Tough
A poem.
—————

I can’t deal with anyone’s crap.
I got to much blood and boulders,
On my back.

Fighting back the past,
Never been able to relax.

I don’t know if anyone can tell,
—Or if anyone cares,
But I'm about to crack.

they creep up,
Bruises cover much.

Random hallucinations—
Severe pain.

No one's understanding,
—or listening.

My brain is in such a bad headache,
I feel like my insides are blistering.

Fidgeting.
Numbness.
Pain.
Fainting.

Brain making—
Random movements.
All a loss of control.

Appointments got canceled,
“WHY!!!— HOW MANY MORE!?”

When does someone call it-
“Enough!?”
  
I’m NOT….THIS tough.

You always look so happy though!

That’s fake
That’s fake
It’s fake
It’s fake
Fake
Fake

Dear me,
I know you're tired.
Not just sleepy.
The kind of tired that lives in your bones.
The kind that makes you second guess the way you breath sometimes.
I see how hard you try and make it all look easy.
It's not.

But still, you get up.
You show up.
Even when your heart feels three steps behind your smile.
That counts for something,
actually, that counts for a lot.

I know you miss people who don't miss you the same.
I know you give and give and wonder if it's enough.
Sometimes you overthink texts for so long,
you delete them entirely.
Sometimes you feel like the extra puzzle piece
that doesn't quite ft the group anymore.

But here's what you forget,
You are not a mistake.
Not too much.
Not too quiet.
Not too late.
You are exactly who you need to be, even if today doesn't see it yet.

Take your time.
Breath when you feel like breaking.
Cry when the weight gets heavy,
it doesn't make you weak, it makes you real.

And even if no one claps,
I hope you know I'm proud of you.

With love,
Alia ❤️‍🩹

Up to the trees I go,
Further north where fresh water flows.
Travel preparations with my heart aching,
Home is where I’m free,
Left alone just to be.
Not in this gloomy place,
Not within this heat wave.
Like a pioneer,
I pack my bags,
Leaving behind the places I know,
In search of the places,
Where I’ll grow.