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Oct 2016 · 1.8k
so, just to be clear...
a m a n d a Oct 2016
(edited, updated, bigger, longer, richer, and better than ever)
(hilz says hi)
#obviouslyshepaidme
#idonthaveamindofmyown


when your opponent’s husband
(who, by the way,
is an entirely different
human being
than his wife, and is not
running for president
)
has an affair,
or is accused of
****** assault,
the claims are
absolutely
100% true.
the women
must be believed.
he* is
a criminal.

your candidate will go
so far as to invite
some of those women to
the debate to
shame his opponent,
and show
how *supportive
he is
of these women.
(because they are
serving his purpose).

your opponent’s husband
is a liar,
a ******,
a pig.
absolute filth
that should be
thrown in prison.

in fact,
your opponent
is even worse than him,
she attacked
those women. she
didn't believe them.
this is proof of
her hatred
of women.
(oh, the irony is
not lost on me, no sir.)

(also,
let’s pretend that
your candidate didn’t call
that exact man, your
opponent's husband,
a “victim” in regard to
the exact same situation
in 1998.)

oh wait,
i forgot you don’t care about things that
happened any
longer ago
than yesterday. unless we
are talking about
the opponent. because then
OBVIOUSLY
it doesn’t matter
when in time
she said or
did something.)
duh.

(this is what we like
to call a double standard.)

moving right along.

if the same thing
happens to your
own candidate,
accusers come forward,
OBVIOUSLY
everyone else on earth
is lying EXCEPT
him.
in fact,
every accuser (i lost
track of the number)
is an absolute liar,
too ugly for assault,
and getting paid
by a massive
worldwide conspiracy,
controlled by your
political opponent who
you also describe as never
having accomplished anything
in her life.
(strange how that works.)

when your candidate’s
wife does pretty
much the exact same
thing
your opponent did,
(stand by her husband)
proclaim his innocence,
and discredit the claims,
(for which you
label her
a liar,
an enabler,
an enemy of women)
it doesn't matter
anymore, because it
was your wife
saying it.
think about that for a second.

i’m just checking, guys.
i’m just trying to figure this out.

-

you do not like
that your opponent
has money. or seeks power.
that makes
her a disgusting,
horrible,
conniving,
***** *****.
(and DEFINITELY
has nothing to do
with the fact that she is
a woman).

and i guess the thing
that we are all
pretending
(right? we are
pretending this?)
that
she has
more money
than he does.
(she doesn’t).

anywhoo,
but because she has money,
she pays off literally everyone
on this blue planet.

she's probably even
paying me right now.

i'm probably a liberal
operative,
born in a lab,
bred for vengeance,
and the destruction
of these united states,
and this is
the culmination
of my life's work.
i jest.

but in fact,
your candidate has
MORE money
than her.

at least he says he does.
of course to you
this does not
matter and you
see no contradiction
in your thinking.

we don’t even
consider for
a moment
that
he pays
people off.
because, yeah,
billionaires don't
have any political
connections).
but how can we
even prove it?
he refuses
to submit his
tax returns to
the public, after saying
on record that he
would, but
don’t worry about that,
we don't care that he lies.
that’s not suspicious at all.
(for the love
of everything holy,
can you imagine the
fire and brimstone
if obama refused to
release his?!)
i mean it's so
ridiculous it makes me laugh.

alrighty then, moving along, once again.

when she
changes position
on a policy,
she is a liar.
a manipulator.
cannot be
trusted,
a flip-flopper,
being swayed by
special interests.

when he does it,
he is “evolving.”
i can't even say that
with a straight face.
(and let’s not for one
second pretend
he hasn’t flip-flopped
on almost every single
issue (guns, immigration,
foreign issues, his opponent,
nukes, wars, abortion, etc.).
see link at bottom for ***** and giggles.
-

she lies. she’s a liar.
we hate liars.

you use that
as your shield.


he never lies. (a-hem)
he LITERALLY LIES on
video, contradicting
HIMSELF, and his
own campaign,
within minutes.
not even years. minutes.

i mean geez,
it’s not like you
can scour
the internet for
proof or anything.

-

he respects women.
hmmm...let us
look at the evidence, shall we?

calls women accusing him of  ****** assault
ugly, out for money, liars. all of them.
because i guess
attraction = rapeability?
(it does not)
(even though he admitted to doing whatever
he wants to do to women, without asking, in his
own words)
it's on record.

he talks about
young girls
in sexualized terms.
it's on record.

he agreed
that he doesn’t
respect women.
it's on record.

he agreed he was
a ****** predator.
it's on record.

he said it’s dangerous
for one’s wife to work.
it's on record.

he said he loses his
**** when
dinner isn’t on the table.
it's on record.

he said
he can do whatever
he wants to
women because he
is powerful
and rich.
it's on record.

women who
breastfeed are
disgusting.
it's on record.

he doesn’t like
flat chests
or fat girls
it's on record.

all women
are gold diggers.
it's on record.

he doesn’t like to
give a woman
negotiable assets.
it's on record.

dogs,
pigs,
it's on record.

he wants to
repeal roe v wade.
it's on record.

he bragged about
walking into
beauty pageant
dressing rooms
full of naked
teenage girls.
it's on record.

hmph. it’s so hard to
figure this out.

(if i could roll my eyes
any harder they would
pop right out
of my head).

these aren't even
ALL THE THINGS.
straight from
the man's own
godforsaken mouth, unedited!
not opinions.
facts.

-

although his campaign
has received millions
of dollars in free
advertising,
and his entire
life is based
upon being in
the media spotlight,

the entire media
is a left wing
conspiracy.


(unless they report
something positive.
then it's not a conspiracy
anymore, then it's true)

side note.
i guess if he wins,
we can expect to see
just a SERIOUS
overhaul of the election
process, you know,
because it's so rigged.
and the whole thing
will be brilliantly
torn down and remade
within 4 years,
and be without
criticism
before it's time
for re-election.
because he wouldn't
want us all to go
ahead and try to vote
for him again in a
rigged election.
he cares about us.

and the media will just
be torn to shreds,
you know, but still free
and everything is
going to be so fair, you guys.
i mean things are going
to be so fair you
are going to get sick of it.
and really,
he's a super sweet guy
if he accepts the
presidency in an
election he
knows
is rigged.
cuz that's what
any upstanding
citizen would do.

-

she is an insider.
(i.e., what some of us like
to refer to as a professional)

he has been
talking about
running for president
since the
1980’s,
but OBVIOUSLY
HE would never
take money
for favors.
HE hasn't been planning this.
HE would never
seek power.
HE would never
politicize things
for his own best
interest.
only politicians
do that, and
he isn't one.
HE is for
the working man.

-

please, tiny, sweet baby jesus
with tiny jesus hands
help me.

-

it’s not hypocritical
at all for
him to constantly
talk about how awful it is
that jobs are
going overseas,
even though he
does THAT EXACT THING
with his own companies.

jesus, guys.
obviously he's just SMART.
(really? is that the word
we want to use? is that the
word we use to describe other
business owners who do
the same thing? uh, no, it's not.
i'm pretty sure they are
compared to criminals,
and labeled unpatriotic.)

because if you
believe something passionately,
like you claim to,
like american goods should
be created and manufactured
in this country,
and you are a billionaire,
with vast resources,
that owns businesses,
employs people in this country,
and you love your country
and all it's people,
and you have a sense of
right and wrong,
you don't cheat.
you don't take advantage.
other businesses do it the right way
why can't you?
that's what IT ******* MEANS
to have principles.

he is an opportunist.
he takes.
see the difference?

-

when she
calls your supporters
a bad, bad thing
(a basket of deplorables?)
she is a
disgusting,
unpresidential,
elitist
***** that
can never
be forgiven.

he would never,
EVER even
think about
calling anyone names.
never ever.
(i seriously don't have
the time in my life
to even attempt to list all
the examples.) although
the new york times
did a pretty decent job.

but you do recognize sarcasm, yes?

-

jesus,
people shouldn’t get
so friggen offended
all the time!
he says.
being
politically correct
is stupid.
it’s better
to be honest, like him.
(except he's not honest)
he just says ALL
THE THINGS
we are ALL thinking
but don't have
the ***** to say.
(um...really? you can
count me out of
that particular
generalization.)

-

he is not weak,
or a coward,
or a liar,
or corrupt,
everyone
else
is.


he would never
get offended
by an snl skit
and cry like a baby
about it,
because that's absurd.

or claim
that literally everything
is unfair,
because that sounds
like a whining child.
(which his wife
compared him to).

-

when someone
accused him of rigging
a pageant,
he sued them.
because "proclaiming
fraud is serious."
the accuser is clearly
just a loser. a bad loser.
(that's what he said).
OBVIOUSLY this
does not apply
when HE
claims elections
are rigged.

also, he doesn’t care
that the GOP Primary
was rigged,
(whoops, did you
forget that was
rigged too?)
because he won.
(yep, he said that too.)

-

i see patterns here.
(i learned about patterns
in kindergarten.)

-

he spends
campaign funds
on his personal
businesses.
(we don't care)

sued
for unpaid taxes,
discrimination,
****** assault,
fraud,
ripping
people off.
(again, we don't care. actually,
all these things are
probably just
further proof of his
very level-headed,
thoughtful, and
superior intellect.)

bankruptcies,
failed businesses,
using charitable donations
to benefit himself,
(while viewed as bad
things for all other
human beings, are
actually strengths of his.
because up is down.
and quite frankly,
we.
don't.
care.)

has sued literally
thousands of times.
(i thought people
who sued all the
time were jerks?)
welp,
not him.

-

when other people
settle lawsuits
that is an
admission of guilt.
(yep, he said that)
(so did his campaign manager)

when he does it
OBVIOUSLY the
opposite is true.

and he's done it MANY times.

-

he mocked someone
with a disability.
it's on record.

-

he mocked someone
who is deaf.
it's on record.

-

he has made
disparaging remarks
about the military.
it's on record.

he incites and
encourages
violence.
again, on record.

i'm gonna go ahead and say,
not so much
into the brown people?
or the gay people.
or the woman people?
or the poor people.
or the fat people.
or the refugee people.
or the science people.
or military people.
or government people.
or journalist people
oh yeah, or education people.
or people that disagree with him.
or stupid people who pay their taxes.

but like, totally into
everyone else,
like
white, male people.
that agree with him.
that are into violence.
and are rich.
and cheat the system.

he maybe sorta kinda
(ok, just flat out said it)
hinted at using the
second amendment
to **** his opponent.
on record.
god, you guys, seriously,
learn to take a joke.
because murdering your
political opponent is super funny.
i mean, it's fun, right?
it's especially funny in those
other countries. and for the murdered people.
it's not like kids are listening.
or like there are any crazy card carrying
white *** people
that think that might be a good idea.
gosh, get a grip.

said he could
shoot someone
in broad daylight and
wouldn't lose votes.
for realz? yes, for realz!

having one standard
for yourself
and the opposite standard
for everyone else
is dare i say,
the very definition of
i n e q u a l i t y.

if you think
you are
superior,
then just say so.
own that ****.

if you desire violence,
proclaim it.

if you desire inequality,
then shout it
from the rooftops.

if you think one
group should get richer
while others get poorer,
say it. support it.

if you think
women have no
value other
than the size
of their *******
and their *****,
by all means,
let us know!

because that's what he would do.
that's what he does.

don't hide behind
this excuse
of a man.

don't paint
yourself a
patriot,

regurgitate
outright lies
without doing
any research,

and don't think you
speak for
all of us.

because you don't.

pretending something is real
does not make it real.

i’m getting
tired of this.

hypocrisy
is gross.
oh, i'll just keep updating this ****, you can count on that.
just for funzies: https://www.facebook.com/OccupyDemocrats/videos/1206887309404321/
Oct 2016 · 693
i grab pussy
a m a n d a Oct 2016
(i mean i just grab it without asking, it's fine. it was 11 years ago and i'm such a totally different person now)

(because, locker rooms)

(and other totally fine things to say)


seems to be that
everyone just adores
bold
honest
g r a n d s t a n d i n g

tell it like it
*****-******* IS
kinds of folk

ask and
  you
shall
    receive

bizzaro world
perspectives
on the
truth
unite!

can't you
see
how bad
you got it?

i mean
christ,
it's practically
syria up
in here

and no one
can save us
from ourselves
except
the man
(in quite the
real, actual,
literal kind of way)
that sits
on a golden toilet

because he's great. i mean
there are people, and all the
people say. i'm a good guy, ok?
everyone would agree
and i'm gonna say this, but i
don't want to say it, but oh good
lord i'm gonna say it anyway,
some of the people
wear pants. and it's like CHINA
and the people
pouring in and out i mean
it's a nightmare and look,
i have gold. gold. and oh man,
do i have lots of it.
all the people say. ask anyone.
everyone knows but no one
knows about all
the mexicans, and i'm
gonna build the best wall.
the best.

CHINA is the place
WITH THE BIG WALL, bro
they did it first

(just checking in...
     everyone still on board
          with all the honesty???)


oh good, good.
i knew you would love it
because, after all,
incoherent
rambling
disasters
of humanity
are your special
kind of specialty

oh prove me wrong.
please please please
prove me wrong.
there are facts,
hmmmm...how do i say,
real things
that really happened
that are documented
investigated
proved
things

that's a thing,
i'm telling you it is.
a real thing.

there are words,
like all over the place
explaining things.

to be honest
this was not a thing
i always knew,
so if you didn't know,
now you do
because i'm
telling you.

i grew up
in a big old
jesus storm
gods and
morals
and justice
and things are
right or things
are wrong.

but an education
does something to you.
an education in art.
in love.
in knowledge.

the world is
not small.
not everyone
is white.
not everyone
believes in
jesus.
not everyone
eats meat.
not everyone
loves boys.
not everyone
loves girls.
not everyone
has freedom.
not everyone
has a voice.

listen
and learn.
read
and learn.
make art
and learn.

we are not sheep.
but we are also not
a people who hate.

and when we
do hate,
as we always
ineveitably do,
and then it is
brought to our attention
that our hatred is
asinine
nonsensical
unfair

we stop
doing that thing.
once we see the error,
we stop.

we do not
keep going
blindly
ignorant
and full
of fear

we stop.
we correct.
we adjust.
we admit when
   we are wrong.
       and that is
       the only thing
       that makes us great.
Oct 2016 · 314
not to be rude, but
a m a n d a Oct 2016
you are very
bad at
notifying.

it's a thing
you don't
have.
Oct 2016 · 795
enamored
a m a n d a Oct 2016
i like the way
cats fight.*

slow,
methodic,
orchestrated,
precise.

a dance
entwined in
invisible
thread

magnetic,
graceful.

the utmost
dignity.
Oct 2016 · 340
insert trajectory
a m a n d a Oct 2016
my heartbreak is
an exquisite
python

veins purple and
all the parts see
and all the parts feel

and something
sweeter than *****
or deeper than
crimson

and all the stars
and all the scars

a beautiful map
i feel a
circle in
the center

pulling tightly
in, like the
invisible ***
the transit
of a sin
wife of
melancholy

overt the
sublime and
aftertaste
blow the
smoke out and
smite me
bite me
fantasize me

even the outside
obtrudes
and is
generally inspired

it is my
graduation
*******

the horse of
the hegemony
has let us go

i don't know if
he's hiding in
the yellows

or riding
the green grass

and each
shadow whisper falls
in a cylone of
wit and reverie

a world of your choosing
a tower of
ecstasy spikes
and cloudless
sisterhawks roll

i can see where all the words
are supporsed to be
but you must trust me
even if some of the letters are wrong

sympathic geometry
when the sounds
come out nice

and i can see the
depth of
my treachery and it
is wild and blue.
Sep 2016 · 645
(just saying)
a m a n d a Sep 2016
you never gave me
anything,
not one
single thing,

except yourself.
and it was always
enough.
Sep 2016 · 924
adore
a m a n d a Sep 2016
love is not
a thing
that gives
choices,
it just arrives,
takes you
destroys you.

it has done
nothing but
make a fool
out of me.

knocking me over,
gripping my
cold wretched heart
without mercy.

making me
irrational,
fierce,
defensive,
determined.

unable to
break the spell,
paralyzed by
absolutely ludicrous
beliefs.

-

i deleted all
the music
off my phone
because
storage was
scarce.

but in the dark,
in the rain,
cruising,
comes
sad song playlist
all by itself,
unsummoned,
pushed from
the clouds
back into
my mind,

my chest,
where i feel a
sudden tightening,
a deep,
wrenching
pain.

so i sit
in the driveway
and let it finish,

let the sadness
roll right
into me,
and eyes closed,
tearless,
i dreamt of you.
Sep 2016 · 414
hey there, khaki shorts
a m a n d a Sep 2016
geez, man
i just want to
go to sleep
but your request
is hammering away
at my brain.

what can i say?
a person does not know
the face of determination
until they have seen
you expertly
wielding that truck
around town.

prompt.
efficient.
i would venture to say
nice, even.
a scholar and
a gentlemen.

grab another
cup of coffee man,
and update us
on your way out.

oh look,
you're back again.
and thanks for
all the boxes.
Sep 2016 · 349
a thing that happened.
a m a n d a Sep 2016
and yes,
i was high,
and thinking i had
just made up the word
be-jambled.

and i lived,
suspended in
a golden moment,
where i was
the maker of words.

**** urban dictionary.

(it came to me
from the little
pieces of words
and thoughts
in my mind)
and so it is real
**and so it is mine.
Sep 2016 · 473
(then) and now.
a m a n d a Sep 2016
i used to be one thing,
and now,
i'm another.

what of it?
Sep 2016 · 409
i'm not sure why
a m a n d a Sep 2016
it's hard to admit,
but i think
we only do
what we want to do,
and nothing else.
Sep 2016 · 729
a night to cry.
a m a n d a Sep 2016
i was screaming,
right out loud,
as loud
as i could.

crying for
my gramma,
because she
is gone,
and she is
someone that
i loved.


and as
i was screaming
her name,
my phone lit up,
vibrated,
and made a sound.

it was my sister.
and at that moment
my little ham,
my own little nephew,
blood of my blood
had realized
that he was
going to
die
someday.

and now i
can't breathe,
for the absolute
severing of my heart.
Sep 2016 · 1.1k
(it's just that)
a m a n d a Sep 2016
i find it vexing


when you decide
not to
use words.

...and there are
so many to
choose from.
string together 9 or 10
and you begin
to bridge the divide.

you can even
sing them
scratch them
type them
take photographs of them.
there are ways.

instead,
you slam down
barriers,
strange, wordless barriers
choosing a route
sure to cause
confusion
and disarray.

i don't know
how true it is
to say
that actions
speak louder
than words...

it is hard to
glean intent
from an action...
one does not
necessarily always follow
the other.

it is in this state
of guessing,
of chaos,
of fragmentation -
that i constantly
find myself
entrenched in.

it causes a glitch
in my system...
this endless
refocusing
reimagining
rewinding

and i can't help
but believe
if i had the words
if you
gave me the words
i could construct
a story.
an understanding.

and there is nothing
i want more
than a
good story.
a connection,
an awareness of
the way
things are supposed
to move together.

i keep getting stuck.
i keep having to
construct all my own stories,
explanations,
and reinventions.

i don't want to
have to work so hard
to piece together
this disaster
of human
folly.

this exquisite search
for meaning.

this heartbreaking
reach
for
recognition
in
each other.
Sep 2016 · 365
migraine
a m a n d a Sep 2016
i woke up
this morning
with this awful
pain
   behind my
left eye.
a throb.
an ache.
and it felt best
to curl up
        on my left side and
close my eyes
in the dark
and drift back to sleep.

now it is night,
and it's still there,
but worse.
a heaviness between
my eyes
pushing forward
and downward.
it helps to
push into it,
stay still.

i feel this
exhaustion in my face,
my eyes.
they want to close.

i know i'm
looking at the
same world,
but now it
seems different.
     shifted.
        and i don't understand
how i get lost
   in these delusions.
i don't understand
how anyone can
    possibly believe
that they
    see clearly.
       because it is not so.
          your eyes deceive you.
Sep 2016 · 434
an appropriate response
a m a n d a Sep 2016
let's say,
just for kicks...
that when you walk in
your front door,
your cat is lying
next to a dead rat,
looking up at you proudly.

is the appropriate response,
to scoop up said rat
with two paper plates,
then fling it off the front porch?

just wondering.
Sep 2016 · 844
if wishes were horses
a m a n d a Sep 2016
i wish i was better
at being angry.

like taking a baseball bat
to her car kind of angry...
feeling the weight of the swing and
watching the glass shatter.

like standing outside
his place and
shrieking
obscenities,
whipping stones
at the windows
kind of angry.

it's hard for me
to even feel anger.
i default to
confusion,
sadness,
disappointment.

what i wouldn't give
to just be
furious
and unleash it
on the world
in a hellish firestorm
for the first time in my life.

but i don't know how.
i only know how to be
cryptic and weird.
ramble on and then
sulk in silence.
scribble and type
and look around
in suspicion.

i wish people
shrunk in terror
from me,
but if wishes were horses,
beggars would ride.
Sep 2016 · 292
go south.
a m a n d a Sep 2016
whatever it is
that you think
you are doing,
it is likely
you are doing
the opposite.
Sep 2016 · 536
preface
a m a n d a Sep 2016
you lured me in
with a fancy word,
acting like some kind of
real person that
actually exists in the world.

stunned to silence
by an interesting mind
and pretty eyes,
i had an adventure
on a thursday.
Sep 2016 · 327
pull me down
a m a n d a Sep 2016
sleep
is perpetually
rounding the corner
                              his
                       robes
          whispering
on the ground

i follow the
        paths that seem
                         promising
          taking measures
ingesting
      pharmaceuticals
            routines in place
                                      cool air
                              soft pillows
            layered blankets
but the path
     is hard to follow
i lose my way
so i eat
i write
i drink
i search
all the nights
                of my life.
Sep 2016 · 509
the games of men
a m a n d a Sep 2016
"are we playing a game?"
she asks slyly...
looking out of the
corner of her eyes.

(he is not there)

"is this a game of hide and seek,
with no seek?"

(no answer)

she has never played this game,
if that's what it is.

all the silly men
say the
same
thing.

"no drama. no games."

but she thinks
the truth is that
they thrive on drama
they come alive in games.

is this what we do, now?
arrange people like
players on a chessboard?

check them
in and out
like books?

blindfold them,
spin them around,
then run away?

Again, she asks,
"is this a game?"

(silence)

many men scurry away
from confrontation
slip away in the night
to avoid truth

"if this is a game,
i think you are losing",
she says quietly.
Sep 2016 · 303
shhhhhh
a m a n d a Sep 2016
(a secret)

command a
(select all)

mark as read
(and it is done)
without reading a thing
watch the numbers fall
and your heart shine
for an email inbox
with no
new
messages.
Sep 2016 · 374
oh, the irony
a m a n d a Sep 2016
(i bet you can't even see that you are the common denominator)


it's not often
that i am amused by
the seemingly
chaotic turns
of life

but in this one thing
i can see fast and far
and i feel light and quick

because i know

without a doubt

*that it wasn't me.
Aug 2016 · 865
(not) compulsory
a m a n d a Aug 2016
no one
has to stand
or
not stand
for anything.
(here.)

and that,
in and of
itself,
is the
*entire point.
Aug 2016 · 320
fuck you
a m a n d a Aug 2016
(and other things i won't say to your face)


i am not
   a thing or
a toy.

i am a
creature,

of this earth
and among
countless men
and women
gone before me,
with me
and after me.

i breathe.
i think.

i do not
exist
for you.

i do not
trudge these
circles on the ground
to clear a path
for you.

i am me
without you,
and i am me
with you.

i do not
make a space for you
lightly.

i do not
let you in
for you to
ransack my house.

i do not write
to make you
golden and bright.

i do it because
i can see you.
i can hear you.
and i love you.

and there is
no way
for me to be
other than
what i am.

so
*******
if you
choose
not to see
**me.
Aug 2016 · 604
bookmark
a m a n d a Aug 2016
i only write
to know
   my place,

to bend
the edges of
   the pages
so that
i can remember

what this
life
was all about.
Aug 2016 · 268
the opposite of this
a m a n d a Aug 2016
whatever
the ****
this is,
i reject it.

i am done.
Aug 2016 · 171
it's just a true thing.
a m a n d a Aug 2016
i have never
     been so c e r t a i n

there is no one
      (for me)
Aug 2016 · 420
asshat
a m a n d a Aug 2016
I stopped
making art
for you
because you
****.

and that's
the extent
of my savagery.
Aug 2016 · 727
things break
a m a n d a Aug 2016
(sometimes)


my favorite
wine glass
broke today,
shattered.

faded purple glass,
heavy in my hand
a crackled texture.

i was
careless.

i put it too
close
to the
edge.

i remember
buying it.
choosing it.
only buying
one,
because i
am just one.

i'm mad at
myself
for becoming
attached
to a
piece of
glass.

because all
my favorite
things
break,
crack,
fall away.

and now there is
glass in
my foot
to remind me

of all
the things
i place
too close
to the edge.
Aug 2016 · 425
ghosted
a m a n d a Aug 2016
i am
a rare and
beautiful bird.

elaborate.
distinctive.
wise.

i watch you
out of
the corner of
my eye

and i see
your tricks

i see
your games

you forget
that i can fly
(an aerial view)

and i know
exactly
what you
are up to.
Aug 2016 · 625
|who are you |
a m a n d a Aug 2016
for a long time
i didn't know
that the sun
was a ball
of flaming
gas spinning
in outer space.

and i can't
remember
what i thought
it was
before i knew
the truth.

things unknown
become
known.
the truth
revealed
so
s l o w l y

reality
constantly
shifting
blurring
becoming clear

you are like
the sun.
living in
my mind
so bright
so beautiful

but no matter
what i do
i cannot
figure out
if you are
known
or unknown
to me

are you
a mysterious
light
in the sky?

or are you
the sun?
Aug 2016 · 352
oh, canada
a m a n d a Aug 2016
why you gotta be
so cool,
canada?

i'm jealous of
your
classy
***

acting all cool
and level headed

i mean, ****...canada
why you gotta
play me
like this?
Aug 2016 · 594
zucchini on the floor
a m a n d a Aug 2016
i feel nothing.
i say nothing.

i see the trap
you have made

and i
will not
be caught.
Aug 2016 · 286
true blood
a m a n d a Aug 2016
tears used to come
so easily to me.
just under the surface,
a running stream.

now,
a simmering wreckage
that erupts

straight from
the bowels of the earth
exploding from my eyes
and throat

and  i cannot think
i cannot move

i fumble for something

i call out

but no one is there

and i think
i can't
go on

my face contorts
a rising scream
i crumble into
myself

i blow into
a tissue
and see the blood
and cry
because i didn't know
i was so colorful

days stack
upon days and
i find myself
talking out loud
alone
surprised at the sound
of my own voice,
that i even have one

eventually the hysteria ends
all the devices are charged
99%

and it all
slowly starts again

the guise
the cover up
the churning
the emptiness
the suspicion

and it
cannot be
stopped.

only pushed away

until all real things
come crashing
against you

and you have no choice
but to make the air frigid
crawl under
white fuzzy blankets
and
scream for the terror
the loneliness
the uncertainty
the displacement of peace
and withering away
of all hope.
Aug 2016 · 558
thinly sliced muenster
a m a n d a Aug 2016
sometimes you
just can't buy
your favorite cheese.

(seems simple enough)

yet all things
are veiled
under layer upon layer
of decision.
Jul 2016 · 485
1,000 days
a m a n d a Jul 2016
(and 1,000 nights)

speak to me
of
loneliness
in
1,000 days.
then
i will begin
to relate.
then,
i might have
sympathy.

show me the
lines around
your eyes,
in 1,000 nights,
and i will
begin
to take note.

find yourself
in the
silent walls

weep into
the pillows

stare at
the ceiling
for
1,000 days
&
1,000 nights.
and i may
have the
temperament
to listen.
Jul 2016 · 545
tonic
a m a n d a Jul 2016
why are you such a devil?

stopping me
in my tracks
with your words.

c o m p l e t e
joy

eyes growing wide,
an actual
r e a l
smile

and i love
that i can
imagine you
hear your love's
breathing

see the fluid
graceful
motion of
your mind.

i am
robotic.

stunted.

struggling
to piece together
thoughts.

i'm happy
you're here.

and i
want
more.
Jul 2016 · 334
set and reset
a m a n d a Jul 2016
i'm in
   such a
strange place
(hard to describe)

outside
      the construct
looking in

through broken
blinds and
mucus smeared
glass

such a
strange accumulation
of objects
surround me.
Jul 2016 · 414
bad bitch club
a m a n d a Jul 2016
not sure
of the date
of enrollment

but i suspect
i've been
the secret leader
for awhile now

i am
the bringer
of light

the harbinger
of death

and you
cannot
surprise me.
Jul 2016 · 698
deception
a m a n d a Jul 2016
trying to
google things
...without telling
google.
Jul 2016 · 306
a rift
a m a n d a Jul 2016
in the
selves
of the
moment.
Jul 2016 · 636
birthday bastard
a m a n d a Jul 2016
you,
with your copper
        and green
such a silly
*******

hiding
      your day
365
  and i want to know

what's the matter,
grump?

slinking around
with your
    secret day

i can be
thankful
       you live
any
**** day
i want.

now you will
   never know
when it will come

when i will
       bring
       the focus
  to your life
  to your years
  to your days

silly
  birthday *******
i will
      light a candle
for your minutes.
Jul 2016 · 295
just adapt.
a m a n d a Jul 2016
i've had
    mouth spaghetti
now
i can never
go back.

i mean,
***** just landed.
don't even know
how
i got here.
Jul 2016 · 621
in summation
a m a n d a Jul 2016
sometimes
you just have
    to size up
the man.
(silence)
   eyes moving slowly
*i can take you.
Jul 2016 · 545
you know me?
a m a n d a Jul 2016
there are things i do,
alone.
no one sees.
except for the shades
i have cracked.

this is how i know
when to stop.
or better,
to know to go
a little more.
i know because
it burns.
it warns me.
so i back away.

there are things
i thought once
that no longer
have value.
to anyone.

but i'm going
further,
faster
always with
eyes closed

i thought for a second
that i knew
how to make it better.
but nothing
past that moment.

sometimes i know
the best thing to do
and i push it
as far as i can
until no more.

sometimes i fail
to stop the
ash from
burning my foot.

it can always
be more
or better.
this will always be true.

pain is
a stealing of focus

i try to
spread it around
breathe it in

i don't know how
to get anywhere else.

i've used up
all the things
that i knew.

except i know
enough
to hide things.

even entire people.

there, but
not there.

then there is more,
better to see
in the dark

a taking away
of things
always being
pulled higher

it's a place you can go
to catch your head
rocking on what
you must mean

there is not a
way back
through time.

i try to be
the one
who doesn't need anything

i like the word
upon word
upon word
layers

to have no
partner
you have to just
show up

i turned it inside
out
for a moment

i think i
missed
the whole thing

is it strange?
this strange place i am in?
can you see it?
it's just that i can
see it all the time
and it is
distracting.

and i'm back
to a silvery
piece

you have to
invite
the cells
ask them to
come in

and you have to decide
like or dislike
depending on the stack
of the winters
Jun 2016 · 293
aspirations
a m a n d a Jun 2016
as soon as i
can
<get a grip>
i'll stop
mistaking you
for
someone who cares.
May 2016 · 350
boom!
a m a n d a May 2016
(here i am)

i prattle on
sending questions
presenting observations
requesting answers
but alas,
you are no fool.

you fall
for nothing.
yet you take
everything.
Apr 2016 · 619
pathetic nonsense
a m a n d a Apr 2016
i don't know
       how to breathe
in this state of
hypervigilant sorrow.

ask me
      who i am
and i can speak
only in shadows.
Oct 2015 · 335
(goodbye.)
a m a n d a Oct 2015
i think
i finally heard you
this time.
Oct 2015 · 356
sadly scrolling
a m a n d a Oct 2015
a search
born
of heartbreak
and
i always think
the last word
is the last word
but there
is always more
to say...
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