i always romanticize
those past moments of
what i believe was
untainted happiness
because i am stuck in
the discontent of the
present moment, but
i'm always discontent
in the present moment
because i romanticize
those past moments
of what i believe was
untainted happiness.
i try to take life by the
throat but i don't have
the energy, and i don't
have the energy because i
have been trying to
take life by the throat.

i'm stuck in a cycle.
i am a fallen creature
and no amount of
effort or escape will
ever change the fact
of my dissatisfaction

but maybe i need
to give up and
accept that i am
dissatisfied, then
and maybe then
will i become
satisfied.

You're living out a death wish
And I am too
With every cigarette we smoke
Every sip of poison that runs us thru

And life plays this ruse
Where it pretends to be big
But it's all bark and no bite when we remember our future in the clouds

We're excited to live and even more
so to die
The road to awe
The greatest surprise
Wonder we might
About what's upon the other side
I feel we already know
We already see a meager slice

i theorize what we'll find
Is the rest of the whites in our eyes
That ****** mother type white hidden beneath our iris
The teacher of our pupil
Blue vines intertwined with immaculate prospects
Having never kissed oxygen

This is not a love story
This is death
This is the illusion of an end
This life is the speck of gold in a deep brown eye
Small and obnoxious
Beautiful and important

I am speaking of the gateway
To behold our unbloomed glory

innovation: creation in destruction
matter cannot be created or destroyed,
and neither can art.
unity in paradox
we are
            passing thoughts sauntering in the winds of mortality
            drunken stupors, with eyes blurred, stumbling in a beautiful world
            famished spirits, consuming our own radiance
            fools caught up in our fabricated wisdom
            skeletal souls reaching for the sun's hand, while being consumed meticulously by the dirt
the reason i write--
to let you climb on my back
and maybe reach further than before;
pain is a part of life,
don't disregard it;
i have hope.
let us be free
in love;
do not search out pain,
do not search out pleasure,
do not search.
let us saunter as friends,
let us lie down and sing,
let us be passionate about beauty.
my hope for all of you
is that you will be the
heart
in this heartless world.
find glory in love.
find art in love.
find peace in love.
be love.

we are all plagued by the same
haunting disease.
every step on this wearied road
is just a step in our prison.
esoteric dreams of unchanging bliss
are humanity's liturgy.
the only steadfast thing in
this oxymoronic world is
dissatisfaction.
we are foundering in it,
wishing to drown already.
the romantics looked
to love,
now we look
to apathy;
but this prison
has no escape,
except death.
so we fell in
love
with the grim,
when fantasy
failed us.
now we sit here,
entranced with the mud but
dreaming of beaches.
meaningless,
meaningless,
meaningless.
we are the living dead.

the steady rise and
fall of your breath like the moon's
interstellar path

I have been so tired lately, and even more so lonely
I try to muffle the screams of my loneliness with a soft bed, warm blankets and a pillow to hold onto
Nothing feels alright without you, and hardly anything feels alright with you
We can be described as two people talking at the same time in a conversation, but instead of laughing about it we become sad and bitter with ourselves and with the other
I wish things weren't this way.
I am tired with an angry sadness and you are tired with a guilty blame-fullness that resides deep in both of us
I love you so much
But I am so tired

I want to wrap myself around you and dissolve into you, warming your skin and holding your heart
I don't want things to be like this
I want both of us to be happy with each other

I've kissed him in a thousand dreams
And missed him for eight hundred weeks
Stayed up when I should be asleep
Wondering if he thinks of me
I know I shouldn't care this much
But I can't seem to shake this crush
I'm upside down and out of touch
He'll never notice, never does.