somewhere down there
people confuse dirt with death
hearth with hell
somewhere down there
i pay more attention to my legs
than what they're holding up
somewhere down there
is the underwear memorial
dedicated to all the things that got more attention
than my own bleeding body
somewhere down there
is hunger
if there are lips is there a mouth?
if there is mouth is there a stomach?
if there is a stomach is there food?

to become
the Grand Canyon
gaping with beauty
millions of years
deep
she sits
she spreads
she flows

the statued man
the starving man
the burning woman
each needed the river

the statued man needed to the river
to erode and soften him

the starving man needed the river
to drink and live from

and the burning women needed the river
to dive in deep and put out the fire

so the statued man
sunk his feed into the shallow stream
sat and stayed a thousand years
the starving man kneeled
and grappled at the flow
the water rushing through him endlessly
and the burning woman
dove so deep her feet melt with rocks
and the surface forgot her completely

in the summertime
I walk by the school
to remind myself that this
used to be a time of great rest

Got stirred up to foam
trying so hard to dissolve
all the sweet
back into me

This is the ground where I crumbled

My arms landed on the sidewalk with a thud
And my leg rolled into the street
My fingers sprinkled the pavement
In the radius of these 5 feet

While my toes tumbled downhill
My ribs spread open like a book
My spine slithered away
While my muscles spazzed and shook

My lips stuttered and tapped 3 blocks east
And my ears curled toward the ocean sound west

My ankles turned into diamonds and waited to be found
My blood boiled and sank, simmered through the ground
My hair curled in a flurry and like a tumbleweed swept away
My skull rattled and sighed, “oh darling not today”


My chest melted into the sidewalk
My thighs could run without the weight
My veins ran rivers, my capillaries cried “stop!”
But even they knew it was too late

So my hips skipped to a playground so they could finally swing
My throat cleared the road because it wanted to sing
My shoulders hunched and knew at once the number of candies in the jar
Then I pitched my eyes hard and fast who had never seen so far

My teeth assembled themselves in lines and marched off in a hurry
The knots in my back sprang loose and clung onto the nearest worry

My nails began scratching their stories into the busy road
My knees sank, relieved at last, of the lightened heavy load

My lungs inflated and like a balloon let go and floated
My tongue, without teeth, went and wagged and gloated

My feet followed my ears and sunk into the sand
My eyelashes, then drowning, sought to find dry land,

My skeleton
drummed out
the beat of
my heart

And that was the day
that I
fell
apart

The N-Judah is stuck in a black tunnel
the Drunk Man looks heavy
he drags his head to look around
his hands lag a little behind his words
the Drunk Man points to the The Priest
"you a football coach?"
The Priest corrects him gently
"I am a Priest."
the Drunk Man's eyes widened:
"How old are you, Priest?"
The Priest, his hands clasped in front of him,
and with a smile, "Seventy."
"Seventy?!" the Drunk Man exclaims
he's looking around the train
"You don't look 70," he smiles,
"You look beautiful."

the train was stalled for over 20 minutes.
a mans voice over the speaker informed us
someone got hit by a train
he apologized for the inconvenience
he lets go a heavy sign and clicks off the speaker

the Drunk Man asks the Priest first
"What's your favorite scripture?"

and then the whole train
"How intimate is your relationship with God?"

his gaze doesn't move, but he addresses everyone in earshot
"When nobody's looking - do you cheat?"

his gaze doesn't move, but he addresses everyone, even those who can't hear him
"When no one is paying attention - are you honest?"

Nobody responds to him except the Priest.
Finally, the train moves.
When I get off, I can see that
The Drunk Man and the Priest stay on the train.

I keep reaching for my throat

I hit my neck
and begin to rub
it raw with repetition.

My roommate did a juice cleanse
He looked and felt so good So I did the same.
Chugged nothing but holy water for a week. Left the water in the beam of the newmoon. Tried to flush the bad out of me. I asked my tired liver to do more. Tried fire. Tried sage. Tried charcoal. Tried swallowing stones in hopes they’d grind up what I couldn’t get rid of. Tried pulling my teeth out So my bite marks couldn’t be traced back to me
I wrote I WASNT HERE
in hopes even id believe it
but these are the hands that hit and smothered and signed
these are the lips that cut and lied

there was nothing to clean but my body
and even then I sometimes like the way I smell without soap

I am re learning faith in my own fingers
Leaps of it through my wrecked knees
Trust falls into myself

Chug chug chug. Drown drown drown.
the good and the bad mixed into a dark chocolate batter
tonight I eat the whole cake

I found time
Sliding my finger under
the rind
between the skin and the fruit
There were whole minutes and hours to divide
Placing the little hand in your palm
I wished the earth spun a little slower

I found space
on the backside of an anemic paycheck
(The place where you put your name)
and in a little plastic bodega bag
And on the inside wrapper of my granola bar dinner
in between my *******
between the items of my growing grocery list
somewhere between carrots and eggs and bread and fruit
there was space

I found you
in a place of no space and no time for nobody
and certainly not for me
(who do I think I am to ask for space?)
on a crowded platform there were football fields of expanse for you
and seconds stretched out like taffy for you
the world didn’t stop
but it got a little bigger

she disappears in my arms
and for once I feel big enough
I put her in my pocket
I have no idea what time it is
and for once I do not worry
I found time

My roommate did a juice cleanse
He looked and felt so good So I did the same.
Chugged nothing but holy water for a week. Left the water in the beam of the newmoon. Tried to flush the bad out of me. I asked my tired liver to do more. Tried fire. Tried sage. Tried charcoal. Tried swallowing stones in hopes they’d grind up whatever I couldn’t get rid of. Tried pulling my teeth out So my bite marks couldn’t be traced back to me
I wrote I WASNT HERE
in hopes even id believe it
but these are the hands that smothered and signed
these are the lips that cut and lied

there was nothing to clean but my body
and even then I sometimes like the way I smell without soap

I am re learning faith in my own fingers
Leaps of it through my wrecked knees
Trust falls into myself

Chug chug chug. Drown drown drown.
the good and the bad mixed into a dark chocolate batter

tonight I eat the whole cake

home  i'll  don't
i'm  like  just  place  
make  time  feel  feet  today  
little  deep  world

I raise my hands for
a toast to the void
to the big mouth no teeth emptied out colossus
casually stirring stars
here's to the ******* nothingness
THAT ******
that inthecloset underthebed undermyponytail question
cheers -
I don't know you
But I've been walking the plank for 27 years and I'm starting to think I've been in the sea all along so
cheers -
to the ugly fish
the ones on the sea floor
you're not ugly if you grew up in the dark.
wouldn’t you do the same?
attach a headlamp to your forehead?
wouldn't you sew it there yourself?
for a little bit of light?
Cheers -
to the mother who kneels to check under the bed for you and lies
to the unnamed hallelujah of a no-answer question
to the mouth that asks
to the fish
to me

we can worry
about what it
means in words
later

two cups of tea
and two cups of restaurant water
separate us
don't make me eat
fuzzy purple sweater
places two bowls in front of us
we reach for 2 forks, 2 napkins, 2 spoons
i don't want to eat
i sip
i chew
i'm eating just like humans are supposed to
but i don't want to eat
i'm sitting
sentences sentences
i'm wanting i'm sipping
i'm slipping off my plastic chair
gripping the tea cup
bracing against the tablecloth
i don't want to eat
you drink your tea
your water
you chew
but I swallow

She came in like morning fog softly and quietly. covering her footsteps and obscuring my view Going 80 down an unlit road and into a wall of fog I turn off my headlights and I lose myself in her. I could see the city peak like mountains over her nudging the city awake One bee One capillary One lonely ghost at a time. We move unable to see our hands but thinking someone somebody someone somebody has to be holding them

in the open waiting room
at a federal prison
a boy and his father
play a game of airplane

at the airport
a woman is making a final call
but whoever she's calling
doesn't pick up
so she tucks it away
and boards the plane anyway

the sterile emergency room is where
an older sister tries to help
the younger sister make up
the math homework
she didn't do but her teacher
will berate her for

When I am stressed I imagine I am a whale
In the middle of the blue ocean
I am not big - I am the perfect size
For a whale
I swim in water that does not fight me
My body was made for my home
I sing and it is always in chorus
I eat simple meals that nourish me completely
that I strain thru my gorgeous bristle teeth
I don’t own a toothbrush
Because I am a whale
I am fast but slow but moving at the exact pace I need to
I rest when I need to
I sing when I need to
I travel the globe and sometimes visit the beach not unlike people
It is my planet
and my planet is blue

our arms are windmills
always circling and setting like the sun across shoulders, around waists
windmills ache to spin
so we switch
your arm around me
then mine around yours
it goes on like this
we could power the whole city this way
your arm around me
then mine around yours
your arm around me
then mine around yours
the wind dies down
my wrists go limp
her face draped over my collarbone
before I can fold up
she turns to face the west
and each blade starts up again
reaching up to the sky
ticking up like a roller coaster drop
falling back like a wave
spin until I can see the sun
spin until her wings join mine
good morning, I say
we could power the whole city this way