you know that
i buy cherry pie
when i do buy pie
if i do
its full of fruit
and its sweet
****
just the right gooiness
an easy choice

then there's peach
even when it's not bought in Summer
and that's when i buy it
it tastes like Summer
in a Summer
draped with only easy evenings

strawberry-rhubarb
ah man this i don't buy often
but when i do
i don't know
it's like the cherry pie
i was actually looking for

blueberry
in pie crust
is what i settle for
when i can't pick enough huckleberries
to bake my own pie

please douse it in whipped cream
and throw some powdered sugar on top
unabashedly

marionberry pie
to me
makes blackberry
sour in comparison
to how soil-y
its earthy taste can be

apple pie is a staple in Fall
but i like it on The Fourth of July
because
i wanna feel patriotic
about what could've been

and who likes pumpkin pie
in October
just to feel like a kid again

oh and
pecan with coffee
*** pie with whiskey
shepherd's with a Guinness
if i'm feeling finnicky

by the way
what even is mincemeat pie
anyway

ok
nobody asked i know
but these pies are what i buy
usually
just a few of them

i'm sure there's more out there
but i lost a bet
against my belt
so i'm on a diet

ah y'know though
i'm feeling lucky
if i roll just right
i might get
one fresh at random

i hope it's not humble pie

start with complete dissatisfaction
add in a long refractory period
after success events
boil in shortcomings
for as long as it takes for
the idea that they'll never be done
(and if they are they won't be just right)
to set in

serve with a side of hustler


recipe for hustlers

add people to a ***
sprinkle in dissatisfaction
tell them the *** is the top

if any climb out
use them to make billionaires

ugh!
just one more
time
one more and i can rest
yeaugh!

this freakin stone
is always draggin behind
bringing me down
keepin the time
and i can't even use it
or lose it
it's leashed to me by twine

ugh!
hyeahh!
hhmph!
finally
there
i made it
again

but this is different
there's a scroll here
i open it
it's a reflection of Dwayne Johnson
with my nose and floofy hair

ah sheeit
i AM the rock

the boulder melts
into a T-1000 sized
silver puddle
rises and reforms
as me
we kiss furiously

turns out he's a really nice guy
we shot the **** a while
and have a lot in common
same taste in music and stuff
yeah
we're getting brunch next week

if it goes well
i could really learn
to like me

i owe him rent
he said he'll take
20 percent
of my next crop
if i'm late
with interest

well i was late two times
once due to paperwork
the next i was short by a dime
he took what he wanted
now i'm always behind

sitting on half a farm
sipping my sweet iced tea
he came back around to say
i mean you no harm
but if you sell me your land
i'll consider rent paid
then you can earn from me
a living as a farm hand

now i bail his hay
and curse this life
he's paid me
and my own

he comes'round to say hey
aren't you'all lucky today

i hope he realizes
what he's done
to me
most everyone
and
isn't that the worst part
he doesn't

it's all money
in the hand
part of the plan

but
we have eyes too
we can see
ah sheesh
here he comes

i'm feeling
like
if i'm starved
any longer
this might be it

i can do what
i've been

holding on
every day

im a prisoner
though
and i've been
in hospitals
it feels better
why
that hurts

where
are you

where are you
i'm so sorry
please
everything's dry

i was gonna stop there
take a breath
i think i saw you
in a set of eyes
but you might've been
in disguise
again

when am i
gonna see the real
you
no
the real you

a rush to feel
the thrill
of treating oneself

it's nice to get
just what is needed
a self-pampering
by tree light
which was just as sold

with nothing extra given
there was
nothing extra given
only the usual

a free spot
to spot
the sunset
at the cost of smoke
and i smoke
the usual