I told her if she stayed I wouldn't write another word.
Id take every notepad hiding in my closet and watch it burn.
She looked at me bewildered.."Now wouldn't that be absurd?,"

So I explained..
How every phrase i jot down is rooted in pain..

Stemming from grief..
Lack of belief..
Lack of understanding love outside of the sheets.
Reminiscing of a time when the piece would bring peace.

When all I ever longed for was a piece of mind.
but longing doesn't exist in a land before time.

and that is where every single one of my lost pages resides in...
a land lost, never to be seen again yet glowing in a pile of debris like diamonds...

So you see if you stay.,

The demons that keep me up at night would all disappear.
In consequence I wouldn't write my memories in fear..
that perhaps one day ill lose my mind along a pier.

Don't ask me if she stayed.


-afj

Autumn please fall.

Missing you since last winter.

When you wiped every memory i had, like a snow blanket.
At times i cursed the arrival, but now i thank it.
Why?
Well, seasons exist because of change...
They exist because the clear skies reward the heavens fame...
They exist because of tear ducts in the clouds producing rain...
they simply exist because of pain.

You remember that one fall afternoon.
When you stayed up till 3am staring at the moon.
& the man on the moon looked back in disbelief.
"How is this young man amused at the site of fallen trees....?"

Well the fallen trees have more tales than those standing..
the fallen trees can tell you of the heavens and hell.
The fallen trees, despite falling survived the harsh landing..
So don't you ask me why I treat the average human so well.

-afj

Autumn, dont fall,
You've been holding on since spring.
Why when you change colors do the birds cease to sing.?
Why when you change colors does the breeze tend to sting.?
& knowingly, its gray days and dark nights that you bring..

Why does the fall exist?
Reminding us of bliss?

How the leaves turn to rainbows, and women cover their hips,
Leaving us with that mystery,
That, i wanna learn your history,
That, i wanna dissect your pain and microscope your misery,

just to see you clearly,

Autumn was her name.
but we fell apart, fell like a sandcastle in the rain..
but that sandbox taught me about life in a sense..
every fallen leaf is a loss of innocence.

So i spend my days raking,
& my labor comes with pride,

But by the time I'm done, the leaves turn green, the fall is in my mind.

-AFJ