You can get it right, at 4 a.m.,
if you listen to the birds waking up.

My heavy lungs remember your amber
as my neck revolts in agony.

I hurt so bad right now and all
I want to do is taste your wet.

You can get it right, at 4 a.m.,
if you listen to the birds.

I rowed out to him upon the Duvet Sea
Found him lying veiled in soft white waves

I lowered myself onto his body ... trusting
That he could carry the weight of my dark and light

I laid my ear to his throat and the music of his body sang out
Pulsating and reaching into my very soul

I breathed him in, his song and rhythms
~ heart beat, breath, hum of vibrating vocal chords~

*Singing and dancing in my blood and bones

"Write what you know."

I want to write about
beautiful things,
but I only know
ugly.
Ugly hearts and stone blood.

Fetid loyalty.

I want to write about a love as pure as honey,
but all I know are the poison-tipped thorns of betrayal.

If I could put the right words
in the right order
at the right time
and explain what it means to lose you,
nobody would care.

I'd like to write about
my happy family,
laugh filled birthdays
and joyous gatherings,
but I only know
fractious,
secretive,
*******.

I want to touch another soul
make a connection with my words
share a part of my self
and help someone in the process,
but all I have been taught is
taking
keeping
lying
hiding
running
ruining.

I would love to write
like Pablo,
of wheat
and bread
and fields that don't weep,

but all I know are
desperate fumblings
in ******,
beer soaked bathrooms,
back alley
drunken
*******
by black
barely passable trannys,
diseases and
barely consensual bloodstains.

I cannot speak of such things.
It's bad enough I think about them,
even worse I write about them.

I write what I know.

I rolled away the stone
But you weren't there

So I waited

I waited and chiseled words of love
Knowing that they might never be read
Or their meaning understood

But still I waited

For there was need
A need to be set free

*And the night, it too waited
Keeping me company, as I  chiseled its darkness away

So here i am
Here i stand
At what deems to be the End
Yet a journey anew begin
To every tear ive shed
Just brought out in me the best
And i know now my tears
Arent of sorrow or grief
But happiness and hope i do belief

So here i am
My heart open wide for lifes possibilities
My mind stained wiTh memories of yesterday
And my journey is just beginning

For fear have seized
Hope brought new belief
And i will be ok

So here i am
With anticipation of someone too
Travel down the future
Yet im going it alone
How deep this feelin
Of time to bring healin
In this my eager soul

So here i am
At the end -not yet beginnin
With a hope deep inside
Like the ocean and the tide
New dreams on the horizon
Yet its only me
And my own shadow i see

So here"s my plea
That you"ll remember me
With humility i brought my feelings
And through time-ive found healin
To make me strong again

Ive been cleaned
From my feelings
Of fear and despair
Now i stretch ahead
To the future you see
Even though im stiLl dealing
With doubt in my heart

So here i am

Please

Forget me not!