I want to go back
To the night we met
When I had no idea who you were
Or what I was getting myself into
When I thought I would never give you a chance
And that you were too good for me
I want to see you for the first time
And experience that feeling all again
I want to experience it all again
The happiness
The pain
The confusion
The hurt
If it means I could see you
And you could see me
The same way again
The way we saw each other
Back in January

I miss you
I miss you so much
And yes I know
We still talk and do things together
But there’s more than one way to miss someone
And I’m not talking about the shallow
“I haven’t seen you in so long, where have you been”
I’m talking about
How I miss our 2 am talks
Seeing your stupid smirk on my phone screen
Glances towards me when you thought I wasn’t looking
Hugs and cuddles
That are only a distant memory
And I guess that’s what I miss the most
The memories
The moments in time that I can never go back to
Gone forever
The moments that flash through my mind
When I hear your name
“**”

He was the beautiful sun
Burning me
But still giving me happiness on a summer day
While you were the tree
Offering me the shade I didn’t want
Until after I was sunburnt
And I’m sorry
That I forgot my sunscreen
And let him scorch me
While you were trying to protect me
From his harmful rays

Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever let your mind wander
About me?
Or do you shut it down?
Pretend that it never happened?
Like I never existed?
Because I think about you
I let my mind wander
I guess that makes me weak
And I try to shut it down
I try to pretend that none of it ever happened
That you never existed
But I can’t
I thought you were so special
I put you on a pedestal
I gave you a crown and a throne and called you my ruler
And all you did was look down on me
And call me a peasant
I compared you to the ocean
The deep blue salty sea
And all you did was call me shore
The part of the shore that is taunted by the waves lapping at the shoreline
The part of the shore
That never sees the ocean
The type people hate to walk across
Because it burns the bottom of their feet
People visit the ocean
They don’t visit the sand
They play with it
Making it whatever they want it to be
And when they’re done
They demolish it
Just like you did to me

-king of the sea

You’re all I ever wanted
And all I will ever want
I look at and talk to other boys
But nobody compares to you
No one has your smile
No one has your eyes
No one has your personality
No one is you
And that is my next obstacle
You left me with
To conquer

You numbed all of my pain
Your smile
Your jokes
Your ocean eyes
Made the dark thoughts and heartache run for cover
But when you left
The pain crept back
Out of the shadowed corners you pushed them into
Able to run free
Now that their captor disappeared
And the host was too weak to fight them off
Now that you are gone
They have taken over my feeble mind
Without you here to fight them off
And there’s nothing I can do about it