Dancing on broken glass
Is only hard
When you can still feel pain.

Disclaimer: I can still feel pain.

You should've known my greatest fear.
Funny, I don't recall you asking me after
All our time.
Time.
Tick tock tick.
Before the clock strikes midnight
I know I will be left alone again.

Adrift.
Without a grip,
Without a choice of slipping under the current
eventually.
Limbs limp,
Body spent,
The water rushes over my face.

She hates me,
He's left me,
I am alone in the
Emptiness of my mind.
Alone with my memories of breaking others
And remembering every time ive broken..
Would it be terrible if i broke more?
he said i wasn't special enough.
i agree.

Bones melting
Teeth
Chattering. I...
Fading fast.
Crying behind the mirrors
Where dust and dirt is hidden.
Can't... they... see... through this mask...?
an empty heart groans,
Softly echoing.
There's only skin and bones,
now a skeleton.
Another cry.
Will it repeat again?

I slip...

The time ticks by like a leaky fosit.
A slow leaky fosit.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

My mind shys away from
The thoughts of you. That
Every drip drop
Echoes another second closer to
Losing you.

Alone in the Empty night.

The tears flow down slowly at first,
Resolving into a waterfall.
Uncontrollable fears, icy cold current,
Dragging down to
Unrelinquished pressure.
Sopping wet boots,
Suctioned to numb toes and feet,
A weight that won't let go.
Reaching up...
But there's no purchase on the
Slime filmed rocks.

Tortured... Drowned.

Maybe...
If I was more, if I was better,
Not so moody or
Inadequate. The way I always am.
Maybe if I could help him,
Try a little bit harder,
Give him everything he wants,
Sacrifice everything for him.
If I could be a better version of
The girl he dreams of
And change the person I am.
Maybe, just maybe,
He would love me more.

Maybe he wouldn't leave...

Listening to
The echoes in my ears,
Turning old words
Over and over in my mind,

It makes me wonder
When did I ever change from
A bothersome aquatince
To a quiet nobody?

It's the small heartless things I remember most.

it seems to me
I've been doing much of the reaching
in all my relationships.

Not that I meant for that statement
To come across self-righteously.

I just don't know how to voice all these words.
Or if I should even try
When it feels like I'm talking to a
Concrete wall.
Grey,
Like me, but no chance of falling down.

I knew everyone would leave though...
Forgotten.

It's the moments that
I reject contact
That you should be worried about.

Would you have me
Quit and break
All the promises that
I made myself?
The promises that make me feel
Proud (for once)
Of myself?

I can tell by your shoves, that either
You want me to,
Or maybe you don't realize
What damage it will do.

Is it really love?
Is it really love if you don't realize
What damage could be done?

But you would... and you have...
Only because
You would have me...

Wouldn't it be better if
I was forgotten,
Just like I planned all along?

The others easily have.
Months and months,
No words, no calls.

Alone in this silence
I distract my tears,
Dancing with my imagination.

"I'll be fine" I say,
But we both know
I am wrong again.

Right now, just waiting,
For someone to find me,
Who makes me feel like
I'm worth remembering.

But I doubt you remembered that.

Left alone again,
After he took my words and
Broke them to pieces.

Black and white flashes
Behind these closed eyes.
The echoes,
Growing too loud,
Pounding against the inside of this
Skull.
Crossbones. Poison.
What you've done to me.
It feels like every time I think of you
A hot knife plunges deep into this same
Skull.
Searing you again and again into my memory.

How do I get rid of that?

Sorry.

I'm a *****,
I'm evil,
And I've only ever led you on.
Wanting,
Begging you to use me.

I shouldn't be so upset that you did.

and that you have broken every single frickin' promise you made me.

and
I couldn't bear to lose you. This
Broken
Body of mine still tries to move forward,
Every day,
Days.
Just like you do with your mind.
I want to let you know I'm proud of you,
With everything you accomplished.
My only wish is that you'd forget all using.

Colors
Dripping down, down
Mixing with the greys and greens
In your eyes.
I can see the universe…
Uni, one.
What I mean is that
You and I
Together, one,
Would make the colors in my world brighter.

"We're all going to fight tooth and nail to make you feel beautiful again."

For me, and most people I've met,
Actions speak louder than words.

But the difference is that words are still deafening.
Especially since I seldom lie.
(exaggerate sometimes but…).

They are my strength or my bane.

The words spoken to me by people I care about stay with me the longest.
Those words you spoke…
Scars on my mind or flowers under my feet.

Never to be forgotten.

Never.
Don't you dare
Let a girl fall asleep thinking
That she is a monster.

She will rip herself apart from the inside out.
before she will trust you again.

If you ever deserve her trust again.

Peace, serenity, brilliant,
More calming than any breeze.
I put my trust in thy arm,
On my heart thy name a stamp.
Lead on, I follow thy steps with zeal,
And my strength thou wilt ever be.

Backing me into a corner–
No way of escaping.
Worth this trouble?
No– not I– but I knew it would turn in this way.
That it would become this,
No matter the original innocence.
My innocence.
Soiled by others' hands and lips who strayed too far.
back me up,
chiding, chastising,
Cornered.
With my trust compromised…

Fragile.
Breakable.
That's what I told Him I was.
And all I wanted was for Him to
Help.
Heal.
Can't He do it?
Can I let myself trust
Him
Change me from
Broken and
Bitter
To something new?
Because He suffered for me,
Understanding perfectly that
My mistakes would happen,
He is there.
Already holding my hand,
Lifting me above the thorns
To somewhere beautiful.

Promising to heal me if I let Him lead.

Heartache clings to me like a child,
And quite at times.
But pain takes a lead
As the child starts screaming,
Clawing at my arm,
Drawing blood.
I try to hush the child,
But get bitten instead.
Giving in,
The child gets more candy
And more of whatever she wants.
Peace for now...
Quiet.


Soon to go again like a merry go round

So proud and grand the great trees stood
While in the forest green.
Their roots spread far across the ground
Carpeting the scene.
Not a one went deep for it was known
That the tallest was the king,
That was, until the torrents, winds,
The trials took the lead.
The old and young alike groaned loud,
And shouts of anger heard,
But one by one the proud trees fell
And could not rise again.
They put on a splendor but didn't remember
The deep roots made them strong.
They spent on display but to their dismay
The king of trees grows stronger than they.

So when the wind blows and trials ensue
Cling to the king of trees.
He will not waiver
But ever remember
To strengthen your roots as well.

The forest grows grand,
The king is the anchor.
When the wind now blows
There is only music in the leaves to be heard.

You
left.
not that I blame you, it was beyond your control.
Now I'm here,
Fighting my demons, again on my own,
Clinging to the hope that
I'm strong. I can get on. This will work out.
as the echoes return.
Drowning out these voices is impossible.
Remembering how your
voice
Was the only thing that calmed them.
…Tears running down my cheeks every hour.

I feel like I will lose…just like I lost you.

Goodbye.
The hardest thing I have ever said…

The feeling that someone slammed the door in my face. memories…echoes…

Rejection was never
Easy. even for me… so many times.
and Always because you.

Why let you in more?
Why do you even care—
—you don't. Right.

Don't worry. I'm easy to get over.

Not the absence of God's high expectations. Rather, the presence of His power.

Work, bear testimony. Christ will cover the rest.

Pain.
Suspicion.
Don't let it get to you,
Corroding.
Eating. Devouring.
With no remains.

Remember.
You are worth it.
He is worth it.

Don't
Give up.
Work. Walk. Wait.
He will stay with you the entire way.

Fleeting love,
Back to normal again.
Smiling:
A fitting mask for my face.
They can't tell how broken I became--
How broken I am--
Why show them?
I will heal from this eventually.
It will be okay.

Just drop me--
The thing he promised not to do all along?
Not meaning to lead me on:
Cuddling,
Kisses,
Telling me I was
Beautiful--
Me for once trusting someone,
Believing
Him.

And for what?
Being dropped again,
Just as I learned to love the feeling of falling. Thinking
He
Would catch me.

I knew it was a bad thing for me to fall in love,
Why did I doubt this
Intuition? For I am always right.
I cannot be loved back.
Why did I let him fool me?...
I am a fool.

Alone.

Empty.


sad

All I ask for is a heart full of love.
All I've ever wanted is a smile in your eyes.

Seeing you stand there
It makes me stop and stare,
Remembering how we once were.

You said you wouldn't ever leave.
Calls stopped and who knows how long
It has been since you've forgotten me.

This life-- It's tough
With you in a bad disguise.

When I play with your hair
You just don't seem to care
That we are no longer sure.

What I want is more than a brother,
One who will pick me up when I fall
Who will know my song and hold me.

When you want to stay or go
Think

Screaming
in the darkness,
The black of Night EATING
Eating
eating
at who i am.
I can't take these words
That come too easily to my broken mind.
I would rather
d i s s o l v e.

What do you do…
You fall in love with your best friend.
He's in love?
But not with you.
Sitting there imagining his arms,
Protecting arms,
Around you.
Then.
You remember his heart belongs to another.
He's taken all the poetry…
today you feel empty.
Waking to fog and snow,
Wanting to die there.
You were alone.
Again you are alone.
And yet, you can never tell him
Your heart is bleeding.

I'm suppose to be strong,
To rise above my fears,
To turn the other cheek,
And take the beating.
Told tears were weakness,
Don't show emotions.
Plaster the smile back on
For happiness is strength.
It doesn't matter that I'm alone
Right?
Trusting only one,
Everyone else… I was broken by everyone…
It doesn't matter. I don't…
But to keep going.
All I need is strength today, tomorrow.

Lazy.
Only because I'm talking to you and eating,
Instead of doing homework.
I'd rather be talking to you
Than studying.

Last.
Not to be there, but to leave.
Even when I fall asleep you are still here,
I wish you could hold me now.

Lady.
That what you call me,
A princess.

Lack.
What I have when I am not with you.

Love.

Would it be better
If I left you?
I surely couldn't have
Hurt you so much
If I was gone to start.
I wish…
Wish with all my heart to
Take the pain away,
The pain I give to you,
And all other pain too.
If only I was better,
Then I could help.
But I can't… and
All I want is for you to be happy.

Please be there.

It's dark here sometimes,
When I can't see the end of the tunnel,
When my sparks are so dim--
They don't have light.

At least let me know that you are waiting,
Call out to me:
I'm here! I won't leave!
Even if you think I can't hear.

I can't hear,
Sitting here crying,
Trying to find the light,
The right way out.

Are you the way out of this?
Do you know the way?
I have forgotten...

Help me.

She feels empty...
Not being able to talk about it,
For she doesn't want to hurt anyone,
To see their expressions,
Their eyes,
Change.
Left alone to wonder,
But trying hard not to think of
The terrible things she could do to herself.
She tries to live, to smile,
Holding on,
Tired.

I can't stop thinking about you.
Can I be your treasure,
Your love,
Your perfection?
I'm never going to amount to enough,
But you make me feel like I do.
Finding safety in your arms--
A feeling I can't explain.
Trust completely,
Could this be love?

I want to see where this will go,
But not to go our separate ways.

Last night--
You just being there.
I never want you to leave.
Kind,
Strong,
Gentle,
Amazing.
I trust you,
Completely.
The only one I do.
Making me forget who I was,
You make me better than I am.
I can't give you my pain-- It would hurt you.

Drip-drop, drip-drop,
Color filtered through,
Tainted with the remnants of
Tears,
Depression,
Heartache.
Stained with grey.
Irregular,
Morphing back the one best forgotten.
I live on in the
Heavy clouds.
Losing again what an honest smile,
Confidence,
Looks like.
Numb... and alone.

I’m the one at the lemonade stand.
“25 cents, 25 Cents, 25 CENTS!”
She calls with her friend,
Years younger (but they’re BFFs).
Running up and down the road,
Never making a single penny.
But that doesn’t matter to
The scrawny one with bleach blonde hair,
Tamed for once in two braids.
Usually it’s long and
She won’t even let you touch it with a brush.
And sunburned again—for the umpteenth time.

You can’t tame this girl.
She talks to animals
And speaks to the wind (her protector and friend).
She’s a princess
Running away from the evil queen and the crows,
The black sky devils, the queen’s spies.
Hiding when they come,
For they will recognize her singsong voice
And bright blue eyes.

She sings,
Dances,
SOARS above the clouds,
She is the sun, she owns the sky.
Making the world her perfect stage,
A rule breaker,
A trouble maker,
Who fancies herself a country girl.
Her sock never match
And her smile is wide.

Beautiful and
Unbreakable.

Safe.
That's the feeling that has made me
Fall for you.
I don't know why or
How
I trusted you,
You are different.
Making me feel that somehow
I am special
Despite myself.

Wanting your arms around me,
Just to hold me.
I shiver beneath
All the chilling words,
Telling myself that
You lie,
But I will never leave you.
Even if I turn to ice,
Or even if I melt.