I think I’m falling again.
Maybe its the gravity
pulling me back down
to earth and waking me up,
but maybe its my mind
showing me I am not the normal girl
I am striving to be.

Please believe my smile.
I promise its real
in some sense,
in some way.
I can honestly say
I was okay for so long.

I know the way
you view me as I
walk through the halls.
I do not agree with your
judgements of a book
by its broken and cracked cover.
You do not know my heart
nor my darkening mind.

I urge you to stay back
and to never try to understand me,
because I am not so easy.
I am nothing but a puzzle
with rounded edges which
do not fit together.

I do not want you to get hurt
or to think I am pushing you away
because I am trying to protect you
from these obsessive hands
that reach out from my mind.
Please, stay away.

I find myself studying the way you breathe.
The slight shrug of your shoulder can change
the way I view you for days at a time.
I know the way you inhale,
shakily and unsure.
I know the way you exhale,
full of confidence and pride.
Did something happen during these few seconds?

I wonder if you think about me when you breathe.
Can I change the steadiness
of your lungs or your heart?
I hope you can close your eyes
and let out a deep breathe
because you know I am here for you,
no matter the circumstances.
I would have left long ago if I did not want
to lay my head down on your chest
and listen to your shallow heart.

There is no story as romantic as
the sun dying for the moon every night,
but we all know how that ends.
True love never crossing paths
with each other's skin.

Maybe what we have isn't true love
and all the romantic moments
of curling her charcoal hair between
my fingers is just an effect from the drugs.

There are men killing innocent children
who will never grow up to watch us stare
into each other's eyes.

Now, there's murderers on the television
who will get more recognition than those
who fight for love and not for blood.

I wish she could see the way
my fingers shake when they are
gripping her skinny frame.

No, I am not thinking about her.
My mind is more focused on the death
of my poor soul who was trapped
underneath all the memories
she made sure she got rid of.

I was once foolish,
exploring places
where my petite feet
should have never stepped.

My tears used to fall
because of the rain,
now they fall
with the rain.

My imagination was
my best friend,
now I fear it
as it crawls into
dark corners.

I remember
putting in a cd
with no meaning
other than those catchy beats,
now my fingers reach
for a cd which holds
all the feelings
of one human being.

My fingers used to hold a pencil
with the smallest stub
of an eraser and the
sharpest tip,
now my fingers glide gracefully
over the keys
as words appear on the screen
in front of me.

Do not be fooled,
I have grown
more in size
than in mind.

the moon is not the only one awake tonight
for we are wide eyed
and you are curled up,
like a newborn kitten,
and covered in a blanket,
as thick as our words.

my kisses cover your face
like millions of glowing constellations
in this night sky
but you still do not love me
the way i love you.

The same brief touch
happened everyday.

The bell echoed through every sleepy-student-filled class
right when pupils had given up on their class work for the day.
Headphone filled ears and sluggish bodies
no longer scattered in the halls
they clung to the same black top.
And two people, always so in-sync, were headed for the same destination
the other's hand.

The younger girl,
black shirt and black pants,
stood beside her curly haired friend as the two strolled,
occupied in conversation.

The older girl,
a little more color yet still draped in black,
clung to a childish boy and stared at the gravel
before it sunk beneath her feet.

They had separate ways to go.
Both their bodies slid to opposites sides,
just at the glance of the other's feet.
One hand no longer occupied with a phone
or the strap of a backpack.
Fingers spread slightly for the pieces of the puzzle
to fit just right.
Smirks.
Light, unnoticeable smirks pulling at pale lips.

Their fingers collided with grace,
eyes never leaving what they were initially watching,
and their bodies leaving a gap of at least a few inches.
A thumb, belonging to the younger girl, rubs against an index finger.
The finger doesn't feel foreign.
It sends surges of lust through the girl's mind,
fogging up every thought other than the one's that included
the fingers she was wrapped in.

It ends as quick as it began.
Fingers stretch as far as they can
until there is no physical way to still be touching.
They keep going.
No stopping.
No turning to give the other one
a last glance of the day.
The touch lingers.
The thoughts continue to blur.
And the smirks become wide smiles,
curling up to temples.

The light of the November moon
Laid on top of the air
Like an unwanted blanket
Suffocating Carolyn in too much warmth
Which mixed with her salt tears
Tightening the noose woven with pain
And throwing distant memories into the swirling air
Of her beautiful Rose
An angel who finally made it to heaven
To meet with a world which held no hurt.

Collections of Rose never failed to appear in Carolyn’s head
Scratching their way into reality
With every Cheshire Cat smile and every light giggle that harvested over her face
Throughout the period of many moons and many suns.
With every twinkle of her glossy eyes and every compassionate touch of her hands.
She lured Carolyn in with lust
Like Medusa’s hissing snakes seducing innocent half-bloods
And it was a feeling which could never escape the girl
As her black boots shuffled through dead grass
The color of spaghetti just as it finished cooking through boiling water.

The buzz of crickets scattered throughout the yard.
Each gray headstone staring at numb Carolyn
Reminding her of every unfortunate love one who grieved the same as she.
The only two things to seem alive were the wandering girl and new flowers
Which laid on top of the soil and leaned against headstones
But one of those two felt dead
As if there was no reason to go on since love had been lost with the noose.
Carolyn didn’t know how love never ended
Even as her head hung low and her spirit hung even lower
Rose still loved her as she watched from where she had fallen.

Wind tugged at Carolyn’s hair and tossed it gently about her forehead.
Her skinny fingers shook like the orange autumn leaves
Being torn off the last branch of a dying tree
That could no longer take all the rain.
And her eyes stung with tears which dripped upon her parted lips
Tasting of all the chemicals from her makeup.
Recollections of Rose’s last days haunted her tired eyes as she edged closer.
After many days full of smiles
Her best friend’s stare became cold and numb
Like winter nights when the snow was uncontrollable
And no one bothered to switch the streetlamp light bulbs.

Carolyn knew where the grave was placed as she turned past unknown names
In what used to be spring green grass
Covered in flowers of a rainbow assortment
For those who grieved never went to the grave empty handed.
Her feet stopped with a sudden regret as the name stared back at her.
The name of her best friend.
Carolyn’s eyes slipped shut as short breaths escaped her chapped lips.
She melted her headaches that haunted her head
Called this world which no longer included her best friend her home
And placed a single rose the color of crimson and the symbol of love
On the angel’s grave.

The moon breaks through the window with luminosity
Your chest rises and falls lightly with every calming breath
My pale fingers trace your gorgeous skin as I lay awake
I blink with every inhale of breath your sleeping body takes
Our legs are tangled together to keep us from moving apart

My fingers seem to trail towards your collar bones
Chirping crickets and hissing cicadas fill the silent void
My colorless lips tug into a smile for you have awoken
Your lips lure towards my ear in a swift manner
Words of love and wishes for the future pour from your lips

And we end the night with a simple kiss

The beautiful birds outside
sing their daily songs

The flower buds
wait until the spring so they can see their own world

The autumn leaves
seep into the earth only to rejoin the cycle

Your boots
wait for your feet to join them once again for another one of your outside adventures

Your favorite sweater
the one that smells like me
hugs your body close to keep you safe from the crisp of the air

And I
wait until my arms can be wrapped around your waist once again

she laid
in the color changing leaves
which were dying
along with her
-------------------------------------------------------
i'm mighty jealous
of that blanket that
gets to hold you
all night long
-------------------------------------------------------
she closed her eyes
and remembered all his features
when their skin touched
and their warmth mixed
-------------------------------------------------------
let­ me tell you
all the ways
i love you
with just the
tenderness of my expression
------------------------------------------------------­-
you're my sun
the one that keeps
me alive and warm
and yet
I find myself
not wanting that sun
-------------------------------------------------------
press­ wet kisses
to my collar bones
and mummer
sweet nothings
into them too
------------------------------------------------------
that twinkle in your eye
does not come
from thin air
there has to be a reason
and I hope that reason
is me
-------------------------------------------------------
one day
i will be nothing more
than a phantom
haunting your memories
just like you did
to me
-------------------------------------------------------
as this thunder collides with the sky
i lay staring at the ceiling
remember all the times
you shielded me
from the rain
-------------------------------------------------------
thes­e are the nothings
i write in my mind
and drape across paper
to show myself
i am not insane
i am only human