell in love.
His fingers lightly tapped his knee,
Playing a song on the piano
That only he could hear.
He moved down the keys and
Played the keys on my knee.
I finally heard his song
And it was beautiful.
The notes swirled around us
And enveloped us.
Everyday he played our wonderful beautiful song
On that bench.
His fingers were like a ghost on my knee
Almost as if he was afraid to break the keys.
Autumn came and the song changed.
It went from soaring and joyful
To crashing and sorrowful.
He left.
Day after day I went to our bench
Waiting for him to appear.
With his ice blue eyes that pierced me.
His black hair getting in his eyes
And that breathtakingly beautiful smile
That he smiled when he was truly happy.
His scent. That intoxicating,
Heady blend of coffee
And cigarettes.
His paint spattered shoes and jeans
Will never be next to me again.
Our song is forever in my heart
And the boy who I knew for a summer
Will always be with me
In my wonderful memories
Of piano filled days.
Time went slowly by
And yet oh so quickly.
It crawled and flew.

It has been years,
Yet here I am.
In my familiar, safe space
Of words and music.

To much time has past.
Many things have happened
And changed.

*But I have come back. I missed you
I've been gone but now I'm back again.
This bed isn't right,
It's too small
To firm
Too high off the ground.

It isn't our bed.
Our bed is soft,
It's big enough for both of us and our pup.
It might be on the ground but I like it that way.

But mostly it isn't right because
You aren't beside me.
Your warmth isn't there to reassure me when I have a bad dream.
Your foot isn't there when I reach for you,
Your snores aren't in the background.

The kicks to the back and stomach from the pup isn't there.
The warmth he gives off while cuddling is missing.
The tinkling of his collar as he patrols the house,
Is missing from the background.

This just isn't home
And I don't think any place will ever be
Close to home without you.
Opening my eyes to greet a new day isn’t hard anymore.
The sunlight that trickles through the curtains doesn’t burn now.
Rolling over to get out of bed isn’t impossible.
Taking a shower isn’t a debate of whether it’s worth the pain or not.
Getting dressed isn’t just throwing on something without caring about how I look.
Eating isn’t something that I avoid and lie about doing.
Leaving home doesn’t flood me with worry and fear.

Now I greet the sun like an old friend,
I love showers again,
Now I put in the effort into how I look,
I’m falling in love with food again,
And best of all,
I’m excited to leave home and go on adventures.

All because of you, mi amor.
You truly saved me when I was at my lowest.
Smirks and small glances gave me the strength to start trying again.
Encouragement is endless with you
And you support me unconditionally.

This is new to both of us.
Loving unconditionally
Who knew it could feel so good
Tiny, white lines cover her arms.
They crisscross and some of them are at angles,
Some have faded and some are new.
They are all beautiful
To me at least.
It's her constant reminder of everything she has been through
And a reminder of how strong she is.
I trace the scars with my fingertips
She shutters gently and looks away.
I'm so proud of you,
You never, ever gave up hope that tomorrow will be better.
She smiles faintly and kisses her scars.
Her beautiful, white scars that reminds her
That things will get better.
In class I am a ghost.
No one notices me.
I hide in the back.
I hear everyone's conversions.
My opinion is kept to myself.
They don't care as long as
I do the homework and
Pass the tests and quizzes.

No one cares about me.
You came to me in a dream last night.
You stood there just as if you were the
Empire State building

My breath caught in my throat,
Like those pesky popcorn kernels.
My face bled all of its
Color away.

You kissed me without a sound.

Instead of your kiss exciting me,
It disgusted me.
I hated the taste
And the smell of you.

Deli meat filled my nose
And I almost fainted.  

At one time I would have
flung myself off a cliff for you.

Now I would gladly
Sprint in the different direction.

You lose the right to come
to me in dreams
Or even touch me.

Just stop it.

You had tortured me enough.

I'm so tired of this.
This overwhelming sadness and frustration.
Self destruction is what I'm best at.
I hate myself more than
Anyone could hate me.
I stare into mirrors,
And I criticize and pick out
Every stupid flaw.
That's why I'm afraid of mirrors,
They show me in my worst state.
I thought leaving that **** town
Would change everything.
But here I am,
Wallowing in self pity
And despising every inch of myself.
Being by myself allows the
Voices to grow louder
Until they are screaming and
I'm screaming right back.
I  hate this so much.
Its an effort to do the dishes.
Its an effort to do anything.
This is me in my worst state.
*So why are you still here?
Laying outside
In the grass,
Feeling it grow around me
I fell in love.
Marilyn Manson softly croons in my ears,
As I fell in love with the sun.
Its rays soaked into my skin
And lit the darkest corners of my soul.
The clouds in shapes of
Tigers, elephants, and planes
I fell in love with them
As they lazily drifted by.
I fell in love with the wind
As it tousled my hair
And carried the sound
Of familiar voices around me.
The leaves of trees
Were green and beautiful.
I fell in love with them as
They created shadows around me.
I fell in love with nature
And it captivated my heart.
Chattering, bouncy, bright-eyed
That is how I was as a child
with anyone I met,
even perfect strangers.

13 was the year I killed myself.
Ripped my heart out
and rearrange my emotions
Along with my thoughts.

It happened again at 16
Then also at 17, 18, 19 and 20.

I ripped my bones out and tore my DNA
I scrubbed myself clean with bleach
And rewired me.

Now I'm reserved, still, and dead-eyed.
Recoil and avoid even the briefest of touches
With strangers.

Every time I killed myself,
I was reborn and more wary of things.
Today I am alive
because I killed myself
So many times.
I watched the sky transform from a glittery black cloak
Into cotton candy blues and pinks.

The sun rose slowly but sure of itself
All the while spreading warmth and light.

Trees went from lumbering, dark monsters
To tall, vibrant green friends.

Flowers popped with color
And swayed in the wind.

All the while I watched this I thought of you
And how much I wish you were here right now to experience it with me.
She gave herself entirely to him.
Bent over backward and twisted herself so tight
that she lost her breath.

He drifted to her and away again
just like the ocean kissing the sand.
With every new pair of lips,
hers gasped in tears.

With every new heart-pounding moment of love,
hers cracked and broke a little.

His return was almost a little too late always.
When he smiled at her with perfect teeth,
her head didn't hurt so much from all the tears.

His touch healed her broken emotions a fraction.
When he drifts away with her hands grasping for
a scrap of his shirt
and returns nothing
she becomes nothing herself.
The truth is oh so ugly
Yet the lie is always beautiful.
The lie sets us free
Truth holds us back.
Truth seems to be what is wrong with the world
But the lie is what is right with the world.
When we discover the beautiful lie has turned ugly
We turn from it but merely glance at the ugly truth.
Protect yourself from the truth
But let the lie in
And believe the beauty of it.
I smile
So people believe I'm happy.
Don't look at my mouth,
Look into my eyes.
They don't look happy
Do they?
I hide behind this wonderful mask
Of happiness.
"Oh, she is always so happy."
No I am not.
I'm dying inside.
I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm tearing myself apart.
No one can see it and no one cares.
So bottle it up and tuck it into
A far, far corner of my mind.
Maybe one day I can finally say,
"This act is over. Someone save me from myself."
You were my best friend.
I messed it all up
With one stupid decision
On a warm Sunday.

I am sorry for hurting you.
My friend is very close to you now
Because of what happened.

I'm fine with that.
Just hearing your name repeatedly
Really hurts after a while.

I really wish I could hate you.
Hate you for all of the
Pain, heartbreak, and Stress
You caused me.

The thing is,
I can't hate you no matter how hard I try.
I still wish the best for you.

I just wish that we could have had
But alas, it was not meant to be.

Thankfully, I no longer
Feel anything for you.
Not love or hate, not even a vague liking.

You are no longer the most wonderful,
Terrific person as I thought you were.
Your pedestal has crumbled
And you have fallen.

This is my final poem to you.
This is my final goodbye.
Goodbye Shane. Goodbye my moon.

Even when Venice is taken by the sea,
I will still love you.
Ancient buildings will crumble to dust,
I will love you.
Pyramids are reclaimed by the desert
And the Great Sphinx is faceless,
My love for you will live on.
When the tower of Pisa finally falls,
My love will still stand tall for you.
Modern music will become oldies,
Tomorrows events will be ancient history soon.
You and I will eventually be forgotten.
Yet my love for you will never be forgotten.
It will continue throughout time.
Cars will take off and fly,
Yet you ground me.
My love you cannot imagine how much you mean to me.
There aren't enough words in the world to describe how much
I adore you.
But I hope this poem gives you a small insight to how I feel.
No matter what,
I will love you now and for all the rest of time.
I never expected to live this long.
I thought I would have sung my swan song.
I don't have a plan,
I don't even know who I am.

10 years ago all I wanted to be was dead.
Now I'm lost.
Searching for myself in others
But no one feels quite right.

There are similarities,
but my full self is not to be found anywhere.
She is hiding and evading me.

But the promise of a future,
Filled with children and a wonderful husband,
A family all of my own,
keeps me going.

And trying to be the best I can for them,
And future me.
Future me I might disappoint you at times,
But I won't give up on you.
It might take time to make my dream a reality
But we have a support system that can help us with anything
and if it wasn't for them we would have never made it this far.
I was actually happy.
So happy.
But this feeling is back again.
This dark cloud.
It hugs me gently
Like a old friend.
I shove it away by it holds me tighter.
I really thought I was getting better.
Well I guess I'm never
Meant to be
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