I laughed when I was faced with death,
Sometimes I think it was my test.
But did I pass or did I fail?
Am I on the victor trail?
Is this the life of he who won?
Or is this just how I come undone?
A frivolous and pathetic life,
Is that the path I carved that night?
Did I somehow lose myself,
Choosing to die for someone else?
Or was it right, to let them die,
While I watched and stood idly bye?
No, I think, I made the right choice.
I listened to that destructive voice.
The one that told me to jump ahead,
Knowing it that I could soon be dead.
For in that choice my power came,
The fearlessness and focused aim.
The laugh that stood as a shield before,
Still remains to stand strong once more.
I love that I chose to die,
Not for myself, but those at my side.
I love knowing I chose that death,
That I chose to stand in for someone else.
I love the glory, I loved the fame,
I love the memory of him taking aim.
It feeds the demon that is my pride,
It nourishes the bravado that I feel inside.
People look at me as though I am more,
Something beyond what I was before.
Some think me a hero, others say insane,
But it feels ******* great that they know my name.
Perhaps I'll put it on my resume,
"I once stood and laughed death away."
Then again, they would make me explain,
And that would only just bring up the pain.
Because I hate that night,* the way it went.
I hate that even one casing was spent.
I hate that luck is why I survived,
I hate that it wasn't some quality of mine.
It sickens me that I chose death,
That I willingly elected to take that step.
I did not want to die.
I am thankful that death passed me by.
I am thankful of whatever power or might,
Saved they and I on that February night.
Whether chance or fate, I won't ask why,
But I am glad his bullet passed me by.
I *laughed* when I was faced with death.