Algernon: Poems

1.19.12

Algernon Jan 2012

1.19.12

there's sand in my shoes
but
I can't remember the last time I went to the
beach

there's lipstick on my collar
but I simply
can't
recall
the last time
I washed this shirt
to be perfectly
honest
with you

1/29/12

Algernon Jan 2012

1/29/12

I mean today
went better
than expected

but ****
do I hate
my job

1/31/12

Algernon Feb 2012

1/31/12

My
anti-viral children
have
porcelain hands and feet

2.20.12

Algernon Feb 2012

2.20.12

Lying is
an irresponsible state
of comfort
that we hold very dear

3.8.12

Algernon Mar 2012

3.8.12

you smell like
the colored power
of talcum and pigment and makeup
it smells warm
musty and thick - but warm
it's in between your hairs
and in the palm of your hand
and seeped into the nape of your neck
and I'm so close
it's on me too

3/9/14 untitled draft

Algernon Mar 2014

3/9/14 untitled draft

i build you out of ***** dish towels and empty teacups
clean ashtrays and yellow porch lights
i painted you with cheap restaurant crayons
wrote you with letters off unregistered license plates
decorated you with my mothers stretch marks and stick on earrings

i folded paper airplanes out of tomorrows newspaper
i sent you messages tied to the legs of sparrows
that both forgot how to fly nor knew where to go
i kept our memories under the fireplace
the landlord wouldn't let us use
i carved your name into the dining room table
so every time i had my cup of coffee
i woke up and saw you

A bear and a butterfly [first draft]

Algernon Jun 2012

A bear and a butterfly [first draft]

you are a lot and a little
a bucket and a teaspoon
too much and not enough
you are old pajama pants and a silk ballgown
a pencil and a pen
you tie me up while loosening my knots
staged a coup and while I kept power
you are a bear and a butterfly
you are the static on the radio and the sound of a doorbell
you are a poem and a punchline
a paragraph and a word
a novel and a syllable that hold the same amount of meaning
you are stale crackers midnight and breakfast served all day
you are the laughter on the other side of a wall
but you are a lot and a little
a bucket and a teaspoon
too much and not enough
you are a bear and a butterfly

a frying pan full of potatoes

Algernon Mar 2014

a frying pan full of potatoes

a frying pan full of potatoes
and one glass of tea
because you've only one mug.
complaining about my cold feet
while pulling me closer.
taking an hour to find a parking spot
in a city made of streets.
letting go of your hand the minute we arrive
picking it up again when we leave.
I almost called you by her name once
but I bit my tongue and swallowed her name down
with a glass of water twice a day or as needed

Anemic

Algernon Mar 2012

Anemic

All I know is
That I don't get enough iron
I get bruises
From little bumps
I feel like fainting
And my veins hurt
From squeezing blood
All the way down to my feet

A New Knife

Algernon Feb 2016

A New Knife

but if you had just shattered
wouldn't you make use
of your new sharp edges?

another sea song

Algernon Sep 2018

another sea song

this is the song of sea
of poseidon wooing me
of the riptide
of pulling in
of wind getting caught in sails
like my fingers in my hair
no matter

this is the song of sea
of not knowing what's
under me
you know
whales are not big
like I am not small
you know that

sea as tea as
sunken sailors and disintegrated ships
castaways cargo and carcasses
fish bones shark teeth
blood **** iron salt
the most seasoned soup
we wade in
not knowing

no matter
no matter
we float

#ocean #sea

april

Algernon Apr 2020

april

it's april
Feels like
i'm the fool?
maybe
a little worried at least
that I'm foolish

Ran out of money
throwing all my spare change into the fountain

Ran out of time
Picking up stray eyelashes like baby birds that had fallen from the nest
blew them away
To the tune of
I wish
I wish
I wish
whatever she wishes will happen
What’s another penny at the bottom of a fountain?

Is it foolish
Check my horoscope
Check yours
I look up
As if it’s written up there too
As if I could see any stars in this nocturnal city
As if I know how to read those far away dots

I hold the magic 8 ball in my hands
I don’t believe in this **** I say
As I shake
Shaking shaking
Praying just a little
Not enough to count
I don’t go to church, temple, mosque
I kneel
Not enough to count

Maybe the clouds will make shapes
And those shapes will fit together
In a way that tells me

I look up

I roll my eyes

Astrology.com says I should use my charm, that I’m compatible with Gemini’s, that I’m going to succeed but
check again tomorrow.
The clouds are all circus animals
The magic 8 ***** tells me: Yes, definitely
I pull apart my hands
A kid throws a whole quarter in the water
I rub my eyes. I don't even check
I look down
I see you

I'd forgotten what I was asking the universe anyway

A true story about all the things I am in other peoples dream

Algernon Apr 2020

A true story about all the things I am in other peoples dream

In highschool a friend dreamt that the apocalypse left hundreds of children orphaned
lo and behold in this wacky dream world
I was their chosen leader
The leader of the hobo children, they called me
we would go on missions
they were very loyal
She addressed me as such until we graduated

My best friend dreamt that I was dating the Pacific Ocean
but that one day we broke up
on the beach, as it were
but the ocean got angry so her tide pulled my car into the surf and drowned it
while I yelled at her from the sand
arms crossed
huffing and sighing and cussing out
my ex - the biggest ocean on earth

My boyfriend dreamt I was dating someone else
who insisted on telling him that he wasn't a good partner
and while they argued and fought and people danced
he told me that
I sat there dying
and no one cared to notice
what a strange dream he says
what a strange dream I say as my phone buzzes

In my own dreams I am several people
in my own dreams I am often someone else
I am often watching me and occasionally I am myself
I never dream I am flying
I am often running and I am often getting tired
I am often chased and there is often blood
most dreams I try not to remember

I'd like to be the me in other peoples dreams
they are exciting, I tell myself
they disappear at the sound of an alarm
and I am still with me when I wake up

a whole lot of nothing

Algernon Feb 2019

a whole lot of nothing

she asked me if i minded
I tell her it's nothing
and like magic it was
I spoke nothingness into beingness
I bore nothing here
So heavy I could barely carry
this big bag of nothing

i waited for anything
i waited for nothing
and so when the doorbell rang
and nothing arrived
i acted surprised

i knew all along
what nothing looked like
looked like you and looked like me
and together we looked like a whole lot of nothing
holding hands in the dark
speaking soft little speech bubbles
empty and white

telling everyone we were nothing
and so we were
slowly but surely
or maybe instantly
we never were anything
but we sure were a whole lot of nothing

say nothing was going on
and so
nothing went
and so
nothing goes
and
slowly but surely
or maybe instantly
or maybe all along
we were never anything
but we sure were
a whole lot of nothing

Catch and release

Algernon Jul 2014

Catch and release

we were playing catch and release at the lake
then going to the store to buy canned tuna
then learning how to tie knots:
latticework and basket weaving, promise keeping and lie making
securing one end of your thought
and anchored down by memory
and kept polished by time
but we keep playing catch and release
with our children
feeding them worms on hooks
and just as they reach the surface
"get back in the water"
we cry
get back in the water.

City

Algernon Jun 2012

City

I looked up from the ghetto
And I saw a little plastic American flag hanging out the window,
And a blue pinwheel softly spinning,
And down at my feet a hoard of pigeons gathered round a chicken leg
And I wonder if they’re aware
That they’re eating a bird

comet

Algernon Mar 2016

comet

hey there comet
sorry about throwing you away
i mistook you for a bad idea
i missed the can and you ended up in orbit
***** little snowball without a place to land
spinning in space without a ship
when i was little i did not want to be an astronaut
i wanted to be a teacher and a mom
i wanted to be responsible for shaping little souls
i thought it would be like play-doh
i thought it would be like dress up
because when i put on mommies sweater
daddys glasses
growing up was just about getting larger
so that this dwarf planet could become a sun
with a few more servings of vegetables
and some glasses of milk
stretching my bones by hanging off the monkey bars
gravity worked for me
and gravity kept me grounded
and gravity kept the planets in place
and gravity would grant me permission to grow
but i would never become a planet
because i was born a bit too fast
and a bit too cold
so just make sure
to orbit on back around this planet
my little comet
and I won’t miss it this time

#comets

daffodil

Algernon Nov 2019

daffodil

in the first grade I used to spend recess picking little clover flowers for my teacher
even at the age of 6 i knew girls got bouquets of flowers and I haven't changed how i show my affection

once
she
drew me a flower
because she couldn't afford to buy them
couldn't climb the fence to pick them
i kept it too long
but no other daffodil
had stayed yellow that long

damn fine.

Algernon Apr 2015

**** fine.

This girl?
She’s So **** fine.
I mean so **** fine. And
This girl knows I'm bad with words
So
this will probably
Sound like ****
But here's what it is –

Right before I saw you
Someone threw a dart
I didn't see where it landed
I didn't want to
Your hands were in your pockets
You turned and I felt the dart hit
somewhere
near
the center
And I thought - ****
I gotta stop finding girls
Who got such good aim

So I opened my cabinets
And I started reciting all the foods
You're supposed to call lovers
Sugar honey flour
Why do I want to call you things
I could bake into a cake
Maybe it's cuz I want to eat you up
and eat you out
you know I didn't have a sweettoothe until
I met you

And now I've got these
cavities
Deep dark pits
of her
and Grand Canyons behind my canines
And swelling seas and saltmines…

You know that
I grew up in a valley
So when I run my hands down the *****
Of her thighs
It's a little like going home

I've found myself staring at maps
Books on geography
Cartography
Elevations
Latitude and longitude
How can I navigate
When her hips
are my east and west
but the roadsigns say
thank you for visiting
when I swear I just got here

And so I'm driving down your interstate veins
And I'm speeding, babe
I'm going way too fast
And –

At stop signs I think of you
I think of you I think of heavy blankets
cutting hair like snipping sorrows
pruning back bad days
kissing pretty little words into my mouth
Like candy hearts with pink letters
You buy for novelty

This girl knows I'm bad with words
So this will probably
Sound like ****
But that's what it is
And that's what she is -
She’s **** fine.
**** fine.

dartboard

Algernon Feb 2016

dartboard

the moment before I saw you
someone threw a dart at a dartboard
I didn't see where it landed
didn't want to
your hands were in your pockets
I was terrified
Still am
because I'm thinking about the dart when
you turned to look at me
and I could feel it hit the board
somewhere in the center

****, i thought
I gotta stop finding girls with aim

Diamond [draft]

Algernon Mar 2014

Diamond [draft]

I was told when I was young that I was precious.
And thus -
I didn't want to bleed because I thought my rubies were spilling out.
I didn't want to cry so people wouldn't take my sapphires.
I thought my crown was inside of me.
But instead of a treasure chest, I discovered, I was a firework.
Assembled so neatly just to explode.
Put together just to fall apart.
Cigarettes only become useful
after they're lit on fire.
So pull me out of a little paper box and burn me up?
I've always worked well under pressure.
I only work well under pressure.
And because of this
I pocketed every lump of coal I found in my stockings
knowing that if I pressed it between my palms I could make a diamond
I guess that's why my hands are always *****
sorry sir - I can't shake your hand today -
I'm making diamonds
maybe that's why I held you so tight
why I placed my blackened hands on your shoulders
and pressed so hard
not knowing of course
you already were a diamond.
you already were a diamond.

ferns

Algernon Mar 2020

ferns

there are ferns sprouting from my liver, my lungs, my tongue, my sternum
I'm worried
Am I rotting? Am I growing?

Freeze

Algernon Dec 2020

Freeze

with you
it's like a game of freeze tag
every time you touch me
I stop in my tracks
and immediately
begin the slow process

of melting

Geographically Speaking

Algernon Nov 2011

Geographically Speaking

Geographically speaking, we live very close to each other.

I was a dancer and then I got old.

I carried a muffin tin through curtains of rain and it drummed along with the rhythm of the weather, the atmosphere wrestling the ground.

Grinding sleep out of my eyes. It hurts.

got on a plane and left my city but I do still think of her

Algernon Mar 2020

got on a plane and left my city but I do still think of her

Trying to outrun the water but it's
Flooding the streets
Coming in under the doorway locked
Splashing over my feet
I'm at oceans edge
Somethings coming out of the foam

Pines grow here
And so do I
Roll the windows down
Let the rain in
On my sleeves and freckleing my face
I try to eat big bowls of fog
doesn't wanna stay on my spoon

***** in tanks tapping out an SOS
Lanterns red and gold
I walk up hill so I can see better
I taste lemon
Who was ever ungrateful to receive fruit?

There's dark figures of people behind glass
Looking like hieroglyphs
In a city built upwards
So tall it’s forgotten what the ground look like
Flags fly not as high as the rent so
You comb the grass for something sharp
You run your fingers through her trees
They are Green year round here

She is painted, she is old, she is pretty

You didn’t realize seals at the pier leave in the summer
so you **** up your chance at saying goodbye
Maybe I buy a fridge magnet
I move my body east but
The Gold Rush continues
Young men with pans sifting through gravel
Heaps and heaps of gravel
churning through land
leaving roots exposed to the sun

when I close my eyes I see her
her purples and her yellows
her greens and greys
her flamboyant spirals
and the birds that nest there
the first pigeon
that hatched outside my bathroom window had died
the second one didn't.

gotta rise

Algernon Dec 2020

gotta rise

I kiss my palm
wave it goodbye
place my hand on my heart
and swear

I am my own sun
I gotta rise eventually

gravity

Algernon Dec 2020

gravity

I sit next to you
without
being close
And I can feel
my atoms start to pull towards you

Your gravity is stretching me open
Slow and steady and inevitable
the universe expanding

Man made fences
but with you
I am open pasture
Ever bigger ever green
Ever being

So I give my molecules permission
Every single one
To pull me apart

Hand me down

Algernon May 2014

Hand me down

Hand me down children
breathe off borrowed air
born from slip ups
out of the womb they come
into the arms of guilty parents
and into this world of musical chairs
where everybody's fighting for a seat

too many kids?
or not enough chairs?

hand me down children have a way
of looking at the world
a little differently
they ask why and can take a beating
they admire the shades of their bruises
they are made of the same stuff as firecrackers
they know when they are being lied to
they even know why

Hand me down children will always find each other
and love each other
Hand me down children sat in the back
and couldn't spell too well
they did stupid dares and almost died frequently
they got socks for Christmas
and made them into puppets
they weren't scared of the dark
or at least that's what they say
they slice up the night like birthday cake
and pop tires to make swings
and the world is their playground
monkey bars of lead pipes
swings of driftwood
slides of cement, toppled building halfpipes
sidewalk chalk stolen from substitute teachers
Paper cranes made out of pink slips,
merri-go-round-abouts, bikes without brakes

Hand me down children play
in mommys old sweater
daddys old socks
brothers shoes
and sisters scarves
and they play after the flashlights burn out
and after the fireflies die in their jars

struggling with the ending...mmmm probably will change it.

#childhood #handmedown

hover

Algernon Mar 2012

hover

between the slow down
and change of direction
exists a moment in time, in space
in which you aren't going anywhere

How trains work

Algernon Feb 2012

How trains work

But I’m on the train
and so is she
and she gets off
and I stay on -

that’s how trains work.

I brought her a lot of rain because I thought that was what I was supposed to do

Algernon Nov 2019

I brought her a lot of rain because I thought that was what I was supposed to do

I never adapted to the cold and I think the wind knows
My knuckles are angry with me
But I’m angry at them
I yell at my limbs I yell at my feet
I yell until the kettle out yells me
And even then I am a little jealous of her whistle
What a life ! Made To Scream
I wait for quiet but quiet waits for very few
I am in love with the woman laughing on the train
I am in love with the woman taking too **** long to order
I am in love with whatever the **** is waking up after I
put that **** to rest
She used to make me tea
She also used to blame me for the weather
I became revered and feared
but I was not worthy of worship
too much destruction
God of chaos
God of things you don't tell your parents
God of you-only-prayed-for-rain-when-there’s-a-drought
but ******* for dating a rain cloud
Levys are breaking, my love
I am spilling
I am spouting
I’m a little tea ***
Here is my MOUTH
Here is my HAND
I’m a big bad somethingorother
I tell cautionary tales about a monster that looks a lot like me and lives in a little village that looks just like New York City.
Huh you say
Who is that
Not I said the mouth
Not I said the tongue
Not I said the hand
Not I said the feet
Not I said the shoulders
Not I said the stomach
Not I said the fallopian tubes
Not I said the esophagus
Not I said the inner ear
and by the time you started to recognize me
and by the time you opened the closet to assure me nothing was there
I had eaten away at all the sweaters
and the wind blew right through
because she knew that I never adapted to the cold

Ice cream

Algernon Nov 2011

Ice cream

Pastel paint down a gridded terrain,
square indentation in a porous grain,
snow atop the mountain melts away,
floods the chasm to crumble today,
gone in a flash, its been known,
short-lived is my ice cream cone.

i do not believe in astrology

Algernon Feb 2016

i do not believe in astrology

I do not believe in Astrology
but when you talked about the planets
I started to pay more attention to the sky

I do not believe in God
and neither did you
but your 8 years of Catholic school must have rubbed off on me
cuz when I prayed for the first time
I put you between my palms
and said "God, I don't know if this will work"

unfinished. I can feel there are several more verses brewing under this one.

if it's not love it's damn close

Algernon Jan 2019

if it's not love it's **** close

you make me want to buy
a motorcycle

and
you make me want to buy

a
helmet.

i go/i go

Algernon Mar 2014

i go/i go

loving you is like grasping a rose/maybe a pretty piece of glass/I mean/ you caught my eye across the garden/across the street/you/sticking out of the sand/so I did what any other kid would do i/ ran across the street/ stepped over the vegetable plants/ trampled the daises/ i kicked up sand/and i clutched you fast and tight/and honey i know you've got sharp edges/i know you're covered head to toe in thorns under those leaves of yours/but i'm holding on to my pretty flower/my little poison frog/tighter/and/tighter/and i know when i/i know that when i/let go/let go/go/you go/you go/you/go/go/when i pry each finger/each finger/ off of you/whenever/when/i do/i know/i know/i'll look down/at a blood covered palm

I'm just a pile of bones

Algernon Jan 2012

I'm just a pile of bones

I'm just a pile of bones,
leaning deep into my desk,
deep into my computer screen,
the sight is quite grotesque,

for I am just a pile of bones,
with my hollow clinking sound,
as my ribcage xylophone,
sinks slowly to the ground,

I'm just a pile of bones,
so please don't mind the mess,
I promise to pick up my pieces,
right after they all undress,

'cause I"m just a pile of bones,
it doesn't matter where I fall,
scattered across the desk here,
and spread out into the hall,

for this lonely pile of bones,
reserves the right to sleep,
in hopes I'll be put back together,
in the hours I seldom keep.

Including you

Algernon Nov 2013

Including you

I couldn't keep you
because how can you
hold onto the incoming tide.
the moon pulled you back
and you obeyed her call
I knit pieces of you into me
thinking that, like a puzzle,
if I fit all the scraps together
you'd become whole
but broken you stayed
listening to the voices
stuck hard behind your ears
rubbing alcohol into your skin
hoping your ***** past could
filter through me and come out clean
but because I'm covered in holes
everything falls through

including you

i said

Algernon Jan 2012

i said

the plan
originally
was to make forever happen
forever
as in
a little while
at least
the plan
of course
couldn't follow through
because of me
but mostly
because of you

i waited 20 minutes for the train

Algernon May 2018

i waited 20 minutes for the train

this station is underground
but birds still found their way in
here
i can see you and you can see me
but we don't look at anybody
voices ring out from above
that almighty instruction -
      ELEVATORS OUT OF SERVICE
      STAND BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE
      DELAY DUE TO WEATHER
It rings out in 4 different languages
we all lift our heads like peaks of waves
and fall back to our faithful phones
the voice is off
pigeons strut by me
we all pretend
we all wait

first draft

I will release myself from the ache of love

Algernon Jan 2022

I will release myself from the ache of love

mercy throws open the windows
drops the key down the drain
scrubs the afterglow off until my skin is raw
red
I asked the snake if it always hurts like this

Always.

Kitchen Love

Algernon May 2014

Kitchen Love

my mom showed us how to love
taught us love in a kitchen
I love you - wash the carrots
I love you - mix the batter
I love you - grease the pan
I love you - 250 degrees fahrenheit

I'd like to peel an orange
throw the rind at your face
take turns kneading bread
have a pancake flipping contest

So let's rummage though the spice drawer
rub cinnamon on your skin
let the thyme sink into your palms
breathe in the anise, exhale paprika
sprinkle pepper over your thighs
toss salt over your shoulder
kiss me with vanilla between your teeth
touch me with hands steeped in cardamom
slip on the linoleum
kick up the curry
put the kettle on make it sing
smash a tomato between our hips
throw everything left into cast iron
and simmer on low for 3 days

I love you - mince the garlic
I love you - don't burn yourself
I love you - pass the butter
I love you - smash the plates
I love you - stir stir stir

so honey?
sugar?
flour?
eggs?
you grab the spice rub
and I'll set the table

Landed Love

Algernon May 2015

Landed Love

amusement park rides are safe
the sheer force keeps you from falling out
roller coasters tilting you side to side
not quite upsidedown
but almost

I'm trying ******* a playground swing
to go over the top
but just keep falling back to earth
******* gravity

in between the trip and the crash
is the fall
That's when I think of you
when my hands are outreached
My feet are skidding
I'm trying not to eat ****
but there's no guarantee
because clumsy people fall a lot

Maybe I haven't landed in love
but I sure am falling

learning how

Algernon Nov 2019

learning how

I’m learning how to be loved

I had a dog once
A big brown mutt
squiggly wiggly throw your weight around steal off the table brute
He had no manners
knocked over children like bowling pins
and yet
that day he found me crying
he laid his head on my lap and
was still

when they put him down
I left the room

I’m still learning how to be loved

We cook a dozen eggs
He buys me the right kind of milk
We don’t know what to do with each other
but buy eggs and buy milk
drink coffee and sing television theme songs
I can't look at him when I leave
But I do

I tear the paper along the tape
She’s watching me like a hawk
before I see them
She starts
It’s okay if you don’t like them. Do you like them? It’s okay
if you don’t.
I tell my mom I like them I love them I'll wear them all the time
I do
But she notices when I forget them on the table

I am still learning how to be loved

I call all the time
Every time it’s dark
Every time I google search my symptoms
Every time I feel a dead end
I call knowing he won't answer
I call just to leave a voicemail
One day his voicemail is full
I’m still learning how to be loved

lights [draft]

Algernon Jan 2012

lights [draft]

colored lights on **** hill
thick bright bulbs on Castro street
and little glass stars on Font

dots that dance on the wall
glitter thrown into the sky
and the flickering bathroom light

the humble street lamp
two rusty blinking headlights
and the glow of a cellphone

On Dinosaur Tracks and Longing

Algernon Nov 2020

On Dinosaur Tracks and Longing

I am standing among footprints in the riverbed. An ancient walk, like the one we are doing now.
Something old in us tells us to walk down river and so we do
What paths we can’t find, we make
We take off our shoes and greet the cold water.

These fossils are my favorite -
Most fossils are dead things bones ribs skulls without expression
Unmoving action figures in the last pose they were put in
But tracks are fossilized life
Creatures on the move, going places, in this place, with me
Just at a different time

We have reunited for this day along the ancient river
Her and I and the footprints
While we trek through and around and over, the Texas sun tires and dips
Our shadows become long, just as the dinosaurs shadows did
I guess theirs are longer, I shrug
I begin to remember that we will part again
But I am going to a town you had driven through, that you had touched, that you had stood in line for coffee at
Me to my home and you to yours
But even at home I will rest assured
Even on the concrete, on the linoleum, on the marble
I am in your tracks
And you are among mine
We are together here
In the same place
Just not always at the same time

POOR GIRL

Algernon Dec 2014

POOR GIRL

I DONT
NEED
YOUR ****
ING PITY

popcorn

Algernon Mar 2012

popcorn

My bones pop
like popcorn
each time I stand.
My body screams
when things
don't go as planned.

Sandcastle

Algernon Dec 2014

Sandcastle

I fell in love
with a sandcastle
and when the tide came
and washed you away
I let my body drift out to sea
prayed I would disintegrate
piece by piece, particle by particle
with yours
but I'm not like you
made of sand
my moats were useless
against waves

have you ever tried to capture a wave inside of a bucket?

that's what it was like
to love her

snow

Algernon Dec 2020

snow

you said
"snow makes everything pretty"
so the second it started to get cold
I went outside and waited

Something about being washed ashore in the city

Algernon Jul 2014

Something about being washed ashore in the city

Clean little taxi cab
picks up ***** little people
deposits them
washes them ashore
the sidewalk like ***** on the sand
their claws raised
and pinching the air
- gasping for breathe
- begging for change
or to just get back in the water