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efni Oct 2020
they say "you are not your illness."
but every aspect of my identity is
either created or tainted by it

tell me, please,
if you strip away my shadow
is there nothing left?

18.10.20
maybe its all I've ever known because it is all I am capable of...
efni Oct 2020
i tried to slice
from the edges of my feet
that sticky, relentless figure of darkness
that followed me in the day and
became me in the night.

18.10.20
how long can you stay in the darkness before your existence is rendered impossible in the light
efni Oct 2020
walking on my
hands so i can
turn that frown
upside down

for you

15.10.20
i work very hard to make my impossible pain seem bearable for the people around me
efni Oct 2020
how can i escape my biggest fear
when it's the only thing i have
and i know how to do

how can you tell the ocean's waves
to not crash when they rise
and to stop being blue

10.10.20
failure is my biggest fear but it's all I know
how do i stop being blue...

Happy Mental Health Day <3
efni Oct 2020
I'll gladly stay up tonight
sinking deeper into those
perfect pools of coffee

08.10.20
Just thinking about your eyes tonight // I know it's cliche but i've never seen brown eyes that way before. Never like yours.
efni Oct 2020
i cried all day today
but when i close my eyes

i hear the quiet click of the oven
kindly baking my favourite pastry

i feel the cool hugs of autumn
reaching through my curtains

i breathe the air dancing with
the scent of oatmeal and cinnamon

and right now,
my tears are a lifetime away

06.10.20
a beautiful and gentle comfort after a painful day
efni Sep 2020
dear efni,

an unbreakable pit from
the fruit of my imagination
took root in our world

though strong, it was gentle
safe and small but intricate
investigating yet teaching me

a manifestation of peace
penetrating a life at war
within and between itself

a sudden emergence of empathy
veins of your branch oozing
loyalty, kindness, friendship

another extension appears
carrying the elegance of
honesty and intelligence

then arises pure expression
the joy of raw creativity,
coupled with laughter

you bear flawless fruit that
have the colours of the present
in focus and perfect existence

the embodiment of being alive
true freedom and eternal growth
aesthetic and alone yet never so

you are connected

the trees, the stars, the moon
the wind, the sky, my imagination
the music of my laughter and
the roll of my tears; our tears

you are beyond me
and have become me
let me become you

love, efni ❤

25.09.20
in recognition of my birthday (today) i wanted to finally share what "efni " means and what it means to me.

it is an Icelandic word which translates to content; a state of peaceful happiness.

i evolved the concept of efni over years. it is mostly inexplicable.
a symbol, a state, an embodiment, an idea, a mentor and a friend
it is a source of comfort and a method of coping with my pain
it has also become a goal and has been a blessing to my life

it's a way for me to feel connected to peace itself
and all the symbols of it in my life: nature, music, poetry etc.

a way to be a part of something so i have a home outside my own depressed mind.

my previous name, and what most know me as was, "almostefni" but i recently changed it to "efni" in order to appreciate my growth and to allow myself to learn how to walk in the embodiment of all that efni means to me.
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