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 Jul 2015 Shell of a Man
Jojo
The last of the leaves blew off today.
But don't worry, they are biodegradable.
And they realized it was their time to go.
And they really did give us quite a show
Their sacrifice was appreciated by a few
And now they are given a mass burial
Their corpses lying on the sidewalk...

And I've realized that
The beauty of fall is prettier
When shared by two.
Putting her in front of anyone and everything
She promises love ever lasting but blink and then she's missing
Giving you the cold shoulder her mood swings only make you lust for her more
Find out her core she's not perfect, aborted before she could be reborn
Torn away before you want her to go, do some blow to help you cope but she will come back and show you its not just the snow outside that's causing your bad connection
Her complexion will send you in the wrong direction
She knows her imperfections hurt your reflection
Natural selection she is an infection in the section of you that no surgeon can remove
Parents disapprove and refuse that she is right for you thinking you can improve
Seduces you so you stay Knight in shinning armor you make her your bride so it's till death do you two part
Playing poker only to find that she holds more than your heart
She reminds you that's what behind you has designed you inclined to rewind to the unkind but you realize you have a blind spot for her
Unable to see your past without her in it any way you spin it there she is
Wake up from the car wreck only to see the way you spun it didn't turn out right
You try to fight to stay alive but
On your deathbed you lie and once again there she is, holding your hand in a tight clasp
You gasp as you grasp that all along she was the forecast
As you bask in the sun and dry up you look at her and she's more beautiful than ever
No light cast upon her could age her skin what so ever
Looking in her eyes you slowly begin to realize that because of death you two will part and your time is about to end
Spending your last few moments thinking about her wishing you could make amends for everything you've done wrong
You try to speak but she just says not to worry
Starting to cry she says she's sorry
Apologizing for the night you wanted freedom from her, she says she just couldn't bare to see you leave
Right as you close your eyes for the final time
She says you know we never would have met if it wasn't for your parents, see they gave you to me
She is life
No time to be a kid I grew up fast
Doing the things I did unknowing I'd be outcast
I learned quick or the bruises grew vast
Standing up for myself, that was unspoken
Not wanting to be beaten until bones were broken
Thrown up against the wall or down to the ground
Afraid that my body would never be found
I would cry night and day
Not understanding why my mom would stay
Taking the beatings for my sisters
Above the stove hot hands would blister
Having fits would pay your toll
To bruised wrist and a cracked skull
Pushed down the stairs or dragged from a car
Nothing ever was a move to far
No proof now just a mental scar
Thankful that my dad is different. People can change. :)
Finding a heart so fair that I couldn't bare to see it go through despair
I declare that I was unfair, but don't you dare go compare our perfect pair, pinky swears and nights shared to a facade that was never there
You may not like it but we were the turtle and the hare
We shared something that was debonair no doubt that I doubted what was there
I don't think we ever broke we just bent beyond what we attended or meant
Contents of a letter, a letter of intent, my letters sent, intent to deliver intended to repent
Where went the time spent on making that man in the mirror more than just a reflection
I can still see an act put on by an actor your projection of me being self centered while you sit center stage taking stage directions like a show pony this is where I say uh *******
Just kidding but you have to admit that was good to some sort of degree, do you remember me the parts that were touched by the Florida beach, dead sea and that tree we carved our names into
Those things were tried and true I run through these deja vu moments more and more and i've finally had my break through
Hello poetry I haven't seen you for quiet some time, found this sheet pile of our original files and thought, why not come out to play while the clinking bottles start to chime?
You've got dirt underneath your fingernails
and I'm not sure if it's from digging your own grave
or mine

Your eyes are a blank slate
and I can hardly see the person I knew from before
a tragedy

My hands are tied
with the bits of barbed wire that you used to
keep me out

The palpitations in my chest quicken
my eyes in a frenzy, my body thrashing there has to be
a way

Your heart is lost
but you, you are not. You are here and you are
living still

There is a stillness
in the way you speak and the way you look at me like
I'm a stranger
It feels like I flew through dimensions and left my body behind before coming back and being in disrupted coherence with the way my fingers trace your jawline and how much a touch ignites a soulful consonance with breathing and hope.
It was having bad reception and losing my senses all at once and have them back a second later only to realize they have been dulled by the loss and the age old transition from now to then and then to now.
It was spending my nights writing about what you felt like, what your soul made me feel even when your lips say nothing at all, what I hear when your hand lightly brushes against mine and to document it all so that when you leave, I'll have something to remember you by.
It felt like having avalanches happen in your chest every time you look in his eyes because something in you gives when you think up the words you want to say but keep to yourself.

So I'll leave it to my imagination to draw the lines and create the realities that leave me wishing I was more dead than alive.
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