psychedelics fogged mind in hooligan highs,  have you racing within my young mind, empty sounds within fading dream songs, you are either present but haunting. i'm left wondering were you even at all with me, for you kept running.

standing moments within my head, not always here and sometimes less in moments i feel my heart's ache throb, a choking torture for memories twist reality's crooked head.

however lost and accepted i do weep i confess, for a stranger now you once said you were mine, yet words lie, and i lay thinking that you weren't mine for actions spoke chapters i just didn't want to say goodbye.

in moments of feelings i write, pressed in words flood my mind, jotted down notes on my cellar phone, i translate these, to their archived home.
in my darkest days i yet to peacefully sleep, my warmth is lost in cold; im feeling weak, i do not eat only dream of kisses, starved for a stranger amor..

i will carve feelings you ashamed me to feel, bleed black ink in arm to leg, chest to calf to heal & feel. to catching courage again one day, when no longer scared or afraid, and to be able to trust anew but now i wait for i cant appreciate..

seconds pass as i romanticize my past for twisted present remains silent , now my bed cuffs me together as heart aches on my side, unable to sleep i write in hope of feeling sane within this madness.
for facebook posts remind me of moments pure love kissing affection, old posts and videos & images shared between souls are deleted to avoid distracting present realizations.

forced me to see you differently, no longer the one i knew. forced to see you a cheater, lying to feel complete & me a fool. you placed me into pit dark filled with mistreated social gore, worried, alone without a  hand to hold. now i force myself to see, for love is not for me, i love to heavens but hell is where my heart will be. so i whittle down my mind twenty five dollars a time, i feel my feelings rot, holding on in passion for i don't want to be or think for i wasn't lying i am not longer me.

tattoos print feelings, intimidation i scream, death satanic destruction my heavens are crying scabbed knees bleed from traffic.

without explanation or permission for your mind kept its imprint , for moments full of emotion your face a explosion of sunlight remain within mine..i will give this love its time, i will throw pride aside, for when im older, much rougher..allow art of us to flourish within different mediums , and songs sung with unheard emotion, the moments i will consider when mature. through color, vibrant reflections.., i hope i consider lifting a call to a deaftone number but you will have lingered & forgotten as you do ..these feelings i know wont reach you as you grow more beautiful like your favorite red wine, ill force myself to forget how you smile, whisper, and talk as you do, to a smell i miss and voice i want is to disappear away in acid tabs, lucid psychedelics dive to induce ego death for someone i was, will have died...

so forgive for trying to reach out to you, i was so in love with you..

triggers flair, neurons spark
breathless gasp, smothering fog
ocean green eyes, lonesome song  


for heartache i feel, more than within.
stabbed by memories that turn to tears
which ache of deep wounding hollows fears.

to the past i leave, doors i close for this love i wish for wishes not with me. to flowers i water, to a smile i will bloom from leaving memories behind. to a hand i held, a heart i gave, to hours worked and fed.
to moments i spent gripping at your affections to hours on end for my mind painted excuses so you could remain even for a second inside my lonely head.. i leave this here as my passionate thought, for hopes to disappear and love unlearning and forgetting..

a kiss to her, the yellow dress girl who i held in sleep, and dream as i played with your feet. sung in soul i miss, lips that shed new each day allowed our new kiss, and hands that fit.. for your mind thinks of others like i do of you, i mature in pain, i dive in darker, artistic passionate release..

so my mind shouts without filter as actions slow these thoughts as words can't pierce your heart's ear and my pride is thrown out i am better off without, for with you i was muted in comfort..but now i cry in awkward silence and shift in form, i split in moments, contortional maelstrom discord.

yet our kiss, oomba light bliss lingers in dreams for art or music cant describe...thankful for the dances you shared, the kisses you gave, the words you heard, and tears you shed or should, for when i left that dead sickly night your heart cried for me to stay.. for even a replaceable person like me held a delicate place inside your head not just within your lovely legs..

yet no place or person is home when communication is silent, left with brief moments of hellos n' goodbyes, money signs,and no string attachments which riddle without your true love's involvement which warped thoughts of love's translations in desperate transactions, for actions of love i threw, you ignored my heart turn unloved fury blues.. imitation of your actions i left you on read, and went on "do not disturb" to think of avoiding suffocating misplaying madness...

for love that hurts is no love at all. revenge is bitter i didn't wish to taste ..so to escape dead grass i drag myself to lay and breath with hope i try to forget my dreams,

to see my baby girl..." in love with me. "

undeletable tumblr message:
"Why are you amazing? Why do I feel nervous and impatient when with you, that I want to just kiss that beautiful face of yours? Goodmorning my love~ Have a amazing day, I'll be here thinking of you. <3 cx" - 2014