There isn't a worse feeling
Than the distance you feel
The lack of things you can reach
All while just standing
about two feet

Everything's there
the movie plays on
but the movie is the world
you are a character
and you feel like a viewer

You don't understand the plot twist
Of your metaphor to make sense of things
Because in the end
You feel distant
and you don't know how to join reality

you're numb
happy, joy, anger, sadness
they're all the same thing to you
all blurred together like water colors
when you need an oil pastel

and sometimes, you're desperate
you want to join the world again
you want to feel the bliss of love
and you want to feel the rage of anger
because your small box is no longer just enough

So you ended up finding something sharp
As sharp as you wish you could be
instead of the awkward mess you call yourself
and hear the voice of
and see right in the mirror

You lock your bedroom door
being careful, as some people are up at 2:30 AM
And take in a deep breath as you tell yourself
"It might be temporary
but you need it. It will bring back feeling."

As you felt your tool to your wrist
you could feel your hands shaking
Every part of you screaming no
Saying "You can't to this!
Please don't do this!"

Every thought drains through your mind
Of why you should find peace within yourself
and but the blade down
As you try and tell yourself it's for the best
But nothing in you listens

You give up
You throw your tool
You cry
You let yourself sink back into your sheets
reminiscing on your actions

You don't know whether you are brave
or whether you're a coward
and sinking into your bed
the only thing that's ever made sense to you
you wonder where things went wrong

Even if the blade didn't meet the skin
The emotions that washed over you
happen to be the most you've felt
for a great while
since whenever you can remember

At 4 AM, you're all cried out
Your eyes are red
You don't know what to feel
as your mind goes over the battle fought
and you don't know whether you won or lost

You fall asleep to your tears
and promptly, you're up at 7AM
trying to hide your bags with makeup
Hoping it isn't noticeable
that maybe things aren't what they seem.