Nobody Knows
Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring,
will there be sunshine, will birds sing.
Is today your last day,
if it is, what will they say.
Were you good, were you bad,
were you happy, were you sad.
Will people come and mourn,
or will they wish,
you were never born.
Is it dark, or is it light,
did you try with all your might.
Is there heaven, is there hell,
whom will toll your last bell.
Is there something,
you would change,
was there things,
you left estrange.
Is there life after death,
will you haunt,
who took your last breath.
For these questions,
that nobody knows,
we'll find out,
in the end,
I will suppose.

Not Gonna Do It

Tile covered with dirt and sand,
but, I'm not lifting a helping hand.
***** dishes in the sink,
I'd rather sit on the couch and drink.
Clothes need to be folded,
by now they must be molded.
Dinner needs to be cooked,
that is something, I overlooked.
House could use a good dusting,
this house is very disgusting.
Kids need to go to school,
I guess I'll do that, ha ha April Fool.
Grass needs to be cut,
on that chore, I will rebut.
Toilet needs a good cleaning,
yea right, you must be dreaming.
Windows need to be washed,
that plan, I quickly squashed.
Rugs need a good vacuum,
you know better, than to assume.
These are things, I will never do,
I like this house, looking like a zoo.

In the forest, there lives a tree,
its hidden well and hard to see.
Loggers came and chopped it down,
the surrounding trees all started to frown.
That poor lonely tree is now gone,
its now the paper that we write on.
In the ocean there lives a fish,
an endangered species on a rich mans dish.
Fishing boats illegally catch it with a net,
they get paid extra and have no regret.
This once thriving fish are dying out,
don't they know there are plenty of trout.
In the world there lives a person,
whose cancer condition is about to worsen.
The chemotherapy is not working,
death is now slowly lurking.
This is a disease that has no cure,
is there anything left that is pure.
With the way things are going,
there wont be anything left worth knowing.

Not Sure

Not sure about the future,
it gets no better, is the rumor.
Not sure about the past,
it sure did go by fast.
Not sure about the present,
right now, I'm popping a tent.
Not sure about the time,
how long do we stay in prime.
Not sure about me,
on that issue, I'll bargain a plea.
Not sure about you,
a friendship still under review.
Not sure how we got here,
someday we will all disappear.
Not sure what life's about,
but I can still make the girls shout.
Not sure about money,
having none, makes eyes runny.
Not sure about ***,
or when I'll get it next.
Not sure about the weather,
when it's cold, I wear my leather.
Not sure why I wrote this,
why are there holes in Swiss.
Not sure about what's real,
or why my skin I like to peel.
Not sure if you're aware,
if I loose my *****, I have a spare.
Not sure if any of this makes sense,
just putting in my two cents.

Now That's Love
through fire and brimstone
through the gates of hell
through a path of broken glass
get bit by every poisonous snake
get stung by every bee
get violated by every man in prison
**** every human
**** every animal
**** even myself
shoot myself in the head
stab myself in the heart
chop off my very own *****
theses are the things
I'd do for you
I hope you'd do the same
our love will last forever
nothing will ever stop us
we were meant for each other
but please baby
I'm gonna beg of you
don't make me
chop off my *****

Obese

There once was a man, who lived in the city,
he thought his life was pretty ******.
Had no family, friends or a job,
this ******* was a six hundred pound slob.
Sat home eating food all day,
collecting welfare, so he didn't have to pay.
Couldn't bend over to tie his shoes,
if not eating, he'd be taking a snooze.
Waddling himself to the local store,
buying food and nothing more.
Can't fit in any car or truck,
**** his life must really ****.
Too fat to wipe his own ***,
gets rid of ****** berries, by rolling in the grass.
Five years later he was eight hundred pounds,
hired a nurse who made her daily rounds.
Too fat now, can't even leave his bed,
she would feed him and wash him toes to head.
Better her doing all that than me,
I like standing when I have to ***.
Two years later he finally died,
no one cared, no one cried.
He was forklifted to an over sized casket,
his heart finally blew a gasket.
Well I am here to say, I cared for this fat ****,
even though everywhere he went, he got stuck.
He was human, just like the rest of us,
not his fault, he was heavier than a tour bus.
If not for him, there would be no rhyme,
and I wouldn't be wasting your precious time.

Old MacAllen

Old MacAllen has a house,
abcde
and in this house he had a wife,
abcde
with a nag, nag here,
and a nag, nag there,
here a nag, there a nag
everywhere a nag, nag,
Old MacAllen has a house
abcde.
Old MacAllen has a house
fghij
and in this house he had a son,
fghij
with a whine, whine here,
and a whine, whine there,
here a whine, there a whine
everywhere a whine, whine,
Old MacAllen has a house
fghij.
Old MacAllen has a house,
klmno
and in his house he had a daughter,
klmno
with complaint, complaint here,
and a complaint, complaint there,
here a complaint, there a complaint
everywhere a complaint, complaint,
Old MacAllen has a house
klmno.
Old MacAllen has a house,
pqrst
and in his house he had some pets,
pqrst
with a bark, bark here,
and a meow, meow there,
here a bark, there a bark
everywhere a meow, meow,
Old MacAllen has a house
pqrst.
Old MacAllen has a house,
uvwxyz
this house he has,
made to much sound,
now there all buried,
deep down in the ground,
uvwxyz.

Old West
dark man in the shadows
walking toward the pole of gallows
doing his time
for his heinous crime
******, **** and molesting
nobody watching is protesting
guilty with no doubt
that's what the old west was about
hunted down by a lynch mob
soon his neck will throb
as they tie the noose
making sure it's not loose
as he begins to fall
dead is the man they called Paul
no one there started to cry
as they watched an innocent man die
the real killer then confessed
so they shot him in the chest

Once Lost
Walking in no mans land,
no one there, to hold my hand.
Been lost for some time,
until the day, I discovered rhyme.
Now my problems, I can cope,
maybe even, smoke some dope.
Once lost and now found,
Laura keeps me safe and sound.
My kids, I see when I dream,
it helps keep away my nightmare scream.
Finally found some piece of mind,
no longer am I blind.
Like a painter with great vision,
my minds needs no supervision.
It didn't take god, to find my way,
that's just what the weak people say.
Next time you're having some tough times,
grab pen and paper, and write down some rhymes.
It worked for me, it will work for you,
read my words to guide you through.

On Drugs
Stop, drop and roll,
stripper dancing on a pole,
missing the toilet bowl,
having no self-control.
Drinking morning coffee,
inside hotel lobby,
seconds that are sloppy,
that's my favorite hobby.
Being super drunk,
more than a skunk,
***** has shrunk,
****** rock is called punk.
Smoking last cigarette,
withdrawal is a threat,
I still prefer a cassette,
will always be in debt.
Eating eggs with some ham,
with my good friend Sam,
will never eat a yam,
but will snort a gram.
This is a big mistake,
putting **** in my cake,
on your head is a snake,
it's time for a break.
Can't stop the giggle,
deep ******* a pickle,
boy it sure does tickle,
mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Shot ****** in the park,
dozing off in the dark,
my arm has a giant mark,
needle bites like a shark.
Smoked me some killer crack,
teeth rotting and turning black,
I cut myself no slack,
smoked **** and had a heart attack.
Now I'm as dead as a door nail,
my parents, I sure did fail,
can you believe I graduated Yale,
death sure does beats jail.

On My Mind

This is what's going on in my mind,
not sure to be mean or kind.
I could amaze you with a riddle,
maybe play with my wooden fiddle.
Chop people into tiny bits,
buy a stripper and see her ****.
Does love even really exist,
will **** ooze from my cyst.
Wisdom I could dazzle,
take a shower and forget the towel.
Make you laugh, make you smile,
that's just my kind of style.
How much I hate your guts,
Dickie Roberts said nucking futs.
Are any of us really even here,
maybe face myself a fear.
Sing you a groovy song,
smoke from a huge ****.
Go dance the night away,
check out my hips as they sway.
How I hate to wipe my ***,
dogs always have the smelliest gas.
Drink shots til I puke,
always listen to Jesse Duke.
Am I alive or am I dead,
writing naked in my bed.
Now you see how my mind works,
if not, you're just stupid jerks.
So many thoughts, I can't even mention,
but I think by now I have your attention.

On Schedule

Went through the tunnel, to find the light,
wore sunglasses, future was so bright.
Things sure are going my way,
on schedule with no delay.
Everyone gave me a smile,
that only happens, once in awhile.
Nothing today is gonna go wrong,
on the radio is my favorite song.
Around me the world will revolve,
not a problem, I can't solve.
I know the answer to your question,
just using the power of suggestion.
I sure feel like a winner,
even had my favorite dinner.
Squeezing by every road block,
on schedule according to my clock.
Knowing soon I'll crash and burn,
up ahead will be a wrong turn.
That's when ecstasy becomes reality,
part of my unusual mentality.
Can only be so high, for so long,
I just have to play along.
Feeling like a gutter ball bowler,
on schedule is my bi-polar.
Setting in is a dark depression,
these episodes happen in succession.
Afraid to leave the house,
feeling lower that a baby mouse.
Then again I see that shinning light,
on schedule is again becomes bright.

Opposites

happy, mad
joy, sad
in, out
silent, shout
sunny, rain
pleasure, pain
big, small
Spring, Fall
rich, broke
serious, joke
win, lose
sober, *****
red, blue
false, true
pencil, pen
Barbie, Ken
up, down
smile, frown
Every word has an opposite,
I deserve a national monument.
walk, run
knife, gun
sneaker, shoe
me, you
****, ****
hit, miss
night, day
straight, gay
woman, man
bottle, can
No one is better than me,
that's the way it will always be.

Opposites

I say love, You say hate,
I say curve. you say straight.
I say yes, you say no,
I say stay, you say go.
We agree to disagree,
to my heart, you hold the key.
We both beg to differ,
seeing you makes it stiffer.
I say pizza, you say salad,
I say rock, you say ballad.
I say front, you say back,
I say tic, you say tac.
I say you, you say me,
I say pay, you say free.
Sometimes opposites do attract,
all depending on the chemistry contact.
Nothing will ever tear us apart,
we have a title for the last ****.
I say please, you say beg,
I say breast, you say leg.
I say ***, you say ****,
I say three-way, you say group.
Took forever to find each other,
almost gave up on the love buzzer.
Our love is so very strong,
we both have the favorite song.
I say food, you say drink,
I say Halestorm, you say Pink.
I say metal, you say alternative,
I say positive, you say negative.
I say blue, you say red,
I say single, you say wed.
Nobody said love was easy,
it can make you sick and queasy.
We love each other no matter what,
butterflies fill up our empty gut.
I say naked, you say clothes,
I say fate, you say chose.
I say car, you say truck,
I say ***, you say ****.
Love comes in mysterious ways,
this is real, not a phase.
Our love is happily ever after,
the key is a nice ***** and some laughter.

Party At The Old Age Home

Hello today and how are you,
feeling better, now that we're through.
Things are starting to improve,
feeling that single life groove.
A new girl every single week,
you'd think I was in my ****** peak.
Would you believe, I'm eighty two,
****** is the thing I do.
I get blow jobs with just gum,
these old ladies **** it like a Tum.
I just pop a pill and off I go,
an ******* old folks home show.
Having ****** in my room,
even the nurses jump on my tomb.
Not sure how long my heart will last,
who cares every night I have a blast.
My ***** hang down to my knees,
these old women keep begging please.
Before ***, I remove the cobwebs,
I've partied in each of their beds.
They say my heart attack was inevitable,
my golden years were so incredible.
My casket was covered in ******* and flowers,
it was nice being that hard for many hours.
Glad me and the wife had that fight,
I became a ******, out of spite.
Saggy **** had me beguiled,
it was like old *******.

*****
The last time, I got an *******,
gave the girl my ***** injection,
now I have a bad infection.
Never again did I get laid,
it's going on the second decade,
a new *****, I'd sure trade.
One ball black, one ball blue,
got no paddle for my canoe,
my Horton doesn't hear a Who.
***** swollen, like a balloon,
feeling like a rabid raccoon,
looks like a character from a cartoon.
My ***** hurts when I ***,
why did this have to happen to me,
karma is on a laughing spree.
Life will never be the same,
swollen ***** man, is my nickname,
got no fortune, but 15 minutes of fame.
Was on a reality show with other freaks,
it was called house of the rising creeps,
I got booted off after only two weeks.

People
People born, people die
people torn, people cry
people smile, people frown
people style, people crown
people rock, people roll
people mock, people poll
people drive, people walk
people thrive, people talk
people play, people don't
people stay, people won't
people love, people hate
people shove, people mate
people win, people lose
people spin, people choose
people cheat, people steal
people greet, people feel
people happy, people shun
people snappy, people done
people ****, people swallow
people duck, people hollow.
People come all sorts of ways,
all but criminals, I give praise.

People Beware

I'm toothless,
I'm ruthless.
I'm out of control,
I have no heart, I have no soul.
I will do whatever I please,
I'm sarcastic, and I like to tease.
I'm narcissistic,
I'm pessimistic.
I live in sin,
I'm out to win.
I will lie, cheat and steal,
all the girls, I make squeal.
I'm awesome,
I'm gruesome.
Horror movies make me laugh,
love watching actors get cut in half.
Some love me, some hate me,
either way, I'm always free.
I'm conceited,
I'm depleted.
Better keep out of my way,
don't trust me, I will betray.
I have a warped sense of humor,
it's all true, what they rumor.
I'm ****,
I'm numb.
I have no feelings,
all my secrets, I'm concealing.
Most of you are just jealous,
no one is more rebellious.
I'm eccentric,
I'm electric.
No one is more crazy,
girls think that I'm tasty.
All people better beware,
for what I'm about to prepare.

Pervert

I'm a womanizer and a pervert,
love to mingle, love to flirt.
Like Fonzi, all chicks flock,
they like the size of my clock.
Ever since I was born,
loved naked women and ****.
Nothing like playing with my favorite toy,
with the newest edition of *******.
Sorry I have a ***** little mind,
all men do, women don't be blind.
Lots of women have tried to convert me,
but a fun loving pervert, I will always be.
Been with a ****, been with a *****,
only difference is, the **** wants more.
Been with singers, actresses and models,
done it underwater, with a snorkel and goggles.
Been with a doctor, lawyer and a crook,
each time, I somehow got took.
I'm a pervert it a good way,
just some innocent ****** foreplay.
If you ever see me, I'm not threat,
they haven't invented x-ray glasses yet.
I now have a woman I really love,
all other women, I got rid of,
Gave my black book to a kid named Bieber,
now he's in jail and feeling very eager.

There lived a man in Shady Hills,
sits home all day, popping pills.
Morning, noon and night,
not any real food in sight.
Drinks water from the tap,
too wired to take a nap.
Percocets all **** day,
Vicodin is the only way.
Xanax in the night time,
****** he buys for a dime.
Oxycontin, he keeps hidden,
his hiding spot is forbidden.
Takes Abilify for his mood swings,
taking Amphetamines gives him wings.
More skinny than a rail,
in life he sure did fail.
Ecstasy, he keeps under lock and key,
he doesn't give away any pills for free.
At thirty he ended up with cirrhosis of the liver,
he didn't care about his new founded quiver.
Popped pills til his death,
at least he never smoked ****.
Died at the age of thirty two,
in his stomach was pill stew.
Just another sad lost soul,
popping pills will someday take a toll.

Pitch Black

Total darkness enters the night,
no more moon or sun shinning bright.
Shadows looming overhead,
welcome to the land of the dead.
This isn't heaven, isn't hell.
but this is a place, you will soon know well.
Feeling alone and out of place,
memories of living will slowly erase.
Eyes turn black, body gets pale,
feeling blind and can't read braille.
Millions of others walking around,
can't see them, but can hear the sound.
All the souls have long escaped,
curtains of life have now draped.
Not knowing how long this will last,
don't know the future, can't remember the past.
No one to help along the way,
even if there was, what would they say.
Tough to live in the land of the lost,
everyone is getting their salad tossed.
Judgement day has finally come,
suddenly body is turning numb.
Ten long years living in darkness,
no more fear and being heartless.
Now that this has become to an end,
body now on a rapid descend.
Now in a place filled with fire,
this is the place where all bodies retire.

Plumbing
screaming in pain
cleaning her drain
it was very clogged
I am very logged
loved my plumbers crack
she gave my *** a smack
faucet beginning to leak
from the point of the peak
ended up in bed
she gives good head
wanted bill to be free
told me during my morning ***
I said you lost your mind
so I poked her from behind
how about half price
she said sorry no dice
please free she would beg
as she played with my third leg
running wild was my imagination
you could feel my frustration
after the plumbing was all done
it turned out she was a nun

Poem Man

It's twelve o'clock on a Friday,
the regular crowd stumbles in,
there's a gay man sitting next to me,
making love to his friend that is thin.
Son can you write me a classic,
don't really care if it's paper or plastic.
It's hard and it's heavy and I used to know it,
back in the day when I wore clothes.
Write us a poem, you're the poem man,
write us a poem tonight,
we're all in the mood for a classic,
and you're **** makes us feel just right.
Bill at the bar is an old friend,
he gets me my smokes for free,
he knows all the jokes,
and lights everyone's smokes,
but there's another place he'd rather be.
Allen, I believe this is killing me,
as his grin turns into a frown,
he'd rather work for the circus,
if only he could just be a clown.
The waitress is practicing rolling,
as the actors slowly get high,
they share a joint they call happiness,
and it's better than saying goodbye.
Frank is an upcoming novelist,
never had time for a man,
talking to Barney,
who's still in the army,
but gives it up whenever he can.
It's a decent crowd for a Friday,
as the owner gives me a wink,
he knows it's me,
they've been coming to see,
cause smoking is better than a drink.
My pen it writes like a symphony,
and my paper smells like a joint,
they sit at my bar,
and throw buds in my jar,
and say, man just get to the point.
Write us a poem, you're the poem man,
write us a poem tonight,
we're all in the mood for a classic,
and you're **** makes us all feel just right.

Pole Dancer

You've got the look,
gonna bait you with my hook.
You're so **** hot,
I got me a wet spot.
Imagining you naked,
hoping that you're vacant.
Long blonde wavy hair,
can't help but to stare.
All men can't help but glance,
as you start your stripper dance.
Poison is the music that you play,
was gonna leave, but now I'll stay.
Throwing dollars on the stage,
her petite body is all the rage.
Didn't take long to get hard.
her beauty kept me on guard.
Got a couch dance in the back,
she cut me no **** slack.
Spending money, like no tomorrow,
in the morning, I'll feel sorrow.
Bought you coffee and some pie,
then we said our last good-bye.
This night cost me a fortune,
good thing I'm a wealthy surgeon.
She came knocking on my door,
this **** stripper wants some more.
Had *** all night long,
she loved the size of my ****.
Quit her job and moved in,
then she brings her identical twin.
Every night is *** and laughter,
we all lived happily ever after.

Potpourri

Getting deceived
nothing received
loving destruction
covered in corruption
been slowly choking
words already spoken
ticking time bomb
dying in Vietnam
everyone is confused
difficult to get amused
laying in bed crying
wishing to be dying
wondering how and when
every now and again
going, going gone
trying desperately to hang on
no more power
time to devour
take total control
dig deep into soul
always a way
no need to pay
lost then found
silence now sound
flirt with disaster
become your own master
take a risky chance
not at first glance
grin and bare it
make everything fit
try and understand
nothing is planned
have a good day
all I can say.

Presidents

Washington, Adams and Jefferson,
had *** with slaves just for fun.
Madison, Monroe and Adams,
I'm sure had secret madams.
Jackson, Van Buren and Harrison,
not sure how they ever won.
Tyler, Polk and Taylor,
before elected lived in a trailer.
Fillmore, Pierce and Buchanan,
should have been shot from a cannon.
Lincoln, Johnson and Grant,
each once had a cotton plant.
Hayes, Garfield and Arthur,
sinking fast with no life preserver.
Cleveland, Harrison and again Cleveland,
both of them killed at least one Indian.
McKinley, Roosevelt and Taft,
all too fat to float on a raft.
Wilson, Harding and Coolidge,
should have jumped from a bridge.
Hoover, Roosevelt and Truman,
wondering if they were even human.
Eisenhower, Kennedy and Johnson,
neither of them can still run.
Nixon, Ford and Carter,
not sure which one was smarter.
Reagan, Bush and Clinton,
shot, stupid and a Monica.
Bush and now Obama,
one was dumb,
and the other looks like a black llama.

Priest And Beast

I live for today, not yesterday or tomorrow,
I have no regrets or no sorrow.
It's just the way I like living,
I always forget, I'm always forgiving.
I traded in my medication,
now I just do some meditation.
Nothing ever gets me depressed,
all my sins, I have already confessed.
Go to church every Sunday,
God helped me find the way.
I pray every single night,
my future is so very bright.
I exercise and I diet,
hating noise, I love quiet.
Every Sunday, I eat my wafer,
after that, I feel much safer.
As Stryper sang, To hell with the devil,
back in the day, I was quite the rebel.
Fooled you all, I'm really an atheist,
no one is more of a racist.
I hate all people, no matter the skin,
I don't care if you're fat or thin.
I pick on everyone, I leave no one out,
I've walked up to people dressed like a girl scout.
I really could care less what you all think,
whether you're a jew, *****, *****, towel head, ***** or *****.
If you think god is real, you're a fool,
hard knox is where I went to school.
Religion is nothing more than a joke,
just bought me an eight ball of coke.
When I step in church, my feet burn,
if you're like me, you'll have to wait your turn.
I'm atheist but I'm also a priest,
I'm a beauty and a beast.
Can you give me a hell yeah,
cat got your tongue, then give me a meow.
I hate you, you hate me,
a mass suicide would set us free.

Prison Life

As I ran into your arms,
I heard bells, I heard alarms.
Our love was always strong,
together we could do no wrong.
Finally out of this prison cell,
my jail time was pure hell.
I was violated all sorts of ways,
nothing to do, but count the days.
Guilty of a crime, I didn't do,
they made me spit, swallow and chew.
My *** will never be the same,
they made me play the prison game.
Now I'm back home, where I belong,
had enough of that prison song.
It ***** being wrongfully accused,
my ******* is forever bruised.
I missed my wife, missed my child,
it's been awhile since I last smiled.
Never again will I be constipated,
prison life was very complicated.
I have nightmares, every single night,
my poor *** is no longer tight.
Me and my wife, broke up a year later,
I became a woman hater.
I converted back to men,
the priest gave my *** an amen.

Rambling

Life is good, life is bad,
sometimes happy, sometimes sad.
Drink a beer, smoke a ****,
listening to your favorite song.
Sometimes manic, sometimes depressed,
pop a pill if you get stressed.
Reach for the stars, follow your dreams,
when having a nightmare, silent your screams.
Drive around that bump in the road,
never play baseball with a live toad.
Think positive and always smile,
even when it feels like you're on trial.
When life seems way out of hand,
put your friends on the witness stand.
Life is never as bad as you think,
just remember the inside is always pink.
When you're happy, things will go your way,
life is a constant game, we must play.
First we're born, last we die,
always laugh and never cry.
I wish we all could be in the buff,
in an ****, is eight really enough.
When young, life is so **** easy,
meet the eighth dwarf, they call me ******.
As you get older, there are so many responsibilities,
but whatever you do, never doubt your capabilities.
I find nothing wrong with being a bit perverted,
my family and friends have never deserted.
Personally, I like being among the living,
except for that day they call Thanksgiving.
If you ever need me, just give me a call,
there is no problem too large or small.
These five words I say to you,
girls always love my fondue.

Random Sampling

Coughing up a lung,
sticking out my tongue.
Looking up her skirt,
dropped my pencil in the dirt.
Watching movies just for fun,
I will never own a gun.
Cat **** on the floor,
kicked it out the door.
Jake The Snake and The Macho Man,
will forever be a wresting fan.
Heavy metal and hard rock,
Skid Row's singer was Sebastian Bach.
New Jersey's pizza is the best,
it would beat New York's in any taste test.
Slept with girls, I didn't like,
soon after, I made them take a hike.
Never slept with a man,
if the money was right, I guess I can.
Love all my family and friends,
mess with them and I will defends.
Done some killer drugs,
stuck screwdrivers in some plugs.
I love paper, I love pen,
I'm more smart than the Three Wise Men.
Pina Colada's in Margaitaville,
then I take the bitter pill.
I still love eighties music,
it's relaxing and therapeutic.
Baseball is my favorite sport,
the Phillies, I will always support.
The next Super Bowl will be held in San Quentin,
***** girls take it on the chin.
I had a few nervous breakdowns,
I've put on a few to many pounds.
Allen does what Allen wants,
how's that for my final response.

Random Sentences

Everyday people will die,
for a moment, you might cry,
but as yourself why.
Celebrate their life, don't mourn,
think of all the new being born,
life or death, millions are torn.
Earth rotates around the sun,
just try to have some fun,
no fork in me, I'm far from done.
I have yet to get going,
like a strong wind blowing,
the future is always unknowing.
Be yourself, don't be fake,
no one likes a sneaky snake,
open your eyes, it's time to wake.
Smell the flowers, smell the coffee,
unlock your powers, don't be so bossy,
climb those towers, no need for a posse.
Nightmares used to haunt my every move,
no more fears left to prove,
my dreams are starting to improve.
No clue what I'm saying,
don't believe in any praying,
my life, I'm happily portraying.
None of us know the truth,
about how we wasted our youth,
can't remember last time, I saw a telephone booth.
No creative writer is better than me,
I even write, while I take a ***,
you're lying if you don't agree.
My haters are just jealous,
I like being so rebellious,
love being so overzealous.
Way too much pollution,
no one has any solution,
that will be my final conclusion.

Real Love

Love can be so very strange,
life you must now rearrange.
Butterflies in the tummy,
clam chowder is so yummy.
Naked massages, magic touch,
finger tips, I love so much.
When not home, I get lonely,
nothing about us, is a phony.
You're my very best friend,
I text you and hit send.
We fight more than we should,
I'd fix that if only I could.
Laying naked in the bed,
cuddling with you, no more said.
We were two halves, that became one,
my hot dog fits perfectly in your bun.
We never kiss and tell,
******* make us yell.
What's mine is also yours,
even my brand new fishing lures,
What's yours is also mine,
I don't quite fit in your Calvin Klein.
We share and share alike,
together we face problems,
that are headed down the pike.
Nothing can tear us apart,
I rode in a bus, and you in a **** cart.
On the day that we wed,
that night we will have a wet bed.
We will live happily ever after,
Lots of trust and a little laughter,
So if you ask me what is real love,
I don't know, but something not to get rid of.

Red Note

I slit my wrist, blood dripping down,
life without you is a ghost town.
I blame myself for this mess,
all the drama caused me stress.
Feeling no pain, body is numb,
don't look at me like you're succumb.
I left you a note, just some words left unsaid,
by the time you read this, it will be red.
When you left, I was in tears,
our love shifted in different gears.
As you can see, I never recovered,
I watched my soul as it hovered.
I figured you suffered long enough,
you dared me to, and I called your bluff.
You left me alone and in the dark,
your bite was worse than your bark.
You pushed and pushed til I fell over the ledge,
this suicide note is my dying pledge.
Grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer,
I wish you were here, to see the blood pour.
When you shut the light out in my office,
swore never again will I be cautious.
At least you let me clean out my desk,
last I looked in the mirror, I was grotesque.
Didn't mean to lose millions of dollars,
this building is a community filled with scholars.
My boss said I committed career suicide,
I knew one day, our heads would collide.
The love I had was for my job,
I even had a golden door ****.
The blood I speak of is red ink,
losing my job drove me to drink.
While writing this note my pen exploded,
the knife was my pen that had eroded.
I would never really slit my wrist,
although it would be one hell of a twist.

Remember When

Remember days that were simple,
nothing to do but pop a pimple.
Graduating from high school,
everyone thinking the're so cool.
Going on a first date,
worrying about being overweight.
Having *** for the first time,
never called again, what a slime.
Driving in your first car,
partying like a rock star.
Then it's off to college,
beer and *** produces knowledge.
Some go off to the military,
having friends that are imaginary.
Then a job or even a career,
not a worry, not a fear.
Future so bright, must wear shades,
life becoming more like charades.
Get married and have a baby,
then the spouse always says maybe.
Start fooling around with a neighbor,
snorting coke on a piece of paper.
Life never becomes what's expected,
family and friends becoming neglected.
Now divorced and feeling alone,
life spiraling like a cyclone.
Drug abuse got out of control,
in jail waiting for parole.
Never again seeing that child,
when first born you cried and smiled.
Can't find work and being broke,
when did life become a joke.
Wishing life went back to simple,
when toughest choice was what color sprinkle.
If had to do all over again,
You'd believe in god and say amen.

Reunion Of The K.K.K.

I jumped from the plane with a prayer and a dream,
gonna hook up with my old Alabama team.
Welcome to the land of red necks,
a place filled with no excess.
I got in the closest taxi cab,
white robe I had to nab.
This all seems so crazy,
tired of being so **** lazy.
Lots of pressure, getting kinda nervous,
they say it's my civil service.
Then the Eminem song came on,
then the Eminem song came on,
so I then twirled my white baton.
With butterflies in my tummy,
starting to feel like a dummy.
Hands up while they play my song,
time has come, it won't be long.
It's a reunion of the k.k.k,
it's a reunion of the k.k.k,
it's a black person buffet.
Get out in the hood, from the cab,
my white hooded robe, I had to grab.
Everyone looks at me now,
I just wave and give a bow.
They can tell I'm from out of town,
hundreds of black people with a frown.
It was sometime around noon,
when they played my favorite tune.
It's a song from the Insane Clown Posse,
it's a song from the Insane Clown Posse,
us ten members started to get bossy.
It's a reunion of the k.k.k,
it's a reunion of the k.k.k,
some people are gonna die today.
Burning crosses on the street,
as we get our ***** beat.
Throw my hands up, like in the sixties,
we knew this would be a bit risky.
It was a reunion of the k.k.k,
it was a reunion of the k.k.k,
now our heads are on display.

Reunited

Walking down a path, where no man should ever go,
its dark, cold, damp and I'm moving very slow.
Feeling the walls that are covered in slime,
too many things happening at the same time.
So much hidden deep down in my soul,
not sure if I can escape this black hole.
Things I've done can never be told,
Sometimes life gets put on hold.
If only these things, I could mention,
it would relieve so much tension.
So many things, I just can't say,
if I did I'd be put so far away.
I've reached the point of no return,
next one who gets in my way, I'm gonna burn.
Getting more angry by the minute,
bought some guns in case I have to shoot.
This giant duffle bag is getting quite heavy,
I wish I still had my 57 Chevy.
Back then life was great,
Wife, kids, house, fence with a gate.
Then one stormy night, a car went off the road,
since that night my brain started to overload.
Fell into a deep depression,
lost my job, thanks to the recession.
Lost my house, lost my car,
all my dreams are now to far.
Walked into the place, I used to work,
hated my boss, he was such a ****.
Grabbed my guns and started to shoot,
all the blood was staring to pollute.
Shot as many as I possibly could,
don't know why, just thought I should.
Losing everything drove me insane,
I'm not making excuses for my brain.
Not long after there were hundreds of police,
there was no offering of a sign of peace.
They barged in and I resisted arrest,
I was shot several times in the chest.
I wanted to die, but always in style,
all I could see was my families smile.
Now we're back all reunited,
I have never been more delighted.
No one I shot that day ended up dying,
just some blood and a lot of crying.

Rhyme Master

I'm a joke, I like to smoke, always broke,
sometimes I stroke, over easy, I like my yolk.
I'm a walking collision, always needing supervision,
my personality is a split decision,
I was sixteen when I had my circumcision.
I strive to go far, gonna reach for every star,
life can be very bizarre, my brain has a giant scar,
got my hand stuck in the cookie jar.
I'm on a secret mission, but with no ambition,
I hate tradition, don't believe in superstition,
I think I deserve more recognition.
Writing with my lucky pen, no ***** for poor Ken,
there were no three wise men, not now and not then,
I'm gonna be rich, but not sure when.
Forgot more than most will know,
I hate when I stub my big toe,
everyone sometimes will eat crow,
once a month a woman will flow,
I love to watch my ***** grow.
Haven't seen snow in three years,
if not for cable, we'd be using rabbit ears,
some movies put me in tears,
consider my rhymes souvenirs,
I like getting a buzz from drinking beers.
Hate the day, love the night, no need for a stupid light,
I hate to fight, with no teeth, it's hard to bite,
I do things out of spite, believe it or not, I'm white,
my future is about to take flight.
You never had a choice, I never had a Joyce,
my words are my voice, it's time for all to rejoice,
as I drive away in my new Rolls Royce.
I do as I please, as you all pray on your knees,
life is never a breeze,
can't eat hot wings without blue cheese,
living in Florida, I never freeze.
Will never own a gun, love having fun,
life has just begun, the loneliest number is one,
stick a fork in me, because I'm done.

Rhyme Mechanic

When talking to me, wear a hard hat,
or on your face, you'll fall flat.
I'm the ****, and I'm where it's at.
People get down on your knees,
or I'll chop you down, like dead trees,
I never promise or make guarantees.
I take the roads less traveled,
never confused and rarely baffled,
in my web, you all get tangled.
None of you can compete,
I like girls that are petite,
never will I take a back seat.
It's me that people always follow,
the girls I meet always swallow,
so what if I'm very shallow.
I'm all that and a bag of chips,
my head's so big, everyday is an eclipse,
no one has a bigger bag of tricks.
I have an ego to the highest power,
I bloom more than any kind of flower,
don't mess with me, or I'll devour.
No other person is close to me,
I sting worse than a bumble bee,
to all the secrets, I hold the key.
Not my fault my head is big,
mess with me and I'll stuff you like a pig,
I shoot loads like an oil rig.
I'll break your heart and rip out your soul,
you can't touch me with a ten foot pole,
my life is always in cruise control.
This is me when I'm feeling manic,
no need to worry, no need to panic,
just call me the rhyme mechanic.

Rhymes

And the rhyme says,
all the long haired rhyming people, must go,
so I put on a short wig,
and went in to ask why.
I'm a fine young rhymer,
please let me show.
Took off my wig,
and asked him to give me a try.
Rhymes, rhymes, everywhere rhymes,
filling up the pages,
blowing all your minds.
And the rhyme says,
anyone caught not rhyming,
will be shot on sight,
I jumped the fence and gave a yell,
hey, I know how to rhyme right.
Non rhymers won't let mother nature in,
they say not to rhyme is considered a sin.
Rhymes, rhymes, everywhere rhymes,
filling up the pages,
blowing all your minds.
Hey man mister, can you read,
my rhymes are all that you'll ever need.
Must have a paper and pen to rhyme,
watch me write as I enter my prime.
I don't need a membership card,
my rhymes will keep you on guard.
And the rhyme says,
everyone down here is welcome to stay,
but when Lucifer passed the plate,
I had no money to pay.
So I got my own pen and paper,
and made up my own little rhyme,
So I decided to sell my soul,
the Devil will make me feel fine.
Rhymes, rhymes, everywhere rhymes,
filling up the pages,
blowing all your minds.
Sorry for you, but I'm out of time,
do this, do that, cant you read the rhyme.

Rhyming Is My Business

Working on a secret mission,
brain in unstable condition,
don't believe in superstition,
will charge for admission.
Life flashing before my eyes,
tongue tied between her thighs,
maggots soon become flies,
my ***** is the perfect size.
I am number one,
writing is just for fun,
never will I own a gun,
life has just begun.
I'm my own best friend,
friends and family, I will defend,
texted you, but forgot to send,
my funeral, I will attend.
Sometimes I need a helping hand,
life never goes as planned,
Facebook is becoming bland,
nothing beats a good hair band.
****** is a bad addiction,
why is fact called nonfiction,
dying is not a prediction,
life is just a contradiction.
With me you're in awe,
it's just an unwritten law,
never miss Monday Night Raw,
when I don't write, you go through withdraw.
I am just the very best,
to hell with all the rest,
nothing beats a woman's chest,
knowing me, you should be blessed.

There is a man who thinks he's in charge,
he's strong, dumb and very large.
Twenty foot tall and that's a fact,
twenty and a half to be exact.
He can crush you with his bare hands,
you better obey his list of demands.
Not the devil, not a god,
just a huge man who's very odd.
Not a monster, not a myth,
just a man you can't mess with.
Stomps on people just for fun,
chaos for him has just begun.
He can **** you with his mighty fist,
its the third demand on his list.
Can't speak a word only grunts,
eats babies and smokes big blunts.
If he kicks, you will land a mile away,
his nasty teeth are filled with decay.
Getting shot just makes him mad,
will not stop killing til he finds his deadbeat dad.
His demand list has only five things,
you must call him the king of kings.
He has a name, please call him Rick,
or he'll slap you with his seven foot ****.
You already know number three,
he'll punch you if you don't agree.
You don't wanna know number four,
but trust me it will lead to gore.
Killing his father is number five,
keep out of his way, if you wanna stay alive.
Five is as high that he can count,
his dads head he wants to mount.
Giving birth killed his poor mom,
her body exploded like a bomb.
He's only twenty, grew one foot a year,
not even old enough to drink a beer.
Found his dad and ripped off his head,
he actually smiled after the father was dead.
Rick became a very nice guy,
now he is friendly and very shy.
Rick died when he was thirty,
at the wake, Weird Al sang White And Nerdy.
His ashes are in a six foot urn,
this sad story will now adjourn.

Right Said Allen

I'm too hot for you, too hot for you,
so hot that your ***** are turning blue.
I'm too hot for my pants, too hot for my pants,
so hot that I can melt all the ants.
I'm too hot for this shirt, too hot for this shirt,
so hot that I have have to wear a skirt.
I'm too hot for my hair, too hot for my hair,
so hot that all the men and women stare.
I'm too hot for my car, too hot for my car,
so hot that people consider me a rock star.
I'm too hot for my words, too hot for my words,
so hot that I talk about myself in thirds.
I'm too hot for my house, too hot for my house,
so hot that I will never need a spouse.
I'm a poet, you know what I mean,
so **** funny, I ruptured my spleen.
Too many pages, I have to turn,
I turn them so fast, they start to burn.
I'm too hot for my dog, too hot for my dog,
so hot that when I kissed it, turned into a frog.
I'm too hot for my cat, too hot for my cat,
so hot that the ***** went flat.
I'm too hot for this poem, too hot for this poem,
so hot for London, Paris and even Rome.
I'm a poet and you know what I mean,
more of a winner than Charlie Sheen.
I'm too hot for this page, too hot for this page,
so hot that I belong on the big stage.
I'm too hot for a friend, too hot for a friend,
so hot that this is finally the end.

Sacrifice

Ten naked virgins tied to ten trees,
five men surround a fire on their knees.
Chanting versus from a satanic book,
twelve year old girls, these men took.
Ten families missing their daughter,
all for some devil worshiping slaughter.
With duct tape covering their mouth,
this could only happen in the south.
Their eyes were crazy glued shut,
these are ten girls that will never be a ****.
Each girl gets doused with gasoline,
how can five men be so mean.
This ritual is their strong belief,
the feelings they have spell relief.
Can't blame this on heavy metal,
just five guys who are a bit mental.
One by one each tree starts to burn,
in their minds, a lesson they must learn.
The ritual is called trial by fire,
melting of their skin and the wire.
The burning girls fall to the ground,
the five men hold hands and gather round.
As the duct tape starts to melt,
the pain these ten girls must have felt.
The men kept chanting and carrying on,
Let's meet Dave, Mark, Mike, Pete and Shawn.
Five brothers who lived with each other,
learned about this from their mother.
She was a witch and very evil,
flew around more than Mr. Knievel.
One day she taught them about the sacrifice,
to do it right, you can't be suffice.
Everything must go according to plan,
to find these girls the globe you must scan.
They all must live in different countries,
their fathers must be leaders of big companies.
They all must be born on the same day,
then on the day of my death, the ten girls you slay.
Ten long years of nothing but research,
no one ever knew, they even went to church.
When their mother got sick, they kidnapped the girls,
around their necks, they got special pearls.
They picked out the perfect location,
this wont be a funeral, but a celebration.
Then it happened the mother died,
within minutes the girls were getting tied.
This sacrifice will make mother once again rise,
a flaming flesh sort of baptize.
Something was wrong this wasn't working,
some other evil must be lurking.
All these girls were definitely a ******,
but one used to be a boy, until he met an evil surgeon.

Say What
Wake up, wake up now,
when Batman punches, it reads pow.
First you're born, then you die,
just thinking about it, makes me cry.
Take advantage of every situation,
life is just fact or fiction.
No one knows, what the future will bring,
mud is the best medicine for a bee sting.
Take a shower when you stink,
farts can leave your eyes pink.
Sometimes life can seem rough,
remember someone else has it more rough.
Most friends are just fake,
so be good for goodness sake.
Some follow, some lead,
red is the color, we all bleed.
Don't ponder on a troubled past,
live now, and have a blast.
Go to sleep, go to sleep now,
first take your farewell bow,
Some give, some receive,
some fail, some achieve.
As the world fades to black,
yakety yak, don't talk back.

Second Chance

Don't take more than you can lend,
before you break, you must bend.
Mind at ease, heart close at hand,
before you realize, you're swimming on dry land.
Hoping life was easy, but it turned into hell,
on the past, don't ever dwell.
Can't please somebody,
till you please yourself,
our love just sits on a dusty shelf.
Believe or not, I have no plan,
my dreams got tossed in the can.
Somehow I must bounce back,
like a rubber band, leave me some slack.
I'm gonna give up, giving up,
no more drinking from a Dixie cup.
I just got one thing to say,
my golden mug is on the way.
I'm not just gonna lay down and die,
gotta give living, just one more try.
I deserve a second chance,
just one more harmless lap dance.
Someday's, I feel like I've had enough,
but is life really that **** tough.
Tired of getting a quick fix,
I just need to change the mix.
Can do anything, I put my mind too,
it works for me how about you.

Second Chance

I hid from you long enough,
tides are high, waves are rough.
Ready for my crash landing,
energy forming from where I'm standing.
You're time is up, mine is just beginning,
two strikes, two outs, bottom of the ninth inning.
No one knows what will happen next,
I sent you a message, I hope its me you text.
Time is up you better decide,
I'm always here for you to confide.
I hurt you once, it wont happen again,
I hid my tears by crying in the rain.
All I ask is for a second chance,
please give me one last glance.
Cheating on you was not my intention,
you were distant and I needed attention.
She was an escort, it meant nothing,
I didn't know the blow would be so crushing.
You may cheat on me, if that's what it takes,
everyone will make a million mistakes.
Now I'm back pleading and begging,
I hope you're forgiving and forgetting.
If its no, I will understand,
as the Beatles sang, I wanna hold your hand.
I broke your fragile gentle heart,
I know that wasn't very smart.
After our talk, you walked away,
I killed myself that very same day.

She Said
Fire burning out of control,
inside my heart, inside my soul.
You captured part of me,
it brings me down, to one knee.
Been dating for some years,
the ring I got, put her in tears.
Sweating, waiting for that yes,
my head she gives a caress.
She said sorry, but answer is no,
I smacked that *****,
like a rapper to a **.
How could she turn me down,
and in my own **** home town.
She said, I wasn't worthy,
now she's laid out on a gurney.
I flipped out and kicked her ***,
using knuckles made of brass.
This is my worst ever nightmare,
sometimes life just isn't fair.
As she laid ****** and bruised,
my brain became dazed and confused.
Cops came, took me away,
now I eat on a prison tray.
I can still hear that ***** scream,
merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream.

Shooting The Breeze

I saw what I couldn't see,
a man and his killing spree.
I smelt what I couldn't smell,
but I was sworn never to tell.
I felt what I couldn't touch,
strip clubs are all too much.
I was lost and couldn't be found,
but yet I was always around.
Just lurking in the shadows,
darkened was all the windows.
Conspiracy theories cloud my vision,
it was a head on head major collision.
Tough learning the game of life,
can't leave the house without a gun or knife.
Cigarette smoke fills the room,
my dead body needs an exhume.
Life filled with ups and downs,
lived in many cities and towns.
All living things will someday die,
all people will sometimes lie.
Stress has taken everyone over,
no such thing as a four leaf clover.
So I just grin and bare it,
tired of peoples senseless ****.
Overall life isn't all that bad,
depression is just a lonely fad.
I saw what I couldn't see,
a man and his killing spree.
I smelt what I couldn't smell,
but I was sworn never to tell.
I felt what I couldn't touch,
strip clubs are all too much.
I was lost and couldn't be found,
but yet I was always around.
Just lurking in the shadows,
darkened was all the windows.
Conspiracy theories cloud my vision,
it was a head on head major collision.
Tough learning the game of life,
can't leave the house without a gun or knife.
Cigarette smoke fills the room,
my dead body needs an exhume.
Life filled with ups and downs,
lived in many cities and towns.
All living things will someday die,
all people will sometimes lie.
Stress has taken everyone over,
no such thing as a four leaf clover.
So I just grin and bare it,
tired of peoples senseless ****.
Overall life isn't all that bad,
depression is just a lonely fad.

Hey everyone have you heard the news.
Someone has loosened all my screws.
Some might say I'm cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
I may be crazy but I need no cuffs.
Weird I am but in a good way.
When I talk, I always spray.
Mentally ill people call my strange.
My brain just needs an oil change.
Nothing wrong with being unusual.
My feelings of you are evenly mutual.
At times I can be very odd.
I can't help that I am God.
Not rich enough to be eccentric.
Not poor enough to be egocentric.
My elevator doesn't go to the top.
As a baby I must have been dropped.
Someone blew out my pilot light.
Never been accused of being bright.
No one on Earth is more flaky.
If I'm nervous, I become shaky.
Its fun being nutty as a fruitcake.
Leave me alone and give me a break.
You might say I'm off my rocker.
To all beautiful girls I am a stalker.
I have never played with a full deck.
Sometimes in my pants, I have a wreck.
Many of my marbles are still missing.
Kids in school were always hissing.
So what it my attic is a bit dusty.
All my brain cells have become rusty.
Even though on walls I like peeing.
I am still a human being.

Show Of Shows
people arrive at the scene
waiting for my famous routine
seats are filling up fast
what I do is unsurpassed
crowd cheers in anticipation
for their mental *******
as the curtain
begins to rise
all these maggots
become wingless flies
the crowd is in awe
my performance
is without flaw
everyone is speechless
not my fault
I'm a genius
they get their moneys worth
it's the greatest show
on this whole Earth
no one can do
what I do
I can make
all dreams come true
when I'm done
you all chant more
sorry pathetic people
there will be no encore