Just My Job

I chop off hands, I chop off feet,
I'm the kind of guy, you don't wanna meet.
I chop off legs, I chop off arms,
if you wanna help, I'll take turns.
I chop off *****, I chop off *****,
I freeze the parts with ice cubes.
I gouge out eyes, I chop off ears,
don't worry I use sanitized sharp sheers.
I cut out your kidneys, I cut out your liver,
Cannibals pay me good to deliver.
I chop off your *****, I cut out your heart,
then put them all in a shopping cart.
You may ask yourself why cannibals,
because they eat humans, like we eat mammals.
I peel off your skin, then chop off your head,
they eat your skin with some mayo and bread.
The payment plan is very well,
if it wasn't, I would never sell.
Times are tough in this recession,
please don't get the wrong impression.
This has become my career and passion,
sorry that I show no mercy or compassion.
I lure people into my home,
started with a salesman selling chrome.
Jehovah Witnesses are easy victims,
I guess you can say I have serial killer symptoms.
I sell the blood to all the hungry vampires,
if you could only read my secret diaries.
If anyone you know is considered missing,
it's because of me going fishing.
Cannibals give me a people list,
I'm doing Gods work with a twist.
Ten years and going strong,
I guess, what I'm doing is wrong.
People please don't judge what I do,
or my next victim, could be you.

Just Say No

I'm a wacko
who smokes tobacco
I'm a skunk
who's always drunk
I'm a loner
who's a stoner
I'm very black
and I smoke crack
name is Beth
who smokes ****
I love drugs
who hates hugs
I drink whiskey
I drink beer
I can be straight
I can be queer
when I snort coke
people call me a joke
I watch movies in the dark
I like to trip in the park
rehab didn't do a thing
drugs are my latest fling
popping lots of pills
yes I know, that speed kills
shooting ****** in my arm
waiting till I bite the farm
don't you dare, try and stop me
or on you I'll take a ***
I ****, shower than I shave
hoping for an early grave

Just The Facts
Baseball is America's pastime,
football players commit a crime.
Hockey players have names,
you can't pronounce or understand,
basketball players, seven feet tall they stand.
Nothing beats a cold can of coke,
anything else is just a joke.
Rock and roll, will always be king,
country is just a real long fling.
Wrestling, yes I know it's fake,
my all time favorite carried a snake.
Thanksgiving is a stupid tradition,
too much family, leaves you needing medication.
Why is American pie, made of apple,
I'd rather have a pumpkin Snapple.
Inside us all is a cancer,
another question, we can't answer.
I love my country with all my might,
murderers, rapists and molesters,
should be shot on sight.
Nothing better than a pork roll, egg and cheese,
run to Jersey, and just ask please.
Nothing like watching a great movie,
sometimes life can be pretty groovy.
*** is something, like no other,
just don't have it with your mother.

Just The Way It Is

Sitting watching the time go by,
tears dripping from my eye,
another day wondering why.
Can't handle another day of this,
memories that I can't dismiss,
falling deeper into the abyss.
Nothing ever goes my way,
so many bills left to pay,
this all sounds so cliche.
Hazel eyes turning black,
can never get any slack,
maybe it's time to see my quack.
Life on a downward spiral,
not a person left to dial,
down Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Up ***** creek with no paddle,
life is nothing more than a baffle,
riding a race horse with no saddle.
I'm bewildered and dumbfounded,
with my demons, I'm always surrounded,
can't move, feels like I'm grounded.
With each passing day, it gets worse,
somebody please break this curse,
wishing life would go in reverse.
Start over from the beginning,
go back to the very first inning,
can't stop my head from spinning.
Wanna die, but to afraid,
pro's and con's, I have weighed,
like usual, I am dismayed.
This thing called life, I just can't figure,
the hole I dug, can't get no bigger,
no guts to pull the trigger.
Instead, I will just go on living,
never taking, but always giving,
can't fathom any type of meaning.
As I bid you a fond farewell,
my secrets, I will never tell,
life sure is a living hell.

Just Words

swindle
fraudulence
deceit
scam
those words cheat us
happy
joy
fun
laugh
those words bless us
depression
sadness
hopelessness
suicidal
those words worry us
bewildered
baffled
dumbfounded
perplexed
those words confuse us
awesome
amazing
terrific
outstanding
those words are us
love
lust
***
passion
those words excite us
jealous
selfish
vindictive
desirous
those words envy us
all these words can describe
everyday feelings we all share.

Laura

My woman thinks she's the best,
will admit she's better than the rest.
Took a bus, traveled a thousand miles,
she brightens my darkest days, when she smiles.
Like all couples we tend to fight,
but we always make up, before we say goodnight.
She's funny, **** and very smart,
she even laughs when I ****.
They say good things happen to those who wait,
when we first met she opened my flood gate.
Her and my kids are all I got,
being with her puts my stomach in a knot.
I like movies, she likes books,
no other woman has better looks.
She likes alternative, I like heavy metal,
she hates when I act crazy and mental.
All that matters is that we love each other,
her kids love their awesome mother.
Nothing for her I wouldn't do,
she has beautiful eyes that are blue.
We are two crazy people who fell in love,
she is a great woman, I will never get sick of.
Keeping it clean, I wont mention are *** life,
someday soon, she will be my lovely wife.
She would do anything for her family,
even if it defies the laws of gravity.
She has one magic touch,
in conclusion, I love her very much.

LE/DC

There's a lady we all know,
her ****, she loves to show.
She's buying the highway to heaven,
she only has a money account of seven.
Living hard, living tough,
loves *** that is rough.
Ain't nowhere she'd rather be,
she's living to be set free.
There's a note on the wall,
it's for her name to call.
In a bush by the swamp,
that's where she loves to romp.
She has no rhyme or reasons,
cause you know words have four meanings.
She's now on the stairway to hell,
she didn't fall, she fell.
No red lights, no school zone,
just a giant hole surrounded by stone.
A weird feeling she gets,
when she looks to the south,
no longer can she use her juicy mouth.
Ooh, it makes her wonder,
ooh, it makes her really ponder.
Nothing will slow her down,
her ******* have turned brown.
The devil's calling her to join him,
she starts singing her favorite hymn.
She could't afford the highway to heaven,
she barely had enough for a Slurpie from 7-11.
And as she zooms down the stairway road,
slow motion she wishes was her mode.
She's on the stairway to hell,
her soul she had to sell.
She's on the stairway to hell,
no stopping at that famous California hotel.

Left For Dead

Ants crawling up my leg,
blood is what they beg.
Jack Frost nipping at me nose,
this is something I oppose.
Cat has got my tongue,
cigarette smoke fills my lung.
Woodpecker pounding my forehead,
all these animals need to be fed.
Alligators rip off my hands and feet,
my poor body is now incomplete.
Maggots oozing from my brain,
nothing stops them, even rain.
Vultures and buzzards,
tearing apart my carcass,
all these animals are in focus.
Bugs flying all around,
never seen something so profound.
Nothing is left, just bare bone,
how I died is still unknown,
in a swamp left all alone.
My skeleton hangs from a tree,
somebody had to do this to me.
Two weeks later I was discovered,
if they only knew,
how much I have suffered.
Never did identify my body,
I even head lined Hard Copy.
No heaven and no hell,
just darkness and time to dwell.

Legalize it

Sitting down jamming to Van Halen,
maybe flying, but more like sailing.
Smoked, maybe just a little bud,
whatever it was, certainly not a dud.
This visuals are out of sight,
best thing that happened, all **** night.
Lose yourself in a guitar solo,
nobody leads, we all just follow.
In own house, forget where you are,
this journey has gone a bit to far.
Air guitar is losing its touch,
maybe smoked a bit to much.
Also had a bit to drink,
hard now to even think.
Just legalize it already,
no more cutting corners like Freddy.
Tax the the living hell of of it,
soon after, no more deficit.
Side effects include, fun and joy,
brain cells get a temporary destroy.
Cotton mouth and the munchies,
no more wars in foreign countries.
Laziness and blood shot eye,
but at no time will you die.
Some drowsiness and falling asleep,
but to ****** to remember how many sheep.
May lead to other drugs,
or even getting naked hugs.
When legalized, I'd be first in line,
only then will life fully shine.

Letting Off Steam
living in sin
can't seem to win
not fun losing
it's not my choosing
waiting on that day
when you'll hear me say
I've finally won
shinning bright is the sun
not that I'm complaining
just some steam I'm draining
things go bad to worse
life is going in reverse
karma is kicking my ***
my destruction is mass
never have any money
some might find this funny
life has a few good points
drinking beer and rolling joints
life is what you make it
I was born to get ****
life ain't really that bad
but still I get so sad
I have a girl, I love so
in bed she never says no
my two kids, I love dearly
wish I could see them
more than just yearly
well I let off enough steam
sometimes my nightmare
is really just a happy dream

Life

People are irate,
they sealed their own fate,
locked up, is the golden gate.
Nobody knows just why,
we all must say good-bye,
falling from the darkened sky.
Locked in a small room,
all you can smell is doom,
what if life will never resume.
Scratching and a crawling,
life can be so appalling,
why must we always be stalling.
Feeling like subjects,
wondering why life is so complex,
maybe we're all just special effects.
No journey, just a destination,
can't even turn the station,
death is becoming the latest sensation.
As for me, I believe in love,
no need to push and shove,
is there really a crying dove.
I don't believe in God,
I'm the only non fraud,
it's me you all should applaud.
Things can turn around,
just need to break it down,
then you too can wear the crown.
Together we can make things right,
no need to fuss and fight,
lets make the darkness seem bright.
I actually have no single clue,
over the cuckoo's nest I flew,
life is something, I just thought I knew.

Life Is Simple
things are so conspicuous
starting to get suspicious
nothing is more obvious
life can be so glorious
no reason for depression
you know the answer, to the question
be yourself, and no one else
weather poor, or have some wealth
make life fun, make it great
like is was when you were eight
keep things easy and simple
pop that complication pimple
in conclusion, I say this
find an old friend, and reminisce

Lit Candle

I lit a candle in your honor,
still can't believe you're a goner.
You had some high expectations,
your death is under investigations.
Shot in the head, at the bar,
found in the trunk of your car.
Nobody there saw a thing,
you were more famous than a king.
Your blood still stains the wall,
no one is allowed to use that bathroom stall.
I lit another candle for a certain girl,
her blonde hair she liked to twirl.
This poor girl, no one will ever miss,
and it happened just like this.
She was a *******, standing on the corner,
not American, but a foreigner.
Nobody ever did identify her body,
she was more pretty, than a dressed up Barbie.
Shot in the head and left in the street,
a cop found her while walking the beat.
Its been a week and there is still a chalk line,
her life extension got a fatal decline.
I lit yet another candle,
these deaths are becoming quite the scandal.
Another person shot in the head,
in his house and left for dead.
There is a serial killer on the loose,
a horrible tragedy with no excuse.
Three deaths with not one answer,
its spreading faster than cancer.
The local police have no clues,
its the headline on all the news.
I still have candles left to light,
there will be another lit tonight.
Another innocent soul will be set free,
and if they only knew it was me.

Living In Sin
***, drugs and rock and roll
never once paying a toll
girls begging on their knees
don't need to say please
going to church is a sin
dealing with the devil
and I always win
I lie, I cheat, I steal
it's not that big of a deal
living life on my terms
never worrying
about the germs
I'm set in my own ways
I'll leave you in a daze
leaving each day
like my last
**** the future
**** the past
if you don't approve
like I care
like a truck driver
I like to swear
I don't shower
I don't stink
on the inside
is always pink
you might not like
what I say
I do the the same
every single day
you might not like
what I write
like I care
it's out of spite

Are you lonesome tonight,
did you and your hubby have a fight.
You know you're always welcome here,
I will wipe away any kind of tear.
Take your coat off and stay awhile,
hang here with me, til you reconcile.
It doesn't matter how long it takes,
people always will make mistakes.
Is that your husband banging on my door,
screaming come out you two timing *****.
I just called the local police,
don't want my landlord to break my lease.
I warned you not to marry that creep,
you take the bed, on the couch, I will sleep.
We have been friends a very long time,
I would give you my very last dime.
I hated when we drifted apart,
you broke my unbreakable heart.
When we met, I loved you from first glance,
if you weren't married, would you give me a second chance.
Are you lonesome tonight,
would you cheat on your husband out of spite.
Is your heart filled with pain,
you could always hop on my happy train.
Then you slapped me in the face,
I was called out going to first base.
When you said no I felt so rejected,
that is what I kinda suspected.
Now my apartment is bare,
I'm alone and standing there.
I guess hitting on her wasn't so bright,
cause now I'm the one who is lonesome tonight.

Long Road

When I was born, the mold was broken,
people see me and they become frozen.
Sorry for my big ego,
you better let go my Eggo.
Some say I'm a bit conceited,
not very often, I get defeated.
Sometimes it goes the other way too,
you try your foot in my shoe.
Stressed, blessed and always depressed,
no matter what I do, I'm always impressed.
I'm cocky with no confidence,
falling down then getting up,
made me who I am today.
Can't always get what you want,
just make sure, you have what you need.
I always do what I want,
when it's good, I like to flaunt.
I'm amazing in the most awesome way,
trying always to have a great day.
My girl keeps me under control,
she's my heart and my soul.
I'm outrageous and contagious,
I wish I was a bit more courageous.
After a life of pure hell,
I proudly admit,
I'm doing well.

Loony Tunes

Bugs Bunny is my favorite rabbit,
watching him became my habit.
He was smart, funny and two steps ahead,
his popularity was very widespread.
His best friend was Daffy Duck,
he never did have the same luck.
Rabbit season, duck season,
rabbit season, duck season,
watching them, I needed no reason.
Speedy Gonzales was so very quick,
this fast mouse was also a *****.
Owned his own pizza place,
won a gold metal, at the local rat race.
Yosemite Sam was a short tempered man,
killing Bugs and Daffy was always his plan.
He's a liar, a cheat and a sore loser,
maybe he should have been a drug user.
Tasmanian Devil was a tornado of destruction,
he never needed any kind of introduction.
Foghorn Leghorn never saw a negative situation,
I say, I say boy was his favorite quotation.
Pepe Le Pew was a French skunk,
women loved his smelly *****.
Marvin The Martian was from Mars,
his laser gun would leave you with scars.
Tweety was an antagonizing canary,
lived with Granny, and flew like a crafty fairy.
Sylvester was Granny's pet cat,
him and Tweety always went *** for tat.
Road Runner was so very fast,
said beep beep as Wile E Coyote he passed.
Never fell for those Acme supplies,
getting blown up was his ultimate demise.
Porky Pig was just happy to be included,
the, the that's all folks, is how this will be concluded.

Lost
Looking for my lost soul,
lost somewhere in a black hole.
Its been missing for some time,
endless mountains, I must climb.
Not a light to be seen,
been this way, since a teen.
Caught in a strangle hold,
always doing what I'm told.
Holding feelings deep inside,
long ago, I lost my pride.
Please help me find my way,
saved no pennies, for a rainy day.
Searching desperately for a light,
but knowing it's an endless fight.
Seems like, I'm lost at sea,
only death will set me free.

Love Affair

When love fails,
and lover bails.
***** is gone,
just move on.
Plenty of fish in the sea,
doesn't require a college degree.
Date her sister,
date her friend,
this is what I recommend.
She lied and she cheated,
on your phone, number got deleted.
Let her love your dad and brother,
just sleep with her slutty mother.
Now she stalks your every move,
this is something, you don't approve.
The restraining order has no affect,
your thoughts, you must now collect.
For some reason, you get back together,
missing all that lace, handcuffs and leather.
Things are now better than ever,
a new chapter, you two enter.
You have made this a family affair,
you let them watch, they love to stare.
A little gross, but oh well,
just another way, to end up in hell.

Love At First Sight

It was love at first sight,
darkness has become light.
Eyes glanced across the room,
my heart started to go boom.
Walked over and bought her a drink,
neither one of us could even blink.
We talked til the bar closed,
our feeling were evenly exposed.
We dated a week or two,
the we made love,
the whole night through.
The friction between us caused sparks,
we did it in cars, we did it in parks.
One magical night on the beach,
we were stuck together like a leech.
She moved in shortly after,
so much love, so much laughter.
Got on my knee and proposed,
she said yes, as I supposed.
After a year we got hitched,
her touch always makes me twitch.
We decided to start a family,
always exploring each others anatomy.
Finally our first child was born,
handed out cigars and tooted my horn.
We live a wonderful life,
I have the greatest wife

Love In Rhyme
loving your hair
loving your stare
loving your eyes
loving between your thighs
making you sweat
making you wet
making you beg
making you play
with my third leg
you're my farting queen
you're my miss mean
you're my angel wing
you're my everything
loving your voice
loving my choice
making you bad
making me glad
you're my *****
I'm your itch
loving your smile
loving my style
making you mine
making me feel fine
you're my one and only
I'm your no longer lonely
we're perfect in every way
what else is left to say

Love is more than hugs and kissing,
its when their not around, you're missing.
Love is more than naked massages and ***,
its when every five minutes you have to text.
Love is more than passion and affection,
its when two people have a magic connection.
Love is more than saying I love you,
its a strong commitment you must pursue.
Love is a special bond between two people,
if closely related, it could be illegal.
Love is more than kissing each other goodnight,
its making up after each and every fight.
Love is more than butterflies in the belly,
its no being afraid of use some petroleum jelly.
Love is more than buying a dozen roses,
sometimes love is right under our noses.
Love is more than having a big wedding,
each day it seems to be spreading.
Love is more than an attraction,
its finally getting some satisfaction.
Love is more than being with til the end,
you also must be each others best friend.
Love is more than a burning flame,
feeling for each other must be the same.
Love is more than a myth or a theory,
sometimes its so scary its eerie.
Love is more than a roll of the dice,
its like being on a permanent paradise.
Love is more than sharing the same bed,
love is everything and more,
than I could fathom or be said.

Love Is Blind

First we talk, then we start discussing,
turns into arguing and some fussing.
Every compromise turns into a heated debate,
who you out *******, when you come home late.
Your drinking and drugging is out of control,
wishing I could leave you, but my heart you stole.
Not gonna lie, I wish you were dead,
but watching you slowly killing yourself, I’ll watch instead.
Not sure how much more I can take,
meeting you is my biggest mistake.
You beat me one night while drunk,
from my head, you took a chunk.
Me in the hospital, you in jail,
I’m now blind and must learn braille.
Waiting years for you to be set free,
knowing you will come looking for me.
My seeing eye dog, I keep very hungry,
I may be blind, but I’m no dummy.
My walking cane is also a taser,
under my sleeve, I hide a razor.
Through the grapevine, I heard you get out tomorrow,
prepare to drown in a big red sea of sorrow.
Then one night, I hear a knock,
it must be way past twelve o’clock.
I quiet my dog so it doesn't bark,
turned off the power, so she could see dark.
I listen closely and hear very well,
knowing it’s her from her distinct smell.
She slowly opens the unlocked door,
my electric cane knocks her to the floor.
With my razor, I give her a slice,
I taught my dog to be a ***** eating device.
There is no proof, she was even hear,
some people just deserve to disappear.

Love Story
We are made for each other,
you're more loving, than a mother.
You make me smile, when sad,
I calm you down, when mad.
Your smile lights up a room,
our love is stronger than a sonic boom.
We make the perfect couple,
in bed we always cuddle.
I taught you how to live,
you taught me how to give.
Your beauty is unmatched,
my bruises, you always patched.
When you're sick, I'm always there,
we make one hell of a pair.
You're as **** as a model,
you love the way, I always ******.
True love is so hard to find,
never met someone more kind.
This love story goes on forever,
breaking up will happen never.
Through good and bad times,
I will never run out of rhymes.
We are each others best friend,
it will be that way til the very end.

Love Story

This is a love story of a different sort,
he was a ******, she was an escort.
He had the night off and feeling lonely,
eating his cheese, crackers and pepperoni.
Called a girl he once knew,
she is an escort, and making her debut.
She was there in an hour,
she was fat and he had no flour.
She told him fifty bucks, and I'm all yours,
she barely fit through any of his doors.
He said, I never knew you were a *******,
she said, I didn't come here for you to prosecute.
No, no he said that's not it,
I miss hanging out, I must admit.
They talked all night, and she charged no money,
life is strange and even sometimes funny.
They both quit their illegal jobs,
every night they would make love like Gods.
After a week they got hitched,
it was like together, they got stitched.
She found a job at a bank,
he started driving an oil tank.
She exercised and lost some weight,
he said, **** baby you look great.
They lived a happy middle classed life,
but very happy as husband and wife.
They had a baby, then another,
he was a good dad, and her a good mother.
They were living happily ever after,
till he died falling off a very high rafter.
Turned their lives into shreds,
no more stitches, broken was the threads.
After a while they moved on,
finally the numbness was all gone.
She hooked up with a new man,
kids chopped him up and stuck him in a can.
They didn't want a new daddy,
mommy got depressed and again became a fatty.

Love The Way
Love the way you smile,
it will never go out of style.
Love the way you walk,
as I just stare and gawk.
Love the way we cuddle,
it helps forget, that we struggle.
Love the way we kiss,
every moment spent in bliss.
Love the way, you love me,
never have I felt so free.
Love the way, you make me feel,
sometimes I wonder, if it's real.
love your eyes
love your thighs
love your nose
love your toes
love your giggle
love your wiggle
love your lips
love your finger tips
Love the way, you get nervous,
Xanax we always purchase.
Love the way, we make love,
front, back, below or above.
All I'm really trying to say,
is that, I love you in every way.

Love You/Love Me

I know why I love you
love you, love you.
I know why you love me,
love me, love me.
Remembering the day we first met,
your smile, blue eyes, and hair of brunette.
Had you laughing all long night,
it was love at first sight.
Your body smooth and thin,
you have the perfect skin.
No one is more beautiful,
what we do is unconstitutional.
You make me happy in my pants,
every night, we do the slam dance.
Found out why I love you,
love you, love you.
Found out why you love me,
love me, love me.
No one thought we'd last this long,
hey baby, we sure proved them wrong.
We're like two peas in a pod,
when we touch, it's a lighting rod.
We will never break apart,
we both know this, in our heart.
Our love is so very strong,
it's more on than Donkey Kong.
Loving that I love you,
love you, love you.
Loving that you love me,
love me, love.

Making No Sense

Young people cry,
old people die,
I just wonder why.
Babies are born,
men watch ****,
women are torn.
Some swallow,
soul is hollow,
I just wallow.
Read between lines,
always pay fines,
do it in the pines.
Think outside the box,
not all keys fit locks,
I'm more sly than a fox.
Breaking the chains,
everyone complains,
all that remains.
Met at the station,
in for the duration,
part of the creation.
Mind over matter,
thin over fatter,
brains always splatter.
Orlando and Dawn,
Hudson and Hawn,
is anybody really gone.
Food on table,
mentally unstable,
ready, willing and able.
Praying to God,
while laying sod,
two peas in a pod.
Football is gay,
Peyton better play,
Broncos all the way.
Nothing seems level,
born a rebel,
running with the devil.

Mamma's Boy

There was a man, his name was Tom,
forty five and still lives with mom.
I guess you can say, he's a mamma's boy,
morning, noon and night, plays with his favorite toy.
Mom don't let him go out on dates,
Rosie and her sisters, are his only mates.
Has naked posters on his bedroom wall,
stares at under age girls at the mall.
Loves movies that are ****,
been that way, since he was born.
Hangs out at every school park,
targeting his next victims every mark.
Tried it once or twice in his cellar,
tied them to an old plane propeller.
He buried them after he had his fun,
only girls between ten to twelve,
made him shoot his favorite gun.
Missing person posters turned him on,
he considered himself the preteen Don Juan.
Then one day his mamma died,
Jekyll is gone, it's now only Hyde.
He went on local web chat sites,
all young girls got wanted invites.
With no mom, things got easy,
my stomach is getting a bit queasy.
In a months time, maybe twenty girls,
promised them dolls with clothes and pearls.
This small town was in an uproar,
if you needed girl parts, he had the store.
Near by neighbors noticed an ungodly smell,
police came and found and an under ground hell.
Everyone thought this man was strange,
after his mom died, they noticed a change.
They strung him on a giant pole,
while parents played Whac-A-Mole.
They hit that human pinata till it exploded,
his blood and guts became unloaded.

Marine Corps

Seconds become minutes,
numbers are only digits.
Minutes become hours,
our love, bloomed like flowers.
Hours become days,
the Marines made us go separate ways.
Days become weeks,
my eyes sprung many leaks.
Weeks become months,
I'm home, while you're doing stunts.
Can't wait to see you again,
each letter we send, is with the same pen.
The year is about to end,
can't wait to see my best friend.
Months turn into weeks,
there will be no kissing on cheeks.
Weeks turn into days,
finally no more **** delays.
Days turn into hours,
so excited I took two showers.
Hours turn into minutes,
our love has no limits.
Minutes turn into seconds,
time is now of the essence.
I heard a knock at the door,
it was the Sargent of the Marine Corps.
Couldn't help but shed a tear,
after all I waited a whole **** year.

Marriage

You like to drink,
I like to smoke,
you'd like to think,
that I am big joke.
You like to rock,
I like to roll,
we go for a walk,
but it ends up a stroll.
You like to read,
I like to write,
whenever we talk,
it ends up being a fight.
You like honesty,
I like to lie,
I find it funny,
when you start to cry.
You like to spend,
I like to save,
you love to cut,
when I have to shave.
You like romance,
I like horror,
You're name is Dora,
and I'd like to explore ya.
You like to eat,
I like to munch,
we love each other,
so **** much.
Twenty years and going strong,
I'm always right,
you're always wrong.
The *** is great,
and we love to cuddle,
in the bed,
there is always a puddle.
You like me,
I like you,
another woman,
always makes two.
Sometimes I watch,
sometimes I join,
either way,
I have a happy groin.

Master Of Puppets

What if we aren't even here,
would it change, who we think we are.
Maybe you're a figment of my imagination,
just a thought in this mans head.
I ponder that question every night,
only I know the real answer.
We're born, we grow up and we die,
make the best of any situation.
An ice age will destroy all mankind,
or was the dinosaur theory all just myth.
When you die all your answers you shall find,
only I know all the secrets,
I'm not allowed to tell you why.
You all will know in due time.
I'm the master of the puppets,
pulling your strings, is what I do.
I say who lives or dies,
whether you gets rich or poor.
I'm in your head, I'm in your heart,
I'm everywhere, but you can't see me.
Friends all thought I was insane,
til I ended up in all their dreams.
I see you when you'er sleeping,
I see you when you're awake,
I even see you when you're naked.
Some of you should always be clothed,
bigger people need a stronger string.
I'm your angel up above,
I'm your demon down below.
Praying on knees doesn't work,
I'm just the ****, who pulls your strings.

Meant To ****
Sun sets in the west,
full moon slowly rising.
You can hear the distant howls,
so far, I've used twenty vowels.
Playing baseball with some friends,
it ain't over til it's over.
Hit myself a line drive double,
tried for third, but got in trouble.
Do you care what I say,
if you don't, then it's ok.
Time flying so very fast,
hard to remember my troubled past.
Who cares what you think,
this poem is starting to stink.
Not everyone can be a classic,
I was due for a clunker.
Not every dog has its day,
poor dogs, they have no say.
Some may bark, some may bite,
putting then down, isn't a pretty sight.
This poor poem had no chance,
I just gave it a second glance.
Time to put this out of its misery,
and finally end this poem catastrophe.

Me Being Me

Time is a wasting,
things I've been misplacing,
but still, I'm amazing.
Just playing possum,
love being gruesome,
but still, I'm awesome.
A bit ridiculous,
remaining anonymous,
but still, I'm fabulous.
At times very dramatic,
never enthusiastic,
but still, I'm fantastic.
Never ever cheerful,
down right dreadful,
but still, I'm wonderful.
Got no talent,
way to arrogant,
but still, I'm excellent.
Somewhat distant,
always very different,
but still, I'm brilliant.
Sometimes depressive,
a bit too excessive,
but still, I'm impressive.
No six pack abdominal,
mouth very washable,
but still, I'm phenomenal.
Always horrific,
never specific,
but still, I'm terrific.
Sometimes heartless,
live in total darkness,
but still, I'm marvelous.
I think you all get the point,
so go roll a big fat joint,
because like always, I never disappoint.

Mr. Poet Guy

There was a time, not so long ago,
lived a man you all very well know.
Walking down the street one afternoon,
it was a bright sunny day in June.
Came across a man so mean,
what happened next was quite the scene.
Pulled out a gun and shot me dead,
one single bullet into my very head.
That's the day the poet died,
all over the world people cried.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye.
As the police drew their white chalk line,
my soul escaped, you can see the incline.
The paramedics tried with all their might,
I was so dead, couldn't put up a fight.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye.
They drove me hearse to the levy,
blood drained out and body was dry,
singing this will be the day that he die.
Thousands of people came from every state,
please don't mourn, just celebrate.
They never did find the man in question,
millions of people, now in depression.
Maybe he works for the C.I.A,
if he's caught, what would he say.
Listen Judge, does it really matter,
he deserved that brain splatter.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye,
singing this will be the day that he die.

Mr. Publish Man

Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please tell me this ain't a scam.
I've talking a liking to what you're saying,
I just hope it's me you start paying.
Is this a dream or is it a fact,
I need to know, before I sign the contract.
Don't take a lot of time to think about,
please tell me that you have no doubt.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please tell me you really give a ****.
I hope that you become my friend,
and help my poems become a trend.
This reads like words on my paper,
don't make me part of your latest caper.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please don't email me with your spam.
Sell a lot of books, and go on a book singing world tour,
cause when it rains, it's followed by a pour.
Make a lot of money and sell lots of books,
I got plenty of rhymes and catchy hooks.
Have a lot of fun and hang with my fans,
I've already made lots of future plans.
I'm in for the money, I'm in for the show,
are you gonna help me make lots of dough.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr publish man, please don't make me a sacrificial lamb.

Mugging

Heart thumping at a rapid beat,
***** running down to my feet.
Getting mugged, gun in face,
the one **** day, I left home my mace.
He wants my money or my life,
wishing I had some kind of knife.
Slowly going for my wallet,
tears dripping like a leaky faucet.
Getting anxious, he ***** his gun,
should I submit or should I run.
Then I kicked him in the *****,
watching him as he slowly falls.
Grabbed the gun from his hand,
asked for his money, as he started to stand.
He said please mister, I'm out of work,
I said who cares you stupid ****.
He showed me his wallet, which was bare,
I could smell his **** in his underwear.
I told him to turn around and walk away,
he said till I get your money, I must stay.
Had no choice but to shoot him dead,
two bullets in his brainless head.
From the gun, wiped off my prints,
limped home like I had shin splints.
Went home and took a shower,
felt kinda bad as my soul became sour.
Closed my eyes and only saw red,
maybe I should have forced him to run instead.
I hate living in a state of misery,
from that day on, I felt kinda jittery.
Both of us at one point begged for mercy,
just a typical day in north New Jersey.

****** In The Street

Every night I see, what I'm not supposed to,
it's so devastating, but still I must view.
Through my window, I can see the danger,
murdering of people, by some mysterious masked stranger.
Not allowed to say a single word,
he looks up at me and whispers, forget what you heard.
So afraid I will be next,
this is what happens, when in the projects.
I can't help but stare, it's like a car crash,
as I watch people's brains get a ****** bash.
He knows where I live, so I keep quiet,
last thing I need is a sudden riot.
Starting to get numb of what I see,
it's like watching serial killing on my tv.
Then one night, he takes off his ski mask,
it was my father doing this heinous task.
I dropped down to my knees, and started to pray,
never did I know my dad liked a flesh buffet.
He came into my room and said never tell,
his hand over my mouth, so I couldn't yell.
He said he was doing Gods work,
killing all people that were a ****.
He died that very night, in his sleep,
I prayed to the lord, for his soul to keep.
God told me to do it,
because he was just a *******.

Music

Running out of time, nothing left to rhyme,
no longer in my prime, listening to Sublime.
Used to smoke ****, slaves I have freed,
red I still bleed, listening to Creed.
I'm all that, I have kicked my cat,
my girl is a brat, listening to Ratt.
Invented a love potion, makes girls frozen,
many things I've broken, listening to Poison.
Buried in the sand, not what I planned,
I need a helping hand, listening to The Steve Miller Band.
Too many cell phones, can never get any loans,
love the show Bones, listening to The Rolling Stones.
Confessing all my sins, playing some violins,
dizzy from the spins, listening to The Thompson Twins.
Standing in the cold, my life is uncontrolled,
just got paroled, listening to Avenged Sevenfold.
Sprayed with mace, kicked in the face,
stuck in this rat race, listening to Three Days Grace.
Working the graveyard shift, lots of sand I must sift,
my life needs a lift, listening to Taylor Swift.
Living in Illinois, tired of hearing noise,
losing all my poise, listening to The Beach Boys.
No hands on the clock, it's me people mock,
dryer stole another sock, listening to Kid Rock.
Music has made me what I am,
loving the hairbands and the glam.
Hard rock is all I know,
how could you not like Ugly Kid Joe.
Heavy metal is where it's at,
all the older bands are bald and fat.
Top forty isn't half bad,
every year it's a different fad.
Disco and grunge had a short stay,
Nirvana and Pearl Jam, get too much air play.
Hip hop and rap has been around to long,
can they even sing a real song.
Nothing will ever beat the eighties,
spandex, hair and all the ***** ladies.
My two favorite songs are Sister Christian,
and Here I go Again,
those songs remind me of way back when.
Country, well that will always ****,
rednecks, Nascar, hunting and a giant truck.

My Final Four Words

Pain, agony, darkness defeat,
lying, cheating, stealing deceit.
Nothing seems like before,
blood a constant pour.
Alone in my bed,
just wishing for dead.
Shh, I hear something,
someone must be coming.
Footsteps on the tile,
echos in the aisle.
Not a word spoken,
my legs are broken.
Only now I write,
tough without any light.
Someone please read this,
mom, dad, bro sis.
All alone in house,
where is Mighty Mouse.
Sounds getting so close,
me naked, no clothes.
Can't reach my bat,
no dog, no cat.
It's next to me,
wishing I could see.
I beg, please help,
a very unsuccessful attempt.

My Letter

This is a letter, I'm writing to me,
with paper that came from a tree.
Over forty and nothing accomplished,
thought by now, I'd be smoothly polished.
Life didn't turn out like I thought,
I did everything that I was taught.
When younger, found love once or twice,
each time, I learned while paying the price.
Have two kids I love dearly,
not seeing them every day, hurts severely.
Never knew life would be this complicated,
too easily, I get so aggravated.
Snapping at the smallest thing,
just once, I want to be a king.
Met a woman, I love a lot,
moved to Florida, where it's always hot.
Been in two major car accidents,
surviving both was so miraculous.
I've had my share of nervous breakdowns,
lived in my share of lonely towns.
All I ask for is my chance of fame,
for fifteen minutes, I'd play the game.
At this moment, my life ain't half bad,
sometime's I feel like I've been had.
Done my share of bad things,
karma sometimes badly stings.
Been so broke, lived in the streets,
been so rich, followers actually read my tweets.
Now I live with my best friend,
I'm hoping till the very end.
A letter to yourself is a great exercise,
learning about yourself, can make you wise.
This will end my hand written letter,
try it sometime, I promise you'll feel better.

Naked

Found naked on the streets,
cuffs on my hands and feet.
They wouldn't give me any clothes,
couldn't even pick my own **** nose.
Walked naked to the police station,
two miles of total frustration.
One hour of pure hell,
I'm hot, sticky and I really smell.
People laughing from their front yard,
I looked like an unstable ******.
***** bouncing left to right,
my big ***** should be held every night.
***** flopping up and down,
not even sure the name of the town.
They don't even give me reason,
maybe it's naked man in street season.
Police station filled with reporters,
my ***** has never been shorter.
Hundreds of flashes before my eyes,
I see my mom, nervous as she cries.
I was arrested for **** street sleeping,
millions of people are now peeping.
I got booked and thrown in the slammer,
somebody please, hit my head with a hammer.
They actually even threw away the key,
how dare they do this to someone like me.
Don't they know who I am,
this must be some kind of sham.
I'm only the most famous man in America,
not some cheap imitation replica.
I hope no one gives me an Allen *****,
then I won't know what to do.
No phone call or allowed any bail,
looks like I'm stuck in this ****** jail.
After a week I was finally let go,
I was the star of some sick reality show.

Never Ending

It's always me people shove,
some memories, I can't dispose of.
There seems to be no end,
a real problem and there is no friend.
Life savings running bone dry,
I just can't figure out why.
Trying hard to be the best,
every little thing leaves me stressed.
Tired of things being so complicated,
always feeling so **** aggravated.
Living in a constant bitter regret,
no way out of this money debt.
Not even sure what life's about,
it ***** so bad, it makes me shout.
Why was I even born,
when I die will anybody mourn.
Wondering why I even care,
all these problems, with you I share.
Over forty and nothing to show,
motion of life, moving to slow.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired,
is living really that required.
Life is only getting worse,
since birth, someone put on a curse.
Got two kids, I never see,
why is all this **** happening to me.
Never got the right support,
my ship has never left the port.
Maybe things will never change,
people look at me like I'm very strange.
Will I ever catch a break,
maybe I'm dreaming and all this is fake.
Every night, I cry myself to sleep,
in my family, I'm the black sheep.
Almost living in the street,
tried to lie, steal and cheat.
Yes it's true that I'm insane,
can't fight this blister in my brain.
Well I've wasted enough of your time,
I may never write another rhyme.

Never Ending

Here's a story without an ending,
contradicting, complex, complicated and condescending.
Born into a world of hate,
everyone's shoulder has so much weight.
Don't know whether to live or die,
can't decide rather to laugh or cry.
Do your best to support the family,
trying with all your might to keep the sanity.
Go to school and maybe college,
on the streets you learn most your knowledge.
Get a job and save some money,
then you end up filing for bankruptcy.
Running around in a constant circle,
always jumping over some kind of hurdle.
Life and death is just a cycle,
like a novel with no title.
You retire at a certain age,
after a life of minimum wage.
Some drink, smoke or eat to much,
it's hard to find that magical touch.
We take pills for pain and depression,
not all answers require a question.
Maybe all we need is to be loved,
tired of getting pushed and shoved.
No one really knows how we got here,
like the dinosaurs, we someday might disappear.
Not sure about you, but I like living,
or maybe we're all dead and just dreaming.
National disasters are so unpredictable,
mother nature can be so unforgivable.
This is the story in a nut shell,
sometimes living is pure hell.
It's up to us to make it better,
life is a riddle wrapped in an adventure.

Never Forget Your Pills

Pretending to be normal,
its so hard when you're immortal.
In bed I'm called a god,
stand up for me and applaud.
Me more happy than a clam,
I'm more American than Uncle Sam.
I make your dreams come true,
I'm more famous than Playboys Hugh.
I love to flirt, I love to tease,
my goal is to always please.
I love being in the ****,
I'm just that kind of dude.
A few times I've almost died,
I get emotional and have cried.
Some say that I'm delusional,
I find that to be kind of disputable.
You try being so **** perfect,
coming from me, what do you expect.
Not my fault, I'm the best,
I live by the power of suggest.
I open so many closed minds,
if somethings lost, I give it a finds.
I make magic with my pen,
I'm smarter than the three wise men.
I have no more competition,
everyone failed the last audition.
Everywhere I go, I get praised,
happening so long, I don't get phased.
Some say i suffer from schizophrenia,
all I read is the newest encyclopedia.
Can't help having god like features,
back in school, I taught the teachers.
Today I forgot to take my medicine,
everything just written was irrelevant.

In the darkness, filled with pain,
memories are all that remain.
Remembering the days that once was,
doing things, well just because.
I've awoken in this wooden grave,
its to late now, you can't save.
Thinking I'm dead, but not quite sure,
maybe I'm alive, on a six foot under tour.
There is no bright light, in case you're wondering,
trust me, cause I'm endlessly searching.
Not really sure how I died,
my friend and family, alive they cried.
Didn't wanna be buried in a wooden box,
wanted my ashes spread, where I took my walks.
I can't see a stairway to heaven,
I hope that answers everyone's question.
There is no highway to hell,
if there was, I'd surely stop at the famous California hotel.
I used to believe in reincarnation,
but now the maggots have started their infestation.
Never did make out a living will,
sometimes life is a bitter pill.
Not sure if I ever said my last goodbyes,
but I can feel tears dripping from my eyes.

Never Settle

Why is true love so hard to find,
all the stars must be perfectly aligned.
Sometime's it's right under your nose,
for some people it never shows.
Love could knocking at your door,
some people answer, some people ignore.
Love is being at the right place, at the right time,
for some it's an endless mountain, you must climb.
True love will always find a away,
a soul mate will never betray.
What ever you do, please don't settle,
hang tight and wait for the perfect rose petal.
Some find love a first sight,
some try hard with all their might.
It may take years to find your mate,
it could be destiny, it could be fate.
Might be a friend you've known forever,
then again it could happen never.
Getting no *** leaves you stressed and frustrated,
***** calls always end up being complicated.
Being alone is never fun,
the third wheel has been over done.
Use your hand when in doubt,
put an end to that long drought.
You might end up with a broken heart,
it happens to the dumb, it happens to the smart.
Whether you're young, or if you're old,
when you finally find love, tightly hold.
It may only happen once or twice,
true love is nothing but a roll of the dice.
Even if you're ugly, be optimistic,
love will find your one good characteristic.
If I can find love, so can you,
don't be fake, always be true.

Nine Lives (Cat From Hell)

I have a cat that just wont die,
trust me, I gave it the old college try.
It pukes, pees and poops on the floor,
brings dead animals to my front door.
I've dropped him off many of miles,
but it always comes back after awhile's.
No food or water for many of weeks,
my water bed now has many leaks.
Killing this cat is so **** tricky,
whenever I **** it, he comes back like Little Nicky.
Poisoned its food with lots of cyanide,
into the window it would collide.
Stabbed it twice, buried it in the yard,
but in like Pet Sematary, this cat will die hard.
Ran it over and over with my truck,
he just makes me look like a schmuck.
Tried to drown it in my bath tub,
this cat belongs to the nine lives club.
Every morning, I wake up in my own blood,
it laughs at me while he smokes my last bud.
He breathes fire from its meowing mouth,
he definitely came from the deep south.
I'm like Tom, he's like Jerry,
its favorite drink is a ****** Mary.
I once even fed him to my dog,
next day it came back inside a brown log.
I've punched it hard, and kicked it far,
this hell cat is the most bizarre.
Tried killing it with a single gun shot,
burned it with water that was boiling hot.
No matter what I tried it wouldn't work,
he always made me look like a stupid ****.
I even burned down my own house,
there he was carrying out a dead mouse.
My whole body burning from cat scratch fever,
I chopped off its head with a sharp meat cleaver.
Put it in a huge ***, and made some cat chop suey,
it tasted bad and very gooey.
After that day, I felt scratching from the inside,
two weeks later, internal bleeding is how I died.

Nobody
nobody knows
nobody cares
nobody listens
nobody dares
nobody wonders
nobody talks
nobody helps
nobody flocks
nobody text
nobody calls
nobody rings
nobody got any *****
nobody gives a ****
nobody knows I'm in a pit
nobody knows the trouble I'm in
nobody cares if I ever win
nobody wants to feel my pain
nobody knows that I'm insane
nobody cares about my history
nobody knows I'm a mystery

Nobody Does It Better
I like rock
I like metal
calms my nerves
helps me settle
I like writing
I like ****
it's all I got
it's all I need
I like power
I like money
entertaining people
and making a funny
I like love
I like ***
why is life
so **** complex
I like movies
I like tv
there will never
be another me
I like people
I like you
I'm the man
but you already knew
I like smoking
I like drinking
no one is better
is what I'm thinking
I like stories
I like rhyme
my pockets are empty
can you spare a dime