I'm happy, you're happy, but I'm sad, it's with her.

I had my chance and I missed it.
Threw it away because of one friends ****** opinion
Don't get me wrong I was mad for a while,
You, with your body next to a girl that isn't me
Sleeping innocently, I don't think you could hurt me like she said you did.
You were my sunrise man, my sunset, and everything in between.
You were every shade of black and white
And I threw that away because I questioned my trust in you.
Why?? Why did I do that?
Because now you are next to a girl who isn't me
And you love her
And she loves you
And I miss you
But I'll never tell.
You be happy, I had you and I gave you up. That was my mistake, and your opportunity.
I'm sorry, I miss you, don't come back.

"at that point, i don't really know what i felt. it was not invisibility nor visibility. i felt like i was floating in the unnoticeable, kind of there, kind of not there fog. Fog is clouds that were supposed to be up high and exalted, but somehow they are brought down. Fog is unreasonable, with no practicality and almost good for nothing. i guess that's what i was too."
-(midnight narrations in October)

and maybe I just
get attached too easily
and maybe I just
get my hopes up too fast
but I cannot fight this feeling
in the pit of my stomach
that every single atom
of my existence wants to be with you every minute of everyday.
so no,
I cannot help but get my hopes up.
no, I cannot help
getting attached to you.  
because you taught me
I shouldn't turn others into my lungs and rely on them for every breath.
but I should allow things
like sunsets
and the ocean shore
and the way the stars look at 3 am take my breath away.
(sjb)